Transcription
SPECIAL “JUNE-GROOM” ISSUEJuly‘66No.104
FOR A WILD NEW SOUND-. Listen toALFRED E.NEUMANVOCALIZE“IT'S ARNSGAS!”RECORD33% R.P.M.OneVOC,RECORDEUALFRED a NEUMAN Notick Music, Inc. Ross Jungnickel, Inc.On THISera‘A COLLECTION OF HUMOR, SATIREAND GARBAGE FROM PAST ISSUESYou get it asain this latestMAD ANNUALWhichalso contains articles,ad satires and other garbage— the best from past issues!PLUS A SPECIAL FREE BONUS WITH A WILD NEW aALFRED E.NEUMAN VOCALIZESONAREAL33),RPMRECORD0 NS A L EN 0 WRush out and buy a copy!It’s a “Sound Investment”!
N H ULTERIORMOTIVESPG.4“There's one thing we know for sure about the speed of light:It gets here too early in the morning!’"—Alfred E. NeumanWILLIAM M. GAINES publisherVITALALBERT B. FELDSTEIN editorJOHN PUTNAM art director LEONARD BRENNER productionJERRY DE FUCCIO, NICK MEGLIN associate editorsMARTIN J. SCHEIMAN lawsuits RICHARD BERNSTEIN publicityGLORIA ORLANDO, CELIA MORELLI, RICHARD GRILLO subscrphonsCONTRIBUTING ARTISTS AND WRITERSthe usual gang of idiotsFUTUREWIT ANDWISDOMBOOKSDEPARTMENTSBERG’S-EYE VIEW DEPARTMENTThe Lighter Side Of High School .0000seeeeeeee 28DON MARTIN DEPARTMENTIn The HospitalLater On In The Hospital .Still Later On In The Hospital .FUNNY-BONE-HEADS DEPARTMENTFuture Wit And Wisdom Books .3.060-s0000eeseeee 10HIGHWAY RIBBERY DEPARTMENTRoad Signs We'd Really Like To SeeMAD VISITSTHE AMERICANMEDIOCRITYACADEMYPG. 21INSTITUTION FOR THE CRIMINALLY INANE DEPARTMENTMAD Visits The American Mediocrity Academy . 21LETTERS DEPARTMENTRandom Samplings Of Reader Mail .0.02.005 2LICKING THE PROBLEM DEPARTMENTPostage Stamp Advertising .00.ecceeeeesees 34MARGINAL THINKING DEPARTMENTMIXINGPOLITICSWITHCAREERSPG. 14Drawn-Out Dramas . .MICROFOLK DEPARTMENTAnother MAD Peek Through The MicroscopeMISS-TAKE-A-LETTER DEPARTMENT. 8AMAD Look At The Voice Typewriter .0.000eeeees37ONE-TWO-THREE-FORMULA DEPARTMENTStereotype-Casting By The Numbers . nislecsieieieoslatens 18PARTY POOPERS DEPARTMENTThe Dangers Of Mixing Personal Politics With Careers . 14RHYME WITH A VIEW DEPARTMENTA MAD Portfolio Of Shapely VerseRUNNING COMMENTARY DEPARTMENTTHE LIGHTERSIDE OFHIGHTrack And Field Foto-Plays. 005 .000.00.cienvscue cece 40SCIENCE AFFLICTION DEPARTMENTLoused Up In Space (A MAD TV Satire) . PERSO OOMOSE: 43UNDERHAND PITCH DEPARTMENTAdvertising Campaigns With Ulterior Motives .4 4**Various Places Around The MagazineMAD—July 1968 Vol. 1, Ni ber 104, is publish monthly except February, May, Auavst ond Novem,ber, by E.C. Public, at 850 Thirdot New York, N.In the7 issues 2.50 or 21 issuetents copyright 1966 byunsolicited manuscripts end request all manuscriptsenvelope. The names of characters used in all MAIwithout satiric purpese to aliving person is a coinciLOUSED UPIN SPACE(AMADTV SATIRE)PG. 43
HEY, GANG!LETTERS DEPT.THE NATIONALIf you can’t get to see ourHIT “OFF BROADWAY” REVIEW“THE MAD SHOW”(Or even if you have seen it!)you can listen to it on thisNEW COLUMBIA RECORD RELEASE!it'llfractureyou!PERSPIRERThumbs DownI was surprised to see your satire(?),“The National Perspirer” (#102). I wasalways under the impression that youwrote about situations in our society thatdemanded, so to speak, a close look withhumorously raised eyebrows. A look incidentally, thar usually demonstrated bothinsight and talent. Sensational newspaperslike "The National Enquirer”shave noe as far as my look goes. They seemBUBBY LAKE MISSED"Bubby Lake Missed” was a movie satire that I feel to be unequalled by allyour others. I would like to extol StanHart for his estimable story, and commend Mort Drucker for his astoundinglikenessesClaudia