Transcription
WitVANCE RODRICK yn
TOJULIE,WILL,ANDGRANT
OTHER BOOKS BY JEFF KINNEYDiary ofaWimpy KidDiary ofa Wimpy Kid: The Last StrawDiary ofa Wimpy Kid: Dog DaysDiary of a Wimpy Kid Do-It-Yourself BookThe Wimpy Kid Movie DiaryNext in the series:Diary of a Wimpy Kid 5TINNorco"eas
eeeWimpy Kid oTa RODRICK RULESbyJeff KinneyJ iAMULET BOOKSNew York
SEPTEMBERMondayTL guess Mom was pretty proud. of herself formaking me. writein thatjournal last yearsbecausenow she went andbought me another one.But remember how I said that if some jerkcaught me carrying book with “diary” on thecover they were gonna get the wrong idea?Well, that's exactly what happened today.(MY BROTHER RODRICK)Now that Rodrick knows I have another. journal,FeT better remember to keep this one locked up.Rodrick actually got ahold of my LAST. journala few weeks back, and it was.a disaster. Butdont even get me started on THAT story.
Even without myRodrick problems, my Summerwas pretty lousy.Ourfamilydidn't ge anywhere or do anythingfon, and thats Dad's fault. Dad made me jointhe Swim team again, andhe wanted o make sureT didn miss any meets thisyearKILL 'EM,NOiMERCY,;STOPSHIVERING,GREG!zse173,:oNDad's got this idea that Tm destined o be agreat swimmer orsomething, so that's why hemakes me join the team every summer.2
At my first swim meet a couple of years ago,Dad told me that when the umpire shot off thestarter pistol, T was supposed to dive in andstart swimming.But what he DIDNT ell me was that the startergun only fired BLANKS.So Twas a. whole lot more worried about where thebullet was gonna land than I. was about gettingmyself to the other end of the pool.eooe
Even after Dad explained the whole. “starterpistol” concept to me, T was still the worstswimmer on the team.But I did end up winning “Most Improved” atthe awards banquet at the end of the Summer.That's only because there was a ten-minutedifference between my first race andmy last one.So T guess Dad's still waiting for me to live uptomy potential.Th a lot of ways, being on the swim team wasworse than being in middle school.First of all, we had o be at the pool by 71:30every morning, and the water was alwaysFREEZING cold.4
And second of all, we were all crammed into. twolanes, so I.always hadsomebody on mytail tryingto get-around me.pee 2oe 5SThe reason we had o use two lanes was becauseSwim practice was. at the same time as the WaterJazz. class.T actuallytried o convince Dad to le me doWater Jazz instead of swim team, but he wouldntge for it.
This was the first summer the coach let us boyswear swim trunks instead of those skimpy racingtrunks. But Mom said Rodrick’s hand-me-downbathing suit was “perfectly fine.”After swim practice, Rodrick would pick me up inhis band’s van. Mom had this crazy idea that ifme and Rodrick spent “quality time” on the ridehome eve day, we wouldnt fight as. much. Butall it did was make things a lot worse.Rodrick was always a half hour late picking me up.6
And he wouldnt let me sit up front. He said thechlorine would ruin his seat, even though the van issomething like fifteen years ald.Rodrick’s van. doesn't actuallyhave any seats inthe back, so I had to squeeze in with all he.band equipment. And every ime the van came oa stop, LT had o pray T didnt get my headtaken offby one of Rodrick’s drums.teeoeesa DE
TL ended up walking home every.day instead ofgetting a ride. from Rodrick. I.figured it wasbetter to just walk the two miles than to getbrain, damage riding in the back of that van.Halfway through the summer, 1 decided T waspre:much dohe with swim team. So 1 came. upwith a trick to get outof practice.Tid swim a fewlaps, and then I'd ask the coachif T could use the bathroom. Then Td just hideout in the locker room until practice was over.The onlyproblem with my plan was that it wassomething like fortydegrees in the boys’ bathroom.So it was even colder in THERE than it was inthepool.
T had o wrap myself up in toilet paper so Adidnt gethypothermia.That's how T spent a pretty big chunk ofmysumer vacation. And. that's why Im actually lookingforward o going back o school tomorrow.TuesdayWhen I get to schooltoday, everybody wasacting all. strange around me, and at first Tdidnt. know WHAT was. up.
