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Good Grief 2622 W. Central - Suite 108, Wichita, KS 67203of Kansas, Inc.Website: www.goodgriefofkansas.org316-612-0700February 2016Email: info@goodgriefofkansas.orgSingle Again and Rediscovering JoyLast year, constant pain defined themonth of March. A strange tinglingrash had morphed into an intensepain radiating down one side of mybody, and within a few days even theslightest touch brought fiery flashes.My primary care physician confirmedmy hunch - shingles.The month passed, the painsubsided, and my body was no longerthe enemy. Early treatment hadprevented lingering neuralgia. Andtime healed my physical wounds.That March marked both myhusband’s birthday and the firstanniversary of his death. For 37 years,“Married” had been the box I casuallychecked. And the anguish of my“singlehood” reappeared each time Ineeded to describe my new status:“Widowed.”Another year and another March.This year I took precautions - first,with a flu shot and then, with thenewly introduced shingles vaccine.With these defenses in place, thequestion became “What to do withmy heart?”Shortly after my husband’s passing,I had written: “The death of yourlifelong companion, lover and friendis a shock beyond understanding. Inthe face of such eternal loss, joy andopportunity seem gone forever andeven unseemly to contemplate.Happiness, beauty, laughter - theseare gifts to be shared with yourpartner, the one who owns a specialpart of your history and your mostcherished memories.”I found it hard to turn off the vow tolove “until death do us part”. Fidelityis not erased with a simple stroke.And half a lifetime is not wiped out byseparation in time and space. In fact,as Elizabeth Barrett Browning states,“Smiles, tears, of all my life! - and, ifGod choose / I shall not love theebetter after death”.My husband’s gifts of enduring lovestill adorn my ring finger. They beliethe marital status I must pencil in.Gradually I am accepting that, in thewords of Rabindranath Tagore,“death is not extinguishing the light.It is putting out the lamp because thedawn has come.”In my life now, happiness, beautyand laughter are seeping back in andlightness is returning. A two-hourroad trip with a repaired car radio, forexample, revived my childhoodenjoyment of country music. Thetunes of Rodney Atkins, Josh Turner,and George Strait re-ignited my crushon America’s singing cowboy, GeneAutry. And in my home, musicinfiltrates quiet moments. Dancingwith the Stars, American Idol - in fact,any musical program - I eagerlyanticipate.Humor, I find, is also makinginroads. The written reflections I haveused to ease my sorrow have begunto brighten. The unexpected gift of aniPod at Christmas motivated me tomull over my resistance totechnologicalinnovations.Theapproach of Valentine’s Day led me toindulge in chocolate-coated musings.And a bad hair day prompted me toreconsider my enduring reluctance tocut my hair. To my amazement, thislatter exercise in writing emboldenedme enough to throw caution to thewind. “Why not,” I thought. Thatweek I turned my hairstyle over tothe hands of a hairdresser. My lockswere lopped, and my demons,exorcised.As for beauty and joy, two babyboys have helped fill the void left byone wonderful man: Jack, sevenmonths, a preemie who almost didn’tmake it onto our family tree, andBrendan, three months, Jack’s cousinand the product of a textbookpregnancy and delivery.Longfellow once said, “Into each lifesome rain must fall. Some days mustbe dark and dreary”. Emerging fromthe darkness has been my challengethese past two years. And I’m makingit, with the help of family and friendsand a new-found creative outlet.The latest research on grievingindicates that pining for one’s loss iscommon and normal. Feelings oflonging and lamenting, researcherssay, tend to peak at six months; butthey continue over the years,emerging suddenly and unexpectedly.Knowing this gives me comfort.The words of Kahlil Gibran give mehope for the future: “Your joy is yoursorrow unmasked. And the selfsamewell from which your laughter riseswas oftentimes filled with your tears.And how else can it be? The deeperthat sorrow carves into your being,the more joy you can contain.”March madness did not strike thisyear, and the curtain is rising on apromising future.Sally A. Connolly, Danvers, MASpring 2008, Bereavement Publications