BenditBrooklyn, N.Y.I just read “Bubby Lake Missed—By AMile!” I usually don't like your moviesatires, but couldn't help laughing atthis one. MAD is the top humor magazinein the nation! Keep up the good work!Lee HendrySavannah, Ga.I just finished reading “Bubby LakeMissed” and I thought it stunk! Ir was theworst satire I've ever read in your creative magazine.Linda WeinsteinLosoe Califto cater to a certain type of shock newsthat no amount of humor, wit or satirecould comment upon, not even yours.Joanne MarquisHollywood, Calif.Not only was it degrading for you toeven think of satirizing what is obviouslythe lowest form of print now offered tothe U.S. public, butyour handling of icwas equally deprecating for your reputa-tion. I will defend to the last your rightto caricature reality; but I will never ac-ceo anything which, on the pretext ofing me laugh at myself, repels me instead by overstepping the bounds of goodtaste, especially when those bounds havebeen so clearly defined by you in the past.Leonard ShelhamerUniversity of PennsylvaniaPhiladelphia, Pa.Your satire on the "Perspirer" was inextremely poor taste, and far below thefine standards MAD articles have supported in the past. In “over-emphasizing"Ww soa Revuethe trashiness of sensational newspapers,you commit the very same "sin" in your28 TaNadsepresentation that they commitJanice Kaplanin theirs.University of Washington,Seattle, Washington"The National Perspirer” read like“Justine” by De Sade. The newspaper youwere satirizing is disgusting, crue, butwhy publicize it?Elan LeamanON SALE NOW!WHEREVER RECORDS ARE SOLDMort Drucker has got to be the mosteffective cartoonist in America today. Thefacial expressions he captures with penand ink are nothing but a panic. There isnever any doubt in the reader's mind as tothe identity of his subjects. He is, to saythe least, a very talented guy.John A. WernerPittsburgh, Penna.THE ONLY-CATCH22Yep, catch 22 people buying these full-color portraitsoi Alfred E. Neuman, MAD's “What—Me Worry?” kid, at25 (or 3 for 506), and you will have caught our wholeyear’s sale. So if you'd like to make it 23, mail yourmoney to: MAD, 850 Third Avenue, New York, N. Y. 10022‘And have you ever wondered what happens to all the news that’s not fit to printin the “New York Times” OR “The National Enquirer,” for that matter? It's allgathered up in a rag called MAD!Wm. SloaneCarlisle,Pa.EXERCISE YOU NEED DO TO HAVE ATWENTY-SIX INCH WASTEIS TO CUT OUT THE COUPON AT THE RIGHT AND ORDERA Complete225hSanta Barbara, Calif.chaoPAPERBACKsimma)Collection26 Inches!Of TheBOOKS
THE NATIONALLIFETIME-PEOPLEPERSPIRERThumbs UpI just finished reading your Februaryissue. While it was, as usual, light readingand funny, your "National Perspirer” wasperfectly ingenious—some of the best satire I've ever read. I just hope you areready for the barrage of letters you aregoing to get, People are going to tear youapart because they'll probably think thethings you printed were in bad taste.‘What they may not realize, though, is thatsuch a piece of filth is actually published,distributed and read avidly. Your criticizers will be directing their letters to thewrong people. Your article was writtenin the true tradition of good satire, andby calling attention to this smut throughsatire, has performed a service.Mrs. John MaherElmhurst, N. Y.Congratulations and thanks a millionfor your “National Perspirer" satire. Thatweekly assault on good taste and publicdecency, with its cover headlines aboutinfants murdered by demented parents innovel ways, or freaks, or what-haye-you,has needed’a