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Chapter 5A Life-and-Death ChoiceWhen I (John) was young, my grandparents came to livewith us for several years to help out with three very rambunctious boys. My grandfather was a wonderful man but a sterndisciplinarian. He had rules for everything, with swats to go alongwith all his rules. And there was one ironclad rule that we hatedbecause it carried two automatic swats: “Be home before the streetlight comes on.”There was no grading on the curve in my home. And whilespanking may be controversial in many homes, there was nodiscussion when my grandfather moved in. With the streetlightplanted right in our yard, all he had to do was look out the kitchenwindow and see if we had made it home in time. And one night mytwin brother, Jeff, and I didn’t.Never one to delay punishment, I shuffled down the hallwayto Grandfather’s room and received my two swats. But little didI know that I was moments away from gaining one of the mostsignificant blessings in my life.After my spanking, my grandmother told me to go back downthe hall and call my grandfather for dinner. I didn’t feel much likebeing polite to him at the time, but I didn’t want to risk anotherspanking either. So off I went to his room.

Pictures Your Heart RemembersThink back in your life story. Whether you were young or older,who was someone who unexpectedly gave you the Blessing at atime and place and with words that meant a great deal to you? Itcould be someone you were related to or even a casual acquaintance. Again, what was meaningful to you about that experience?(Remember the unexpected way John received his grandfather’sblessing in this chapter.)Now think back in your life story again. Was there a time,when you were young or even as an adult, where someone cursedyou? What impact did that person’s words have on you and yourlife? Did they changehowyou viewed yourself, the Lord, or others?UnderstandingtheBlessingTake a few moments with the Lord to let him “reverse the curse.”No matter what was spoken over you, he gets to determine whoyou are. And to him you are everything. You are valuable enough45todie for, valuable enough to fight for. You are his son, his daughter,his beloved. Write down some truths about who he says you are. Ifyou are struggling to find some, start with Psalm 103.Blessing content.indd 454/2/19 8:13 AMBlessing Group QuestionsAs you start your group time, have somebody read Deuteronomy30:19. If possible, read it in the New American Standard version. (Ifyou don’t have a Bible, a great place to go is www.BlueLetterBible.org. You can type in verses there and even pick what version of theBible you’d like to read it in.) Let’s go through the choice with twoparts that was set before God’s people in this verse.1. Life movement. How does God get us moving toward him,and others, when his life invades us?2. Death stepping away. Was there a time when someone veryimportant to you “stepped away” from you? Not necessarilyin death, but did this person choose to step away from yourelationally?3. Blessing bowing the knee and giving someone a coin, becausethey are so valuable. Imagine someone handing you a Blessing

2. Death stepping away. Was there a time when someone veryimportant to you “stepped away” from you? Not necessarilyin death, but did this person choose to step away from yourelationally?3. Blessing bowing the knee and giving someone a coin, becausethey are so valuable. Imagine someone handing you a BlessingCoin—who is the first person who comes to mind? What wasit like to feel that someone saw great value in you and chose toadd to your life?4. Curse to dam up the stream. What is so difficult about beingin a place where you are cut off from “living water”? Haveyou had someone curse you? What did that do to your heart,mind, dreams, relationship, and so on? What did that do to youA LIFE-AND- DEATH CHOICEphysically?5. When we choose life in Jesus (who is life), he gets us moving46toward others and blessing them. Take time in your group todo something incredibly powerful: declare or “plant a flag inthe ground” on this day and say, “Lord, give me the strengthand wisdom to step toward, not away, to value and to add, notBlessing content.inddsubtract.”464/2/19 8:13 AM

