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Neuro-linguisticProgrammingFORDUMmIES‰2NDEDITION

by Romilla Ready and Kate BurtonA John Wiley and Sons, Ltd, Publication

Neuro-linguistic Programming For Dummies , 2nd EditionPublished byJohn Wiley & Sons, LtdThe AtriumSouthern GateChichesterWest SussexPO19 8SQEnglandE-mail (for orders and customer service enquires): cs-books@wiley.co.ukVisit our Home Page on www.wiley.comCopyright 2010 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd, Chichester, West Sussex, EnglandPublished by John Wiley & Sons, Ltd, Chichester, West SussexAll Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system ortransmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning orotherwise, except under the terms of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 or under the terms of alicence issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency Ltd, Saffron House, 6-10 Kirby Street, London EC1N8TS, UK, without the permission in writing of the Publisher. Requests to the Publisher for permissionshould be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons, Ltd, The Atrium, Southern Gate,Chichester, West Sussex, PO19 8SQ, England, or emailed to permreq@wiley.co.uk, or faxed to (44) 1243770620.Trademarks: Wiley, the Wiley Publishing logo, For Dummies, the Dummies Man logo, A Reference for theRest of Us!, The Dummies Way, Dummies Daily, The Fun and Easy Way, Dummies.com and related tradedress are trademarks or registered trademarks of John Wiley & Sons, Inc. and/or its affiliates in the UnitedStates and other countries, and may not be used without written permission. All other trademarks are theproperty of their respective owners. Wiley Publishing, Inc., is not associated with any product or vendormentioned in this book.LIMIT OF LIABILITY/DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTY: THE PUBLISHER, THE AUTHOR, AND ANYONEELSE INVOLVED IN PREPARING THIS WORK MAKE NO REPRESENTATIONS OR WARRANTIES WITHRESPECT TO THE ACCURACY OR COMPLETENESS OF THE CONTENTS OF THIS WORK AND SPECIFICALLY DISCLAIM ALL WARRANTIES, INCLUDING WITHOUT LIMITATION WARRANTIES OF FITNESSFOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. NO WARRANTY MAY BE CREATED OR EXTENDED BY SALES OR PROMOTIONAL MATERIALS. THE ADVICE AND STRATEGIES CONTAINED HEREIN MAY NOT BE SUITABLEFOR EVERY SITUATION. THIS WORK IS SOLD WITH THE UNDERSTANDING THAT THE PUBLISHER ISNOT ENGAGED IN RENDERING LEGAL, ACCOUNTING, OR OTHER PROFESSIONAL SERVICES. IF PROFESSIONAL ASSISTANCE IS REQUIRED, THE SERVICES OF A COMPETENT PROFESSIONAL PERSONSHOULD BE SOUGHT. NEITHER THE PUBLISHER NOR THE AUTHOR SHALL BE LIABLE FOR DAMAGESARISING HEREFROM. THE FACT THAT AN ORGANIZATION OR WEBSITE IS REFERRED TO IN THISWORK AS A CITATION AND/OR A POTENTIAL SOURCE OF FURTHER INFORMATION DOES NOT MEANTHAT THE AUTHOR OR THE PUBLISHER ENDORSES THE INFORMATION THE ORGANIZATION ORWEBSITE MAY PROVIDE OR RECOMMENDATIONS IT MAY MAKE. FURTHER, READERS SHOULD BEAWARE THAT INTERNET WEBSITES LISTED IN THIS WORK MAY HAVE CHANGED OR DISAPPEAREDBETWEEN WHEN THIS WORK WAS WRITTEN AND WHEN IT IS READ.For general information on our other products and services, please contact our Customer CareDepartment within the U.S. at 877-762-2974, outside the U.S. at 317-572-3993, or fax 317-572-4002.For technical support, please visit www.wiley.com/techsupport.Wiley also publishes its books in a variety of electronic formats. Some content that appears in print maynot be available in electronic books.British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data: A catalogue record for this book is available from theBritish LibraryISBN 978-0-470-66543-5 (hardback), ISBN 978-0-470-66610-4 (ebk),ISBN 978-0-470-66609-8 (ebk), ISBN 978-0-470-97843-6Printed and bound in Great Britain by Bell and Bain Ltd, Glasgow10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

