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The Jezebel SpiritPierre J. Samaan, Ph.D.messages of disapproval to theparents.f. Using Male Privilege: Treatingwomen like servants, making allthe big decisions, using the Bible tojustify abuse of women.g. Using Economic Abuse: Makingone ask for money, determiningwho works where, requiring all ormost of the income earned to begiven for the sake of the family orgroup.h. Using Coercion and Threats:Making one do illegal things,making or carrying out threats tohurt one, threatening that thefamily/group will end if one doesnot comply with the rules.32. Perfectionism – Perfectionism is ameasurement that is being imposed. Noone will ever meet the perfectioniststandards of an idealistic Jezebel.Expectations are too high and it leads tofear and avoidance those who areimposing the standards.3. Denial of the Five Freedoms – Eachfreedom has to do with a basic humanpower:a. power to perceive;b. think and interpret;c. feel;d. want and choose;e. imagineThe Jezebel’s perfectionist rule within thefamily or church prohibits the fullexpression of these natural powers. Theperfectionist rule says that one shouldn’tperceive, think feel, desire, or imagine asindividuals. One should only do thesewithin the perfectionist ideals which are tomaintain the balance of the dysfunctionalfamily/church/group.44. No-talk Rule – In the Jezebel’s family orgroup, this rule prohibits the fullexpression of any feeling, need, or want.The members want to hide these feelings,needs, and wants. One becomes afraid tospeak of their needs and discontent.5. Don’t Make Mistakes – When onereveals their mistakes, one is revealing Copyright 2007 Pierre J. Samaan, Ph.D.one’s flawed and vulnerable self.Acknowledging a mistake opens one up toscrutiny. Within the Jezebel family theperfectionist covers up their mistakes andwhen another makes a mistake, that onebecomes shamed.6. Distrust – Trust can only be developedthrough intimate bonding relationships.Within a Jezebel’s family/group there canbe no intimate bonding because ofdistrust. No family member can trulydepend on the other because ofunreliability.5In responding to this dysfunctional system,we only need to read Scripture;“Love does not insist on its ownway Love never fails For God soloved the world that he gave his onlybegotten Son, that whosoeverbelieveth on him should not perish,but have eternal life.”(1 Corinthians 13:5 (RSV); 1 Peter2:2; 1Corinthians 13:8; John 3:16KJV)SEVEN SINS OF A JEZEBELJezebel spirits can most often beidentified as having certain character traits.Here are seven most commonly seen traits inthose who regularly display a Jezebel spirit:Shamelessness, Magical Thinking, Arrogance,Envy, Entitlement, Exploitation, and BadBoundaries.Shamelessness: The Jezebel neverdeveloped healthy shame. Shame has beenbypassed during their childhood.On the inside they are full ofshame, but they cannot bear tosee it. They appear to beshameless as though they lacka conscience. They hide behinda protective barrier of denial,coldness, blame, or rage. Shame is directedoutward and it is never their fault. They mayappear coolly indifferent or unethical.The shamelessness in a Jezebel spiritmay initially be seen by others as emotionallyshallow, thick-skinned, confident, and aloof.They may become exposed by theiroverreaction to a minor slight or stress event.4

The Jezebel SpiritPierre J. Samaan, Ph.D.At these shame-sensitive times they areexposing the truth that under the façade ofshamelessness there lurks a deep pit ofshamefulness. The Jezebel spirit has aninability to process shame within themselves.The Jezebel cannot tolerate theirshame when they are among others who arebetter, brighter, more attractive or successful,or having anything better going for them.The Jezebel’s goal is to stay ego-inflated.Magical thinking (explained furtherbelow) becomes a tool to help the Jezebeldissociate from the reality of theirimperfections. Jezebels depend on theirfantasies to insulate them from inneremptiness. “Hell hath no fury like a Jezebelwhose fantasy is being threatened by yourstanding in their way.”This is what can make a Jezebel spiritdevelop a strong flattering spirit. They aremasterful in the art of flattery. This helpsthem maintain the illusion of their fantasybubble. You may be flattered with accoladesof being the most wonderful person in thewhole wide world. But, threaten theirfantasy, and you suddenly become adetestable roach that they want to squash.The Jezebel’s fantasy world becomesbait, luring those who want to share in theflight of imagination and specialness. This isa superficial charm of the Jezebel whichdraws the unsuspecting with an intoxicatingallure. Their initial charm helps them toquickly build a loyal following. This makes itall the more difficult for the spiritually attunedto be taken seriously as they herald thewarning bells.The projectionof shame onto othersis another way theJezebel usesshamelessness. It isused to protect theJezebel from feelingshame. In the Jezebel’s eyes the shame is allyours as they dump their’s off onto you. Copyright 2007 Pierre