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Some producer has just discovered another decade! What else? The 1960’s!Okay, all you nostalgic 12-year-olds out there, it’s time now to go back to the“Soaring Sixties” and reminisce over your glorious past—just a few minutesago. So bring out the banners, fall into line, and get ready to march in one moreparade down “Memory Lane, U.S.A.”.while we here at MAD start tossingGONTEUGI(daWell,guys?Whatdoyouwantort thought you cs Ifhad to cram for thought I'd get somewheels, do some cruisin’an EXAM tomorrow! } graduated!forsixorseven hous,— — EEEESThese California pick up some babes, make That IS cramming,schoolsMan! That's what out, and then maybe grabare reallythe exam’s gonnaa chili dog and somebe all about!pizza for breakfast!I'm gonna miss you, Borey! And I'mgonna miss the town . and LosA Angeles .and the Lawrence WelkPO Building . . and Forest Lawn Cemetery, where you can get marriedand buried in the same place.Jand drive-in restaurants . and—Here's yourorder, folks!DHey, how comeyou're servingburgers onroller skatesyOkay, guys!Let's hopin ourwheels andcruisedown MainStreet andup Elm!I'm not sure I'mgonna like theEast, Borey .ARTIST:MORT DRUCKERWRITERLARRY SIEGELHold it! We do thatEVERY night! Steed-—What wouldyou like todo, Squirt!and l-are leaving forLet's cruisecollege tomorrow! UP Mainthought that tonightStreet andNerd Galebrate‘and dosomething DIFFERENT! {al DOWN Elm!

Do you fag We've been through thisBorey, I'm crazyYes, thatabout you! Andbefore! Even if didn'treally.flunk Surfing, just , ffwhen graduate, Jmakes sense!havetoAfter all,we're gonna getgo? Are [gm don't have the averagewe're somarried! But,to get into UCLA!B you surévery muchsince I'm gonna discussed all thatyouin love,be gone for fourwith my Grade Advisor!canttnothing canyears, thinkget into faffect ourwe should see:&ucts,relationship!other people!Steed? [fj Dean Martin know!Then youreallythinkit'sokayto seeotherpeople?———ROCK ROCK ROCK WA WA WA ROCKHi, Cats! This is your favorite Deejay, WerewolfWally, on Station K.L.O.P.,the cultural voiceof Southern California, which keeps you abreastof everything important in this Post-Atomic Age!Hey, Gang! Guess what? Chubby Checker just cutnew single, “Twistin’ On Your Teenage GraveWell, so much for the world and national news!" knew nothin’ about life )unti! HE came along!That was Freddie Feh andThe Stinkpots with theirFOCEIN n COLIN,SOITrenditioof TheCanadianNational Anthem! And this,of course, is WerewolfWally, who sees everything.-. and knows everything!Hi! Where yougoin’, Yawn?V'm goin'2!?Down Main andup Elm, thendown Main andary,p Stop whimpering, { 81 That was her! That was .schmuck! She justthe chick in the white 4 made aleftStreeturnt!T-Bird! don't knowwho she is, but knowI love her! Hey! Wheredid she go? must seeher again! MUST!onto OakSnThanks, Werewolf!You really DOknow everything!aI can't standit anymore!Always downMain and upElm! I'm gonna \ make a rightYou'd falloff the edgeof the worldand be eatenby dragons!turn on MapleThat's stupid!Yeah, butWerewolfWally saysCalifornia«.-JUST — [fF] columbus saidONCE! Whatthe world iscould happen?you wants toride with me?NJump out at theH next light, Baby,and hop into mycar! Okay, Baby?