Chapter 7The First Element:AppropriateMeaningful TouchIsabel was a sensitive young woman—and a seriously ill one, suffering greatly in the diabetic/medical-surgical unit. She was inso much pain that she cried regularly to the nursing staff, pleadingfor more frequent painkiller injections. Yet the medicine therapyshe was on and her own physical condition precluded her fromreceiving the shots when she wanted them. The risk for furtherinfection and internal bleeding was simply too great. Finally, afterIsabel had badgered the nurses on every shift, the senior nurse incharge went to talk to her.Nurse Ida Heath was a thirty-year veteran of the wards anda reserved, capable teacher. She explained to Isabel, logically andpractically, the potential dangers of giving her injections whenevershe asked for them. She also assured Isabel that the nurses were trying to protect her, not harm her, by limiting her injections. Isabellistened intently and even nodded, understanding.Her mission accomplished, Nurse Heath was preparing to

loved ones. This element of the Blessing can lay the groundworkfor the second key aspect of the Blessing— a message that is putinto words.Pictures Your Heart RemembersMake sure you think through both sides of this issue of appropriatemeaningful touch for yourself. Write down a picture of touch thatyou carry that’s encouraging to you, and then a picture you carrythat may be painful or challenging.If you find that there is still a lot of pain in the hard pictures,continue to press forward. Let the Lord into that pain, and ask himto help the wounds begin to heal and to give you a new picture ofthe healing power of touch.THE FIVE ELEMENTS OF THE BLESSING77Blessing Group Questions1. What’s a memory that you have of appropriate meaningfulBlessing content.inddtouch?772. Think about a time in your life, in history, or in sports whereyou saw an act of appropriate meaningful touch stand out? (E.g.,think about Pee Wee Reese of the Dodgers walking over to second base and putting his arm around Jackie Robinson.)3. What are some examples where Jesus used touch to heal, bless,encourage, and so on?4. What are some ways that you have seen the power of touch beused to heal? What are some ways that you’ve seen the powerof touch cause harm?5. Is this element a personal struggle for you? Is it hard for you toshow appropriate meaningful touch to others in your life? Whyor why not?6. Is there an act of touch that you have received, or missed, thatyou feel is blocking you from blessing others?4/2/19 8:13 AM

Chapter 8The Second Element:A Spoken or WrittenMessageWords have incredible power to build us up or tear us downemotionally. This is particularly true when it comes to giving or gaining family approval. Many people can clearly rememberwords of praise their parents spoke years ago. Others can remembernegative words they heard—and what their parents were wearingwhen they spoke them!We should not be surprised, then, that the family blessinghinges on being a verbalized message. Abraham spoke a blessing toIsaac. Isaac spoke it to his son Jacob. Jacob spoke it to each of histwelve sons and to two of his grandchildren. Esau was so excitedwhen he was called in to receive his blessing because, after years ofwaiting, he would finally hear the blessing. Later, the apostle Paulwrote eloquent words of blessing to growing churches all over theRoman Empire.In the Scriptures, a blessing is not a blessing unless it is put intowords and actually communicated.

words of high value—that can especially bless people.But don’t delay. Time passes so quickly. Please don’t let thatimportant person leave your life without receiving the second element of the Blessing—the spoken (or written) word.Pictures Your Heart RemembersKari and I want you to capture some words that, whether theywere spoken to you or not, can reflect your strengths. To do this,here is a list: Takes charge Competitive Goal-driven Enjoys challenges VisionaryMotivatorTHE FIVEELEMENTS OF THE BLESSING Very verbal Optimistic Loyal Has deep relationships Adaptable Good listener DiscerningBlessing content.indd 95 Predictable Persistent Scheduled95Go through that list and circle the terms that sound like you.Feel free to add words as well. Whether someone has spoken themover you or not, read them to your group, and know that AlmightyGod is speaking them over you.Blessing Group Questions1. Was there a time in your life where you missed the opportunityto hear a spoken message? Or to give one?2. Can you overbless people with your words?4/2/19 8:13 AM

Feel free to add words as well. Whether someone has spoken themover you or not, read them to your group, and know that AlmightyGod is speaking them over you.Blessing Group Questions1. Was there a time in your life where you missed the opportunityto hear a spoken message? Or to give one?2. Can you overbless people with your words?3. Did your family have a spoken or unspoken rule about usingverbal words to encourage?4. The key passage we saw about the Blessing said it was choosinglife over death. We are also told in Scripture that life and deathare in the power of the tongue. How easy is it for you to speaklife into someone?5. How easy is it for you to say words that would cause someoneto step away?6. Are there some words, spoken or unspoken, that you feel areblocking you from blessing others?96Blessing content.indd 964/2/19 8:13 AM

