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Week Two: We Dared to Challenge Our EyesTo challenge our eyes, we need to understand the four steps of how sin has affected the way we’re naturally wired as mento be visually stimulated.1. We Are Rebellious By Nature.When Paul explained to Timothy that, “Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and becamea sinner” (1 Timothy 2: 14), he was noting that Adam wasn’t being tricked when he ate of the forbidden fruit in theGarden of Eden. Adam knew it was wrong, but he ate it anyway. In the millennia since then, all of Adam’s sons tend tobe just as rebellious.Our maleness brings a natural, uniquely male form of rebelliousness. This natural tendency gives us the arroganceneeded to stop short of God’s standards. As men, we’ll often choose sin simply because we like our own way.While our natural rebelliousness provides the arrogance necessary to stop short of God’s standards, our natural dislike ofa life of purity gives us the desire to stop short and to instead seek the temporary pleasures of sin.How do you see men rebel sexually in our culture? How have you rebelled? How do you want tobe different from the culture?2. We Have A Strong, Regular Sex Drive. (Part 1)In “What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women,” Dr. Dobson writes, “When sexual response is blocked, malesexperience an accumulating physiological pressure which demands release. Two seminal vesicles (small sacs containingsemen) gradually fill to capacity; as maximum level is reached, hormonal influences sensitize the man to all sexual stimuli.”For most men, this buildup to heightened sexual desire takes only about seventy-two hours.This pressure men experience does not justify seeking release through pornography or masturbation. The body hasbuilt-in mechanisms of release (including nocturnal emissions and overflow into the urine), and in fact I’ve talkedwith many single men who, by consistently keeping their eyes and minds pure of sensual things, haven’t had sex ormasturbated for years. The pressure “dries up,” they say. Still, it’s important for all men to realize how the cycle ofpressure can escalate our sensitivity to temptation. After having sex on Sunday night, you drive to work Mondaymorning and, without much reaction, notice a new billboard with a foxy babe. But after three sexless nights, seeing thatbabe on Thursday’s drive gets your “motor” running, and she may even pop in and out of your mind all day.How can God help you when a natural desire leads to temptation?3. We Have A Strong, Regular Sex Drive. (Part 2)Your body isn’t reliable for any spiritual battle, much less the battle for sexual purity and obedience. We easily identifywith Paul: “When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I seeanother law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of thelaw of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am!” (Romans 7: 21-24) Your body often breaks ranks,engaging in battle against you. This traitorous tendency pushes our sexual drive to ignore God’s standards. When thissexual drive combines with our natural male arrogance and our natural male desire to drift from the straight life, we’reprimed and fueled for sexual captivity.How do men use this as an excuse? How does God help us with our sex drive?Week Two page 1

4. We Receive Sexual Gratification Through Our Eyes.Our eyes give men the means to sin broadly and at will. We don’t need a date or a mistress. We don’t ever need towait. We have our eyes and can draw sexual gratification through them at any time. We’re turned on by female nudityin any way, shape, or form. We aren’t picky. It can come in a photograph of a nude stranger just as easily as in aromantic interlude with a wife. We have a visual ignition switch when it comes to viewing the female anatomy. Womenseldom understand this because they aren’t sexually stimulated in the same way. Their ignitions are tied to touch andrelationship. Some view this visual aspect of our sexuality as shallow and dirty, even detestable. Often, a husband’s effortto put a positive spin on this “vision factor” by suggesting their wives use it to advantage in the bedroom is met withdisdainful scorn. Lisa, for instance, said, “So I suppose I have to buy one of those cheap teddies and prance around likesome saloon girl!” Visual sexual gratification is no laughing matter in your fight for sexual purity. Given what the sight ofnudity does to the pleasure centers of our brain, and these days it’s pretty easy to see many naked or near-naked women,it’s no wonder our eyes and mind resist control.What are some of the differences you noticed between men and women when it comes to sex?How does bouncing and starving your eyes help with sexual temptation?5. Impurity Of Our Eyes Is Visual Foreplay. (Part 1)For males, impurity of the eyes is sexual foreplay, because foreplay is any sexual action that naturally takes us down theroad to intercourse. Foreplay ignites passions, rocketing us by stages until we go all the way. God views foreplay outsidemarriage as wrong. We get a glimpse of this in Ezekiel 23: 3, where God, to portray the waywardness and apostasy ofHis chosen people, uses the picture of virgins in passionate sin: “In that land their breasts were fondled and their virginbosoms caressed.” (If you’ve ever argued that God doesn’t address “petting” in the Bible, let Ezekiel 23: 3 serve as acorrective to your thinking.) Just as instructive is the overall thrust of New Testament teaching on sexual purity (studyagain the passages listed at the end of chapter 4) and the application of their standards mentally as well as physically.From God’s viewpoint, sex is more than intercourse.What acts constitute foreplay? Clearly, “caressing the breasts” is foreplay. Why? Intercourse is likely to follow. Rememberthe standard Jesus set? “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at awoman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5: 27-28).How do you define what is sex? What are God’s standards on what is sex?6. Impurity Of Our Eyes Is Visual Foreplay. (Part 2)What acts constitute foreplay? Clearly, “caressing the breasts” is foreplay. Why? Intercourse is sure to follow. If not withher tonight, then at least with masturbation later back home. If not with her tonight, then maybe tomorrow night whenher will has weakened. Masturbation while fantasizing about another woman besides your wife or “fantasy intercourse”while dreaming is the same as doing it. Remember the standard Jesus set? “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do notcommit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in hisheart” (Matthew 5: 27-28).In what ways can visual stimulation feel like foreplay? What kind of feelings and physicalreactions can our eyes cause us when we look at sexual images?Week Two page 2

