Transcription
SECRETS OFBETTER SEXJOEL D. BLOCK, PH.D.Parker Publishing
Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication DataSecrets of better sex / Joel D. Blockp. cm.ISBN 0-7865-8720-21. Sex. I. Title.HQ31.B567 1996306.7 - dc20 96-20806CIPAll rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form orby any means, without permission in writing from the publisher.ISBN 0-7865-8721-0Prentice-Hall International (UK) Limited, LondonPrentice-Hall of Australia Pty. Limited, SydneyPrentice-Hall Canada Inc., TorontoPrentice-Hall Hispanoamericana, S.A., MexicoPrentice-Hall of India Private Limited, New DelhiPrentice-Hall of Japan, Inc., ToykoSimon & Schuster Asia Pte. Ltd., SingaporeEditora Prentice-Hall do Brasil, Ltda., Rio de Janeiro
ContentsINTRODUCTIONAFTERPLAYxvii1Five Hints for Sex-Enhancing AfterplayAGING5Women’s Primary Concern About Sex and AgingMen’s Primary Concern About Sex and AgingFive Easy Ways of Boosting Sexual PowerANAL SEX9Seven Important Guidelines for Anal SexThree Alternatives to Anal IntercourseANATOMY, SEXUAL12How to Teach Him About Your GenitalsHow to Teach Her About Your GenitalsANXIETY, PERFORMANCE16Five Tips for Overcoming Performance AnxietyAPHRODISIACS19AROUSAL21The Step Beyond DesireWhy You - Or Your Partner - Aren’t Getting Excited AboutSex
When He Loses His Erection During LovemakingThe Four Keys to Male ArousalThe Four Keys to Female ArousalThe Secret to Increasing Arousal During LovemakingATTITUDES ABOUT SEX26The Thirteen Attitudes for Super SexAURAL AROUSAL, THE STIMULATION OF SOUND29Six Hints for Erotic ExpressionBISEXUALITY33BODY IMAGE AND SEXUALITY36How You Feel About Your Body Affects Your SexualityThe Top Five Female Body IssuesThe Top Five Male Body IssuesHow You Can Learn to Love Your BodyHow You Can Help Your Partner Learn to Love His or HerBodyBOREDOM, SEXUAL, OVERCOMING40Six Steps to Climbing Out of the Sexual Boredom RutBREASTS44Top Six (Nonmedical) Breast QuestionsCALENDAR, CREATING A ROMANTIC48CELIBACY, CREATIVE50Why Do Some People Choose to Be Celibate?
Should People Choose to Abstain from Sex?How Can People Handle Abstinence?Five Keys to Surviving a Sexual DroughtCHECKLIST, THE SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP54Twenty Questions About SexCLITORAL STIMULATION56How to Make Love to a ClitorisCOMMUNICATION60How Important Is Communication?Five Principles of CommunicationHow to Discuss the Touchiest Sexual IssuesThe Secret to Creating Positive Sexual ChangeSeven Nonverbal Ways to Let Your Partner Know What YouWantCOMPULSIVE SEXUAL BEHAVIOR66CONDOMS69The Shoppers’ GuideTen Most Often Asked Condom QuestionsCondom Play: How to Incorporate Condom Use Into LoveplayFemale CondomCONFLICT RESOLUTIONSix Steps for Conflict Resolution74
CUNNILINGUS76CYBERSEX77DESIRE79Six Tips for Handling Disparate Levels of DesireWhat Causes Loss of Desire?DIVORCE, IMPACT ON SEXUALITY84Ten Steps to Becoming Sexually Active After DivorceDYSFUNCTION, SEXUAL88EJACULATION89Premature EjaculationThree Techniques for Curing Premature EjaculationDelayed Ejacualtion or Male Orgasmic DisorderHow to Handle Male Orgasmic DisorderFemale EjaculationERECTION95Anatomy of an ErectionWhat Men Say About ErectionsFour Steps for Handling Your Erection DifficultiesFour Steps for Helping Him Handle His Erection DifficultiesEROTICATen of the Best Books and Videos Aimed at Women andCouples98
