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On Wednesday for some strange reason,the whole school smelled like garlic androtten egg-salad sandwiches (especially someof the girls).“Boy,” said Ms. Guided, “the styles todaysure are getting bizarre.”“B-b-bubba bobba hob-hobba-hobbaWah-wah,” said Mr. Krupp.51

Thursday was, without a doubt, acomplete and total disaster.‘There’s a food fight in the lunchroom!”shouted Mr. Rustworthy. “And the footballteam is destroying the teacher’s lounge!”“B-b-bubba bobba hob-hobba-hobbaWah-wah,” said Mr. Krupp.

Now, nobody was sure what happened onFriday. Apparently, there was a mix-up withthe dress code and the yearbook photos.“Our school pictures are ruined!” shoutedMs. Dayken.“B-b-bubba bobba hob-hobba-hobbaWah-wah,” said Mr. Krupp.Yes, it was a freaky week, alright. But thebig wedding was only a day away . . . andthings were about to get REALLY freaky!

CHAPTER 10THE BIG WEDDINGIt was Saturday, the day of the big wedding.Miss Anthrope, true to her word, had takencare of everything. In just one week, she hadtransformed the gymnasium into a beautifulwedding hall, complete with food, decora tions, and even a six-foot-tall ice sculpture.All of the children were dressed in theirfinest clothes. (Harold even wore a tie!)“Man,” said George, “I can’t believe wehave to go to school on SATURDAY!’’“I know,” said Harold. “Why couldn’tthey have had this wedding during Monday’smath test?”

Soon the organist began to play. The rabbiwalked down the aisle. He approached Georgeand Harold and stopped to talk to the boys.“I’ve heard a lot about you two,’’ said therabbi, “and I don’t want you boys playingany of your tricks today.”“Silly Rabbi,” said George, “tricks arefor kids!”Believe it or not, George and Harold hadnot planned any pranks for the big wedding.They had no “Joy Buzzers” up their sleeves. no squirting flowers in their lapels . . .and no whoopee cushions on their chairs.They were on their best behavior. Nothingcould go wrong today!55

In no time at all, Ms. Ribble and Mr.Krupp were standing in front of the rabbi,looking quite ill. The rabbi asked Mr. Kruppif he would take Ms. Ribble to be his lawfullywedded wife.“B-b-bubba bobba hob-hobba-hobbaWah-wah,” said Mr. Krupp.Then the rabbi asked Ms. Ribble if shewould take Mr. Krupp to be her husband.There was a long silence. Everyone leanedforward. Ms. Ribble looked nervously fromside to side.Suddenly, she shouted out at the top ofher lungs, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOr

Ms. Ribble turned to Mr. Krupp andjabbed her finger into his shoulder. “Listen.Krupp,” she said. "I can’t marry you.”“Hooray! —er, I mean —aww, that’s toobad]" said Mr. Krupp.“You’re a mean, cruel, and vicious man,”said Ms. Ribble, “and I respect that. It’sjust. . . it’s just. . .”“Just what?” asked Mr. Krupp.57

“It’s just your nose!” said Ms. Ribble.“You’ve got the most ridiculous nose —I’ve never seen anything quite like it! I justcouldn’t marry somebody with such asilly nose.”

Mr. Krupp got angry. “Well fine\” heshouted. “I didn’t want to marry you anywayIt was all George and Harold’s fault. Theytricked us!”Suddenly, everybody in the gymnasiumturned and looked at George and Harold.

CHAPTER IITHE REFRESHMENTSAs George and Harold turned to leave thegymnasium, they heard the loud thumps ofcleated wedding boots clomping down theaisle toward them.“I’M GONNA GRIND THOSE KIDS INTOHEAD CHEESE!” screamed Ms. Ribble asshe lunged for the two boys.61

George and Harold screamed and ran tothe back of the room near the refreshmentsThere they hid behind two large woodenpillars.Ms. Ribble approached the pillars andgrasped them with her mighty hands. Witha horrible roar, she pushed the right pillarover. It landed on the back of the luncheontable, causing the front of the table to fliphigh into the air. Unfortunately, this sentall of the food flying into the crowd.

The creamy candied carrots clobberedthe kindergartners. The fatty fried fishfritters flipped onto the first graders. Thesweet-n-sour spaghetti squash splattered thesecond graders.64

Three thousand thawing thimbleberriesthudded the third graders. Five hundredfrosted fudgy fruitcakes flogged the fourthgraders. And fifty-five fistfuls of fancyFrench-fried frankfurters flattened thefifth graders.

wedding guests had nothing to drink withtheir lovely appetizers. Well, rest assured.the second pillar took care of that. Ms. Ribblepushed the left pillar into the fresh fruitdisplay, causing it to topple over, sending

two large watermelons crashing down intotwo oversized punch bowls. This created twoenormous splashes of tropical fruit-flavoredpunch, which rained down upon the weddingguests like a torrential downpour.

