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DIARY

OTHER BOOKS BY JEFF KINNEYDiary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick RulesDiary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last StrawDiary of a Wimpy Kid Do-It-Yourself Book

DIARYGREG UEFFLEY'S JOURNALty Jeff Kihhey'T'Z/WN

PUBLISHER'S NOTE' TVs is a work of f t»n Name*, character*. place*, and nodent* are either the product oI tho author * imagination or are used fictitiously,and any resemblance to actual persons. living or dead. bu*ine*« establishments,event*, or locale* * entirely coincidentalLibrary of Congress Catalopng»nPublieat:on DataKinney: Jeff.Diary of a wimpy iud / Jeff Kinnoyp. cmScmmary. Greg records his experiences in a middle school where he end his bestfriend. Rowley, under vied waaklirgs amid boy* who need to share twice daily, hopejust to servve. but when Rowey grow* more popular Greg mu*t take drastic measuresto save theK (nendshipISflN 976 0-8109-9313-8 (paper over board)[l Middle schooJs-Fiction. 2 Fnend*hip-F»ction. iSchooH-Fiction. 4. Diarie*-Fiction. 5. Humorous ttorie*.] I. Title.PZ;K6232Die 200?[Fic]-dc22200603*84/Wimpy Kid tent and illustrations copyright C 200? Wimpy Kid. Inc.DIARY of a WIMPY KID and Greg Heffley cover imageare trademark* of Wimpy KidL IncBook design by Jeff KinneyCover design by Chad W. Beckerman and Jeff KinneyPublished m 200? by Amulet Books, an imprest of Harry N. Abrams, Inc.All rights reserved No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored n aretrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical, elec tronic. photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission fromthe publisher Amulet Books and Am Jet Paperbacks arc registered trademarksof Harry N Abrams. IncPrinted and bound m U S A.31 30 29 26 27 26 25Amu-et Books a’e available at special discounts when purchased in quantityfor premiums and promotions as well as fundraising or educational useSpecial edit ons can also be created to specification For details, contactspecialmarkets hnabooksxom or the address belowHNAII, harry n. abramt, inc.US West *8lh StreetNew York. NY lOOtlwww, *mabooks.c om

TO MOM, DAD, RE, SCOTT, AND PATRICK

SEPTEMBERTuesdayErst of all, let me et Somethihg straight-'isaJOURNAL,Thishot a diary. X khow what itsays oh the cover, tot wheh Mom weht out totty this tKihg I SPECIFICALLY told Ur to et ohe that didh t saydiaryoh it.Great. All X heed is for Some jerk to catch meThe other thihg X waht to clear u right awa'is that thisWASMOMs idea, hot mihe.But if she thihks X m goihg to write dowh my"feelihgs" ih here or whatever, she's crazy. Sojust doht expect me to te allahdPear Piarythat.Pear Piarythis

Xhe ohly reasoh X agreed to do this at all isbecause X figure later oh wheh X'r rich ahd famous, X II have better thihgs to do thahahswer peoples stupid uestiohs all day lohg. Sothis book is gohha come ih hahdy.Like X said, X"II be famous ohe day, but for howXm Stuck ih mddle school with a buhch of morohs., MORONS \

Let me just say -for the record that X thinkmiddle school is the dumbest idea ever inventedYou got kids like me who haven’t Kit theirgrowth spurt yet mixed in with these gorillas whoneed to shave twice a day.And then they wonder why bullying is such a bigproblem in ruddle school.Xf;t was up to me, grade levels would be basedon height, not age. But then again, X guessthat would mean kids like Chirag Gupta wouldstill be in the -first grade.

Today is the first day of scKool, and rigKt nowwere just waiting around for tke teacKer to Kuruy and finisK tKe seating cKart. So X -figured XmigKt as well write in tK s took to ass tKe time.By tKe way, let me give you Some good advice. On He first day of scKool, you got to te real carefulwKere you sit. You walk in o tKe classroom and just lunk your stuff down on any old desk and tKenext tKing you know tKe teacKer is saying—So in tKis class, X got stuck witK CKris Hosey infront of me and Lionel James in tack of me.