EXERCISE101EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS102Top Eight Reasons People Have AffairsTypes of AffairsFive Most Commonly Asked Questions About AffairsFANTASY, SEXUAL110What Fantasies Are and What They Are NotWhy They’re Good for You and When They’re NotTop Ten Sexual FantasiesShould You Share or Act Out Sexual Fantasies with YourPartner?FEAR, OVERCOMING118Five Fears to Overcome for Great SexFELLATIO120FETISHISM121FLIRTING123Five Rules of FlirtingFOREPLAY126Seven Tips for Hotter ForeplayFREQUENCY OF LOVEMAKING, AND HOW TO INCREASE129Six Sexual EnergizersG SPOTWhat Women Say About Their G Spots132
How to Stimulate Her G SpotGENDER ROLE EXPECTATIONS134Three Keys to Becoming a More Complete LoverGUILT, OVERCOMING137Three Suggestions for Overcoming GuiltHEALTH AND SEXUALITY139Four Health Steps for Enhancing SexualityHOMOSEXUALITY142Five Questions Most Often Asked by Heterosexuals AboutHomosexualityHORMONES145HOT SPOTS147Five Hot AreasHYSTERECTOMY, AFFECT ON SEXUALITY149What Happens to a Woman’s Sexuality Following aHysterectomyHow to Handle Post-Surgery Loss of LibidoILLNESS AND DISABILITY152Seven Steps to Restoring Sexual ResponsivenessIMPOTENCEFive Steps a Man Can Take to Restore Sexual FunctionFive Steps a Woman Can Take to Help Restore a Man’sSexual Functioning155
INFERTILITY159Five Ways to Make Sex Hotter While Trying to ConceiveINTERCOURSE161Seven Ways of Enhancing IntercourseINTIMACY164What Is Intimacy?How to Overcome His (or Your ) Fear of IntimacyJEALOUSY, SEXUAL167Five Steps to Defusing JealousyJOY BREAK171KEGELS175How to Exercise Your Love MusclesKINKY SEX178Five Most Common Forms of Kinky SexplayKISSING182Six Essential Kissing TipsLOVEBITES185Five Best Spots to LovebiteLOVEMAPSWhat Is a Lovemap?Three Steps for Creating a New and Positive Lovemap187
LUBRICATION190Four Steps to Take in Relieving Vaginal DrynessMARRIAGE, (AND/OR MONOGAMY) SPICING UP193Five Steps to Rekindling Marital (Monogamous) SexBeyond Bubble Baths and Lingerie: Twelve Less ObviousIdeas for Reviving a Tired Sex LifeMARRIAGE, OPEN197Essential Open Marriage QuestionsMARRIAGE, SEXLESS199Five Steps for Putting Sex Back in Your MarriageMASSAGE, EROTIC201Six Steps to an Erotic MassageMASTURBATION204Top Ten Questions About MasturbationMEDICATIONS, PRESCRIBED, SEXUAL EFFECT OF208Medication Action ListMENTAL HEALTH, EFFECT ON SEXUALITY211Five Steps to Shaking off the Sexual BlahsMENOPAUSE, EFFECT ON SEXUALITY215Eight Steps to Maintaining Sexual Responsiveness Duringand After MenopauseMENOPAUSE, MALETen Steps to Alleviating the Male Midlife Crisis218
MYTHS, SEXUAL221Top Ten Myths About SexNONCOITAL SEX223Five Ways of Having Sex Without PenetrationOVERCOMING OBSTACLES TO GOOD SEX, DAILY226Twenty Suggestions for Overcoming Daily Obstacles to SexORAL SEX230How to Get A Reluctant Partner to Give and Receive OralSexSix Steps for Performing CunnilingusThree Tips for Receiving CunnilingusSix Steps for Performing FellatioThree Tips for Receiving FellatioORGASMWhat Is An Orgasm?Male OrgasmFour Techniques for Delaying OrgasmFemale OrgasmHow Can A Woman Experience Orgasm During Intercourse?Behavior Traits of Easily Orgasmic WomenTheories About OrgasmSecret to the Simultaneous OrgasmMultiple OrgasmHow Women Can Experience Multiple Orgasms236
How Men Can Experience Multiple OrgasmsThe Perineum Halt: How She Can HelpExtragenital OrgasmSpontanious OrgasmWhole-Body OrgasmWhy Faked OrgasmsPAINFUL INTERCOURSE, DYSPAREUNIA250PARAPHILIAS253What Is a Paraphilia?What Causes Paraphilias?What Are the Treatments?PERFORMANCE ANXIETY256PEYRONIE’S DISEASE257PLAYING HARD TO GET259PORNOGRAPHY260POSITIONS, INTERCOURSE261Advantages, Disadvantages, and Variations of the Six BasicIntercourse PositionsPREGNANCYHow Does Pregnancy Affect Sexuality?How Does Childbirth Affect Sexuality?Five Rules for Lovemaking During Pregnancy and AfterChildbirth267