Then I remembered: T still had the Cheese Touchfrom LAST years T got the Cheese Touch inthe last week of school, and over the summer 1COMPLETELY forgot about it.Theproblem with the Cheese Touch is that youvegot it until you can pass it on to someone else.Butnobody would even get within thirty feet ofme, so 1 knew 1 was gonna be stuck with theCheese “Touch for the whole school year.Luckily, there was a new kid named Jeremy Pindlein homeroom, so that took care of THAT problem.WELCOME TO OURSCHOOL, JEREMY!My first class was Pre-Algebra, and the teacherput me right next to Alex Aruda, the smartestkid in the whole class.10
Alex is SUPER easy to copy off of, because healways finishes his test early and putshis paperdown on the floor next to him. So if T everget in a pinch, it's nice to know T can counton Alex to bail me out.Kids whose last names start with the first fewletters of the alphabet get called on the mostby the teacher, and hat's whythey end upbeing the smartest.Some people think that's not true, but if youWewant o come-down to my school, T can prove it.AALEX ARUDACHRISTOPHER ZIEGELT can only think of ONE kid who broke thelast-name cule, and that's Peter Uteger. Peterwas the smartest kid inthe class. all the way. upuntil the fifth grade.
That's when a bunch of usstarted giving him ahard time about how his initials sounded when yousaid them out loud.TEACHER,THE ANSWERTO THATThese days, Peter doesnt raise his hand at ALL,and he'spretty much a C student.tT guess T feel a little bad about the whole P.U.thing and what happened o Peter. But it's hardnot o take credit whenever it comes up.I STARTEDTHAMM12
Anyway, today Tgot pretty decent seats in allmy Mss ae seventh-period History. Myteacher is Mr. Huff, and something tells me hehad Rodrick as astudent a fewyears back.MR. HEFFLEY, YOU'LL BESITTING IN THIS CHAIRNEXT TO MY DESK,WednesdayMom has. been.making me and Rodrick help outmore around the house, and now the two of usare responsible for doing the dishes every night.The rule is that we're not allowed to watch anyTV or play Video games until all the dishes aredone. But let.me just say that Rodrick is theWORST dishes partner-in. the world.13
As soon as dinner is over, he gees upstairs o thebathroom and camps out there for an hour. Andby the time he comes back downstairs, I'mlready done.alreadydone.Cael ,[ But if T ever complain to Mom and Dad, Rodrickalways pulls out the same lame excuse?MY BODYIS ONASCHEDULE.T think Mom and Dad are too worried aboutmylittle brother, Manny, to get involved in a fightbetween me and Rodrick right now anyway.4
Yesterday, Manny drew a picture at daycare,and Mom and Dad. gotreallyupset when.they.found. it-in hisbackpack.Mom and Dad thought the picture was. supposedto be of THEM, so now they're acting all loveyin front ofManny.TL knew who it was REALLY supposed o be inthe picture: me and Rodrick.
We got into a big blowout over the remote controlthe other night, and Mannywas there to witnessthe whole thing. But Mom and Dad don't need tofind out about THAT.ThursdayAnother reason my Summer was kind of lame wasbecause my best friend, Rowley, was on vacationpretty much the whole time. I think he went oSouth America or something, but to be honestwith you, Lm not really sure.LT dont know if this makes me a bad person orwhatever, but it's hard for me to get interestedin other people's Vacations.AND THEN WE'REGONNA GET ON ABOAT AND CRUISEDOWN THIS RIVER.iA16MM HMM. HEY,HAVE YOU EVERNOTICED THISFRECKLE BEFORE?
Besides, it seems likeRowley’sfamilyisalwaystraveling to some crazy place in the world, andT can neverkeep theirtrips straight.—3Thebhee ae tdon’t care aboutRowley tripsis because whenever Rowley comes back from one ofhis vacations, he always crams itdown. Py throat.Last yeat,Rowleyandbisfar wentto Australiafor ten days, but from theway he acted when heget back,youd think he lived there his whole life.Another thing that's really annoying is thatwhenever Rowley goes to. some new country, hegets into whatever fad is going on over there.
