WIXLIB

I got stung twelve times and two of thestings were inside my MOUTH.Mrs. Larkin drove me home early andGreg hitched a ride too.Anyway Greg is always saying he "owesme" for getting him out of that partyand I put it in this book in case I ever needto remind him.28

GREG'S ACCOMPLISHMENTSEvery biography I've ever read for schoolhas a chapter called "Accomplishments" soI figure I better add that in here before Iforget.The problem is that Greg is only a kidand most of his accomplishments haven'thappened yet. So I'll leave some blankspace here and I can fill it in later on.1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10.29

THE TIME ME AND GREG DISTURBEDAN ANCIENT BURIAL GROUNDIf you were spooked out by that goatman story from before then you mightwant to skip this one. OK if you are stillreading, remember I warned you.One time me and Greg were playing vikingsand ninjas in the woods and then someteenagers came by and ruined our fun.BUT THAT'S NOT EVEN THE SCARYPART YET so keep reading.30

Me and Greg went farther back in thewoods to get away from those teens.Greg said we should build a fort soif they came looking for us we couldprotect ourselves.So we spent the rest of the afternoonmaking a fort out of sticks and logs.Greg said we should put some rocks in ourfort in case things got REALLY bad, butit was starting to get dark and thereweren't a lot of rocks lying around in thewoods anyway.31

But then I tripped over something andguess what? It was a big ROCK.I told Greg I thought I sprained my anklebut he was a lot more worried about thatrock than my injury.Greg said it wasn't a rock, it was aGRAVESTONE and we just disturbed anANCIENT BURIAL GROUND.32

I guess you already knew that was comingbecause it was in the title of this chapter.I'll probably change it later on so I don'tgive the surprise away.Anyway me and Greg were TOTALLYspooked out by this ancient burial groundthing and by now it was REALLY darkout so we were extra scared. But Gregmust've totally forgot about my anklebecause he took off and I couldn't keep up.I kept waiting for Greg to come back buthe never did.33

Luckily my parents called Greg's houseto ask where I was and that helped himremember I was still out there.And just to show you what a great palGreg is, he let my parents borrow hisflashlight and pointed them in the rightdirection.34

AN EVEN MORE SCARY STORYOK while I'm on the topic of scary stuffI want to share a story about somethingthat happened a couple years ago.One time I was at my grandpa's logcabin with my dad for the weekend andwe took a hike and I got kind of dirty.Well technically it's my DAD'S cabin nowbecause my grandpa died the year before.I called my grandpa "Bampy," and thereason I called him that is because when Iwas two I couldn't say "Grampa."35

But when I got older and I COULD say"Grampa," nobody would let me change it.And when my grandpa got older it's theonly word he really said.So anyway back to the story. After I gotdirty from that hike my dad said I had totake a shower.But Bampy's cabin is really old and itdoesn't HAVE a shower, it just has oneof those creepy old-fashioned tubs.36

After I filled up the tub with water andgot in, here's what happened NEXT.I heard footsteps coming down the halland I thought it was my dad bringing me atowel or something.37

Then the door opened real slow, butguess what? NO ONE WAS EVEN THERE.I jumped out of the tub and ran aroundthe house looking everywhere for my dad.And if you're thinking "Oh Rowley thedoor thing was your dad playing a trickon you," well guess what? It WASN'T.My dad was getting some milk at thestore and he didn't come back until like ahalf hour later.38

I told my dad what happened with the doorand he said it was probably just the "wind."But I know what it was: the GHOST OFBAMPY.39

THE TIME GREG PLAYED AHILARIOUS PRANK ON MEOK I know the last chapter didn't have alot of Greg in it but I wanted to mentionthat story real quick because the Bampything totally FREAKED ME OUT.If you like scary stuff then you're in luckbecause this one is pretty scary too.One day me and Greg were hanging outat my house and Greg told me he saw onthe news that there was a burglar goingaround breaking into people's homes.40

Then he said he had to go home for dinner,and once he le ftI started getting scaredbecause my parents weren't around.But here's the thing: I found out laterthat Greg just PRETENDED to leave.He shut the front door but then stayedinside my house.He took off his shoes and walked up thestairs super quiet so I couldn't hear him.Then he started stomping around realloud upstairs. At first I thought it was theghost of Bampy all over again.41