PREMENSTRUAL SYNDROME (PMS) AND SEXUALITY271Three Tips for Managing Cycles of DesirePROSTATE PROBLEMS AND SEXUALITY273Five Steps for Handling Prostate ProblemsQUICKIES276RECOVERY SEX277Five Steps to Recovery SexSexual Aftershock of AbortionTen Steps to Assist Healing and Restore SexualitySexual AbuseWhat to Do If You or Your Partner Has Been AbusedAlcohol and Drug Abuse’s Effect on SexualityRapeFive Steps to Helping Yourself (or Your Partner) BecomeFully Sexual AgainROMANCE287Six Ways to Keep (Or Put Back) the Romance in YourRelationshipSAFE SEX292Sex Activities in Ascending Order of RiskSEASONAL SEXUAL SLUMP294SECRETS, SEXUAL296Five Keys to Sharing Sexual Secrets
SENSUALITY299Five Exercises for Awakening SensualitySEX EDUCATION303Top Ten Questions Parents of Children and Teens Have AboutSexSEX THERAPY307Five Warning Signs Indicating Therapy is NeededSEX TOYS310Five Tips for Enhancing Couple’s Vibrator UseSEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES AND SEXUALITY313Top Five Questions People Have about STDsAIDSSMOKING, EFFECT ON SEXUALITY317TAOIST AND TANTRIC SEX, OR EASTERN SEXUALTECHNIQUES318Four Eastern Sex Techniques Any Couple Can UseTEENAGE SEX322Five Crucial Teen Sex GuidelinesTRUST325Trust ScaleWhat Your Answers MeanVAGINISMUSEight Steps for Curing Vaginismus332
WET DREAMS335ZIPLESS SEX OR QUICKIES336Five Golden Rules of Quickies
IntroductionDo you want a richer, fuller, more intensely pleasurable and rewardingsex life?That’s rather like asking if you would object to inheriting a fewmillion dollars, no strings attached and the taxes prepaid. Almosteveryone wants better sex. Even if it’s good, we want it to be better.More frequent. More varied. Longer lasting. Sexual passion has thepower to lift our spirits unlike any other feeling, just as sexual frustration can dampen our spirits unlike any other experience. We valuesex that highly.This book is designed to help individuals and couples enhance theirsexual pleasure. Admittedly, a lot of books have that goal. The numberof books, instructional videos, and magazine articles about sex showshow much people want and seek sexual help. How is this one different?In Secrets of Better Sex, I have gone beyond vague advice to giveconcise prescriptions for solving problems and/or improving thequality of your lovemaking in particular ways. Under each entry, youwill find a definition, an anecdote illustrating the definition or commentary from people about this area of sexuality, and a prescription.In simple steps, you will learn how to delay male ejaculation, increasefemale arousal, talk to your partner about the touchiest issues, performvirtuoso oral sex, and much, much more.The contents are organized alphabetically and cross-referenced toinformation on related topics. This is a book meant to be kept on yourbedroom bookshelf and referred to again and again as your needschange and new questions arise. Today you might be concerned withdating and safe-sex issues and five years from now with overcomingthe daily obstacles of children, jobs, and stress to have good sex.The prescriptions, though quickly read and easily followed, canbring about a radical change in your sex life. Often the differencebetween an adequate lover and a good one is a small amount of newxvii