Like whenRowley got back from Europe twoyears ago,he got hooked on this pop singernamed “Joshie,” who T guess is some huge staror something. SoRowley came back with his bagsfull of Joshie CDs and posters and stuff.T took one look at the picture on the CD andtold Rowley that Joshie was supposed to be forsix-year-old girls, but he didnt believe me.Rowley said TI. was just jealous because he wasthe one who “discovered” Joshie.And what made it really irritating was that nowthis guy was Rowley’s new hero. So if I evertried to sayanything critical at all, Rowley didntwant to hear it.48
JOSHIE SAYS YOUSHOULD RESP! ECT YOURPARENTS AND FOLLOWYOUR DREAMS!Speaking of foreign. countries, today in Frenchclass, Madame Lefrere told us were going o bechoosing pen pals this year.When Rodrick was in middle school, he had aseventeen-year-old gitl from Holland as his penpal. T know because Te seen the letters in hisjunk drawer.14
When Madame Lefrere handed out the forms, 1made sure I checked off the boxes that wouldget me a pen pal just like Rodrick’s.But after Madame Lefrere read over my form, shemade me start over and pick again. She said LThad o choose a boy who is my age, AND he hasto be French. So I don't exactly have highhopes formy pen-pal experience.FridayMom decided o start making Rodrick pick me upafter school, just like hepicked me up after swimpractice. I guess that means she didnt learnfrom THAT experience. But T did. So whenRodrick picked me uptoday, T asked him toplease take it easy on the brakes.20
Rodrick said OK, but then he went out-of hisway o find every.speed bump in town.When I get out of the van, I called Rodrick abig jerk, and. then it gotphysical. Mom saw thewhole thing unfold from the living room window.
Mom made us come inside, and she sat us down atthe kitchen table. Then she said me and Rodrickwere going to have to settle our differences in a“civil manner.”Mom told me and Rodrick we each had to writedown what we did wrong, and then we had todraw a picture to go along with it. And IT knewexactly where Mom was. going with THAT idea.Mom used to bea preschool teacher, and whenevera kid would do something wrong, shed make himdraw a picture of it. T guess the idea was tomake the kid feel ashamed of what he did so hewouldnt do it again.T will not break hecrayons because hatmakes the other childrenvery sad.22
Well, Mom's idea might have worked great onabunch offour-year-alds, but she's going to haveto think of something better if she wants. meand Rodrick o get along.T will not call Rodrick names.BUNNYT will notpush Gregory.BQ
The truth is, Rodrick can pretty much treat meany way he wants, because he knows there's nothingLican do about it.See, Rodrick is the only one who knows about thisREALLY embarrassing thing that happened o. meover the summer, and he’s been holding it over myhead ever since. So if T ever tell on him for anything, he'll spillmy secret to the whole world.T just wish T had some dirt on HIM to eventhings out.T do know ONE embarrassing thing about Rodrick,but TL dont hink it'sgonna do me any good.When Rodrick was a sophomore, he was sick thedaythey did school photos. So Mom told Dad o. malinRodrick’s freshman picture for the school to usein theyearbook.Dont ask me how Dad screwed this vp, but hesent in Rodrick’s SECOND-grade picture.2t
And believe it or not, itactually get ,RodrickHills,HeatherUnfortunately, Rodrick was smart ehough o ripthat page out of hisyearbook. So if Tim evergonna find something to use against him, Iguess T have to keep digging.WednesdayEver since Mom assigned the dishes to me andRodrick, Dad's been geing down to the furnaceroom after dinner to work on this miniature CivilWar battlefield of his.25
Dad spends at least three hours a night downthere working on that thing. T think Dadwould behappy to spend the whole weekendworking on his battlefield, but Mom hasOTHER plans for him.Mom likes o rent these romantic comedies, andshe makes Dad watch them with her. But Iknow Dad is just waiting for the first chance obreak away and go back down to the basement.Whenever Dad cant be down in the furnaceroom, he makes sure us kids keep away from it.26
