Transcription
TO JULIE, WILL, AND GRANT
OTHER BOOKS BY JEFF KINNEYDiary of a Wimpy KidDiary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last StrawDiary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog DaysDiary of a Wimpy Kid Do-It-Yourself BookThe Wimpy Kid Movie DiaryNext in the series:Diary of a Wimpy Kid 5
DIARYmlpKwI.OWICK RUWESbyJt-f-fKi'hhey
SEPTEMBERMond X guess Mon was re-Hy roud of Kersel-f formaking me wri e in ka Journal Ias year, becausenow she went and bougK me ano her one.bui remember How X said Ha if some jerkcaugh me carrying a book wi h "diary” on hecover Key were gonna ge Ke wrong idea?Well, H* s exac ly wh* ha ened "today.Mow Ka Rodrick knowsXX H*Veanother journalbe er remember o kee *tHis one locked u .Rod rick ac ually goi aKold of my LAST journala few weeks back, and i was a disas er. butdon't even ge me s ar ed on THAT s ory.
E-VehWASwi Kou my Rodrick problems, my Sumnerpre y lous .Our f xr)Ay didft op Anywhere or do airy hihg-fuhj Ahd H* S pAds auI . PAd mAde me joih He swim eAm AcjAiVtt Ahd Ke WAh ed 0 mAke sureX didh miss Ary meeis K»s eAr,pAds 30 Kis ideA ha Xm des ihed io be reA swimmer or some hih , so Ha smAkes me join he eAm every summer.2Aw}y K e
A my fiirs swim mee a couple ofi years a o.Pad old me ka wkeh ke umpire sko"h ofifi kes ar er pis ol, X was supposed o dive ih andS ar swimmih .Bu wka-f- ke DlDNT -fell me was *tka kt s arter uh ohly -fired BLANKS.So X was a wkole lo more worried atou wkere kcbulled wasqoY\Yvxlahd ikah X was atoui cje-Hihgmyselfi o ke o-tker ehd ofi ke pool.ooo
F Veh after Pad ex laihed he wKole "s ar erpistol" cohcept to me, X was s ill Ke worstswimmer oh Fe team.But X did ehd up wihhih Most XmoroVedatthe awards bah ue at the ehd of He summer.IWsohly because there was a teh-mihu edifferehce be weeh my first race ahd my last ohe.So X uess Pads s ill wai ih for me o live up o my po eh ial.Xh a lo of ways, beih oh the swim eam wasworse Kah beih j ih middle school.First of all, we had to be a the pool by 7«30every morhihg, ahd the wa er was alwaysFREEZING cold.
Ike reason we had o use -two lanes was becauseswim prac ice was a -the same iime as ihe Vsla erJazz-class*I actually tried to cohVihce Pad to let me doVJa er Jazz, instead of swim -team, but he wouldn*Hgo for it.COME ON,LADIES? GETTHOSE ARMS UP?c/—T
"TVviS was ihe -firsi summer ihe coach le us boyswear swim runks insiead of ihose skimpy racih 4-ruhks. Bui Mom said Rodricks h *hd-me-dowhAfter swim raciice, Rod rick would ick me u ihhis bahds Vah. Mom had his crazy idea ha \fme ahd Rodrick s ehi ualiiy iimeoY\ ihe ridehome every day, we wouldhi -ficjhi as much. Buiall ii did was make ihihcjs a loi worse.Rodrick was always a h *l*f hour laie ickih me u .6
A*d he wouldn't !e me si u /roh . He Sdu hechlorihe would ruih Kis sea , eveh -though -the vah issome-thih like frfteeh years old.Rodricks Vah doesh actually have ahy seats ihthe back, so X had o s ueez.e ih with all thebahd e jui meht. A d every time the Vah came toa stop, X had to pray X didn't get my headtakeh off by ohe of Rodricks drums.7
X ehded up walkih j Kome every ciay ihs ead ofge-h ih a ricie from Rodrick. X figuredi wasbe ier o Jus walk -the wo miles -fhah o e braih damage ridih ihback of iHa Vah.Halfway ihrou h he summer, X decided X waspre*Hy much dohe wi h swim eam. So X came upwi h a rick o e ou of prac ice.Xd swim a few laps,, ahd heh Xd ask he coachif X could use he bathroom. Theh Xd jus hideou ih he locker room uh il prac ice was over.The ohly problem wi h my plah was ha i wassome Ki like forty decrees ih he boys ba hroom.So i was eVeh colder ih THERE hah i was ih he pool.