Now, no wedding is complete without awedding cake. And when Ms. Ribble kickedthe ice sculpture over, the resulting crashsent the beautiful double-deckered cakeflipping high into the air, right over Ms.Ribble’s head.

“I’VE GOT YOU NOW!"screamed Ms. Ribble, asshe grabbed Georgeand Harold bytheir neckties.

George and Harold undid their ties andran out of the gymnasium screaming.“Man,” cried Harold. “I thought we weredead meat!”“That’s what we get for going to school onSaturday!” said George.

CHAPTER 11NIBBLE S AEVENCEAs you might imagine, George and Haroldwere nervous about going back to class onMonday. But for some strange reason, Ms.Ribble seemed happy to see them.“Good morning, boys,” Ms. Ribble chirpedwith a giant, evil, toothy grin. “Come here . . .I’ve got something to show you!”“Uh-oh,” said George. “She’s smiling —that can’t be a good sign!”George and Harold cautiously approachedMs. Ribble’s desk.“I took the liberty of adjusting your gradeslast weekend.” said Ms. Ribble. “You'll behappy to know that all your grades have justdropped from Bs and Cs to Fs and Gs. ”

. . . Hey, what’s a G?”“It’s the only grade lower than an F\" saidMs. Ribble.“There’s no such grade as a G,” saidHarold.“There is now, bub!” said Ms. Ribble.“Looks like you’re both going to FLUNK theFOURTH GRADE!!! Won’t that be fun?”“No way,” said George. “That’s not fair!"“Life ain’t fair,” said Ms. Ribble. “Get usedto it!”72

Vtheir tree house feeling sorry for themselves.“We’ve got to tell somebody about this.” Jy.kJ“She can’t get away with that,” said George.UyJ“Nobody’s going to believe us,” said Harold.“Well, there is one thing we can do,” saidGeorge. He opened the drawer to their draw ing table and searched through the pennies,u

“We just threw the instructions away,”said George. “But I remember how it works.”“Do you remember what happened theLAST TIME WE USED IT?" asked Harold.“Yeah,” said George. “But we were foolingaround last time. This time well be serious.We won’t make any mistakes! All we have todo is hypnotize her into changing our gradesback to normal. That’s all!”“I don’t know .” said Harold. “It soundslike a bad idea to me!”“Worse than FLUNKING the fourthgrade?” asked George.“Good point,” said Harold.74

CHAPTER 14THE RETURN OFTHE 3-D HYPVO-PIWCThe next day at school, George and Haroldstayed behind while the rest of the class wentoutside for recess.“What are you punks still doing here?”asked Ms. Ribble.“Ummmm,” said George nervously. “Er,we wanted to show you this really cool ring.”“Yeah,” said Harold. “If you look closely atit, you can see a funny picture.”“Well, hold it still,” said Ms. Ribble, as shestared at the ring intently.“I have to move it back and forth,” saidGeorge, “or you won’t be able to seethe picture.”

Ms. Ribble’s eyes followed the ring backand forth . . . back and forth . . . back andforth . . . back and forth. . . .“You are getting sleepy,” said George.“Veeery sleepy,” said Harold.Ms. Ribble yawned. Her eyes began todroop.“I’mmssooosleeeeepyyy,” she said, as sheslowly closed her eyes.

“In a moment,” said George, “I will snapmy fingers. Then you will be ,"mumbled Ms. Ribble.SNAP/“Now,” said Harold, “you must listenvery . . .”

CHAPTER 14'/iWE INTERRUPTTHIS CHAPTERTO BRING YOU THISIMPORTANT MESSAGE:“Hello, This is Chim-Chim Diaperbrains . . .er, I mean, this is Ingrid Ashley reporting forEyewitness News. We have a late-breakingstory about a tragic incident that is nowoccurring in the Pacific Northwest.“Police have just closed down the Li’lWiseguy Novelty Company in Walla Walla,Washington. Apparently, this company hasbeen selling very dangerous ‘Hypno-Rings.’We now take you live, via satellite to ourreporter, Booger Stinkersquirt, er, I mean,Larry Zarrow, with the latest developments.”.lt? ’C370i?G3 S8i

“Reports have poured in from all across thecountry concerning children who have usedthe '3-D Hypno-Ring’ on their friends andfamily with disastrous results. But the mostshocking revelation is the effect that therings seem to have on women.“Apparently, whenever the ring is used tohypnotize a woman, a mental blunderoccurs, causing the woman to do the OPPO SITE of what she is being hypnotized to do.“Doctors don’t know why the ring causeswomen to have an OPPOSITE reaction, butthey are very concerned. If you or someoneyou love has purchased a ‘3-D Hypno-Ring,’throw it away at once. And whatever you do,PLEASE DON’T USE IT ON A WOMAN!”79

CHAPTER 14 VoWE NOW RETURN TOOUR REGULARLYSCHEDULED CHAPTER(ALREADY IN PROGRESS .). . and when we snap our fingers,” Georgecontinued, “you will change our grades backto normal.”“Yeah,” said Harold. “And you won't doanything crazy, like turn into WedgieWoman.”“And you won’t try to destroy CaptainUnderpants,” said George, “or take over theworld, either.”