J. Samaan, Ph.D.Magical Thinking: As shame builds in theearly life of the developingspirit of Jezebel,experiences can no longerbe taken in stride. Thefeelings of inadequacy andshame have to be walledoff. This wall that is being built within thesoul must be justified in the mind of thebudding Jezebel.Intense negative emotions are beingtapped into each time someone doessomething better, is seen as more attractiveor capable.To protect themselves from thesedistressing feelings, a deliberate barrier ofprotection is constructed. This insulation ofprotection is between the intensely negativepart and the conscious awareness part of thesoul.The emerging spirit of Jezebelrationalizes why they are not the way theyfeel. They begin to believe the self-mutteringlies being generated. As they begin to believethese faulty beliefs and rationalizations aboutthemselves, a fantasy forms. This fantasyhelps them see themselves as “special” andan exception to the natural order of things.The more severely damaged fromchildhood they have been, or perceivethemselves to be, the greater effort isrequired to make a more all-embracingfantasy of “magical thinking.”Clinically, one may call the state ofmagical thinking as sincere delusion. It's notan actual delusional state of mind. But, whenone begins to believe the lies they say tothemselves, they are no longer in a state ofreality.Arrogance: In her book, “Why isit always about you?” SandyHotchkiss writes, “ behind themask of arrogance is a fragileinternal balloon of self-esteemthat is never satisfied with beinggood or even very good -- if they arenot better than, then they are worthless.Value is always relative, never absolute.5

The Jezebel SpiritPierre J. Samaan, Ph.D.From their point of view, if someone else'sstock goes up, their’s automatically goesdown. Conversely, if they're feeling deflated,they can re-inflate themselves by diminishing,debasing, or degrading someone else.”6The Jezebel spirit is often bossy,judgmental, idealistic, perfectionistic, andpower-hungry. They hide their insecuritywith a mask of arrogance and behavior ofpower and control. You can always tell whena Jezebel spirit feels threatened, because theywill immediately go on the offensive. Theirattacks can be cruel and relentless.The smarter the person with theJezebel spirit, the more they like to competewith others. They are confident they canoutwit even the best of people. However,when threatened by someone who is of equalor greater intelligence, they will immediatelygo on the offensive.Those who are more insecure maycunningly flatter you with a series ofquestions in order to get more history aboutyou. They begin to look for flaws or weakspots in the history that you're giving. Theywill even take time to look up informationthat you have spoken of regarding yourself.Their hope is to find something they can useagainst you later.Temperaments can also play into thisarea of arrogance. The more extrovertedcholeric or sanguine temperaments willbecome more openly competitive inreaffirming their superiority. The moreintroverted, melancholy temperaments willseek admiration and superiority in morecovert and manipulative ways.Because the Jezebel spirit is generallyunable to sustain a sense of superiority ontheir own, they must heavily rely on othersfor the attention. That is why controlling oneperson is never enough for a Jezebel. Theyneed a supply of people. They use the closepeople in your life to increase their supply.Your family, friends, coworkers ororganizational members all become targets toincrease their supply. Victims of Jezebels areoften surprised to later learn how deeply theJezebel infiltrated into their personal lives. At Copyright 2007 Pierre J. Samaan, Ph.D.times, the victim begins to feel that theiridentity has been stolen away by the Jezebel– this can apply to an organizational identityor a personal one.The harm this arrogance inflicts onorganizations or people is mainly done to hidethe Jezebel’s exaggerated sense of inferiority.Arrogance and superiority are toolsJezebel uses to transfer their imperfectionsonto others. This is borne out of their rationalfear of being worthless and becomesdisplayed through arrogance. The moreimportant they can feel, the less trepidationin their heart.Envy: In order to maintain thefantasy bubble of superiority,the Jezebel must feel morepowerful and more importantthan others around them. Thisbecomes threatened whensomeone else a ppears to havesomething that the Jezebel islacking. With a contemptuousdemeanor, the Jezebel begins to shame thosewho have what they do not.For example, a person with the Jezebelspirit may be riding in your brand new car,feeling envious because they can't afford one.They immediately bring up a commentdenigrating your new possession. “Is this thesame model that they're recalling because offaulty brakes?”Envy can cause someone with theJezebel spirit to exaggerate in being helpful.This can make them appear to be very usefulto someone who is in power or to anorganization. This tool of people pleasing is away for some with the Jezebel spirit to gettheir foot in the door.As their web of networking expands,they're ready to spring their trap. Throughartful seduction and deception, power andcontrol is drawn from the leader that once feltsecure and safe.6