Page 2www.goodgriefofkansas.org316-612-0700On Going SELF-HELP SUPPORT GROUPSSCHEDULEOFGROUP MEETINGSFOR THEMondays: 7:00 - 8:30 PMBEREAVEDSOUTH WICHITAGrace Baptist Church – (1414 W Pawnee)Facilitators: Bob & Connie WesterfieldMondays: 7:00 - 8:30 PMEAST WICHITACalvary United Methodist Church, 2525 N Rock Road, Room A-3Facilitators: Cindy SwanTuesdays: 10:00 - 11:30 AMCENTRAL WICHITARiverWalk Church of Christ - Use South Office Entrance, Fireside Room (225 N Waco)Facilitators: Marjorie Watkins, Jack Elder & Nada CanfieldTuesdays: 7:00 - 8:30 PMDERBYDerby Woodlawn United Methodist Church - Room 15E (Woodlawn & Kay St.)Facilitator: Kathy ThomasTuesdays: 7:00 - 8:30 PMWEST WICHITAFaith Renewal Church (formerly West Towne Baptist) - (2000 N Maize Rd.)Facilitators: Evelyn Reece & Carmen SuterWednesdays: 7:00 - 8:00 PMCENTRAL WICHITAW.A.Y. Widowed and Young (Ages 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s)Nursery available for infants through age 2. Ages 3 and up welcome to participatein church Bible classes or teen groupsRiverWalk Church of Christ - Use SW entrance door, Fireside Room (225 N Waco)Facilitators: Cathy Sexton, Frank Jarmer & Janet CookSUICIDE SURVIVORSCENTRAL WICHITAMondays: 7:00 - 8:00 PMRiverWalk Church of Christ - (225 N Waco) Use SW entrance door (door closest to theriver). Look for the Good Grief sign on the door. If the door is locked, please knock loudly.Room 106. Please call the facilitators for more information or to make your reservation.This group is for those who have suffered the loss of a loved one through suicide.Facilitators: Jim Yoder 316-727-0663 & Elaine Craft 316-706-7532If you or someone you know is in need of help, be sure to contact the National SuicidePrevention Lifeline at (800) 273-8255.SCHEDULE OFGood Grief NewsYou are welcome to attendany support group of your choice.It is normal to feel confused,forgetful, crazy, lost and alone,plus a wide range of otheremotions.It may not feel like it just now,but it does get better . . . let ushelp. Please commit to attendat least three times.The first two times may bedifficult but you will begin to feel adifference in your grieving as youare able to share about your lossand other issues that come alongat this time.You might want to visit severalgroups until you find the one youfeel most comfortable with.BAD WEATHER POLICYNo group meetingswill be held:Wichita:If the Emergency AccidentReporting Plan is in effect.Outside Wichita:Check with your facilitator.Never put yourself at risk. If you think thestreets are too dangerous to drive on,do not attend the meeting.OFFICE SUPPLY NEEDS:Envelopes:# 6¾ Security and #10 StdPastel Colored Paper - Cream:8½ x 11, 24 lbREGULAR SOCIALS:Thursdays: Lunch/Brunch at 10:00 AMSpears RestaurantCountry Breakfast Cafe4823 West MapleORHost/Hostess:Chuck and Beth Holdeman2804 S Seneca StreetHost/Hostess:John and Lois PardeeSaturdays: Breakfast at 10:00 AMSpears Restaurant4823 West MapleHostess: Janet Cook
Good Grief Newswww.goodgriefofkansas.org316-612-0700Page 3February 2016SunMon1TueWed324W.A.Y. GroupSurvivors of Suicide7:00 pmThuBrunch/Lunch 10 am985Sat6Breakfast 10 amSpears RestaurantSpears or Country CaféTLC Meeting - RWCC5:00 PMGroundhog Day7Fri10Survivors of Suicide7:00 pm11W.A.Y. Group1213Brunch/Lunch 10 amBreakfast 10 amSpears RestaurantSpears or Country CaféAshWednesday142115Survivors of Suicide7:00 pm16222317282918W.A.Y. Group24Survivors of Suicide7:00 pmW.A.Y. GroupLeapDay1920Breakfast 10 amSpears RestaurantSpears or Country Café2627Brunch/Lunch 10 amBreakfast 10 amSpears RestaurantSpears or Country Café32Survivors of Suicide7:00 pmBrunch/Lunch 10 