Chapter 9The Third Element:Attaching High ValueHannah’s parents had tried unsuccessfully for years to havechildren. Perhaps that is one reason why their joy wasunbounded when they learned that they were expecting their firstchild. Everything seemed fine during the pregnancy and delivery . . . until they saw the doctor’s reaction. When Hannah wasgiven to them for the first time, they saw that her left arm hadnever developed below the elbow.There were tears in the delivery room and deep concern as testafter test was performed on Hannah. As doctors and specialistssought to determine the extent of her physical problems, Hannah’sparents wondered how to handle the anxious questions from relatives and friends.Two days later the doctors told Hannah’s parents some encouraging news. In all their tests, they had not detected any otherproblems. With the exception of her left arm, Hannah appeared tobe a normal, healthy baby girl.After the doctors had gone, Hannah’s parents bowed togetherin prayer. They thanked God that their daughter had no other serious problems. But they prayed something else that would prove

Pictures Your Heart RemembersThink about a map.It’s so easy to believe we don’t have high value. It’s as if we’vebeen handed a map, and it looks like the destination is way out inthe desert or leads into a dark, secluded cul-de-sac. But take sometime right now to listen to this verse:“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, plansfor welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.(Jer. 29:11 esv)Think about how God’s reality, Jesus’ love, and his Word canrerouteto a placeworthand value.THEFIVEyouELEMENTSOFofTHEBLESSINGBlessing Group Questions1151. I (John) carry a letter with me that my great-uncle Max gaveme years ago. It’s handwritten, and it says at the end, “You aremy son.” My uncle Max chose to call me his son. What is something you’ve kept, or remember being given, that had wordsthat attached high value to you? (This could be anything froma diploma with your name on it to a personal note—anythingin writing that is a picture of high value to you.)2. How does using the first element of the Blessing, appropriatemeaningful touch, communicate our attaching high value tosomeone?3. If you have children or a spouse, how easy is it for you to comeup with a word picture to help them “get the picture” thatthey’re of high value to you?4. In Matthew 10, we’re told that the Lord knows even when asparrow falls to the ground, and that he looks at us as havinggreat value. Is there something that blocks you from feeling likeyou have great value in God’s eyes?5. If you were to write a letter/e-mail/Instagram post that attacheshigh value and send it to a loved one—what would it say?

Chapter 10The Fourth Element:Picturing a Special Futurecould anyone as dumb and ugly as you have such a good“Howlooking child?” Mark’s mother was grinning as she cuddledher grandson in her arms. To most observers, her words might havebeen brushed aside as a bad joke, but they brought instant tears toMark’s eyes.“Stop it!” Mark said emphatically. “That’s all I’ve ever heardfrom you. It’s taken me years to believe I’m not ugly and dumb.Why do you think I haven’t been home in so long? I don’t ever wantyou to call me dumb again.”Mark’s mother sat in stunned silence. Tears came to her eyes.She really had meant her words as a joke. But for the first time,one of her children had had the courage to confront her. For years,without realizing the impact of her words, this mother had constantly kidded her children about being stupid, fat, or ugly. Afterall, she had been kidded unmercifully by her mother when she wasgrowing up.

THE FOURTH ELEMENT: PICTURING A SPECIAL FUTUREPictures Your Heart RemembersLuke was called the disciple of hope because his gospel is so encouraging. Let’s change that to talk about the discipline of hope. Writedown—honestly— some things you have hoped would be part of aspecial future for you. What are some that have come true? Whatare some you are still waiting to experience? Next, again beinghonest, write down some things you’ve considered to be a pictureof your heading toward a special future.Blessing Group Questions1. Think back to when you were younger, like in high school oreven junior high. Can you think of some words that you mayhave heard (possibly often) that tied in with your future?2. What did the important adults in your life predict about you?3. Think about someone you want to bless— such as your childrenor spouse. What are some traits you see in their life today thatyou could see the Lord using when they grow older or in theirfuture? (Such as, “Angel is so sensitive, I wouldn’t be surprised ifshe used that sensitivity someday to care for others as a teacher/nurse/doctor.”)4. We all have people in our lives who had great potential. What isso difficult about trying to bless someone who could have doneX and has instead chosen a path that led him or her away fromwhat could have been a special future?5. Does God ever give up on us? (Read Hebrews 13:5.) What’s soencouraging about knowing that even if we haven’t quite measured up to what someone else has or has done, God still ismoving us forward toward a special future?133