The Jezebel SpiritPierre J. Samaan, Ph.D.Entitlement: A Jezebelspirit does not seem tounderstand theconcepts of mutualityand reciprocity. Theydisplay unreasonableexpectations ofparticularly favorabletreatment and automatic compliance. Theyfeel they are entitled to have whatever theywant, do whatever they want, whenever theywant.This is because of the fantasy bubblein which they are living. They see their needsas greater than anyone else’s. They mayseem interested or uninterested in yourrequests, but rarely will they act on them. Onoccasion, to keep you in their supply line,they will feed you a few crumbs.Your job however, is to meet theirneeds. So, Jezebel spirits are likely to seeothers as objects that are there to meet theneeds of the Jezebel. Any failure in meetingtheir needs can result in triggering anger andself-righteous indignation. A more aggressiveJezebel can become violent during theseperiods.Jezebels have trouble controlling theiraggressive impulses. Their anger or rage canintensify during power struggles. Duringthese times of intense arousal they can whipthemselves up into an aggressive frenzy,acting just like a child who is having a tempertantrum.Exploitation: A person with a Jezebel spirittakes selfish and unfairadvantage of others. Theytypically exploit without muchthought. The Jezebel exploitsas if they have a moral right.Because of their need for superiority,the Jezebel spirit can only have unequalrelationships. This means that the one inrelationship with the Jezebel is the only oneinvesting into the relationship. Theinvestment can be spiritual, emotional,physical, social or all of the preceding. Copyright 2007 Pierre J. Samaan, Ph.D.A victim’s intrinsic value decreasesproportionately with the increase of theJezebel's value. Or, to put it simply, onceyou've been sucked dry by the Jezebelemotionally or materially and you havenothing more to offer them, they throw youaway.Bad Boundaries: Do you know what makesup who you are? Each oneof us is made up of spiritual,emotional (mind, will,intellect, thoughts, beliefs),and physical (brain andbody), dimensions. There'san additional dimensionwhich has to do with the space that we takeup in our environment – the social dimension.All of these components make up our sense of“Self.”Recognizing where our sense of selfbegins and ends along with the recognition ofwhere others begin and end are theboundaries of our lives.“They define what is me and what isnot me. A boundary shows me where I endand someone else begins, leading me to asense of ownership. Knowing what I am toown and take responsibility for gives mefreedom. Taking responsibility for my lifeopens up many different options. However, ifI do not “own” in my life, my choices andoptions become very limited.”7When a Jezebel or anyone else, takesselfish and unfair advantage of my space,they are essentially violating my boundaries.Boundaries help to “guard our heartwith all diligence." In Matthew 7:6, Scripturetells us that we are to guard our treasuresand not to cast our pearls before swine.Boundaries help us to keep the good stuff inand the bad stuff out.Even God differentiates Himself fromothers teaching us that He has boundaries.He limits what He will allow and confrontswhat He does not allow. “He guards Hishouse and will not allow evil things to go onthere. He invites people in who will love Him,and He lets his love flow outward to them at7

The Jezebel SpiritPierre J. Samaan, Ph.D.the same time. The ‘gates’ of His boundariesopen and close appropriately.”8When boundaries are violated,exploitation occurs – intentional or not. Godis teaching us by example the importance ofestablishing and maintaining safe boundariesfrom the potential exploitation by selfishindividuals such as those with the Jezebelspirit/attitude.There are times when we may allowsomeone to infringe upon our boundaries.For example, I may loan you 10 with theexpectation that you will repay me in oneweek. As the weeks go by however, Ireceived no repayment. I could choose to beconfrontational in seeking reimbursement ormerely forget about it.Suffering: At this point I feel that Ishould give a quick reminder regardingthe Biblical principle of Suffering.Whether it be through persecution,testing, trials, or tribulations we will gothrough suffering. We are supposed togo the extra mile when dealing withothers. Part of the purpose for doingso is to demonstrate God’s love andrespect of others. However, there arethose who would take advantage byabusing God’s love that is giventhrough His believers. Those whoserve God faithfully while they areexperiencing suffering will take on adifferent attitude about sin. Thepowerful grip of sin no longer controlsthem (1Peter 4:1).Suffering does not mean that weshould allow others to violate us if it iswithin our power to act. If we areharmed after doing good things, weare to have faith that Christ sufferedalong with us. When we are powerlessto act, God will make right the wrong.