Jasoh Brill came !h la e ahd almostSd o myrigK , bo luckily X s-tapped ha from Ha pevW a - He Iasi Secohd.IS THISSEATTAKEN?m\''lex period, X sHoold jus si ih he middle of akuhck\ of ho irls as sooh as I s e ih heroom. Bo X uess if X do ha , i juS provesX didri learh ariy hih from las year.'GREG, WILLYOU PLEASEWHY'PASS THISNOTE TOCERTAINLY*V SHELLY? Y . HEH, HER j

Mah, X doh khow WWAT is uy wi h girls hesedays. X used o be a whole lo simpler back ihelemeh ary school. Xhe deal was, if you were he fas es ruhher ih your class, you go all he girls.Arid ih he fifth grade, he fas es ruhher wasNowadays, i s a whole lo ntore com lica ed. Mowi s atou he kihd of clo hes you wear or howrich you are or if you have a cv e bu-H or wha ever.Ahd kids like Rohhie McCoy are scra chihg theirheads wohderihg what the heck ha ehed.Xhe most o ular toy ih ry grade is BryceAhdersoh. Xhe hihg that really s ihks is thatX have ALWAYS beeh ihto girls, but kids likeBryce have ohly cor* arouhd ih the last coupleof years.

X remember how Bryce used o ac back ihelemeh ary school.I DON'T THINK'GIRLS ARESTINKY POOS!Bu of course how X doh e ahy credii forS ickihg wi h he girls all his ime.Like XSaid,Bryce is he mos popular kid ih ourgrade, so ha leaves all he res of us guysscramblihg for he o her spo s.Xhe bes X cah figure is ha X m somewherearouhd 52hd or 53rd mos popular his year.Bu he good hews is ha X m abou 0moveup ohe Spo because Charlie PaVies is above me,ahd hes ge ihg his braces hex week.

X -try o explain all Kis popularity sW-f o my friend Rowley (wKo is probably Kovering r K around Ke 150 mark, by Ke way), birt X Kinki just oes in one ear and out He o Ker wi K Kim.VlednesdayX day we KadPKysdid wKen X outside was sneak offX-d, so Ke first Kin 30basketball court 0 0XtKesee if tKe CKeese was stilltKere. And sore enou jK, it was.

That piece of Cheese has beeh si tih oh theblacktop sihce last Sprihg. X guess it muS ’vedroned oo of someohes sahdwich or some hihg.After a couple of days, the Cheese started ge tihgall noldy ahd hasty. Nlobody would play basketball ohthe court where the Cheese was, eVeh though thatwas the ohly court that had a hoop with a het.Theh ohe day, this kid haned Parreh Vialshtouched the Cheese with his -flhger, ahd thatswhat started this thlhg called the Cheese ‘Touch.Xts basically like the Cooties. Xf you get theCheese Touch, you’re stuck with it uhtil youpass it oh to someohe else.The ohly way to protect yourself from theCheese Touch is to cross your

But It's not that easy remembering to keep yourfingers crossed every moment of the day. X endedup -taping mine together so they d stay crossedall the time. X 30 a P in handwriting, but itwas totally worth it."This one kid named Abe Hall got the Cheese"Touch in April, and nobody would even come nearhim for the rest of the year. "This summer Abemoved away to California and took the Cheese"Touch with h in.X just hope someone doesnt start the Cheese"Touch up again, because X dont need that kindof stress in my life anymore."ThursdayXm having a seriously hard time getting usedto the -fact that Summer is over and X have toget out 0/ bed every morning to go to school.My summer did not exactly get off to a greatstart, thanks to my older brother Rodrick.10

A couple of days into Supipier Vacation, Rodrickwoke rie up in tke niddle of tke nl kt. He toldp« X slept tkrougk tke wkole summer, but tkatluckily X woke up just in time for tke firstday of sckool.You mi kt tkink X was pretty dumb for fallingfor tk«t one, but Rodrick was dressed up in kissck ool do kes and ke set my alarpi clock akead topiake i look like it was tke mornn . Plus, keclosed my curtains So X couldn't see tkat f wasstill dark out.After Rodrick woke pie up, X just 30 dressed andwent downstairs to piake myselfsopicbreakfast,like X do every morning on a sckool day.11

u X uess X mus Kave made a f re-Hy bi racked because Ke hex Kih X khew, Pad wasdowhs airs, yellih a me for ea ihg CKeerios a 3-00 ih Ke morhihg.X ook me a mhu e o figure oui wKa Ke Keckwas goihg oh.Akter X did, X old Pad Ka Rodrick Kadflayed a rick oh me, ahd WE was Ke ohe Ka sKould be ge tihg yelled a .Pad walked dowh o Ke basemeh o cKewRodrick ou , ahd X tagged alohg. X couldh’ wai o see Rodrick ge wKa was comihg o Kim.12