just putting you on!really AREpene Kczememmmam pemmesss]—Hey! Anyone ever — You—yous intell you that youlook like a blondeAnnette Funicello?aatl. MI] Okay! ButFrankieAvalon!— Married?!But, howcan weafford it?Where canHigh Schoolkids getmakeitget rid of thatdumbMouseketeerhat!—'Well, so muchfor THATrelationship!The same place weget money to payfor all these carsand the gas theyburn and the tires[im they wear out and— — Let's drop thesubject and goover to the Gymfor the big dance!Iwas doing soSmart Aleck, thatright now I'm inTRAINING PANTS!Look, promiseyou that nothing §pat?! Thoseare myREAL EARS!Oh, darn! AndYOU know! Itso happens, Mr.Mouseketeer) first. Really? Youlook like realize I'm young,in years, but I'vebeen around, and I'mready to assert myselfas a vibrant, sexuallymature young woman!Neat!Hopc12iapers? Not really! wasis goingto happen to you!:{One o'clock . . . Two o'clock- Three o'clock Rock . .5‘sais:ssee :ainIhear you get thetalkinhell outof here!

song that wasS Number One onthe charts allYeah! How come wenever kissed until. Rock Rock Rock got YOU in my teenage heartAnd ROCKS in my teenage head!aour fourth date?Let's dance and reminisce .Look at them!Isn't that theWhat's thematter?most ridiculous }\ Didn't youever seeteenagers danced withmy wife fortwo years andnever evenMET her until each other! before?Ifyou must know, it’s Automuch idolize Racing! Zooming along at 200miles an hour. . . screechingyou! Tell me,what's yourme with myMath homework?;TOUCHINGin LOVEDon't say that!You know howiaround the turns at 150.passing all the other cars,with the roar of the crowdpounding in my ears.{our WeddingSpeedwayhHow come younever asked me?Wow, it’s fun cruisin’Did you fo Gee. . . whatwith you, Yawn! You're [jm get hurt? ] happened?such a neat driver! Did you ever have aI gotaBy mistake,serious accident?severelopened thefe]pain in [P cardoor and [7%[ieYeah, tonight! the neck! — let YOU in!brand newcar thatThere's a "58 Pontiac thatF,we were too shy!Wanna see some cars that' tried to race me and lost?peindianapolotiiI dunno! guesswound up around a tree.and a '60 Olds that endedup against a pole . anda"57 Chevy that got creamed! i] just came

Gee, thanks!Would youthis hasbeen, huhand try theSee-Saws?meeeIt's almost morning, Steed!You'll be leaving! can’tbear it! Stay! Please stay!How much excitementcan one girl take?!I'm thirsty! Howiabout some booze?how old was! When told him was16, he chewed me out and said was.ashamed of myself. . and who everheard of akid my age drinking booze! jj instead!2) /7Good night, Brat!And good riddance!I had a wonderfultime tonight, Yawn!And I'm learning alot about life!Tomorrow . . . we'llhave even more fun!Gee, reallyhad agreattimejf}Drive,peshell!Are you crazy? guyAre you crazy? wouldn't takeI didn't try[to rape you!you out tomor—Gee, I'd hateto tell thePolice youtried to rapeme tonight!That's why I'dhate to tellDID! Pick meup at seven .» That was Cruddand the Doo-Doos, withLet's fly!the theme song from The Apu Trilogy.then flapyour arms! Hesold metoo young . . and that ought to bebuy us a botthOkay! won't go! I'll stayhere and marry you, Borey!SO MnEE\'m afraid not! When told the guy!P Nappened?wanted to buy some booze, he asked me [ No sweat! I'll goYou WILL?!? Oh, can’tbelieve it! My love.my angel . .my darling— OH, BABY!YEAH.5.fR about4 life!!- and this isWerewolf Wally!The night's almost over, and stillWhy, of course!T-Bird! don’t know what to do! Ifthere was only someone could turnsomeone who could help me.If HE can’thelp me, thenhaven't found the chick in the whiteNOBODY can!!—