good pasting for years andrichly deserved it. You rose to the occasion admirably.Peter ShawColumbia UniversityNew York CityI have been waiting for someone toattack that crop of newspapers designedfor the sick and sadistic. Your satireproved to be far more effective than“Bact Magazine's” blast at "The Enquirer.”Martin GdanskiNew York CityYour satire, “The Perspirer,” was superbly “gross"—yet it could never compare with the wretchedly coarse and vulgar material it was meant to satirize.Gardenias, and a can of spray deodorantto MAD's Larry Siegel and Al Jaffee.Stan DubrocaMetairie, La.It's about time someoneexposed thatthoroughly disgusting newspaper! Nowif someonewouldonly exposeMADMagazine, the entire field of Journalismmight be cleaned up.Robert ShureBayside, N.Y.MAD850ThirdAvenue,SEND- Mainly because just tossed herDELAYEDsubserpton copy through the window!REACTIONSometimes I read MAD without toomuch response. Then, maybe a weeklater, I'll reflect on some particle of yourmagazine and bust out laughing. Thiscan be very embarrassing if you're on abus or listening to someone’s complaintsat the time.Ray A, WhitmerColumbus, OhioWHO'SCOVERINGUP?It has occurred to me that you have no“Real Ads” in MAD—only satires on adsfor recognizable products. Either theprofits you make from actual newsstandsales is enough, or you're taking "protection money” from manufacturerswhose products you don’t satirize!Sue StricklerAlexandria, Va.Photography by Irving SchildSUBSCRIBEBE NOTDon't get spooked by all the “clever”and otherwise idiotic “Letters To The Editor" that pour in monthly, Let's face it,you usually only hear from the disgrunted and the exhibitionists, There arebeau-coup readers who love your magazine but don’t bother to write!Charles EF. CraneHonolulu, Hawaii. AND LET YOUR MAILMAN TOSSEACH COPY THROUGH YOUR WINDOW!(Unless you'd prefer he use the mailbox!)use coupon or duplicateMADDESCRIBING MADThis is to remind you of the definitionof your magazine given by AmbroseBierce in “The Devil’s Dictionary”:MAD, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence,not conforming to the standards ofthought, speech and action derivedby the conformants from study ofthemselves; at odds with the majority; in short, unusual.This, published in 1881.Los GapiriosSan Francisco, Calif.850 Third Avenue,New York, N.Y. 10022( enclose 2.00.* Please enter my name on your subscription list, and mail me the next 7 issues of MAD1 enclose 5.00.** Please enter my name on your subscription list, and mail me the next 21 issues of MADNAMEADDRESS.CITY,STATEZIP-CODEAN ABSOLUTE MUST‘Outside U.S.A., 2.50. **Outside U.S.A., 6.25.Please allow 8 weeks for your subscription to be processed. Wemnsible for cash lost oF stolen in the malls,jack or Money Order preferred,Please address all correspondence to:MAD,TOLAZIDDISENCOURAGEDDept. 104, 850 Third AvenueNew York, New York 10022NAMENew York, N.Y. 10022PLEASE COULD SWEAR JUSTSAW A “MAD” FLY INTOMRS. MURPHY’S KITCHEN!CHARTFrank Jacobs did an excellent job on“MAD's Lifetime-People Chart”, It wasthe funniest thing in the magazine.John SalibaNo. Tonawanda, N. Y.ME:(The MAD Reader(MAD Strikes Back(Inside MADUtterly MAD( The Brothers MAD( The Bedside MAD[Son of MADduplicateorcouponuse(I The Organization MADADDRESSCITY.(i Like MADCl The Ides of MADFighting MAD(The MAD Frontier(MAD in Orbit(D The Voodoo MADCi Greasy MAD StuffCD Three Ring MAD(1 The Self-Made MADC The MAD SamplerZIP-CODESTATEC((0(C0(J((It’s A World, World, etc., MADRaving MADDON MARTIN Steps OutDON MARTIN Bounces BackDON MARTIN Drops 13 StoriesDAVE BERG Looks At The U.S.A,DAVE BERG Looks At Peopl(MAD's All-New “Spy-vs-Spy”’I ENCLOSE50 FOREACH:We cannot beresponsible for cashlost or stolen inthe Mails. Check orMoney Order preferred!On orders outsidethe U.S.A. be sureto add 10% extra!Allow six weeksfor delivery,