X Had o wra myselfin oilei a er so Xdidn je hy o hermia.“Thais how X s ehi a reiiy bi chonk of mysurfer Vacaiioh. And ihais why Xm actually lookingforward io cjoing tack io school -tomorrow.TuesdayVlhen X oi o school ioday, everybody wasac Jna all strange around me, and ai firsi Xdidn't know WHAT was u .SCREAM/
Theh X renumbered- X s ill had he Cheese Touch from LAST year. X 30 he Cheese Touch ih he las week o-f school, ahd over he summer XCOMPLETELY for jo abou i .Xhe problem wi h he Cheese Touch is ha youve30 i uh il you cah ass i oh 0 sor\tot\t else.Bu hobody would eveh e wi hih hir- y fee o-fme, so X khew X was ohha be s uck wi h heCheese Touch for he whole school year.Luckily, here was a hew kid hamed Jeremy Pihdleih homeroom, so ha ook care o-f THAT problem.My firs-i class was Pre-Algebra, ahd he eacher u me ri jh hex 0 Alex Arud*, he smar es kid ih he whole class.10
Alex isSUPEReasy ocopy off of, because Kealways -finishes Kis test early ahd puis Kis paperdowh oh tKe floor hexi to Kim. So if X everget ih a pihcK, i s hice to khow X cah couh oh Alex o bail me out.Kids wKose Iasi hames start wiiK tKe first fewletters of tKe alphabet et called oh tKe mostby tKe ieacKer, ahd tKats wKy iKey ehd upbcih tKe smartest.Some people iKihk tKats hot true, but if youwaht to come dowh to my scKool, X cah prove it.ALEX ARUDACWRlSTOPWER ZIEGELX cah ohly iKihk of ONE kid wKo broke tKelast-hame rule, ahd tKats ?eter Uie er. Peterwas tKe smartest kid ih tKe class all tKe way upuhiil iK fifiK rade. -—11
‘IKa s wKeh a tuhch of us s ar ed ivih Kim ahard ime atou how K*s ihi ials souhded wheh yousaid hen ou loud.1Xesedays, Pe er doesh raise his hahd ai ALL,ahd hes re y much a C s udeh .X guess X -feel a IrHle tad atoui he whole P.U.ih ahd w ha ha oehed o Pe er. Bui i s hardho o ake credi whehever i cones u .12
Anyway, today X 30 pretty decent seats in allmy dosses except seventh-period History. Myteacher is Mr. bWf and something tells me hehad Rod rick as a student a -few years back.WednesdayMom has been making me and Rod rick help outmore around the house, and now the two of-os.are responsible for doing the dishes every nigh -"The rule is th * were not allowed to watch anyTV or play Video games until all the dishes aredone. But let me just say that Rodrick is theWORST dishes partner in the world.13
As sooh as dinner is over, he oes u s airs o heba hroon ahd carols ou4 -there for ah hour. A dE i/ if X ever conolaih -to Mon and Pad, Rodrickalways ulls 01A he sane lane excuse-X h«hk Mon ahd Pad are -too worried about- nyli-htle brother, Mahhy, -to e ihVolved ih a fi h betweeh ne ahd Rodrick ri jh how ahyway.14
Yes erday, Manny drew a ic ure a day care,and Mon and Pad go really u se when heyfound i in h«s backpack.Mom and Pad hough he ic ure was supposed o be of THEM, so now -they re acting all love’X knew who i was REALLY supposed o be in he picture* ne and Rodrick.15
ihTo a bi blowou over The remote cohTrol he o Ker hi h j ahd Mahhy was There To wi hessThe whole Thih - Bui Mom ahd Pad dohT heed To fihd ouT abouT THAT.Ihi rsdc Aho her reasoh my summer was kihd o-f lame wasbecause my besT -friehd, Rowley, was oh Vaca iohpreTTy much The whole ime.X h*hk he wehT oSou h America or someThih , buT o be hohesTwi h you, Xm hoT really sure.X dohT khow i-f This makes me a bad trsoY\ orwhoever, buT i s hard -for me To eT IhTeresTedih oTher oeo les vaca iohs.AND THEN WE’ReTN / MM WNN. WEyT \GONNA GET ON A W WAVE YOU EVER\BOAT AND CRUISENOTICED TUISDOWN THIS RlVER y \FRECKLE BEFORE?/vT“