Hold it! Le'me do Okay, Mathis time check! That’s ovWerewolf, got this c— Now. is iWe'llfan, andlolized‘on the wall thatin this town putand the big handnative intelligencethan all the peopletogether! Anyway.there's this chick—Looks like everybody's gotsomebody, except me! Oh,well, that’s life! guessI'll never find the onlygirl ever really loved!having aWally marriedusin theBowling Alley!of Wedding:the little hand problem. 7is on the four— - Yeah! Werewolfbeautiful,Squirt!The kindwhatproblem, and needWell, Cats! Isee were youyour advice! Everyone by the ol’ clock saying aboutsays you've got moreSs alwaysway, how 2 teenager [7] wanted a .was your dreamsreligiousceremony!ison the six!mTpMHoly Cow! can’t believeit! It's HER! It's thechick in the whiteT-Bird! I'd recognizethat car ANYWHERE!!The hell with theplane . . . and the hell with college!Everything I wantis right HERE!Send outWeddingInvitations!I've got so manythings todo.Have my EYES ge Never mind! ge Let's forget it! thought !I'm sorry! —examined!loved you! MHYou— you had mefooled! Listen,Did you wantwhat's with theI say! Aresomething,you daft?!?ol’ chap?LONG HAIR?You may not believe this, but rather soon, ALL youchaps will be wearing yourhair LONG like this! Oh,it will be quitethe rage!You see, am the drummer ofwhat is now a rather obscureEnglish Rock Group! But wewill have quite an influenceon the rest of the 60's!ufPerhaps youhave heard ofus already?

SITE SAVER DEPT.THE HISTORIC LANDMARKARTIST & WRITER: SERGIO ARAGONES

PATRONSOF THE niwenMAB "iat one timeor anothEveryonnanother, whether bu: iMe e gamblesRECESSiiMatin: tH - ren sega the odds are against it hate wankat}inmind,it’s onlm: cpt Pierealizes that there’s a aenaperesents.waiting for a publication like the one MAD ae sesoma ae, justTHE BETTOR’iiCO]“MAN OF THEGAMBLER’SYEAR" STATES:HMAN" GAMBLED ON ERLIC st!"LoAND HALDEMAN—ANDhIler RevealsA Compulsive GangmbGave Him AnHow His GambliA Year:Extra Five ‘ThousandLEFT ME!”“MY WIFE & KIDSesiest Delivers‘A Famous PrAn Inspirational MessYagOe:“pUT GOD OANCE!” URFREE SPsang InExposé! A Look At ssGambOflifices:Legitimate Busine“FOOTBALL POOLS,CHECAHTARIINTGYRAFFLES.A.ND H YOURON YOUR WIFE WITARY”PRIVATE SECRET‘A Las Vegas Winner InTevellsts meHontwHe Ran Up A 9.0050,000.00:Into Over 2DNA,NUG"ATHGUO«1 B1 HELDUPAGameGASINO!”ARTIST: JACK DAVIS.WRITER:STAN HART15