About the AuthorsRomilla Ready is the creator and architect of Relationship Wizardry , herown brand of training and coaching, which combines the two potenttechnologies of Neuro-linguistic Programming and Huna (the ancientknowledge from Hawai’i). Relationship Wizardry evolved from the realisationthat the common denominator in any interaction, be it one that causesdistress or one that gives pleasure, is people and the way they think andcommunicate. Her product offerings are: Relationship Wizardry , which is aimed at people (usually singletons)who want to create their perfect relationship. Relationship Wizardry in Business, which helps companies buildprofitable stakeholder relationships through improved employee andcustomer engagement as well as through enhanced salesmanship. Relationship Wizardry Coaching, which enables time paupers toexperience fast, powerful, life-enhancing results in their personal andbusiness lives. Applied NLP for Business Results networking events, where businessowners discover how to apply NLP to create the specific results theywant for their business.Romilla has worked in high-stress, customer-facing environments formulti-national companies and across cultural boundaries, has providedtraining in the UK, Europe, and Africa, and is the MD of her company, ReadySolutions Ltd.Kate Burton is an international NLP master coach, author, and workshopleader who challenges individuals and organisations to create successfullives that are sustainable and fun. Her business career began in corporateadvertising and marketing with Hewlett-Packard. Since then she has workedwith varied businesses across industries and cultures on how they can begreat communicators.What Kate loves most is delivering custom-built coaching programmes. Shethrives on supporting people in boosting their motivation, self-awareness,and confidence. Her belief is that people all have unique talents, abilities, andcore values. The skill is about honouring them to the full.In addition to co-authoring Neuro-linguistic Programming For Dummies andthe Neuro-linguistic Programming Workbook For Dummies with Romilla, Kateco-authored Building Self-Confidence For Dummies with Brinley Platts. Herlatest book, Live Life, Love Work, is published by Capstone (a Wiley imprint)and she is currently writing Coaching with NLP For Dummies.

Authors’ AcknowledgementsFrom Romilla: The thrill of finding Neuro-linguistic Programming For Dummiesin the bookshops is as fresh now as when it first published. The fulfillmentof this dream wouldn’t have been possible without the help and support ofa raft of wonderful people, to all of whom I wish to offer my heartfelt thanks.My ‘partner in crime’, Kate Burton: I am so glad you agreed to collaborate onthis project when I rather nonchalantly asked you if you’d like to write abook on NLP with me. Thank you, mum, for all your love, support, and ideas –keep them coming; Angela, my sister, has always been there in times oftrouble and celebration, and has done a grand job of being the first ‘testdummy’ for our book and making sure I didn’t split my infinitives! Oswynfor being the perfect grandfather to ‘brattus’, my son, Derwent, who bailsme out when I come a-cropper with technology and won’t let me give up;Rintu who continues to help me learn and stretch; my Yoga teacher, SwamiAmbikananda Saraswati, for her patience in the face of all my questions;David, my NLP trainer, who gave me another rung in the ladder for personalchange. Last but not least, I’d like to thank the terrific team at Wiley for alltheir help and support.Derek, ‘the wind beneath my wings’, is gone but I will cherish memories ofour life together.From Kate: When Romilla and I set out to write the original book, ourintention was to learn and have some fun; we never anticipated the pleasurethis book would bring. So my thanks to Romilla that we continue to enjoysuch a deep understanding and friendship. All my family, especially Bob,Rosy, and Jessica have my thanks for your unconditional love and unfailingability to nurture me while I focus on writing more books. To my specialfriends, thank you for your patience and grounding in common sense. I thankIan, Robert, Penny, and James, and many other amazing NLPers for sharingtheir knowledge with such integrity; I remain in awe of your skill andcommitment. Thanks to Jan for demonstrating the sheer joy of masterfulNLP coaching at its finest. To my clients and colleagues, I appreciate theendless opportunities to learn and practice NLP with you. To the fabulousprofessionals at Wiley for shaping ideas into reality; you certainly demonstratethe power of belief. What we had not expected was that Neuro-linguisticProgramming For Dummies would be such a runaway best seller with so manyinternational translations, and the workbook and CDs following on from it,so our thanks above all go to our readers for your support and good wishes.This book sprang to life because we wanted to enthuse others with the powerof NLP and I hope you’ll continue to be intrigued and inspired as there’s somuch to learn and to apply.