UNDERHANDPITCH DEPT.Let's face it. Americans can be soldon anything, no matter how obnoxi-ThankYou, Irving Geek !ous or deadly it is. All it takes is theEright kind of sneaky advertising. Andthe worst offenders are the so-called“Public Service Ad Campaigns” thatmake the most disgusting conditionsseem glamorous, desirabie, excitingand patriotic. Like f’rinstance theseiADVERTISINGCAMPAIGNSWITHULTERIORYes, Uncle Sam is proud of you, Irving. When you boughtthat new car, and that new color TV set, and all thoseother new appliances, you raised your standard of livingand, at the same time, boosted the American Economy!Because of you, more products will be made and sold,and our way of life will remain strong. So keep buying,Irving! Uncle Sam needs more patriotic citizens like you!H1q aed ue DSLWLet’s Keep America’s Economy Booming!PRESENTED AS A PUBLIC SERVICE BY THE NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF LOAN COMPANIESARTIST: JACK RICKARD get a thrill every timewe drive back into the city.Why is it always so gloriousandexciting?*It’s that grand old smog!Though it clouds the skiesAnd burns our eyes—It means there’s employmentFor all!* sung to the tune of “You're A Grand Old Flag!"
couldn't sleep last nightriots in Lapland, the camelshortage in Syria, and theneed for a larger YMCA inthinking about the teen-ageI've been worried to deathabout Sukarno's peptic ulcer,which may touch offaRiceWar in Malaysia and threatenAnd let's not forget the Mafia,juvenile delinquency, the warin Kashmir, Mao-tse-Tung, Sen.Wayne Morse and the staggeringour Asian defensecommitments,problems of William A. Miller.Deadwood, South Dakota.Gee, they make me feel likeakid. wish knew whatthey were talking about so could share their worries!Isn't It Time You Grew Up?That's right! You are no longer a child! You area thinking adult in a grown-up world. In thesetroubled times, you cannot afford to» ignore thedeep, weighty problems of the world. But no onecan do it for you. It’s up to you to keep informed.—through newspapers and magazines, through radioand TV, through demagogues and rabble-rousers. Sodon’t put it off! Start getting concerned—today!“A WORRIED AMERICA IS AN INFORMED AMERICA”THIS ADVERTISEMENT SPONSORED BY THE TRANQUILIZER DI IVISION OF THE NATIONAL DRUG MANUFACTURERS ASSOCIATION.WRITER: FRANK JACOBS.For it comes, you see,From some great fac-tor-yWhere there’s never an idle cog!So.Let's preserve our way of lifeAnd give thanks for that Grand Old Smog!Gee, never thought of itthat way. (sig /h) sure hopeourchildren will have smog!A TELEVISIONPUBLIC SERVICE{MESSAGEFROM vhsURBAN INDUSTRIESOF AMERICA
J Sa ISISLOOK AT ME! IMNEARLY IS AND MYFACE IS STULLDISGUSTINGLYGOLLY, BUT I WISHI WAS AS LUCKYIVE GOT A BIGDATE WITH WALLYTONIGHT, AND LOOKAT MY FOREHEAD!ROSY—CLEAR!PIMPLES Today he’s living in a tenement. Tomorrow he'llbe a United States Senator, or a famous BroadwayProducer, or a Heavyweight Champion Prizefighter!Sure there are eight other people living inthat one-room apartment with him. Lucky for all ofus there are! That, together with the cockroachesand the rats and the garbage in the halls will givehim the ambition and drive he'll need to get out ofthereand attain wealth and success in later life.So let’s keep them—those historic, 10-year-oldbuildings that have ‘supplied America with so manyofits Statesmen,IndustrialistsandCelebrities.a’s Greatness!PRESERVE OUR TENEMENTS —the Cradle ofN OFAmericSLUMLORDSA PUBLIC SERVICE ADVERTISEMENT PREPARED AND PAID FOR BY THE NATIONAL ASSOCIATIO