Gambler MagazineGamblerCLASSIFIED ADSPERSONALLady J. please come home. All is forgiven. I've been waiting two weeks atAqueduct for you to cross the finishline. I won't hit you. Promise. —Danny, your trainer.To my wife: Just because you ranoff with the money, the car, and theTV set before I could lose them allgambling, don't think I've changedmy feelings about you, I still hateyou! — EM.aDownGAMBLER MAGAZINE is published come the 7th, come the 11thprises. The Magazine originally was published by TIME-LIFE,won it from Henry Luce in a pinochle game (a 450 spader didunsolicited articles being returned to the sender, even whenPayment for the articles that are used in GAMBLER will beof each month by Baccarat EnterInc., but the present publisherthe trick!). The odds are againstaccompanied by return postage.considered, but don't bet on it!Dear SwiftyLetters from BettorsBUSINESS OPPORTUNITIESon your luck?PhoneLuckyGuerriero! I have all the answers toyourgamblingproblemsandcanhelp you hit it big! Just call 5550543 (It’s a candy store. They'll yellup to me).If you have a dollar bill that has anyone of these numbers on it, you havea winner! The numbers are (writethem down): 8, 4, 2, 9, 3, 1, 5, 7, 0,or 6. If you have such a bill in yourpossession, send it to Breonard Lenner, PO Box #7, Beard, N.J. In return I will send you a mimeographedsheet telling you how to make a lotof money conning suckers.‘DUT OF BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIESto kick the gambling habit. It's aproven system that has worked forthousands. Our new building opensin July (if our 5 horse parlay comesin). Losers Anonymous, Upthecreek,Mich.FASHIONSDEAR SWIFTY: I am having very badluck lately. I've lost on everything I’vebet—football, track, dice and trombonebasketball, football, horses or dogs. Allsolos, I ask myelf, “Am I a born loser?”That's why the only sport I ever bet on isI don’t know. The other day, I said, “I'llbet Swifty could tell me!” How about it?W.G. Manhattangambler. My friendsare disgusted withme and won't even talk to me anymore.AMUSEMENTSgetting into the truck now.) I need advice, please, please, please!SSTake a FUN break! Fool and amuseyour friends. How about a real-looking rubber dagger to stick in yourthroat when you lose a tight one atpoker? Or a whoople cushion thatsends the other card players scurrying out of the room(so you can geta fast peek at their hands)?Gollygee, what a good time you can have.Send for free brochure to: LawrenceSiegel's FUN STATION, ThermalCenter, CalifNew! Toilets made fun! Instead ofthe dull old lock mechanism on yourhome toilet, install our new “SlotMachine Pay Toilet” device. If theplayer wins, the door opens as apayoff! Winners will double up withlaughter, and losers will double upwith discomfort. Think of the funyou'll have . . . especially whenhave to go yourself! Slot MachineToidy, Inc. Missula, Mont.Dear W.G. You lose!SWIFTY:I ama compulsiveMy business is ruined, I've lost my houseand car, and my wife is running off witha career sanitation man. (I can see them.M. Hewlett, N.Y.Dear N.M. What's the problem? If youcan't be specific, don't expect me to helpyou, creep. ain't no mind reader!DEAR SWIFTY: I was playing pokerlast night with my gang. One guy hasthree of a kind, another a straight, an-other a flush and I had two pair. Whoshould have won?].DF. Jersey GiDear J.D.F, Don't bother me with trivialquestions, just tell me when and where'sthe next game, and could you use a fifthhand?DEAR SWIFTY:a tip. Neverbet onbaseball,these “so-called” sports are fixed. Iknow!professional wrestling.L.S. Barstow, Calif.Dear L.S. Don't bet too much on profes-sional wrestling or you might lose yourstraight jacket, moron!Remodel your new suit to look outof style. Our custom tailors specialize in making you look broke, orjust barely hanging in. Great whenyou visit your bookie or creditors.Greater when you finally do make akilling and don’t want anyone toknow it! Jonas Aarons, Suitmakersto the Stars, 2450 Broadway, NorthPerfecta, Md.DEARreadersI'd lito give yourDEARSWIFTY:HowcanI makemoney gambling in the stock market?A.F.N.Y.C.Dear A.F. Sell short when the market isweak and buy long when the market isstrong.DEARSWIETY:Thanks, but 1 don’tunderstand what selling short and buying long means.A.F,N.Y.C.Dear Pesty A.F. Selling short is whenyou borrow stock, sell it, and contract toreplace it at a later date. If the stockgoes down, the contract price, beinghigher means that you make the differ-ence. However, if the market. EDITOR'S NOTE: Unfortunately, Swifty wasnot able to finish. We regretfully inform‘our readers that Swifty died while working on the answer. The coroner’s reportindicates that Swifty bored himself todeath. Please omit flowers, but place abet in Swifty’s name on the third race atAqueduct. (He would have wanted it that way.)

GAMBLER MAGAZINE'S MAN-OF-THE-MONTH.This Issue Your Editors Choose To Spend.Morn To Night With IRVING BRIGHT!Irving greets the dawn withthe hope that today will behis big day. His modestlywasdecfurnished apartmentorated from track winnings.2SsIrving likes to keep informed about bothdomestic and foreign affairs. That's whyhe reads the racing forms from BelmontPark in New York and Caliente Track inMexico. “Knowledge is Power" ishis motto.oteNSIrving leaving his mother's house af ter an unsuccessful negotiation for asmall loan. It seems his mother neverquite forgave Irving for pawning hisfather's crutches. Irving's comment:"You know how fussy old people are!”Irving's sure-thing started a dead last,then tapered off. But he's positive he'llmake it up on the next race. Irv has asystem no one else knows, mainly becausethey won't listen to him tell about itIrving has, from time to time, borrowedmoney from the syndicate, The trouble is,the mob wants its money back. Irving’spromise that if they'll forget it, theywillseembehis verybestfriendsdoesn’tto impress them favorably at all.After the business discussionwith the syndicate, has Irvinglearned his lesson? We wonder.There's a good chance that whenhe gets out he'll go straight* —straight on out to the track!