like Rowley s -family is always traveling o some crazy lace in He world, andX can never kee Heir triys s rai jH .X e otHer reason X don care abou Rowleys tri sis because whenever Rowley cones back -from one ofHis vaca ions, He always crams i down my Hroa .Last year, Rowley and His -family went to Australiafor ten days, bu from iHe way He ac ed wHen He ot back, you’d Hink He lived Here His wHole life.Ano Her Hin H* s really annoying is HatwHenever Rowley cjoes o some new country. He ets into wHatever fad is oin on over tHere.17
Like wheh Rowley cjo tack -from C-uro e woyears a o, he 30 hooked oh hissih erhaned "Joshie," who X uess is some hu e s aror sone hihcj. So Rowley cane hack wi h his ba s full o-f Joshie CDs ahd os ers ahd s u-f-f.U''i§ X "took ohe look ai -the picture oh -the CD ahd old Rowley h* Joshie was supposed 0 he -forsix-year-old irls, bu-f he didh believe me.Rowley said X was jus jealous because he was he ohe whodiscovered" Joshie.Ahd whai made i really irri a ih was h * how his uy was Rowleys hew hero. So i-f X ever-fried 0 say ahy hih cri ical a all Rowley didh wah io hear i .18
' JOSHIE SAYS YOUSHOULD RESPECT YOURPARENTS AND FOLLOWvYOUR DREAMS!Speaking of -foreign coutfits, oday in Frenchclass, Madame Lefrere old us were oina o bechoosing pen pals Kis year.Vslhen Rodrick was in middle school, he had aseven een-year-old irl from Hollahd as his penpal. X know because Xve seen -the le iers in hisjunk drawer.*Jl J&Sksi*h&/T\fef SjC* Cl cruiamio Q& -voo-, a&?
VJhen Madame Lefrere handed 00 he forms, Xmade sure X checked off he boxes ha would e me a pen pal jus like Rod ricks.Bui a-f er Madame Lefrere read over my -form, shemade me s ar over and pick aad 0 choose a boy who is my a e, AND he has 0 be French. So X don exac ly havehopes for my pen-pal experience.Frid Mom decided 0 s ar making Rod rick pick me upa-f er school, jus like he picked me up af er swimprac ice. X uess ha means she didn'i learn-from THAT experience. Bu X did. So whenRod rick picked me up oday, X asked him 0please ake i easy on he brakes.20
Rodricjc said OK, but Hcn He went ou of Hisway o -find every s eed t um in own.VJHeh X 30 oir 0/ He Van, X called Rodrick ati jerk, and Hth i 30 Hysical. \Aon\ saw HewHole - Hihg oh/old -from He living room window.21
Mon made us cone inside, and s\\t sai us down a he ki chen at le. Xhen sKe said ne and Rodrickwere oina 0 have 0 se le our differences in au. .1ciVilmanner.»»Mon old ne and Rodrick we each h *d 0 wri edown wha we did wron , and hen we had 0draw a ic ure to 30 alon with it. And X knewexactly where Mon was oin j with THAT idea.Mon used 0 fee a preschool teacher, and whenevera kid would do somethin wron , shed nake hi draw a picture of i . X uess the idea was 0nake the kid -feel ashamed of what he did so hewouldnt do it a ain.22
VJell, Moms idea mi ht have worked great on atunch of -four-year-olds, 1 ut shes going o haveto think of something tetter if she wants meand Rodrick to get along.I will not call Rodrick names.S'\BUNNYRABBIT!WAAAAHf
XKe ruiK is, Rod rick c an re-Hy mucK * rea meany way Ke wanis, because Ke knows Keres ncxtKingX can Jo abou i .See, Rodrick is iKe only one wKo knows abou -fKisREALLY embarrassing Kih Ka K * ened o meover Ke summer, and Kes been KoldiV\g i over myKead ever since. So i-f X ever ell on Kim -for any Kin ; Ke ll s ill my secret o Ke wKole world.X Jus wisK X K *d some dir on WIN o even Kin s ou .X do know ONE embarrassing King abocrt Rodrick,bu X don Kink i s onna do me any ood.VlKen Rodrick was a so Komore, Ke was sick -tKe day Key did scKool Ko os. So Mom -fold Pad o mail inRodricks fresKman ic-fure -for -tKe scKool -to usein Ke yearbook.Pon* ask me Kow Pad screwed Kis u , bu Kesent- in Rodricks SECOND- rade ic ure.