Then I realized it was probably thatBURGLAR Greg told me about and Ialmost peed my pants for the secondtime in this biography.I heard footsteps coming down thestairs and I ran into the garage to hidefrom the burglar.42

It was PITCH BLACK in the garage butI didn't want to make a move until I wassure that guy was gone.Then all of a sudden the door to thegarage opened real slow and I knew theburglar was gonna get me if I didn't dosomething. So I whacked him in the facewith my dad's tennis racket and made arun for it.Then I ran out the front door and wentto Mrs. Monroe's house next door to tellher to call the COPS.43

But then Greg came out of my house andthat's when I found out the whole thingwas just one of his hilarious pranks.Greg was mad at me for two wholeweeks and he said I should've known fromthe way the footsteps sounded that itwas HIM and not a burglar.I guess he's got a pretty good pointabout that since he is always playingwacky pranks on me. So I feel kind of badabout whacking him with a tennis racket.but not really44

ANOTHER TIME GREGGOT MAD AT MEOK that last story made me rememberanother time Greg got mad at me.Me and Greg were walking home fromschool a few months ago and there wereslugs everywhere because it just rainedthe night before. And whenever thereare slugs lying around, Greg chases mewith one.I guess it's pretty funny if you thinkabout it but it's never that funny whenit's happening.45

Luckily I am really fast when someoneis chasing me with a slug so I got awayfrom Greg by climbing up on the big rockin Mr. Yee's front yard.Greg tried to get me to climb down but Istayed right where I was.Greg tried to fling the slug at me but helost his balance and almost fell in a giantpuddle in front of the rock. He was stuckand I felt bad for him because he is mybest friend after all.46

I got down from the rock and tried to helpGreg. He told me to pull him back up on hisfeet but I guess I heard him wrong.I grabbed him BY his feet and that turnedout to be a pretty dumb move.47

I didn't know WHAT Greg was gonna doonce he got out of that puddle but I didn'twanna stick around to find out. So I ranto my house and locked myself in my roomand didn't come out until Greg got calledhome for dinner.The next day Greg said he was gonnaget me back when I "least expect it." Ijust hope Greg forgets because whenit comes to paybacks he's got a goodimagination.48

THE TIME WHEN GREG CREATEDA SPECIAL AWARD JUST FOR MEOK the last two chapters were abouttimes Greg got mad at me but thischapter is the total OPPOSITE.This one's about the time when I didsomething Greg thought was reallyawesome so then he did something reallyawesome for ME.Anyway this one Saturday last fall me andGreg were supposed to hang out at myhouse but he said he couldn't because hehad to clean his garage. Then he said if Icame and helped him we'd be done TWICEas quick. But I said no thanks I'll wait.49

Then Greg said if I helped him he'd give meHALF of his Halloween candy.Well that was a really big deal to mebecause my parents went through all mycandy on Halloween night and they barelylet me keep ANYTHING.But I knew Greg still had a TON of candybecause his parents don't make him throwout ANYTHING. So I told him OK I'll beright over.Cleaning Greg's garage was hard work andit took like three hours.50

After we were done Greg said OK nowlet's go hang out at your place.I said hey what about that CANDY andGreg said oh yeah I forgot. But I knewthat was gonna happen because wheneverGreg owes me stuff he forgets.We went up to Greg's room and he got hisbag of candy out of the closet.51

But when he emptied out the bag it wasalmost all WRAPPERS.The only things LEFT were threejawbreakers and a little box of raisins.I told Greg he promised me a TON ofcandy and he said he only promised HALF.Then he said a deal's a deal and he gave mea jawbreaker and the box of raisins.52

I told Greg I was gonna tell his MOM. Andthen Greg got real worried because hesaid his mom would be mad at him if shefound out he ate all his Halloween candyalready.Greg said he was gonna give me somethingWAY better than candy, and he got outa piece of paper and a pencil and starteddrawing at his desk.53