am25W.A.Y. Group1Red Banquet6:00 pmBrunch/Lunch 10 amSpears or Country Café45Breakfast 10 amSpears RestaurantTLC Meeting - RWCC5:00 PMThe Circle of GrievingThe Circle of GrievingThe small circle was composed of ten strangers,Drawing closer as the words and moments elapsed.Our pain-filled hearts opened up to each other,The time of aloneness had miraculously passed.As we shared our tears and our fears together,What was, till then, just me, suddenly became “we”.Clumsily as first, the words tumbled out softly.We now felt compassion for others, not just for“me.”Realizing that our caring and our love did not die,We learned that others also suffer as we do.What a wonderful memorial to the ones we have lost.To reach out a caring hand to others in grief, too!By Mary Jane Cronin;Scottsdale, AZBereavement MagazineMay/June 1998
Page s for last month(s) totaled 715.00Good Grief NewsFebruaryTHANK YOU for your donation which makes it possible forGood Grief of Kansas to continue to serve the bereaved.JanuaryContributors:Memorial GiftsJudy BergAngel EvansDave BloirBy Robbie EvansBill CrowJanet CunninghamRob EvansDonna GarverMarge GlazierBeth GoldsbyRuth Gore TrteeIn Loving MemoryOtis JeffersonBy Sharon JeffersonMemorial tributes and giftsalways welcome.Note: For memorials with a specialremembrance date, submitinformation one month early fortimely publication.Chuck HoldemanSharon Kay JeffersonLove GiftsTed McMurphyJack NelsonJohn & Lois PardeeNorman RitterFred SilverNicole StoughCarmen SuterHarold SwartzlanderRodney WakeGil WootenBonnie WorkmanDillons Fundraiser Check 192.93At this time there are no duesor fees to belong to GoodGrief. However, your gift isvery important. We dependondonationsfromindividualsandorganizations to meet ourprogram expenses and tokeep the Good Grief officeopen. Please help make surethat others who need GoodGrief will hear the messagethat we can and will help themthrough their grief. Gifts maybe designated in honor ormemory of a special individualor occasion. We alsoappreciate monetary gifts tohelp with the expense ofproducing and mailing thisnewsletter.Eddie Glenn . 1Shirley Penner . 2Martha Sturgill . 2Leslie Bolte . 3Lindsay Cornish . 4Karon Mitchell . 4Jack Elder . 8April Sunderland . 9Rosie Hacker . 12Connie Ohler . 13Irene Crum . 15Peggy Grell . 16Pamela Jones . 17Emilie Howse . 18Diane Baughman-Chambers 19Debra Null . 19Betty McAnulty . 23Barbara Phillips . 23Sarah Samuels . 25Tami Spain . 25Marilyn Cokely . 27Myron Frick . 27Barb Seipel . 27
Good Grief Newswww.goodgriefofkansas.org316-612-0700Page 5A list of Grief LessonsThere’s a saying on posters, notecards and plaques that says, “All Ineed to know about life I learnedin kindergarten (or from my dog,etc.). I was thinking that all of uscould probably write quite a longlist if the title began: ALL I NEEDTO KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNEDFROM GRIEF.up and cause your nose andeyes to run — it’s almost aguarantee! Here are some things I’d have onthat list: Grieving people want to hearthe name of their specialsomeone mentioned — notjust for the first few weeks ormonths — for a lifetime!Before Greg died, I neverwould have guessed that.If you need a listener whenyou have things all bottled upinside, you have to asksomeone to help. If you waitfor friends to volunteer tolisten, you may be waiting along time. But if you dohappen to be blessed with agreat listener without everhaving to ask, give them anextra hug for me! They are,indeed, special!Grief temporarily robs yourbrain of the ability to thinkclearly or concentrate onreading or pay attention toother people’s conversations.It makes you feel like you’rebecoming senile — evenwhen you’re young. What arelief it is when someone tellsus it’s that way for everybodyand you really aren’t crazy!Don’t go out in public withouta Kleenex or handkerchiefbecause when you leastexpect it, grief is going to pop Whenever you accomplishany big chore on your own(learning to drive, changingthe storm windows, carryingin wood