B u Rod nek covered up Kis -tracks pretty good.Arid to K.s day, I’m sure Pad tKinks I’vegot a screw loose or something.Friday"Today at scfiool we got assigned to reading groups.IKey dont come rigbit out and tell vou ifiyourt in tKe Gifited group or tKe F-asy group,but you cah -figure it out right away by lookingat the covers of the books they hand out.13

X was pretty disappointed to 6nd out X gotput in tHe Gifted group, because tHat just meansa lot of extra work.VJKen they did the screening at the end of Iasiyear, X did my best 0 make Sure X got put inthe 6-asy group - Kis year.Mom is real tight with our principal, so Xll betshe stepped in and made sure X got put in theGifted group again.Mom is always Saying Xm a smart kid, tut thatX just don’t "apply” myself.

But if there s one thing X learned from Rod rick,i s o set people s expectations real low so youend up surprising them t y practically doingnothing at all.RODRICK, I WANT YOURDIRTY UNDERWEAR OFFTHE KITCHEN TABLEBEFORE I GET HOMEFROM WORK.GRUNT

Actually,x m kind of lad my j lan o et utih the E-asy grouj didht work.X saw a cookie of the "Bink Says Boo' kidsholding their kooks upside down, and X don’tthink they were joking.SaturdayVlell, the first week of school is finally over, sotoday X slcp in.Most kids wake u » early on Saturday to watchcartoons or whatever, hut not me. The only reasonX get out of hed at all on weekends is becauseeventually, X cant stand the taste of my ownbreath anymore.16

Unfortunately, Pad wakes up at 6-00 in themorning no matter WHAT day of the week i is, and he is not real considerate of the /actthat X an trying o enjoy my Saturday likea normal person.X didn’t have anything to do -today so X justheaded up o Rowleys house.Rowley is technically my test friend, but that isdefinitely Subject to change.X’ve been avoiding Rowley since the first day ofschool, when he did Something that reallyannoyed me.

Vie were ge-Hihg our s uff fror\ our lockers al ike ehd of ike Any, ahd Rowley car* op io r*ahd said—/WANT TO COME over/TO MY HOUSE ANDVplAaYyy?JX kaVe old Rowley ai leasi a killioh iimes ikaihow ikai were ih riddle sckool, yoore supposed to Saykahg oui,hoipi ay.bui ho maiierkow mahy hoodies X give kin, ke always kor eisike hexi iine.Xve keeh iryihg o ke a lo more care-fol akouimy image ever sihce X goi io middle sckool. buikavihg Rowley aroohd is de-fihiiely ho kelpihg.

X me Rowley a few years ago wken ke movedin o my neigktorkood.His mom tougk-t Kim kis took calledH * oMake Friends in Hew Places," and ke came -toX guess X kind of fel-t sorry for Rowley, and Xdecided o -take Kim under my wing.X s teen grea-t kaving kin around, mos ly tecauseX ge -to use all ke -tricks Rodrick ulls on ME.11

20

Mohda You khow ViowXoh Rowley? Vlell,Mahly, ahdXSaidXX lay all sor s of rahkshave a L le tro her hamedcould NEVER e awa Wi K ullih ary of Ka S uffoh Kin.Morn ahd Pad pro ec Mahhy like he s a rihce orsome hih . Ahd he hever je s ih roukle, eveh ifVie really deserves i .Yes erda , Mahry drew a sel/- or rai oh mvbedroom door ih ernahehi marker.X Viou n Mom ahd Pad were really goihg o !e him havei ,i u as usual,Xwas wroh j.21

u be bihg K« bu js me be moS abouiMahhy is -fbe hickhame be b« (or me. VJbeh Kewas a baby, be cooljhi prohoohce "bro ber,"so be s ar ed calling me "Bobby." A d beSTILL calls me ba-t how, eVeh boo b I keep tryihg o e Mom and Pad o make blm s op.Luckily hohe o( my friehds b«ve foohd ov ye ,bo believe me, X baVe bad some really close calls.[HappyKEY, THIS ONESAYS ITS TO"BUBBYT