PIMPLES ARE WONDERFUL !THEY SHOW THAT JOURE AFUNALOVING TEENAGERWHO'S A PART OF THENORMAL ,HAPPY, TYPICALFUN-LOVINGYOu, BETTY,T LIKE YOU,SETTYBEcAUS! weber ca,FUN-LOVING TEENAGER!!TEENAGE “1S PRESENTED EACH WE! EK INfieComic SECON @Y THE BATION 2COUNCIL OF CHOCOLATE MANUFACTLis“Living” really mean?Livingmeanswrestling ahalf-crazed crocodile — inyquicksand with bare hands, [oxaryWrpslike explorer WarrenPooky.—Living means racing analAlfa“numanotti-XontheS y V)—E at 200 mphslipperyMontevideoH tar-flats in the tain, like river Bradley Blemish. a: [J } Livingmeans30,000Sky-Divingintoof a tropfeetic hurricanthee,ParachutertieeyeFinley Wextrung.koy Living means battlingfour tiger ‘sharks at 60 fathomswith your leg caughtin theanchor rope and no air,likeskin-diver Walter Hendric!—3Join The “Active Ones”! Start Living Today!THIS AD PRESENTED AS A PUBLIC SERVICE BY THE NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF AMERICAN UNDERTAKERS
MICROFOLK DEPT.If you think this world out here is in a pretty sorry state, take a look at thetroubles besetting those residents of that world-within-a-worldas we present:ANOTHERMAD Peek Through TheMICROSCOPEARTIST: PAUL COKER,JR. WRITER: PHIL HAHNI'm collecting for Polio Research! We're tryingto find a way to make it incurable again!ThePresidentjustappointedhim asthe newStaph!
He maylookharmless,but he’sdeterioratedmany abrainin histime!That’s funny! You don’t look Germish!What's wrong with Max? He’s notvery communicable this evening!It’saclearGermicide!He refuses to go to the Halloween Party!He’s afraid the Hemoglobins'll get him!
The Incomparableheard to ayAs Hitler entered the room, he wasoretheseall4480“.eye,hisinwith a twinkleoreeelike they werewent in to take their showersfound that issee, but when they got inside, theyall, Lee pois 01atadsshowerheads weren't showerheLaieHa,!themonwasjokegas outlets. TheWhenno one laughed, the irrepressib!i iethe room ane jeadChancellor looked slowly aroundbe there! shottoyou hadpanned, “Well, I guessa:saw oerHitledaynextFor a topper, thewa:He!thereaethose who hadn't jaugied A,,ittle touches like that.veywittthewhenlighter moment,eesals at Stalingrad,tator was told of the German reverrous Pantani’he entered into a delightfully humo and Sp ont ehairhistoreandin which he shriekedly took a frothingfloor and kicked his feet and finale, it was justbite out of his office rug. Of cours Bettercher one of those amusing comianotand oe ef ihe was noted for. When it was over,rvet es aeobsehe,idedsubshadhtercal laugman on .cominralsGenetheimpish grin that allanagainst a wallEastern Front would be s ood upFUNNY-BONE-HEADS DEPIt all started with Lincoln. Somebody discovered that there was a market for old Abe’s humorous anecdotes,and so every few years a new book of Lincoln's witty sayings would appear. Then, along came Bill Adler,who could make anyone seem funny if there was a buck in it. Mr. Adler compiled “The Kennedy Wit” and “MoreKennedy Wit”, then branched out with “The Churchill Wit”, and the bandwagon was rolling. Next, somebodyFUTUREWIT«ARTIST: MORT DRUCKERTHE DISCRIMINATING HUMORROBERTSHELTONand peals of laughterled through the throng asShelton punctuated hi isrippremark by lighting the crudecross.However, KlansmanSheltoin that famous Playboy Mag n w, ‘as at his funn:, azine interview, whehe got off such rib-ticklers4 these:ts as“The Knights of theordd er of real mennKu Klux