for the fireplace,baking one of his favoriterecipes, etc.) you want thebrass band to play! Onlyfellow survivors are able toappreciate the incredibleeffort even something smalltoo. If you find yourself going overand over regrets, get up,change your position or theroom you’re in or the deskwhereyou’resitting.Physically move somewhereelse for a little while to giveyour mind a change of pace.Whatever you do andwhatever route you take inhandling grief, someone,somewhere, sometime isgoing to tell you it wasn’tright. It wasn’t enough. It wastoo soon, too late, not deepenough, too obvious or toointense. But the only personyou have to please in thisheavy, hard process isyourself.The best saying I have foundsince Greg’s death is:Sometimes the Lord calms thestorm; sometimes He lets thestorm rage and calms hischild. I feel fortunate to beone of His children and I amhonored to say that as mystorm did rage, He did calmme. You are going to survive, evenwhen you don’t want to, andsomeday you will be amazedand even proud of that fact!Before Greg died, I wouldhave voted to commitsomeone who had this kind ofrocky thinking to the “Homefor the Bewildered,” but now Irealize it is really true.You will never get over thisloss of someone so special,but you will get used to it. Atfirst, I thought that soundedso cruel, but then I realizedthat I didn’t want to get overGreg’s death if that meant Iwould have to forget him orhow much it hurt to lose him.I am glad to now be able tosay that I am used to himbeing gone because I canbreathe normally, function inthe real world and still, at anygiven moment, instantlytransport my thoughts back tohim, his life, our lives togetherand how much he is missed.In the process of thisremembering, I am notoverwhelmed as I once wasWhew! The best part is thatGreg would agree that this isreally okay.So, what kind of list wouldyou have? I’m sure you couldadd lots of things to my list.By Carlene Vester EnerothSpokane, Washington
Page 6Good Grief Newswww.goodgriefofkansas.orgMysteryThe TV screen brings me a vivid story oflife, love, passion, sorrow. My head spinsas ideas tumble about. The story isforgotten as my mind fills with life’s joy,pain, loss, triumph. The raw emotions ofliving assault my consciousness. Why did Inot see this before as clearly as itpresents itself now?I have felt bits and pieces of it before. Butthey seemed mere intrusions into a lifeso occupied with the everyday. Did it takeher long suffering and the cold finality ofher death to rouse me from the everyday,so that the power of the very life she lostcould fill my empty spaces?Did it take the greatest sorrow of my lifeto bring forth the fullest realization ofwho I am, and where I fit in themagnificence of my total humanity?My tears of pain mix with those of joyuntil they become indistinct, runningfreely together in a tide that I do noteven try to stop. For the tears cleanseme, nourish me, leaving me with asoothing calmness. They remind me thatmy spirit is united with her and with all ofhumanity, past, present and future,secure in His perfect love, born in eachand every one of us, from all eternity.By Ronald Gries; Bloomfield Hills, MIBereavement Magazine May/June 2005316-612-0700Walk Amongthe StarsThere are no shadows on the world atnoon - There are no shadows on the heartwhen love is near - And yet, and yet asdaylight fades toward the dusk - Theshadows often lengthen - and sometimessadness comes stealing up from the placeof remembering - for sadness is but ashadow - a shadow that is fashioned fromlove’s bright sunlight upon a treasuredmemory —How varied are the shadows that restagainst the earth - soft and hazy in thesummer’s warmth - gray and sharplydefined upon the autumn hillside - starkand coldly blue against the winter’s snow gentle and ever so softly blurred with theeternal promise of spring’s returning.And sadness too is varied as it liesagainst the heart - tinged with awistfulness for one who is missed - acutewith anguish where the need is deep andconstant - bearable in the brightness ofthe sunshine - crushing the spirit in thelonely hours before the dawn —And in remembering that there could beno shadows if there had not been light - Iask myself, “Could spring’s fresh beautylift your heart so high had not darkbranches etched the winter sky?”By Winston O. AbbottBereavement Magazine March/April ‘99