When Greg was done he handed me thepiece of paper and here's what was on it.Greg said Good Boy awards are SUPERrare and you have to do something reallyAWESOME to get one.He said I was EXTRA lucky because thiswas the first ever Good Boy award he'dever given out and it was gonna be wortha lot of money.54

Well I knew Greg was just trying to getout of giving me the candy he owed me soI tried to act like I thought this Good Boyaward thing was dumb. But somehow Gregcould tell I thought it was kind of COOL.Well that was only the FIRST Good Boyaward but I got a lot MORE. For the nextfew weeks Greg made me one every timeI did something awesome for him.55

After a while I had a TON of Good Boyawards. And I kept them in a binder inclear plastic sheets so they wouldn't getmessed up.But then I started to feel like maybemy Good Boy awards weren't that rareanymore since I had so MANY of them.Plus Greg was making the new ones a lotquicker than he made that first one andthey didn't seem all that special.56

So one time when Greg called and askedme to come down and help him rake hisyard I told him I couldn't because I hadhomework.And Greg said that's too bad because hecame up with a totally new kind of GoodBoy award and he was sad I wasn't gonnaget to see it.I was like well at least TELL me about it,and Greg said he COULDN'T because itwas top secret and he didn't wanna ruinthe surprise.Then he said he was gonna call ScottyDouglas and see if HE wanted to help rakethe yard and I said OK I'll be right over.57

Well I wish I knew we had to rake thefront yard AND the back because it was alot of work. Plus I had to do it MYSELFbecause Greg was busy making that newaward.When I was finally done Greg gave me myaward and I've gotta say it was even moreawesome than I THOUGHT it would be.58

This new one was called a SUPER GoodBoy award. Greg said one Super Good Boyaward was worth FIFTY regular GoodBoy awards and I could totally see WHY.In the next few weeks I earned a BUNCHof Super Good Boy awards but after awhile even THOSE didn't seem all thatspecial.Besides I was spending a lot of time doingstuff for Greg and I wasn't getting myOWN chores done.59

But every time I told Greg I didn't needany more Good Boy awards he'd come upwith something NEW and then I'd have tohave THAT.After a while I had so many awards thatmy binder was STUFFED and I couldn't fitnew ones in. So I told Greg I wasn't gonnatry to earn any more no matter WHAT.60

But Greg said that's OK because he madeup a whole NEW system and I shouldprobably just recycle my old awards.I was pretty mad because I worked HARDfor those awards and now Greg said theywere totally WORTHLESS.But I was still curious about this newsystem so I asked him about it. Greg saidthe new idea was called "Li'l Goodies" andit was a POINT system and there wasn'tany paper involved.Greg said that every time I did somethingNICE for him I'd get a Li'l Goodie point.And once I got fifty Li'l Goodies I'd get aFantastic Prize.61

I was like OK what's the prize? And Gregsaid he couldn't tell me but it was under asheet in his bedroom.Well I couldn't figure out what was underthat sheet but I could GUESS. And a LOTof my guesses were things I really wanted.62

So I spent about a month doing lots ofthings for Greg and he gave me a Li'lGoodie point each time, like he promised.Eventually I got to fifty Li'l Goodies. AndI told Greg I was ready to turn them infor that Fantastic Prize.But Greg told me that since it was thefirst day of the month my Li'l Goodietotal got reset back to ZERO. And I saidwell you never told me about that rule andhe said well you never ASKED.I was really MAD and I yanked the sheetoff the Fantastic Prize so I could seewhat it was.63

But guess what? It was a LAUNDRYBASKET filled with dirty clothes.I told Greg he was a crummy friend formaking me do all that work for a phonyprize. But he said the laundry thing wasjust a TEST to see if I'd peek and thatI failed the test.Then he said the REAL prize was locked inthe basement and that now I was gonnahave to earn a HUNDRED Li'l Goodies toget it.All I can say is I'm not a FOOL. I'mgonna take my TIME earning those Li'lGoodies, so if Greg thinks I'm in a rush toget that Fantastic Prize he's gonna bedisappointed.64