Klan is a fraternal100 perce: nt American,"wi ho areI am violently opposed t'odeath by violen:“Those beatniks tennis. -shoe wearers, sexperverts at Selma wer‘arrying the UnitedNationsflag for anybody to sei:the Southern people is thagainst than even thenigra ra“Our research andstudies h:isnost discriminateddnd thatmore stirrinrin 8 and movement aveof fouthe n; igrathey have a full moon,"therewYou know, of course, that Hitler's aa sewas Jewish. The Police Gazette had grandmotheran article sheeni '8 gravestones andbears were Jewish.” saying that some of his fore.par«there is no suc thing 4s mentalhealth,”There is several hKl lans, you know. * at is thetroublu e of throwing every nut in the samebagSayingit’s all the samekind of nuts.”and
One of Sonny’s favorite pranks was to walk up to acomplete stranger andpunchHe used to top this off by ste him in the stomach,aling his victim's wallet,But he abandoned thisgaaypractice when the humorof the situation seeEnforcement people. med t ‘ be escaping the LawListon’s most hil ious line was deliveredthe first Clay fight larbeforewhen he jibbed, “He all talk!Sonny shut his mouf » good!”On still anotheasion, Liston convulsedcrowd of reporters rby occagrin that he was going antonouncing with his sly boyishif they kept writing those pound them all into pulpsLife with Liston was a lau“bad things” about him,gh-a-minete at me inDenver, where he wouldamuse es ryone by houp his friends by their lappickingpriate remark, throw them els and, with an appro.or down the nearest flight through the nearest wallof stairs or out the nearestopen window.One of Sonny's‘remembered laugh-gettercurred when the bes;s oc.signed to cover hisLifprie vatMagazine ph hotographer asday. Sonny hauled off and e life got under foot onelet hi im have a right cross 79 ile optimistTi even triedi todo a hookith “iidlaii Stevenson”, i and one incurab!teeiltne Landon Jotaon We tae plan out to he a very slim volume. In are ae Layeeaccorblished it. However, we at MAD feel that this dates i a ep‘hum vatunlikely celebrities from the past and present wi“humor”of mpaWISDOMWRITERS: PHIL HAHN & JACK HANRAHANBOOKSbut he was often funnier whenhe w: ‘as speaking off thecuff. Few will ever forgetthe night Ed ad-libbedthatmemorable block-buster of a line, “How much timedo we have?”And on that very same show,he doubledup thestudio audience with another of his better-knownmots, “Here's a manbonwhoneeds no introduction.a3Sullivan’s capacity for spontaneous quips seemedendless, Such brilliant flashes of humor as, “Buthere’s an important annfirst,ouncement,” and “Weright back with anothe'll ber great act.” flashedlike lightning from his quick mind,Part of the man’s talentwas his keen sense ofing. He could take atimfamiliar line and makeit seemfresh by using it ina new THE SPONTANEOUS Wrr ED SULLIVANtext. Thus, his “We've8ot a really big shew.” timconeguffaws from the very sam and time again elicitede People who had heard itover and over andover and over andover and over.Few realize it, but Ed originated many great gagswhich have since become Standard materialon TV.One night, when his show ran a little late, he camwith, “Wee up're a little late, sogood-night!” ShowBusiwith other examples.However, we'dlike to recall Sullivan’s finest, funniest hour. The performer on Stage atthe time was up-and-comingcomic, Jackie Mason.As Mason was winding up hisact, the one-minutewarning finger wasflashed. JackieRess abounds