Ahd believe i or hoi, i ac uallv o-f prih ed.,HarringtonLeonardHatley,,AndrewHeffley,Rod rick,HillsHeatherUh'for uha el , Rodrick was smar ehou h o ri h* a e ou o-f Kis yearbook. So i-f In ever30hha -find sone hihg o use a aihs X uess X Have io kee diggihcj.VJedhesdayEver sihce Mon assicjhed - He disHes o me ahdRodrick, Pads been 301 3 dowh 0 He furnaceroom af er dihher 0 work oh His nihia ure CivilVlar ba lefield of His.25
Pad s ehds a Ieas “three Koors a hicjh dowh“there workihg oh hd “thih . X hihk Padwould be h * y o s ehd “the whole weekehdworkth oh his i)a le*fieldi bu Horn hasOTHER lahs for h*rn.Horn likes o reh “these romah ic comedies ahdshe makes Pad wa ch "them wi h her. Bu Xkhow Pad is jus-t wai ih -for -the *firs chahce -tobreak away ahd ao back dowh o -the basemeh .VlheheVer Pad cah be dowh ih -the -furnaceroom, he makes sure us kids kee away -from ft.26
Pad won* lei me or Rod rick go NEAR hisba le/ield, because he -thinks were gonna messup.A d earlier oday X overheard Pad say some hing-ho Manny o make sure HE doesn't go pokingaround back "there, ei her.Sa urdayRowley came over *to my house oday. Pad doesn'tlike i when Rowley comes over, because Padalways says Rowley is "acciden prone." X "thinki s because his one iime Rowley was ea ing dinnerhere, and he droned a pla e and broke i .27
So how Pad has his idea ha Rowley is cjoihcj-to ruih Kis whole Civil VJar ba tle-field ih oheklu zy move.Vlhehever Rowley comes over -to my house -thesedays, he e s he same ree ih *22
Rowleys dad doesn’t like ME, either. "(Rats whyX dont 30 over 0 his house much ahyrore."(Re last time X spent the ni ht at Rowleys,we watched this movie where some kids taughtthemselves a secre lancjuacje that no rown-upscould understand.TRANSLATION: AT EXACTLY 2:30 P.M., LET'SALL DROP OUR BOOKS ON TUE FLOOR.Me and Rowley thought that was pretty cool,and we Tried 0 figure 00 how 0 Talk 1in Thesame lancjua je the kids were usihg in the movie.But we couldn’t really et The Rah of it, so wemade up our OWN secret lah ua e.
eh we -tried i ou a dither.Bui Rowleys dad mus have cracked our code,because X ehded u e iih seh home beforedesseri. A d X haVehi beeh ihVi ed o s ehdai Rowleys ever sihce.30
VJheh Rowley cane over o ny house ioday, hebrought a buhch ofhi . He said he besi ar of his Vaca ioh waswheh hey weh oh a river sa-fari, ahd he showedne all -these blurry ic ures of birds ahd s uff.Y\oh, Xve been to the Vlild Kih don amusemeht ark a buhch of tines, ahd ihey h *ve his RiverRapids ride where hey h*Ve hese awesone robo ahinals like gorillas ahd dihosaurs.oo ask me, Rowleys areh s should have jus saved heir money and iakeh him here ins ead./ DID YOU SEE ANY\/ SHARKS FIGHTING ) f NO. AND SHARKS \GIANT TARANTULAS JDON'T FIGHTVon your safari? JTARANTULAS. JVX/wellTat N/// WILD KINGDOMTHEY DO./*-V31
Bui of course Rowley didni wani o hear abouiMY experiences, so he jusi aihered up his pic uresand weni t Ack hone.Tonicjhi a-fier dinner, Hon nade Pad waich oneo-f ihe noVies she renied, bui Pad really wanied o work on his Civil Vslar baiile-field.VJhen Hon joi up o 30 0 he baihroon, Padsivffed a bunch of pillows under ihe blankei on Kisside o-f ihe bed 0 nake i look like he was asleep.Hon didni -find oui aboui Pads decoy uniil a-fierihe novie was over.1She nade Pad cone 0 bed, even ihoucjh ii wasonly323:30.