LOU THE LEBANESE SETS THE LINE ON EVERYDAY OCCURRENCESa:izIt's 9 to 5 that somebodyyoudon't want to see will spot youas you sneak into a porno movie.fitIt's 3 to 2 that a friend who’sIt's 5 to 2 that Ed McMahon ison a diet will tell you whatduring the show after he’s beenhumiliated by MC Johnny Carson.even money you can’t stay awakeall through the whole number!)togoinglaughat leasttwicehe has had for every meal. (It’saAIt's 4 toEas? rip down no matter how hard youmandoctortrytake your set back to the shop.it straightwill.It's even money that when yourriptoenailSSFZIt's 8 to 1 that the TV repair-to1 yourNacross.willtellyouhehastohe willtestsyouactuallyforahernia,give youone,

AnAct Of GodSolved MyGamblingProblemsby “Also-Ran” RabinowitzI have to tell you straight out, I am not a religious man. At least I wasn’t until two months agowhen it happened. I was losing constantly. Youname the sport, game or pastime—I bet and lost.My whole life was coming apart, 1 owed money toeveryone, I would hide when someone was at thedoor, afraid it might be the bill collector coming torepossess my cardigan sweater.I decided on one last big play. I took my life-long savings and headed for the bookie joint to putit all on a lottery number. As I was walking, Ilooked up and noticed a new building. They werejust putting up the building address. it was 8888!Now that might not seem like something to getexcited about to you, but the winning numbers forthe past four days had been 4444, 5555, 6666 andyesterday it was 7777!! What a hunch!! That wasthe number to play! A sure winner!As I stepped off the curb to cross the street, acar raced out of control and hit me, dragging me45 feet, right to the emergency ward of the hospital. Luckily, some civic minded pedestrian got thelicense plate of the hit-and-run driver.The next morning when I came out of the anesthetic, I looked in the newspaper and I wasstunned. Number 8888 did not win!! If it hadn’tbeen for my accident, I would have bet all my money and lost! The winning number actually was6703, which curiously enough was the same number as the license plate of the car that hit me.Well, I really learned my lesson.So from now on, if you see me crossing thestreet against.the lights, don’t try and stop me. I’mlooking for the right license plate to play. To dateI’ve had 14 winners and 63 operations. And let metell you something, If only I had (Continued pg. 98)

AMERICA’S No.1GAMBLING PLACE?IT’S AS NEARAS YOUR LOCALPHONE BOOTH!HOT TIPSby Tony the TurkOH YEAH DEPT. The U.S. Weather Bureau predicts 9 inches of rainnext month for the State of Washington. I say, “Bull!” And I'm willingto back it up! Are they? Put your money where your mouth is, U.S.Weather Bureau! .CONGRATS DEPT. For Louis Fink whose wifegave birth to an 8 Ib., 14 oz. baby last month. Louis doesn’t know if it’sa boy or a girl, stating “Who cares? The main thing is I came closestto guessing the thing’s weight and won a quick 50 in the office pool!”BOOMERANG DEPT. It's back

senp Me: L) MAD MONSTROSITIES BOOKS CHECKED BELOW (The Bedside MAD (1 Good 'n' MAD (Cy DAVE BERG Modern Thinking ) Son of MAD (Hopping MAD (7) DAVE BERG Our Sick World (The Organization MAD 5 'The Portable MAD (Cy DAVE BERG Looks at Living (CD Like MAD. C)MAD Power CThe All-New SPY vs, SPY (The Ides of MAD. Fh The Dirty Old MAD.