“And who is he who will harm you ifyou become followers of what is good?But even if you should suffer forrighteousness’ sake, you are blessed.‘And do not be afraid of their threatsnor be troubled.’ Be ready to givedefense to everyone who asks you areason for the hope that is in you, withmeekness and fear; having a goodconscience, that when they defame Copyright 2007 Pierre J. Samaan, Ph.D.you as evildoers, those who revile yourgood conduct in Christ may beashamed. For it is better, if it is thewill of God, to suffer for doing goodthan for doing evil.” (1Peter 3:13-17NKJ)In both possible situations myboundary was violated. In one case I allowedit, while in another I stood my ground andmade it clear that reimbursement wasexpected and perhaps even established someconsequences.In either case I've been selfishly andunfairly taken advantage of leading to aviolation of my boundaries. Being passiveand allowing boundary violations to happenover and over again will only lead to greaterexploitation, as most parents learn with theirtesting children.Violation of boundaries, whetherpermitted or not, damages our sense of Self.Allowing someone to take advantage of me,however slight, over a period of time cancause me to lose my sense of identity, not tomention my patience.Poor boundary definitions can preventme from distinguishing myself as separatefrom another individual. This leads to anabnormal enmeshment with unhealthy peopleand life-styles.Children begin to develop the sense ofseparate identity often times between theages of three to six. Within a dysfunctionalfamily dynamic a child is not allowed tobecome a separate individual. The child'sboundaries are constantly being violated bythe controlling or neglectful parent.WITHIN THE JEZEBEL’SFAMILY“Villainy wearsmany masks, none sodangerous as the maskof virtue.”9 Virtue is themask most often wornby the Jezebel within the8

The Jezebel SpiritPierre J. Samaan, Ph.D.family. Powerlessness, helplessness, andconfusion are common intense negativeemotions found within their families.Dysfunctional family dynamics arehidden behind a façade of a superior family.The reason for this is that a Jezebel lacks theinternal emotional mechanisms to havehealthy relationships. In their home, theJezebel rules the roost. The only exception iswhen there are two Jezebels married to eachother.You will not find a lot of happy faces inthese homes. Who likes to be criticized,shamed, and condemned almost every day ofthe week? To not reflect the idealisticexpectations of the Jezebel is to instill theirwrath.Within these homes the children areprisoners of the soul – they can only fantasizefreedom. They have no rights befitting theirfamily position, only the rights bequeathed tothem to meet the needs of the Jezebel.The family is the Jezebel’s primarysource of supply. The marital partner andchildren become entitlement objects. Objectshave no rights and exist to meet our needs.We will care for our objects to the point thatthey are meeting our needs. If they requiretoo much attention or are constantly breakingdown, we throw them away for another.Fortunately, you can’t throw away achild without drawing a lot of bad attention.Unfortunately, if the marital partner does notmeet the Jezebel’s expectations, out they goin a vicious divorce. The Jezebel will usuallyportray themself as a poor victim of thepartner’s lack of integrity and responsibility.Children are motivated to identify withthe Jezebel by treating the uncooperativechild as a “black sheep.” This child no longerfeels special and questions if there issomething wrong with them. Eventually, thechild feels different than the rest of thefamily, accepting the black sheep label.There are, however, a few familiesmade up of all Jezebels, but one. When twoJezebels find one another in marriage, theirchildren have no chance. To survive the Copyright 2007 Pierre J. Samaan, Ph.D.children take on the identity of the stronglypaired parents. But, all the children are notnecessarily strong enough to maintain theexceptional pretense of perfection.The child who does not meet theidealized perceptions of the Jezebel parentswill be picked on by the entire family. Thechild is bullied by the parents and siblings. Insome families it can get so bad that itresembles a shark feeding frenzy as theygorge themselves on their own wounded.Children who fall in line and identifywith the Jezebel have a higher probability ofbecoming one in adulthood.Some children who are bullied maybecome adults who will be “passive Jezebels.”It is important to note that not all childrenraised by a Jezebel spirit will take on thesame spirit/attitude. Certainly, most if not allwill suffer lasting emotional/relational damageto one degree or another.HOW DO YOU SPEAK TO A JEZEBEL?“Very Carefully!!!”An individual with theJezebel Spirit i

practices incantations, magic, hexes, and potions. Manipulating suggests that a person is masking their true intentions. When done on a regular basis, especially for the purposes of deception and lifting or elevating one’s own self in order to rule in stature or