Dad won't let meor Rodrick ge NEARhisbattlefield, because he thinks we're gonna messsomething up.And earlier today L overheard Dad saysomething o Manny. o make sure HE doesnt ge.pokingaround back there, either.I THINK I JUSTHEARDGRUNTING NOISESCOMING FROM THEFURNACE ROOM.bSaturdayRowley came over o myhouse today. Dad doesntlike it when Rowley comes over, because Dadoe saysRowley is “accident prone.” T thinkit's Decause this one timeRowley was. eating dinnerhere, and hedropped a plate and broke it.27
So now Dad has this idea thatRowley is goingto ruin his whole Civil War battlefield in oneklutzy move.Whenever Rowleycomes over to my house thesedays,he gets the same greeting:THE BASEMENTIS OFF LIMITS.28
Rowley’s dad doesn't like ME, either. That's whyL dont go-over to his house much anymore.The last time T spent the hight at Rowley’s,we watched this movie where some kids taughtthemselves a secret language that no grown-upscould understand.TRANSLATION: AT EXACTLY 230 P.M, LET'S‘ALL DROP OUR BOOKS ON THE FLOOR.Me andRowley thought that was preand we tried to figure out how o talk in thesame language the kids were using in the movie.But we couldntreally get the hang of it, so wemade up our OWN secret language.24
Then we tried it out at dinner.YOUR-PA DAD-PA’SMELLS-PALIKE-PA AWOMAN-PA!But Rowley's dad must have cracked our code,because T ended up getting sent home beforedessert. And IT haven't been invited to spendthenight at Rowley’s ever since.30
When Rowley came over to myhouse today, hebrought a bunch ofpictures from histripwithhim. He said the best partof his Vacation waswhen they went ona river safari, and he showedme all these blurry pictures of birds and stuff.Now, Ive been. to the Wild Kingdom amusementpark a bunch of times, and they have this RiverRapids ride where they have these awesome robotanimals like gorillas and dinosaurs.ae you ask me, Rowley’s parents should have justsaved heirmoney and taken him there instead.DID YOU SEE ANYSHARKS FIGHTINGTANTNT TARANTU! LASON YOUR SAFARI?NO. AND SHARKSDON'T FIGHTTARANTULAS.31
But of course Rowley didnt want to hear aboutMY experiences, so he just gathered up his picturesand went back home.Tonight after dinner, Mom made Dad watch oneof the movies she rented, but Dad really wanted o work on his Civil War battlefield.When Mom get up to go to the bathroom, Dadstuffed a bunch of pillows under the blanket on hisside of the bed o make it look like he was asleep.Mom didnt find out about Dad's decoy until afterthe movie was over.She made Dad come to bed, even though it wasonly 8:30.32
And now Manny sleeps in Mom and Dad's bed,because hes afraid of the monster that lives inthefurnace room.vesda thought T was done hearingaboutRowley’strip, but I was wrong. Yesterday, our SocialStudies teacher asked Rowley to tell the class allabout his vacation, and today he came o. schoolwearing this. ridiculous costume. But what was. evenWORSE was. when. some girls came up o Rowleyat lunch and started kissing his butt.33
But then I realized maybe that wasnt such abad thing after all. So I started paradingRowley around the cafeteria, because after all,he ISmy best friend.ROWLEY HEREJUST GOT BACKFROM SOUTHDAKOTA!SOUTHAMERICA! }Saturda:Dad has been taking me to the mall everySaturdayforthe past few weeks. At first, a thought itwas because he wanted to spend more time with me.But then I realized he's justmaking sure he’s outof the house for Rodrick’s band practices, which Tcantotally understand.Rodrick and hisheavy-metal band practice in thebasement on weekends.34
The lead singer of the band is this 3Yy hamedBill Walter, and me and Dad. bumped into Bill onthe way out the door today.MORNIN’,MR. HEFFLEY!Bill doesn't have a job, and he still lives with hisparents, even though he's thirty-five years old.Tm pretty sure Dad's worst fear is thatRodrick is going to see Bill as some kind of rolemodel, and. that Rodrick will want o follow inBill's footsteps.So whenever Dad sees Bill, it just puts him inabad mood for the rest of the day.