Chapter 11The Fifth Element:An Active, GenuineCommitmentMost children have at least one subject in school that they particularly dread. Whether it is history, English, or geography,the course represents the worst hour of the school day. For Gary,that subject was geometry. Yet it was a geometry class in highschool that taught him the incredible power of an active, genuinecommitment—the fifth element of the Blessing.Mathematics was always the subject I dreaded the most. In gradeschool it was my poorest subject, and that continued to be trueduring my first two years of high school. In fact, when I had torepeat geometry my senior year, I was sure after only a monththat I was going to flunk the course. My only solace was the factthat more than half the class was flunking with me. Our teacherwould constantly remind us of this fact by arranging our chairsaccording to our current grade. Those of us who were failinglined the back wall.One Monday morning, when we dragged ourselves into

relationships, starting now.Pictures Your Heart RemembersIf you have been blessed by someone (or several someones) in yourlife who have modeled for you an unchanging, unwavering commitment, then write down why that has been so helpful to you—andgive this person a call. If they’ve since passed away, and if theirspouse or child is still living, call them and thank them for thatperson who demonstrated an active, genuine commitment to you.If you aren’t fortunate enough to have someone like that in yourlife, you must read Psalm 103. There are thirteen different traits ofour heavenly Father there in the psalm. Read the whole thing, butwrite down the traits of a loving God that mean the most to you.Blessing Group Questions1. You are several weeks into your Blessing Group time. What’ssomething you appreciate about your group already that linkswith active, genuine commitment?2. Have you had an experience where you saw someone live outactive, genuine commitment to you— even when this personcould have bailed or not followed through?3. When you think about Jesus, do you see him waiting for you,ready to welcome you to himself one day? Or is that kind ofTHE FIVE ELEMENTS OF THE BLESSINGimage hard for you to bring into focus?4. In the Bible, the Greek word for forgiveness literally means to“untie the knot.” Is there someone or some experience in your151life where you still need to untie the knot and forgive? What’sforgiveness got to do with truly experiencing a sense of genuinecommitment?5. When those feelings of being alone or unwanted sneak up onBlessing content.indd 151you— even if you’re in a crowd or have a busy family aroundyou—what is something you’ve learned that can help you knowyou’re loved, valued, and blessed and especially that Jesus andhis love are never going anywhere?4/2/19 8:13 AM

Chapter 12First Steps: AWritten BlessingThe two thin, watermarked sheets of white stationery are nowfolded down into a small square. I (John) carry them in the safest zippered part of my backpack, which goes with me everywhere.The writing on the paper is starting to fade, and I keep promisingmyself that I’m going to make a copy of it. But I haven’t done ityet—because the paper was his. The writing in black pen was his.The words I had longed to hear all my life were his.Those two small sheets headed simply by a date: December1986. They contain some of the most encouraging words I haveever received— a blessing beyond price to me. They came to meunexpectedly. But they are an example of something we are goingto challenge you to think about, plan out, and pray over.You have now spent a number of chapters understanding howimportant the Blessing can be. You have gained a clear picture ofeach of its five elements and their impact on a person’s life andfuture. Now it’s time for ground school to end and flight schoolto begin. We believe you are ready to fly solo and soar now. Inthis chapter Kari and I are going to ask you to take your first step

Pictures Your Heart RemembersWho is someone in your life who has been an “Uncle Max,”someone who put something down in words? Maybe it’s something you’ve kept and treasured. Or maybe it’s something youTHE FIVEELEMENTSTHE forget.BLESSINGdidn’tkeepbut you’llOFneverWho is somebody who actuallytookthesteptos

done with exact measurements. Feel free to go by the book, or make changes that work best for your group. But for the sake of planning, let’s go back to the issue of structure. Suggested Outline for Meeting One Hour for Each Chapter Your first meeti