THE HILARIOUS HUMOROFJIMMY HOFFA;and the entire Convention of sedate, soberTeamsters exploded in a riot of laughter.Jimmy was often at his funniest, however,with newsmen. In one such off-the-cuff session,after he was conyicted on three counts in 1964,the questions and hilarious answers went likethis (and hold on toQ. “What do you think of the Judge’s decin, Mr. Hoffa?A. “That dirty # % &@ !Jimmy quipped.had it in for me!”Q. “Do you hold any animosity towards theformer employee of yours who turned State’sevidence?”A. “If I ever get my hands on that# %&@ !, PU wring his 48%&@ ! neck!”Hoffa shot back with a twinkle in his eye.Q. “Do you think Bobby Kennedy was re-sponsible for thisA.“Youbetconviction?”your# %&@ !hewas!”laughed Jimmy. “That lousy # %&@ ! hasbeen hounding me and bugging my phone andI'll see him in # % &@ ! or know the reasonwhy”!And at this point, Hoffa gave one of the re-porters a good-natured kick in the # %&@ !and smashed the camera of another.“You can all go to # % @ !” he continued,“You’re all a bunch of # %@ ! who can’twait to see me rotting in jail. Well, let me tell-14—THE BEACH BLANKET BINGOBIKINI AU GO GO HUMOR OFven-venelevn eleyear ear stisti nt as aanfive-e-ying her fivb TV Showkeyrae ne the MicMouseClueaudiences with such surthat ‘Annette broke up.material as:fire,I’m Annette ! and GeeSE toe and girls!,Welyol“Gto sing a song!” rkandon the clthanks! Pd love dby, but the clogoosayhate to4it’s time to go:all saysay’nieconor,humandree enatural warmthlonger fi in 9act that she could notoatshirt brought herwee Mouse Club SweDisneytheatceoffintfrothe attention of thedundisputetauenotseqnse miher r aisubos, s, 2and led toStuStudidioFIenreign as “Queensmen why, she ddroped1Tren asked by newabounicello) and5-yearnar lastppede, shethe quiof her nosherlastwenahatmee Otck omclotbuby,goodsayto‘lly,time to go" aithe clubhouse wall h sayhers winit's ning smile, iMemissed them witmany fabOften, during themovies,jous “Beach” roviseseipt and imp andshooting of her ld shun theAnnette wousuch wild, wacky e!”dialogandueAnnettser naHi, boys I'd lovgire ls!to I'm@ song!” andgsin!Gee, thanksbut the ,dbygoosay“Golly, we hate to—104—
Well, Mr. Freenbean.time for our lunch!DON MARTIN DEPT. PARTI@y&Ahig\ss} Really, Mr. Freenbean!! You're much tooold to be playing with your food!
PARTY POOPERS DEPT.Have you noticed how more and more actors, writers, singers and others who deal with the public on one level are coming on at another level. mainly politics? What makes these peoplethink that just because we enjoy their professional talents we're gonna enjoy their politicalphilosophies, too? And what about other people in other professions? Suppose they followed thistrend? Things could get pretty ridiculous! You'll see what we mean as MAD takes a look at.THE DANGERSINHERENTINMIXING PERSONAL POThe ULTRA-LIBERALLook! All!ordered wasa cup ofcoffee, andyour waiterWhat's the matter?You're against FullEmployment?! Stopworrying! The dinnerDEMOCRAT Restaurant Owner.That many?!How do theyall fit intothemis on the house! BycourseAmericanswant to sharewith needy people everywhere!brought meserving all thesethis seven- courses, I'm puttingdinner!Certainly! suppose you're alsoagainst Foreign Aid! We sent theother half to Afghanistan to showmore people to workin the kitchen!The JOHNBIRCH SOCIETY Exterminator. Here am, tady! I've ]But I didn't call yout]come to get rid of ]Anyway, don't have}your termites!any termites!ain[] You just think you don't! fReally!? Well,Look, lady, termites are clever, Actually, your entire house how come I've] ] insidious insects. They're notJis being undermined by the ] gonna tip their hand by coming \ti dirty little infittrators!2? ] right out in the open! AHAH!!