A d now Manny siccus in Mon and Pads feed/because hes a-fraid of he mons er iha lives in he -furnace room. tettl SSTuesdayI Kou3K T was done hearing at ou Rowleys ri i t u T was wron . Yes erday, our SocialS udies Teacher asked Rowley 0 Tell he class allabouT Kis Vacation, and oday Ke came 0 schoolwearing h»’s ridiculous cosTume. Bu whaT was evenWORSE was when some irls came u 0 Rowleya lunch and sTarTed kissing his bu .' WILL YOU JTELL US MOREABOUT YOURRlPi"Sir hew;,WEW. 33
Bu4 Hth X realized ma be H * wash sucH abad Hih af er all. So X s ar4ed aradihcjRowley arouhd - He cafe eria, because af er all He IS my bes -friehci. for He as few weeks. A firs , X Hou H i was because He warded o S ehd more ime wi H me.Bid Heh X realised He s Jus makih sure Hes ou o-f He House for Rodricks bahd rac ices, wHicH Xcah dodall uhders ahd.Rodrick ahd His Heavy-me al bahd practice ih Hebasemeh oh weekehds.34
Hie lead sih er of he bahd is his joy hamedBill Vlal er, ahd me ahd Pad bumped ih o Bill oh he way oui -the door od*y.Bill doesh' have a job, ahd he s ill lives wi h his areh s, eveh -though he's hir-fry-fiVe years old.I'm pre-Hy sure Pads wors -fear is ha Rodrick is joih o see Bill as some kihd of rolemodels ahd ha Rodrick will warrf o follow ihBills foo s e s.So whehever Pad sees Bill, i jus u s hirn ih abad mood for he res of he day*35
”THe reason Rod rick ihViied Bill io be in His bandwas because Bill 30 Vo ed "tAos Likely o Be aRock S ar” wHen WE was in HigH school.Most Likely to Be a Rock StarBill WalterAnna WrenthamXK » Kash really worked oui for bill ye . A dX Kihk X HeardVJren Ham is in yrisoh.way, me and Pad wen o He mail -for a fewHours -today, bu wHeh we 30 back, Rodricksband practice wasn over ye . You could Hear He ui ars and drums from a block away, and Herewere a buhcH of random -teenagers Han in ou-f inour driveway.36
X xjueSS he raus h*Ve heard he nu ic conih ou of he baseneh dhd jo drawh 0 i , or of like how no hs ,ge drawh 0 a li jh *VJherv Pad saw dll hose eehdgers ih he driveway,he TOTALLY freaked ou .-.Pad rah ihside 0 call he co s, bu Mons o ed h»n before he could didl9lL.Mon Sdid hose eenacjers weren doih j ahy harm,dhd h * h7were jos "a recia ihg” Rodrick snosic. Bu X doh eVeh khow how she could say— hd wi h a s raigh face. A d if you ever heardRodricks bahd, youd khow whd X nean*37
So Pad weh u s-tairs ahd o*t His boom box. [Heh He PO ih a classical music CD ahd le i lay. A d you would ho BELIEVE How quickly He driveway cleared ou after Ha .33
Pad was pretty proud of Kimsel-f for tKihkih uptK*t ohe. But Mon accused Kin of ettih rid ofRod rick s "-fans" oh ur ost.WHAT? I CAN'TENJOY MYMUSIC, TOO?Sot-idc Toda , oh Kc cor ride o cKurcK, X was makingfaces a Mahhy, iryih o e Kin o lao K. Xnade KiS ohe face K * nade Mahhy lau K soK*rd tK*t apple juice cane out of Kis hose.BWAHHA ha;
Bu Mom said-*VJell, ohce Mom u h* H01/3K ih MahhysKead, i was all over.See? XKis is Ke reasoh I kee ry dis ahce -fromMahhy. E-Very -time X ry 0KaVe a li le fuhwi K him, X ehd up re re-Hih i .X remember wheh X was youh er, and Mom ahdPad old me X was e iihg a li le bro her. Xwas REALLY exerted-
Af er all hose years of e Hihcj usKed arouhdby Rodrick, X was defihi ely ready o nove u ahoHcK oh Ke *to en ole.Bu Mon ahd Pad K*Ve always fceeh SUPER ro ec iVe of Mahhy, ahd hey woh lc ne lay afihcjer oh Kin, eVeh if Ke Ho ally deserves i *Like Ke o Ker day, X lu ged ih my video anesys en, ahd i wouldh* s ar . X o ehed i o ahd foohd oir Ka Mahhy had s uffed a chocola echif cookie ih Ke disc drive.Hi
Ahd of course Mahhy used he same excuse heALWAYS uses wheh he breaks my s u-ff.X really wahied4ole Mahhy have i , bu Xcould hi do ahy hihg wi h Mom s ahdihg ri h here.Mom said she would have a-talk wi h Mahhy,, ahd hey weh dowhsiairs. A hal*f hour la er, heycame back u o my room, ahd Mahhy was holdih some hih ih his hahds.42
Pon ask me how ha was supposed o make u for my broken video ame sys em. X wen o hrow he s u id hin away, bu Mom wouldn'ieven le me do THAT*- fhe firs chance X e , -fhai h»ngs oin in hc rash- Because mark my words, if X don e ridof r , Xm onna end u si'H'ing on i .43
E-Veh K0U3K Mahvy irives ne o ally hu s, - Kere isONE reasoh X like KaVih Kin arouhcj. E-Ver sihceMahvy s ar ed ialkih , Rod rick K *S sio ed makiVvjme sell cKocola e tars -for Kis scKool -fuhd-raisers.A*d telieVe ne, Xrn ra e-ful -for THAT.