SECRETS OF BETTER SEXinformation, a little shift in attitude, and the learning of one or twonew moves. No matter how old you may be or how inexperienced inthe art of lovemaking, you can learn and change and master thosetechniques.It’s hoped that the entries will be shared with your partner. Sometimes they may be the catalyst for talking about a sexual issue. Asimportant as sex is in our lives, most of us have trouble talking openlyabout it with mates and lovers, even with doctors and other professionals. In some cases, the information presented here will inspireyou to further study of Eastern lovemaking techniques, cybersex,health-related issues, or other interests.Whatever your age, health, or marital status, you can have bettersex. Obstacles can be overcome. Problems have solutions. And youdeserve sexual pleasure.xviii
Afterplay“Afterplay” describes whatever a couple does immediately followinglovemaking, most often cuddling, caressing, and sharing intimatethoughts. This experience may last no more than a few minutes beforethe partners go to sleep or get out of bed, but it is important to bothmen and women. People are more vulnerable to each other after sexthan they are at other times. Tender and affectionate afterplay is oneof the keys to improving a sexual relationship.When a couple has experienced difficulty during sex, they oftenfeel uneasy with each other afterward. Embarrassed or afraid to talkabout what happened, or didn’t happen, they pull away from eachother, both physically and emotionally. Other couples may use thetime after good sex to ask favors of each other or work out a nonsexu1
SECRETS OF BETTER SEXal issue between them. Afraid of postcoital vulnerability, some men and some women, too - turn on the television or get up and fixsomething to eat or roll over and go to sleep immediately after orgasm.They are wasting a good opportunity to enhance the intimate bond.Take advantage of those minutes following sex. Stay close. Cuddleand caress and whisper secrets like naughty children - and see whata difference that time makes in your life.2
AFTERPLAYEXAMPLE“I know mine is the familiar wifely complaint,” Nancy said. “Aftersex, my husband jumps out of bed, cleans himself, and then eithercomes back to bed and falls right to sleep or turns on the televisionand gets absorbed in Leno or Letterman. On Saturday night, he offersto fix us a snack. The sex is good, but I want a little cuddling afterward. I want him to hold me and say tender things. Why can’t he dothat?”Nancy’s husband, Joe, was also satisfied with their sex life. Hisonly complaint about her was that she didn’t understand his need forspace afterward.“My skin gets so sensitive after I come,” he said. “I don’t like to betouched. Nancy feels like I’m rejecting her in some way, but I’m not.”Joe’s hypersensitivity following orgasm struck her as “an excusefor avoiding intimacy.” He swore it wasn’t. When he understood howimportant afterplay was to her, they reached a compromise. When hecame back to bed after using the bathroom, he promised, he wouldn’tturn on the television or fall asleep for at least ten minutes. Duringthat time, he would hold Nancy; and she in turn promised shewouldn’t use those intimate moments to say things he didn’t want tohear, such as reminding him he wasn’t doing his share of the household chores. To his surprise, he liked the cuddling. Now afterplay isimportant to both of them.They’ve also learned more about each other’s sexual desires andfantasies by exch
In Secrets of Better Sex, I have gone beyond vague advice to give concise prescriptions for solving problems and/or improving the quality of your lovemaking in particular ways. Under each entry, you will find a definition, an anecdote illustrating the definition or com mentary from people about this area of sexuality, and a prescription. In simple steps, you will learn how to delay male .File Size: 1MBPage Count: 358