The reason Rodrick invited Bill to be in his bandwas because Billget Voted “Most Likely to BeaRock Star” when HE was in high school.Most Likely to Be a Rock StarBill WalterAnna WrenthamThat hasnt really worked out for Billyet. AndT think T heard Anna Wrentham is in prison.Anyway, me and Dad went to the mall for a fewhourstoday , but when we got back a Rodrick’sband practice wasnt over yet. You could hear theguitars and drums from a block away, and therewere a bunch of random teenagers eee out inour driveway.36
TL guess they must-have heard the music.comingout of the basement. and.gotdrawn.to it, sortof like how.moths get drawn.to.a light.When. Dad.saw.all. those. teenagers in thedriveway,he TOTALLY. freaked. out.Dad.ran inside. to call. the.cops, but. Morstopped him before he.could.dial. 11.Mom. said. those. teenagers. werent.doing any harm,and. that they were just."appreciating'. Rodrick'smosic. But.T.don’t.even know. how she could. sathat witha straight: face. And. ifyou.ever. heardRodrick’s. band. youd know. what TL mean.37
Dad couldn't relax with all those teenagers out inour driveway.So Dad went upstairs and get his boom box.Then he put in a classical music CD and let itplay.And you would not BELIEVE how quicklythe driveway cleared out after that.38
Dad was pretty proud of himself for thinking upthat one. But Mom accused. him of getting rid ofRodrick’s.“fans” oh purpose.WHAT? I CAN'TENJOY MYMUSIC, TOO?——Sunda:Today, on the car ride to church, 1 was makingfaces atManny, trying to get him to laugh. Imade this one face that made Manny laugh sohard that apple juice came out of his nose.
But then Mom said:YOU COULDHAVE KILLEDHIM!Well, once Mom put that thought in Manny'shead, it was all over.See? This is the reason 1 keepmy distance fromManny. Every time T try to have a little funwith fe T end up regretting it.T remember when 1 was younger, and Mom andDad told me Twas getting « little brother. I.was REALLY excited.4to
After all those years of getting pushed aroundby Rodrick, IT. was definitely ready to move up 4notch on the totem pole.wkLEEaBut Mom and Dad have always been SUPERprotective of Manny, ahd they wont let me lay afinger on. him, even if hetotally deserves it.Like the other day, aiplugged iin my video gamesystem, ahd it wouldnt start. J opened itupand found out that Manny had stuffed a chocolatechip cookie in the disc drive.4h
And of course Manny used the same excuse heALWAYS uses when he breaks my stuff.areally wanted to let Manny have it, but Icouldn't do anything with Mom standing right there.Mom said she would have a “talk” withMariny, andthey went downstairs. A half hour later, theycame back up to my room, andManny was holdingsomething in his hands.42
T was a ball of tinfoil with a bunch of toothpickssticking-out-of itDon't ask mehow thatwas supposed to makeup.for:my broken video. game system. LT went tothrow the stupid thingaway, but Mom wouldnteven let me do THAT.The first chance J get,that things going in thetrash. Because mark ry words, if T dont get ridofit, Tm gonna endupsittingonit.43
Even though Manny drives me totally nuts, there isONE reason T like having him around. Ever sinceManny started talking, Rodrick has stopped makingme sell chocolate bars for his school fund-raisers.And believe me, Im grateful for THAT.BEFORE.NOTSIR. WOULD INTERESTED!YOU LIKETO HELPSUPPORT .UM. HELLO,NOW.CHOKWITS?44
MondayScMadame Lefrere sake us write our first pen-pallebHters today. TL got assigned to this kid namedMamadou-Montpierre, and.guess he livessomeplace in France.3nT know Tim supposed. to. write in French. andMamadou is.supposed to.write in English, but tobe honest with yous writing in a ures languageis pretty hard.aSo. realy.ditea the need for both of us tostress out over. this. whole pen ai‘hie:Dearhe eeFirst of all, I think we should both justwrite in, English to keep things simple.By the way, remember howsaid Twas gonna.end -up-sitting.on Manny's spiky tinfoil ballthing?Well, Twas half right.45
Rowley came over todayto playvideo games, andHE ended up sitting on it.Lim actuallykind of relieved, to be honest withyous T lost track of that thing 4 coupleofdaysago, and Tm just glad it finally turned up.And in all the commotion, I threw Manny's“gift” in the garbage. But something tells meMom wouldnt have stopped me this time.WednesdayRodrick has an English paper due tomorrow, andMoms actuallymaking him do it himself for once.Rodrick doesn't know how to type, so he usuallywrites his papers out on notebook paper and thenhands them off to Dad.46
