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Worksheet forGavin de Becker The Giftof Fear (Episodes 329 &330)Violence is built into the human mind.Try to imagine the most grisly way ofbeing violated by another human being;since you’re able to contemplate it in thefirst place, it’s likely been done tosomeone — or maybe even many people— in the past. It’s part of human nature.The Gift of Fear and Other SurvivalSignals That Protect Us from Violenceauthor and MOSAIC Threat AssessmentSystems developer Gavin de Beckerjoins for this two-part episode to discusshis decades of experience in protectingpeople at every level — from the toplevels of government to victims ofspousal abuse.jordanharbinger.com
Improving How We Read OurselvesGavin talks about his MOSAIC system assomething that imitates human intuition ofthreats by weighing thousands of inputs andpredicting an outcome. I point out that we arereally bad at reading ourselves.In what situations have you been awful atreading the input and assessing an outcome?What were the consequences? How might theresults have been different if you had listenedto your intuition?jordanharbinger.com
How It Should Be Doesn’t MatterThe voice of intuition competes with the othervoices in our heads, and often those other voicesdrown out the intuition. It doesn’t really matterhow a thing should be, but how a thing really is.What other voices in your head are competingwith your intuition? Which ones are theloudest and most demanding? How can youmute those to listen to your intuition?jordanharbinger.com
I Am Not Your VictimAfter I told Gavin about my attemptedkidnapping in Mexico, he said I did exactly what Ineeded to do — I told an attacker: “I am not yourvictim.”Can you think of any situations in which you’vebeen the victim? What did you do to fightback? What would have been the outcome hadyou not resisted?jordanharbinger.com
Uncovering Intuition“Your intuition must be uncovered, and nothoned,” says Gavin. You already have everythingyou need to keep you safe if you learn how tolisten for it.Can you think of a time when you’ve ignoredyour initial feelings about a situation that laterturned out to be accurate?Next time you get a hunch you can’t explain,keep track of what you did (whether you actedupon or ignored the hunch) and theconsequences of your response. Being awareof the causes and effects of yourintuition-based choices will help you uncoverits full potential.jordanharbinger.com
Privacy and ControlPC means Privacy and Control to Gavin, which arethe primary pre-incident indicators of an attack.Can you think of any situations in which you’vebeen in a private environment and given upcontrol? Was your intuition advising a differentcourse of action?jordanharbinger.com
An Unsolicited PromiseA strong pre-incident indicator is an unsolicitedpromise. Somebody only promises somethingwhen they know you don’t trust them.What are your experiences with unsolicitedpromises? What was the outcome of thesituation?jordanharbinger.com
Worry vs. FearGavin describes the difference between worryand fear. Worrying is a waste of time while fear isbased on rational concern. Worry is never aboutthe present moment.What do you worry about? What has it stoppedyou from doing? When dealing with worry inthe past, what has been effective in putting astop to it?jordanharbinger.com
The Rule of OppositesWe can use what Gavin calls the rule of oppositesto calibrate our decisions when we begin torationalize.What behaviors are included in your rule ofopposites? What do you do when somebodyviolates those rules?jordanharbinger.com
Threat vs. IntimidationThe difference between threat and intimidation:intimidation is an outcome the intimidator wantswith a condition; a threat has no conditions. Athreat is rarely acted on.Can you think of any of your relationships thathave involved threats — from either yourself orthe other party? What effect does this have onoverall communication within the relationship?Are you still in the relationship — if so, do youfeel it’s a relationship worth continuing? Whyor why not?jordanharbinger.com
How Do You Know You’re in aViolent Relationship?Gavin and I discuss how to know if you are in aviolent relationship.Do you have intuitive feelings that you are atrisk? Does your partner use intimidation to gethis or her way? Have there been past incidentsof abuse? Get help now.Full show notes and resources for this episodecan be found here.jordanharbinger.com
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The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence author and MOSAIC Threat Assessment Systems developer Gavin de Becker joins for this two-part episode to discuss his decades of experience in protecting people at every level — from the top levels