Madame Lefrere made us wri e our firs* peh- alle ters oday- X 30 assigned 0 Kis kid namedMamadouMon pierre.,- and. X guess-K& lives.someplace in France*----X know X m su poseci io wri e in FrencK andMamadou is su osed o wriie in F lisK bu 0be Kohesi wi K you, wri ing in a-foreign languageis re-Hy.-Kdri--—.So- X reaUydon see b*e need for bo H of us 0s ress ou over kis wKole. cental bing*Pear Mamadou,F'rs of dll, X Kink we should bo k Jus wri e in F glisK 0 kee -things simple.By he way, remember how X Sdid X WdS gonna end oy-sitting, on Manny's spiky -hVvFoil ball thing?VJell, X was -Kalf right.45
Rowley cane over od *y o lay Video anes, ahdHE ehded u siIn ac ually kihd of relieved, o be Kobes-t wiiKyou. X los rack of K * Kihg a couple of daysa jo, ahd In JoS jlad i -fihally urhed u .A d ih all Ke commo ioh, X Krew MahhysM i*f M ih - Ke arba e. E u someiKih ells meMon wouldn't K*Ve stored me Kis ime.VJedhesdaRod rick Kas ah E-h lisK pa er doe omorrow, ahdMoms ac ually makih j Kim do i Kimsel-f for ohce.Rodrick doesh khow Kow o y e, so Ke usuallywri es Kis a ers ou oh ho ebook a er ahd KehK *hds Kem off o Pad.
wKeh Pad reads over Rodricks work, KeRodrick doesh* really care afcou Ke nw’s akes, soKe ells Pad o jus go aKead ahd 4y e Kepaper like i is.Bu Pad cah' s ahd *typ»* a paper wi K errorsih i , so Ke Jus rewri es Rodricks paper fromscra-fcK. A d Keh a couple da s la er, Rod rickbrihgs Kis graded paper Kome arvd ac s like Ke didi Kimsel-f.-47
Iks K s t eeh oihg oh -for a -few years , ahd Xcjuess tAom dec! ded sHes goihg o u ah ehd oi . So ohi jH sHe old Pad H * Rod rick was oihg o Have o do H»s OWN work His imearouhd, *hd H* Pad wash allowed o Hel ou .Rodrick weh ih He com u er room after dihher,ou could Hear Him y ihg about ohe le tera mihu e.X could tell He souhd of Rodrick ty ih wasdriVih Pad to ally bahahas. Oh to of tH *t,Rodrick would come out of He com uTer roomevery teh mihutes ahd ask Pad Some dumb uestioh.WHERE'S THESPACE BAR,AGAIN?
After a couple of Kours, Pad finally cracked.Pad waited for Mom to go o ted, and tKen Ketyped Rod ricks wKole paper for Kim. So Iguess Kis means Rod ricks system is safe, a least: for how#-I Kave a book report doe tomorrow, but Imreally not sweX found Ke secret to doing book reports a longtime ago. Xve been mi iking tK e same book for tKepast five years-' "SKerlock Sammy Poes Xt Again."
iWe are atou-h “Hveh-iy shori siories ihSherlock Sammy Poes X gduh/ tu X Jus rea each s ory like i s a whole took; ahd he-teacher hever ho ices."These Sherlock Sammy s-iorits are all he sane.Some jrowh-u commi s a crime; ahd hehSherlock Sammy -figures i ou-t* ahd makes he ersoh look s u id.took re or sty how. AH you h*Ve io do is wri e exac ly whai he ieacher wah s o hear; ahd youre all se .50
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OCTOBERMohd Xhcre was a kid hamed Chira Gu a who wasohe of my friehds las year, birt he moved away ihJuhe. His -family h *d a bi oihg-away ar y, ahd he whole neighborhood came. Bu X guess Chiracsfamily mus have changed heir mind, because iodayChirag was back in school.H-Veryohe was hap y o see Chirag again, bu acouple o-f us decided io have a IrHle fun wi h himbefore officially welcoming him back.So we basically re ended he was s ill gone./BOY, I SUREDO MISSV CWIRAG.