THE TIME I FOUND OUT GREG ISA LOUSY STUDY PARTNEROK I know this is Greg's official biographyand I don't want to put any negativestuff about him in here. But Greg if youare reading this I just need to say youare a TERRIBLE study partner. I hopethat doesn't hurt your feelings butsomebody has to tell you the truth.Most of the time I don't really need tostudy for tests because I pay attentionin class and I do my homework. Plus Momalways says it's important to get a goodnight's sleep so on school nights I go tobed extra early.65

But this one time we had a really hardchapter in math and I had trouble payingattention in class that week. That'smostly because Greg moved to the seatright behind me.The night before the test I knew I wasgonna have to go over the chapter anddo some practice problems at home. Butwhen I told Greg my plan he said we shouldstudy TOGETHER.I wasn't sure that was such a good ideabecause when it comes to school stuffsometimes it's hard for Greg to focus.66

But Greg said we're best friends and bestfriends should study together so I guessthat made sense to me.Well the FIRST thing we had to dowas find a place to study. Greg saidwe couldn't be at HIS house because hisbrother Rodrick was having band practice.And Greg was banned from MY housebecause he played a practical joke wherehe put plastic wrap over our toilet bowland he got my dad pretty good.67

Greg said we should go to the LIBRARYbecause it was quiet there and nobodywould bug us. So Mrs. Heffley gave us aride to the library after dinner and wefound a table where we could do our work.We got out our books and I said maybe weshould do practice problems to see whatwe needed to work on. But Greg said hehadn't even READ the chapter yet so weneeded to start from the BEGINNING.Well that was kind of a waste of timefor me so I told Greg he could read thechapter on his OWN to catch up. ButGreg said I was being a bad study partnerand that we were supposed to doeverything TOGETHER.68

I said OK fine let's start from thebeginning of the chapter and go throughthe whole thing. But Greg said before wegot started we needed to plan our studybreaks so we didn't get too stressed out.Then he said we should START with abreak so we'd get off on the right foot.And that's what we did even though itseemed like a bad idea to me.After like ten minutes I said we need toget to work because it's a long chapterand we have a lot to go through.69

Well don't ask me why but Greg pinchedhis nose with his fingers and said thesame exact thing I said but with a reallyannoying voice.I told Greg to stop copying me but thatjust made him copy me even MORE.70

Finally I got smart and started readingthe chapter out loud.After a while Greg figured out what I wasdoing and he stopped copying me.I told him maybe it would be better if weboth just read the chapter quietly, butGreg said that wasn't his "learning style"and he needed to make things FUN sothey would stick.I said what do you mean? And Greg said heknew a way to make learning math into aGAME.71

First he balled up a piece of notebookpaper. He said we should take turnsreading a few words from the chapterand toss the paper ball back and fortheach time. So we tried it and it workedfor a little while, I guess.But whenever someone DROPPED thepaper ball Greg said we had to start thewhole page OVER.72

And sometimes I think Greg was trying tomake me drop the ball on PURPOSE.I told Greg we were wasting too muchtime and we needed to do this anotherway. And Greg said he didn't care HOW westudied as long as it was FUN.So I told Greg a trick my dad taughtME. He said that whenever I had troubleremembering something I should make up aSONG to make it easier.73

Then I sang the song I made up to help meremember how to get the area of a circle.74

Greg said that was the dumbest thing heever heard and I said well if it's so dumbthen why do I have a 95 in math and youonly have a 72?I guess Greg didn't have a good answer tothat and he said it was time for anotherbreak. So we played video games on thelibrary computer until some grown-upreported us to the librarian for makingtoo much noise.75

When we got back to the table Greg saidwe weren't studying the right way andthat he had an idea of how we could doit BETTER. He said he'd read the FIRSThalf of the chapter and I'd read theLAST half and then we could team upduring the test.I said well you're not allowed to TALKduring the test so I didn't see how thatwas gonna work. Then Greg told meabout these monks who can transmittheir thoughts through the air if theyconcentrate real hard.76

So we tried doing it but

THE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID SERIES Diary of a Wimpy Kid Rodrick Rules The Last Straw Dog Days The Ugly Truth Cabin Fever The Third Wheel. AMULET BOOKS New York . The reason I called my book Diary of an Awesome Friendly Kid is because that's what my dad is always sayin