But when Dad reads over Rodrick’s work, hefinds all sorts of factual errors.WELL, FOR STARTERS,ABRAHAM-LINCOLNDIDN'T WRITE “TO KILLA MOCKINGBIRD.”Rodrick doesnt really care about the mistakes, sohe tells Dad to just go ahead and type thepaper like it is.But Dad cant stand typing 4 paper with errorsin it, so he just rewrites Rodrick’s paper fromscratch. And thencoupledays later, Rodrickbringshis graded paper home and acts like he didit himself.47
This has been geing on for a fewyears, and Iguess Mom decided she's going o put an end oit. So tonight she told Dad that Rodrick wasgoing to have to do his OWN work this timearound, and that Dad wasnt allowed o help out.Rodrick went in the computer room after dinner,and you could hear him typing about one lettera minute.T could tell the sound of Rodrick typing wasdrivingDad totally bananas. On top of that,Rodrick would come out of the computer roomevery ten minutes and ask Dad some dumb question.48
After a couple of hours, Dad finally cracked.Dad. waited for Mom to go to bed, and then hetyped Rodrick’s whole paper for him. So I.guess. this means Rodrick’s system is safe, atleast for now.TYPETYPETPET have a book report due tomorrow, but I'mreally not sweating it.T found the secret to doing book reports.a longtime.ago. Tie been milking the same book for hepastfiveyears: “SherlockSammy Does T Again.”49
There are about twentyshort stories in“SherlockSammy Does T Again,” but T justtreat each story like it’s a whole book, and theteacher never notices.These Sherlock Sammy stories are all the same.Some. gfown-up commits a crime, and thenSherlock Sammy figures it out and makes theperson lookstupid.YOUR FIRST MISTAKE,MR. BEASLEY, WASWHEN YOU FORGOT TOCONVERT CELSIUS TOFAHRENHEIT!Tm kind of an expert at writing book reportsby now. All you have o do is write exactly whatKe teacher wants to hear, and youre all set.50
Man, Sherlock Sammy isso smart, and I'll bet that’scause he reads so manybooks.There were a bunch ofhard words in this book,but Hooked-them up inthe dictionary so now Iknow what they mean.SL
OCTOBERMonda:There was a kid named Chirag Gupta who wasone ofmy friends last year, but he moved away ihSune. His familyhad a biggeing-away party » andthe whole neigh borhood came. But I. guessChirag'sfamily rust have changed their mind, because todayChirag was back in school.Everyone was happy to see Chirag again, but acouple of us decided o have a little fun with himbeforeofficiallywelcoming him back.So we basically pretended he was still gone.
T have to admit, it was pretty funny.DID YOUJUST HEARSOMETHING?ateAt lunch, Chirag sat next to me. Thad anextra chocolate-chip cookie inmy lunchbag, andTomade a big deal about it.I WISHHERE.LOVEDCHIPCHIRAG WASOH, HOW HECHOCOLATECOOKIES.BUT I'M SITTINGRIGHT NEXTTO YOU!53
OK, so maybe that one was a little cruel.&(GOBBLE GOBBLESMACK SMACK)eS\a guesswe'llprobably letChirag off the hooktomorrow. But then again, this Tnvisible Chiragthing could turn into the next “P.U.”"TuesdayOK, so the Invisible Chirag joke is. still going,and the whole CLASS is in on it now. T dontwant o get too far ahead ofmyselfor anything,but T think I might have Class Clown in thebag for dreaming this one up.Th Science, the teacher asked me to count thenumber of kids in the classroom so she'd knowhow many pairsof safety goggles to get out ofthe closet.54
So I made.a big show of counting everyone. inthe room except Chirag.AlalhWell, that REALLY setChirag off. He got upand started yelling, and it was really hard tostare straight ahead and act like he wasnt there.T.AM.A.HUMAN.BEING .TOO!55
LT wanted to tell him that we never said he wasnta human. being, its just that he's an INVISIBLEhumanbeing. But T managed. tokeepmy mouth shut.Before you geand say Tim a bad friend for teasingChirag, let me just say this in my own defense:Lim smaller than about 95% of the kids at myschool, so when it comes to finding someone T. canactually pick on,my options are pretty limited.And besides, Tm not 100% to blame for dreamingup this idea. Believe it or not, T get the ideafrom Mom. This one time when I was a kid, Twas, playing under the kitchen table, and Momcamelooking for me.HAS ANYONESEEN GREGORY?56