X have o adrm' , i was sre-Hy -fowDID YOUJUST HEARSOMETHING?NOPE.MUST HAVEBEEN THEs. WIND!iA lunch/ Chirag sa ne* o me. X had anex ra chocola e-chif cookie in my lunch fca , andX made a i i(j deal afcou »' .I WISH CHIRAG WASHERE. OH, HOW HELOVED CHOCOLATECHIP COOKIES.I’M NOTEVEN THATHUNGRY.LiBUT I’M SITTINGRIGHT NEXT„TO YOU!
OK, so maybeohe was a IrHle cruel.(GOBBLE GOBBLESMACK SMACK)X uess we II probably Ie4 CKiracj off Ke Kooktomorrow. Bu4 Keh a aih, Kis XhVisible CKira Kih j could urh ih o Ke hex P.U.’TuesdayOK, so Ke XhVisible CKira joke is s ill oih ,ahd Ke wKole CLASS is ih oh i how. X doh wah o e4 oo far aKead of myself or ahyiXihcj,bu X Kihk X mi K K *Ve Class Clowh ih - Keba for dreamih Kis ohe u .Xh Sciehce, Ke eacKer asked me 4o couh-t Kehumber of kids ih Ke classroom so sKed khowKow mahy a»'rs of safe y o gles io e oui of Ke closei.54
So X made a fcig show of coutvh'hg everyone hthe room exce Chira .VJell ha REALLY se 0vTa j o-ff. He30 u )ahd s arted yellih , and ii was really hard os are s rai h ahead ahd ac like he wash here.
X wah ed o fell Kim Ka we heVer said Ke wash* a Kumah beih , i s Jus Ka Kes ah INVISIBLEKomah beihcj. But X maha ed o kee my mou K sKu .Before you30ahd say X a tad friehd for easihgCKira ; le me Jus say K*s ih my owh defehseXSmaller * Kdh at ou 5% of Kc kids a myscKool, so wKeh i comes o fihdih someohe X cahaciually ick oft, my o iohs are re -ty limi ed.Ahd besides, Xrn hoi100% o blame for dreamih Kis id ea. Believe i or ho , X jo* Ke ideafro m Mom. XKis ohe ime wKeh X was a kid/ Xwas layih uhder Kc ki cKeh able, ahd Momcame lookih for me.MAS ANYONESEEN GREGORY?-\r
X doh khow wU made me do i , bu X deeded o ylav a joke oh Mom ahd s ay hiddeh.Mom weh-f all arouhd he house callih my hame.X hihk she mus have /ihally seeh me uhder hekiicheh -table, bu-t- she s ill re-tehded she didh khow where X was.X hou hi i was j re-Hy fuhhy, ahd X probablywould've s ayed hiddeh uhder here for a li lewhile more. Bu Mom /ihally30 me -ho crack whehshe said she was ohha iVe my um-ball machihefo Rodrick.57
So rf you wah -to oih -fibers oh ihe XhVisibleCKra j Joke, how you khow wKos really o blane."[KursdayVlell, yes erday, Cbir *3 re-Hy much ave uf oh ryih o e ahyohe ih our class 0 alk 0 Kim.Bu oday Ke -fouhcj our weakhess.58
X forgo ALL abou Rowley. VJKen Ke jokefirs s ar ed up, X made sure o keep Kim awafro m CKirag, because X Kad a feeling Rowleywould blow Ke joke.Bu X guess X kind of 30 00 cocky and lef myguard down.-CKirag s ar ed working on Rowley a luncK, and Ktcame really close 0 ge ing Kim 0 crack./if YOU SAY I\ EXIST, THISl CORN DOG IS /YOURS?yX could ell Rowley was abou 0 say some King,so X Kad 0 ac juick. X "told everyone Kerewas a floa ing corn dog KoVering above our luncK able, and Km X plucked i ou of K* air anda e i in wo bi es.