George and Harold looked nervously ateach other.“Well,” said George, “I think that coverseverything.”“Yep,” said Harold. “We shouldn’t haveany more problems from Ms. Ribble.”So the boys snapped their fingers.SNAP/81

CHAPTER 15BAD HAIA MIGHTThat night, Harold and George camped outin George’s tree house.“I have to drive your mother to workearly tomorrow morning,” said George’sdad. “So you boys are responsible forgetting yourselves to school on time.”“OK, Pop,” said George.“We’ll be there brightand early, Mr. Beard,”said Harold.

It had been a tough day for George andHarold, and now it was time to relax. Georgerolled out the sleeping bags, while Haroldunpacked a box of chocolate donuts, fourcans of orange cream soda, and a big bowl ofBar-B-Q potato chips. Believe it or not, therewas even a cool Japanese monster movieplaying on TV.“You know,” said George, “life doesn’t getany better than this!”“Yep,” said Harold. “But do you think theHypno-Ring actually worked on Ms. Ribble?She looked a little weird when she came outof her trance.”“Aaah. she was probably just sleepy,” saidGeorge. “Teachers have very stressful jobs,you know.”“I wonder why?” said Harold.83

After the movie, George and Haroldbrushed the crumbs out of their sleepingbags and got ready for bed.“Let’s sleep in our school clothes tonight,”said George. “That way we won’t have towake up early to get dressed.”“Good idea,” said Harold.So George turned out the light, and soonthe two boys were drifting off to sleep. After afew minutes, Harold sat up quickly andlooked around.“Hey!” he whispered. “What’s that noise?”“I didn’t hear anything,” said George.84

They listened closely.“Shhh!” said Harold. “There it is again!”George heard it this time. He reachedover and opened the tree house door a crack.All they could hear was the sound of cricketschirping in the night. George opened thedoor wider, and the boys peeked down.85

“AAAUUGH!” roared an evil-lookingwoman dressed in tight purple vinyl and amangy-looking fake-fur boa.George and Harold screamed in horror!The snarling woman climbed from theladder into the tree house. George andHarold recognized her immediately in themoonlight.86

“Ms. Ribble, ” George gasped. “What alovely, uh, outfit you have on.”“Who’s Ms. Ribble?” the angry ladygrowled. “My name is Wedgie Woman!!!”George and Harold looked at each otherand swallowed hard.“I understand that you boys have informa tion about Captain Underpants,” said WedgieWoman.“What makes you say that?” asked Harold.“I’ve read your comic books,” said the evilvillain. “You boys know his strengths, hisweaknesses, and I’ll bet you even know hisSECRET IDENTITY!"“No way!” said George. “Captain Under pants isn’t real. . . He-He’s just a cartoon!”“We’ll see about that,” Wedgie Woman

Wedgie Woman reached out and graspedGeorge’s and Harold’s arms.“What do we do now?’’ cried Harold.“We can take ’er,” said George. “It’s notlike she has super powers or anything!”88

CHAPTER 16WHO'S AFAAID OF THEBIG BAD BEEHIVE?The struggle that followed may someday beremembered as the single most unluckything that ever happened in the history ofthe world.First. George pulled his arm out of WedgieWoman's grasp. Then Harold squirmed away,too. When Wedgie Woman lunged afterthem, George crouched down into a ballbehind Wedgie Woman’s feet. All it took wasa simple nudge from Harold to send theferocious female toppling over backward . . .

. . . right into the wall. KLUNK! The book shelf above Wedgie Woman’s head shook vio lently, causing a strange-looking juice cartonto topple over. Suddenly, a stream of glowinggreen juice poured out of the carton, directlyinto the tightly woven beehive of hair atopWedgie Woman’s head.\

“NOOO!” yelled Harold as he grabbed thejuice carton. “This is the juice we got fromthat spaceship back in our third book!”“You mean the one with the annoyinglylong title?” asked George.‘Teah!” said Harold. “This is ExtraStrength Super Power Juice! And a wholebunch of it got in her hair!”“Don’t worry,” said George. “None of it gotin her mouth. What’s the worst thing thatcould happen? Her hairstyle would havesuper powers?”“Well,” said Harold, “I guess you’re right.That is pretty stupid . . . even for one of ourstories!”“It’s pretty funny, though,” said George.91

Suddenly, two coiled arms of twisting hairshot out of Wedgie Woman’s head andgrabbed George and Harold by the back oftheir underwear, yanking them high intothe air.“You know,” said George, “this isn’t asfunny as I thought it would be.”