THIS TREND TOWARD.LITICS WITH CAREERSARTIST: GEORGE WOODBRIDGE1—er—don'tHaven't you heard ofEggplant ungrateful, but1 don't carefor Eggplant!What's this? AIt was! That's for the cupof coffee you ordered! how happy youJust rememberHere, have a thought yousaid the dinnergot a big overhead, whatwith paying people not towere until yougot the bill!of Soda! Thecheck includeswas on the house! /work and giving away food!{Check for 18.50?! JiilIt only looks like a housefly!It’s really a termite in disguise!They'll gotoanylengthstoWRITER: FRANK JACOBSWhat's one room!? It's a[ carry out their rotten, evilconspiracy to destroy your house! }'1g SN} think of what damage those?R dirty rats are doing to the foundation of your house!esTake that, you lousy littlefellow-traveler! GOT 'I1our Medicare4Program!Because {small price to pay when you ithe madehimselfWell—er—thank ) That's okay,}2invisible!you for savingmy home. ]jady! Just remember—what's left of it! ! once you'veTermites [alwaysdo that!aBicarbonate%5 rebuilt it, I'll
The ULTRA-CONSERVATIVE Used Car Salesman.I’m looking You've come to the rightHow about thisj for a good, }place. We have the finest i1904 Maxwell,icompletely equippedwith gas lamps,spoke wheels andsteel running boards?Good morning, Comrade!]What's ailing you?I've got a pain — in my stomach!Actually,Iwaslooking forThen how about this 1911 Stanley Steamer? ]Er—don’tIt was owned by a little old lady who!used it only once . . . on Election Day inwith a bitfor William Howard Taft, that great Repub—somethingmore room!1912, when she drove to the polls to voteHmmm! The trouble is obvious! Yourappendix is starting a glorious revolutionagainst your large intestine!After years of oppressionWhat doby capitalistic gastricyou thinkjuices, your appendix isshouldnow proclaiming its freedom! be done?The SOCIALIST Laundryman.Hey, these aren'tthe shirts IExactly! It's theonly fair way tobrought in! This distribute laundry! stuff looks like Every customer getshe‘ it belongs to 20his share of theFdifferent guys!good and the bad! BeerSlagBut my shirts cost 12.50]apiece! Some of these are So the other customerswon't be able to wearpractically rags! And they yours, either! But ataren't even my size! won't be able to wear ‘em!least there's equalribution of wealth! ,[ Don't you]} Whaddya have just want me to'do, give youyour shirt off my back? I'm in this too,y'know!
Surely you don’t want anassembly line model builtby men who belong to Labor} Unions!? You look like a manwho appreciates traditionalAmerican craftsmanship!A 1928 PLYMOUTH! Next thing you'llbe wanting a rumble seat and a radioand a heater! This is no junk shop! Wesell cars built to precision by honestworkmen who were proud to do an honest14-hour-day’s work for an honest dollar!Oh, Idwas thinkingabout—er—something‘ like a 1928Plymouth?Comrade, the day of liberation is here!By acting now, we can free the downtrodden enslaved appendix from thedecadent imperialistic intestine!Whereare youtaking me?To the operating room,where we will create aglorious new digestive era!lEr—howlong haveyou livedintown?thislamJust as thought! Animmigrant! Hit the road,crumb! We don’t makedeals with your kind!happy to tellyou, Comrade, thatthe op eration was asuccess! Your appendixis now free!Don’t befoolish,Comrade! removedyourintestine!ST Pro-Football Quarterback. Let's see—we're first and ten on their S-yard tine! There's only onei) play to call here! Punt Formation!Hah! What doPunt now?!Don't beridiculous!The coachwill blowhis top!carried the ballDown withreferees! Downwith football![] Good! Maybe they'll teardown the goalpostsacross the wrongbefore the game is over!goal line! TheBetter still, maybe they'llcrowd is gettingtear down the wholemad!stadium!Hey, you justI care!? Downwith coaches! )éWhat happened!? Allthe players are dead,the referee is injured,and there's a 10-footcrater in the end-zone! desperate measures,# so threwthe “Longjomb". And!do mean[4
ONE-TWO-THREE-FOURMULADEPT.THERE IS ALWAYS A TENDENCY TO GENERALIZE ABOUT MEMBERS OF SOCIAL ANDSTEREOTYPEFOUR CHINESE- irre Fr;is anIMMIGRATION QUOTATHREECHEFONE SOUTH AMERICAN:tCenf\I@ FRENCHMENisaisaFILM FESTIVALPOLITICAL PARTY ALBfieFOUR SOUTH AMERICANS eyfYANQUI GO HoMe/SisaNEW DANCE CRAZEisanANTI-U.S. MOBTWO TEENAGERSTHREE TEENAGERSisaN.Y. METS OUTFIELD18isaFOREIGN AID PROGRAMFOUR TEENAGERSisaBEACH MOVIE
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MAD ANNUAL Which also contains articles, ad satires and other garbage — the best from past issues! PLUS A SPECIAL FREE BONUS WITH A WILD NEW a 0 N S A L E N 0 W _ ALFRED E.NEUMAN VOCALIZES ON A REAL 33), RPM RECORD Rush out and buy a copy! . **Various Places Around The Magazine MAD—July 1968 Vol. 1, Ni ber, by E.C. Public ot New York, N .