So -thanks -to my c uick ihihkih , we were able iokee Ke Joke cjoiYuj.Ber Ka REALLY made Chiracj mad. He s ar ed uhchih my arm, bu of course. X h*d o re ehdlike X didh hoiice.A d le me iell you,washi easy o do.CHiracj micjh be Small, bu h * kid cah really uhcK-60
VJell* X uess CHira mus have complained o aieacHer about my little joke, because today X otcalled down to tHe front office.VsIHen X ot o Vice Principal “Roys room, He waspretty mad.knew all about How X started tHejoke, and He aVe me a speecH about "respect”and 'decency" and all tHat.But luckily, Mr. Roy 30 one crucial fact wron ,and tHat was tHe identity of tHe person wewere playing tHe joke on. So Ha made tHeapol 3y par a wHole lot easier.61
Mr. Roy seemed pre-tty satisfied with my apology,ahd he let me o without eVeh tackih j oh ahydetehtioh.-Xve always heard that wheh Mr. Roy is dohechewih a kid out, he sehds them oft with a patoh the back ahd a lollipop. Ahd how X cah tellyou firs Kahd that its true.SaturdayRowleys birthday party is tomorrow, so Momtook me to the mall to et hi a jift. X pickedout this cool Video ame that just came out, ahd Xhahded it to Mom so she could pay for it. But Momsaid X h*d to buy it with ny OWN mohey.62
X old Mon Ha firs of all, X have zero nohey.Ahd secohd of all; if X DID Kave ahy mohey, Xwouljhi be was ihg i oh ROWLEY.Morn didh seen oo Ka y wi H wKa X Said,bu i S ho MY faul Xn broke. X ac ually Hada job His sunner, bu He eo le X worked fors iffed ne, so X didrvt earn a sih le ehhy.Vie Have Hese hei jHbors haned He Fullers wHolive a few doors u , ahd Hey 30 away oh Vaca iohevery sunner.“THcy usually leave Hcir do , Prihcess, ih Hfckehhel, but His year, Hey old ne Heyd f ay nefive bucks a day o feed Prihcess ahd ake Herou . X figured Xd carh ehou H o buy a wHole ile of Video ames wi K Ha kihd of nohey.63
Bu X guess Princess is gun-shy abou going a he ba hroon in fron of s ran ers, so Xendeds endin a lo of ine standingaround in he ho sun wai ing *for his dumb dog“-7 - ' &mrTi wai and wai and no hing would happen,and hen Xd jus ake Princess back inside-Bu EVERY ine Xd leave, Princess would nake abig ness in he -foyer, and Xd have -to clean i u he nex day. "Toward he end o-f he sunmer Xgo-f- smar and realised i would be a whole lo easier o Jus clean u all of Princesss nesses a once ins ead of doin i every single day.6H
So X fed h rand le her Jo \\tr fcusihess on -the foyer floor for aboui -two weeks.Xhen, Ke day before he Fullers were due back, K eadedu “the hill with all ry cleaning sullies.Bu uess wha ? Xhe Fullers cu heir ri shortand oo hone a W EARLY.
'TohigKt, Mon called a house neetihej with ne ahdRod rick. She said that -the -two of us arc alwaysconplaihihcj that we doht have ary nohey, so shecane up with a way for us to earh sone cash-Ihch she gulled out some play mohey she rnustVedu up out of a board gane, ahd she called thenoheyMon Bucks.’ Mo n said we could earh MonBucks by doih chores ahd ood deeds ahd s ufflike that, ahd we could rade then ih forREAL mohey.Mon handed us 1,000 each o et us started.X thought X had struck it rich. But theh sheexplaihed that each Mon Buck was ohly worth aMon told us how we should save up our Mon Bucks,ahd if we were paticht, we could buy sonethih wereally wahted-66
Bu Rodrick cashed ih his whole s ash before Momwas eveh dohe ialkihg. Theh he weh dowh o he cohVehiehce s ore ahdblew his mohe oh Some heavy-me al magazines.Xf Rodrick wah s o was e his mohe like h * ,he cah 30 ri h ahead. Bu Xm ohha l e smar wi K MV Mom Bucks.Suhd Xoda was Rowleys bir hda arty, ahd he h*d i a he mall. Xm Sure X would have -thoo h i wasa lo of furs if X was abou seveh years old.
“Tkai was ike average a e of ike kids ai Rowleys ariy. Rowley ihViied kis wkole kara e ieam, andmosi of ikose kids are siill ih elemehiary sckool. Xjusi wisk X would kave khowh wka ike ariywas ohha be like so X could k*ve sk
OTHER BOOKS BY JEFF KINNEY Diary of a Wimpy Kid Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days Diary of