CHAPTER ITALL TIED UPWedgie Woman brought George and Haroldback to her house and tied the boys tightlyto two chairs.“Tell me the secret identity of CaptainUnderpants!” screamed Wedgie Woman.“No way!” said George.“Hmmmm,” said Wedgie Woman. “Youwant to do this the hard way? No problem!”

Wedgie Woman’s hair began uncoilingitself. Several twisted locks of hairstretched out into the living room andstarted taking apart the television,the computer, and aThighmaster .

Other tangled coils reached into thekitchen and began dismantling the dishwasher, the toaster oven, and a Ronco Food Dehydrator.“What are you doing?” asked Harold.“If you want to make robots,” saidWedgie Woman, “you gottabreak a few smallappliances!”VEAP AWARD

George and Harold watched impatientlywhile Wedgie Woman’s hair assembled thou sands of assorted screws, bolts, wires, gears,cathode tubes, and computer chips. Soon,two small robots began taking shape.“I didn’t know Ms. Ribble was smartenough to make robots,” said Harold.“Me, neither,” said George. “I think someof that Extra-Strength Super Power Juicemust have soaked into her brainV’

The next morning, Wedgie Womancompleted her robots, which she named“Robo-George” and “The Harold 2000.”“You know,” said Harold, “somethingabout those robots seems a little familiarV'“Yeah,” said George. “They kinda look likeus . . . only not as dashingly handsome.”Wedgie Woman opened the robots’ chestplates and inserted a can of spray starchinto each one. Then she sealed the chestplates, patted each robot on the head, andsent them both off to school. “CaptainUnderpants doesn’t stand a chance now!”Wedgie Woman laughed.

“All they have to do is wait and listen,”said Wedgie Woman. “And as soon as theyhear the words ‘Tra-La-Laaaaa!’, it’ll allbe overY’98

CHAPTER 18AOBO-GEOAGEAND THE HAAOLD 1000“Uh, attention boys and girls,” said Mr. Kruppto the fourth graders. “Your teacher, Ms.Ribble, didn’t come to school today.”“Hooray!” shouted the children.“Settle down!” Mr. Krupp shouted. “You’restill going to have all your classes!”“Aww. maaaan\” moaned the children.“But you’re going to have a substituteteacher,” said Mr. Krupp.“Hooray!” shouted the children.“And it’s going to be mel” said Mr. Krupp.“Aww, maaaan\” moaned the children.

The whole day was pretty much like a nor mal day, except for one thing: Mr. Kruppcouldn't understand why George and Haroldwere so well behaved.They didn’t make funny noises during sci ence class, they didn’t stick crayons up theirnoses during art class, and they didn’t drawcomic books during math class. In fact, theyeven walked past a sign without changing theletters around. Mr. Krupp was stunned.“Alright, you two!” Mr. Krupp shouted. “Iknow you’re up to something. . . . You betterstop being so good, or you’re gonna be in

ing recess. Everybody was playing kickball,and when it was the Harold 2000’s turn tokick the ball, he kicked it pretty darn hard.KA-BOINGGG!101

The kickball tore right through the top ofpage 101 and out the other side as it sailedtoward the outer regions of Earth’s atmos phere. Soon it broke free of our planet’s grav itational pull and began heading straighttoward the planet Uranus.“A-HA!” shouted Mr. Krupp, as he pulledout the official school rulebook and readRule #411 out loud: “It is against the rules tokick school property into outer space! You’rein trouble now, bub!”

But the Harold 2000 ignored Mr. Kruppand began running around the bases.“Hey! I'm talking to you, Hutchins!” Mr.Krupp shouted. He pointed at the Harold2000 and snapped his fingers.

Suddenly, Mr. Krupp began to change.A silly-looking smile stretched across hisface, and he stood before the fourth graderslooking quite heroic. Quickly, he turnedand ran back into the school.104IV/

CHAPTER 19TAA'E.A'I.UUUNATICSSeveral minutes later. Captain Underpantsflew out of Mr. Krupp's office window. Asthe hero zipped across the sky, he let out atriumphant “Tra-La-Laaaaa!”When Robo-George and the Harold 2000heard the words “Tra-La-Laaaaa!”, theyimmediately stopped playing kickball.Suddenly, their arms began to extend andtheir legs stretched toward the sky.

Strange secret compartments in theirever-growing torsos opened up, revealinggiant rocket boosters and the latest inadvanced aviat

CHAPTE . M . Foreword: The Trouble with Captain Underpants . 7 . 1. George and Harold . 11 . 2. Ms. Ribble’s