Tdont knowwhat made me do it, but I decidedtoplay a joke on Mom and stayhidden.Mom wert all around the house calling. my name.T think she must have finally seen me under thekitchen table, but she still pretended she didn’tknow where He was.POOR GREGORY, ALLTL thought it was pretty funny, and I probablywould've Stayed hidden under there for a littewhile more. But Mom finally get me o crack whenshe said. she was gonna givemy gum-ball machine o Rodrick.57
iSo if you want to point fingers on the LnvisibleChirag joke, how you know whos really to blame.ThursdayWell, yesterday, Chirag pretty much gave up ohtrying to. get anyone in our class to talk o him.Buttoday he found our weakness.58
5 forgot ALL about Rowley. When the jokefirst started up, T made sure to keep himawayfromChirag, because IT had a feelingRowleywould blow the joke.But I guess T kind of gottoo cocky and let myguard down.Chirag started working onRowley at lunch, and hecamereally close to getting him to crack.ir)A yW2TL could ell Rowley was about o say something,so Thad o act quick. T told everyone therewas a floating corn.dog hovering above our lunchtable, and. then I.plucked it out of the airandate it in two bites.54
So thanks. omy quick thinking, we were able okeep the joke going.(GOBBLE, SMACK.)NOT AS GOOD ASTHE REGULARKIND, THOUGH.But that REALLY made Chirag mad. He startedpunching my arm, but of course T had to pretendlike LTdidn't notice.And let me tell you, that wasnt easyto do.Chirag might be small, but that kid canreallypunch.IS THERE A FLEA BREATHINGON ME? BECAUSE IT FEELSLIKE A TINY LITTLE FLEA ISBREATHING ON ME.i60OS
EideWell,guessChirag musthave complained toateacher about my little joke,because today T getcalled down to the front office.When I. got to Vice PrincipalRoy's room, he waspretty mad. He knew all about how I started thejoke, and he gave mea speech about “respect”and “decency” and all that.But luckily, Mr.Roy got one crucial fact wrong,and that was theidentity of the person wewere playing the joke on. So that made theapology part a whole lot easier.I AM DEEPLY SORRY,AND NOW I DOINDEED ADMIT THATYOU EXIST, SHARIF.61
Mr. Royseemed pretty satisfied withmyapology tsand he let me go without even tacking on anydetention.Tre always heard that when Mr. Roy is donechewing a kid out, he sends them off with a paton the back and a lollipop. And now I. can tellyou firsthand that it's true.SaturdaRowley’s birthday party is tomorrow, so Momtook me to the mall to get hima gift. tT pickedout this cool video game that just came out, and Thanded it to Mom so she could pay for it. But Momsaid T had to buy it with my OWN money.62
T told Mom that first of all, I have zero money.And. second. of all, if I DID have any money, ftwouldnt be wasting, it on ROWLEY.Mom. didnt seem too happy with what I. said,but it’s not MY fault Tim broke. T actually hada job-this summer, but the people T worked forstiffed me, so IT didnt eam. a single penny:We have these neighbors named the Fullers wholive a. few doors up, and they g? away on Vacationevery summer.They usually leave their dog,. Princess, in. thekennel, but thisyear,they told. me they'd paymefive bucks a day o feed. Princess and take herout. T figured Td. earn enough. to buy a wholepile of video games with that kind ofmoney.63
But T guessPrincess. isgun-shy about going tothe bathroom in front of strangers, so Tended up spending a lot of time standingaround in the hot. sun waiting for this. dumb dogto hurry up and 9 Ld wait and wait and. nothing would happen,and then Td just take Princess back. inside.But EVERY time I'd leave, Princess would make abig mess in the foyer, and Jd have o clean it upthe next day. Toward the end of the summer Jgot smart and realized it would bea whole loteasier to. just clean up.all of Princess's messes atonce instead of doing itevery single day.64
So Ted herand let her do her business onthefoyer floor for about two. weeks.Then, the day before the Fullers were due back,T headed up the hill with all my cleaning supplies.But guess what? The Fullers cut their trip shortand got home a day EARLY.a guess.they didnt know. it's polite to call aheadand -le -people know when your plans. have changed.65
Tonight, Mom called a house meeting with me andRodrick. She said that the two of us are alwayscomplaining that we dont have any money, so shecame up with a way. for
Diary of a Wimpy Kid Do-It-Yourself Book The Wimpy Kid Movie Diary Next in the series: Diary of a Wimpy Kid 5 TINN or co" eas . . full of Joshie CDs and posters and stuff. . Diary Of A Wimpy Kid Rodrick Rul