Good Grief Newswww.goodgriefofkansas.orgI NeedI NeedI need you to be quietTo not fill the airWith your wordsAll the time.I need you to listenTo the silenceAs I do, to her what it saysAnd say nothing.just listen I need to know you’re sincereThat you can be depended uponTo keep your wordTo do what you say.I need you to ask meNot tell meWhat or howI should feel or think.I need to knowThat you will not runWhen it gets ugly or messyOr too uncomfortable.I need to know thatI still have a placeIn this worldThat has become so foreign,That you see meWho I amWhat I have to offerThat I am more thanWhat has happenedThat you are not afraidThat you cannot catch from meThe tangled webI am in.By Deb Kosmer, Oshkosh, WIBereavement Magazine Sept/Oct 2005316-612-0700Page 7DILLONS COMMUNITY REWARDSDillons Plus Card InstructionsStep 1: Go online to www.dillons.comStep 2: (If you already have an online accountplease go to instruction below.)Click on Community/then Community Rewards. Clickon Create Account, enter email address andpassword, select preferred store, then click oncreate account at the bottom of the page.Step 3: Add Dillons Plus Shoppers Card - Enter the12 digit number from the back of your Dillons PlusCard or alternate phone number and your lastname, then click on save.Step 4: This will bring up Account Summary page,scroll to bottom of page and at CommunityRewards, Click Edit button.Step 5: You will be asked your organization number enter 10192 or Goo to see organization name,select, then click on “enroll to complete yourenrollment”. You are done! Every time you use yourDillons card, your total ’s will be credited to GoodGrief of Kansas. Ask your friends & family to selectus too!Already have a Dillons Account?Step 1: Go online to www.dillons.comStep 2: Click on Community/then CommunityRewardsStep 3: Sign In - enter email and password, thenenroll now.Step 4: You will be asked your organization number enter 10192 or Goo to see organization name,select, then click on “enroll to complete yourenrollment”. You are done! Every time you use yourDillons card, your total ’s will be credited to GoodGrief of Kansas. Ask your friends & family to selectus too!If you have any problems, please call the Good Griefoffice and leave a message. More details may befound on the Good Grief website.I Want To Help Support Good Grief of KansasEnclosed is a memorial gift in memory of (Name)Enclosed is my tax-deductible gift in the amount of Enclosed is my monthly support of: 20 25 50 75 100 Send Memorial acknowledgment to:I would like more informationMy phone # is ()NameMy NameAddressAddressCity State, ZipCity, State, Zip
Good Grief NewsNON-PROFITORG.U.S. PostagePAIDWICHITA, KSPermit No. 426Good Grief of Kansas, Inc.2622 W Central - Suite 108Wichita KS 67203Good GriefRETURN SERVICE REQUESTEDof Kansas, Inc.SAVE THE DATEMemorial Walk FundraiserMay 7, 2016Red BanquetFebruary 136:00 PMSee insert for detailswww.goodgriefofkansas.orgProgram Outreach:Executive BoardTerry Stephens, PresidentRick Cline, Vice PresidentKelly Blades, SecretaryMary Evans, TreasurerBoard MembersMarilyn NicholsMerri ReedTed SwanProgram DirectorJanet CookFounderPhyllis L. Gadaire-SauerOffice ManagerDonna RhodesTrainers, Facilitators & Substitutes*Teresia Burnham*Nada Canfield *Susan Childs*Janet Cook*Elaine CraftThomas DownerJack ElderHelen Fieandt*Frankie Francel*Betty Kelley*Beth HoldemanFrank JarmerJohn PardeeLois Pardee
Feb 02, 2016 · 2622 W. Central - Suite 108, Wichita, KS 67203 316-612-0700 February 2016 Website: www.goodgriefofkansas.org Email: info@goodgriefofkansas.org Last year, constant pain defined the month of March. A strange tingling rash had m