Publisher’s AcknowledgementsWe’re proud of this book; please send us your comments through our Dummies online registrationform located at www.dummies.com/register/.Some of the people who helped bring this book to market include the following:Commissioning, Editorial, and MediaDevelopmentProject Editor: Steve Edwards(Previous Edition: Daniel Mersey,Amie Tibble)Content Editor: Jo TheedomCommissioning Editor: Nicole HermitageComposition ServicesProject Coordinator: Lynsey StanfordLayout and Graphics: Nikki Gately,Joyce Haughey, Christin SwinfordProofreader: Laura AlbertIndexer: Ty KoontzAssistant Editor: Ben KembleCopy Editor: Andy FinchTechnical Editor: Lynne CooperProofreader: Jamie BrindProduction Manager: Daniel MerseyCover Photos: verre d’eau cdrcomCartoons: Rich Tennant(www.the5thwave.com)Publishing and Editorial for Consumer DummiesDiane Graves Steele, Vice President and Publisher, Consumer DummiesJoyce Pepple, Acquisitions Director, Consumer DummiesKristin A. Cocks, Product Development Director, Consumer DummiesMichael Spring, Vice President and Publisher, TravelKelly Regan, Editorial Director, TravelPublishing for Technology DummiesAndy Cummings, Vice President and Publisher, Dummies Technology/General UserComposition ServicesGerry Fahey, Vice President of Production ServicesDebbie Stailey, Director of Composition Services

Contents at a GlanceIntroduction . 1Part I: Introducing NLP. 7Chapter 1: Getting to Know NLP . 9Chapter 2: Some Basic Assumptions of NLP . 19Chapter 3: Discovering Who’s Directing Your Life . 33Chapter 4: Taking Charge of Your Life . 55Part II: Winning Friends and Influencing People . 73Chapter 5: Pushing the Communication Buttons . 75Chapter 6: Seeing, Hearing, and Feeling Your Way to Better Communication . 89Chapter 7: Creating Rapport . 105Chapter 8: Understanding to Be Understood: Meta Programs . 125Part III: Opening the Toolkit . 145Chapter 9: Dropping Anchors . 147Chapter 10: Sliding the Controls of Your Experience. 163Chapter 11: Working with the Logical Levels . 177Chapter 12: Driving Habits: Uncovering Your Secret Programs . 193Chapter 13: Travelling in Time to Improve Your Life. 209Chapter 14: Smooth Running Below Decks . 223Part IV: Using Words to Entrance. 235Chapter 15: Getting to the Heart of the Matter: The Meta Model . 237Chapter 16: Hypnotising Your Audience . 251Chapter 17: Telling Tales to Reach the Unconscious: Stories,Fables, and Metaphors . 263Chapter 18: Asking the Right Questions . 277Part V: Integrating Your Learning . 293Chapter 19: Dipping into Modelling . 295Chapter 20: Making Change Easier . 313

Part VI: The Part of Tens . 335Chapter 21: Ten Applications of NLP . 337Chapter 22: Ten Books to Add to Your Library . 347Chapter 23: Ten Online NLP Resources . 351Chapter 24: Ten Films That Include NLP Processes. 355Part VII: Appendixes . 365Appendix A: Resource List . 367Appendix B: Rapport Building. 371Appendix C: The Well-Formed Outcome Checklist . 373Index . 375