Week Three: We Dared to Change Our Standards1. You Can Choose True Manhood.Many of us don’t have decent role models, even in our own fathers. At worst, our fathers don’t care about God’s sexualstandards. For instance, after I (Fred Stoeker) proposed to Brenda, my dad pulled me aside and quietly said, “Son, I knowwhat the Bible says about premarital sex. You and I are both Christians and everything, but sex is too important for you toget married without having intercourse with Brenda first. You can’t afford to marry a frigid girl.”Dad might have been a good role model in many ways, but in the arena of sexuality, he was a disaster. I wasn’t alone.Tyler, a junior in our youth group, had a strong mother fighting for his purity, but when Tyler’s father loaned him hispickup truck for dates and handed him the keys, he never failed to remind him, “Don’t forget, Ty, I’ve put a supply ofcondoms in the glove box for you.” Then when Tyler returned the keys, his father asked, “Did you get laid?”Brandon told me about being with a bunch of guys playing Nintendo late one Saturday night. He was supposed to behome at 11 P.M., but he fell asleep and didn’t wake until 3 in the morning. Horrified, he raced home in his car to find hismom on her knees praying desperately for his safe return, tears streaming down her face. And where was dear old dad?He’d gone to bed hours earlier, smirking at his wife’s prayers and saying brightly, “Quit worrying! He’s probably foundsome cute girl and is getting laid for the first time. It’s about time for him to grow up.”Even the best fathers fear discussing sex and can’t bring themselves to convey the truths they deeply long to share withtheir sons. Kenny told me, “I remember when I was in high school and my father and I were driving home from a fishingtrip in southern Missouri. I noticed his hands tightening the grip on the steering wheel, and then he said it: ‘Son, you’regetting older. Do you have any questions about girls?’ And in my great wisdom at age fifteen, I emphatically said, ‘No!’ Andnothing else was said the whole trip. In fact, the subject was never brought up again, ever. I didn’t know anything then, andI’m still learning years later. What a loss,” Kenny concluded. So who will be your role model?Share some examples you’ve experienced concerning discussions with a parent, older sibling ormentor on sexuality?2. Follow These Hands and Eyes.We hope your own father will be an excellent role model for you. If that’s not possible, or if it’s highly unlikely, the Bibleprovides role models who can fill your father’s shoes if necessary. As you look at these Biblical characters, what can youlearn about the meaning of true manhood, especially regarding how we deal with our eyes and minds and bodies?For example, let’s focus on hands for a moment. In a newsletter, author and speaker Dr. Gary Rosberg told of seeing apair of hands that reminded him of the hands of his father, who had gone on to heaven. Gary continued to reminisceabout what his father’s hands meant to him. Then he shifted his thoughts to the hands of Jesus, noting this simple truth:“They were hands that never touched a woman with dishonor.” As I (Fred Stoeker) read this, sorrow tore at my soul. Oh,how I wished I could say that about my own hands! I have degraded women with my hands, and I regret the sin.As I thought about it more, however, I realized that since my first year of salvation, I haven’t touched a woman indishonor. That made me feel good! I pondered Gary’s words a little longer. Jesus’ hands never touched a woman withdishonor, but Jesus said lusting with the eyes is the same as touching. Given that Jesus is sinless, I suddenly realized thatJesus not only never touched a woman with dishonor, He never even looked at a woman in dishonor. Could I say that?Actually, I couldn’t.Though I had received salvation, I was still looking at women in dishonor. “Oh, don’t be so hard on yourself,” you mightsay. “It’s natural for guys to look. That’s part of our nature.” But what you’re doing is stealing. The impure thought life isthe life of a thief. You’re stealing images that aren’t yours. When you looked down the blouse of a woman who isn’t yourwife, you were stealing something that wasn’t yours to take. When you had premarital sex, you touched someone whodidn’t belong to you.It’s just like walking down Main Street behind someone who drops a hundred-dollar bill, and you pick it up. If youWeek Three page 1

choose to keep the money instead of saying, “Hey, Mister!” then you’ve taken something you’re not entitled to. Similarly,if a well-built woman bends over and you stare at her breasts, you’re a thief. You need to leave that valuable creationin the hands of God and her husband or her future husband. When we’re thieves with our eyes, we’re grabbing sexualgratification from areas that don’t belong to us, from women who aren’t connected to us. In this arena, Jesus, havingnever looked on a woman with dishonor, is clearly our role model.In what ways did Jesus model God’s standards?3. Just A Man, A Great Model.“Well, sure!” you say. “He was God. It’s unfair to expect me to live like Him!” Maybe. But if, because of His deity, Jesus’personal standard seems unattainable to you, let’s look at another manhood role model from Scripture in the area ofsexual purity.His name was Job, and though you wouldn’t think it, this man is the essential role model of sexual purity in Scripture.Job’s story unfolds in the Old Testament, where in the first chapter of the book that bears his name, we see God braggingabout Job to Satan: “Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, aman who fears God and shuns evil.” (Job 1:8)Was God proud of Job? You bet! He applauded His servant’s faithfulness in words of highest praise. If you walk inpurity, blameless and upright, He’ll speak just as proudly of you. But if you don’t, this passage from Scripture mayactuallydiscourage you when you compare your life with Job’s. Don’t be discouraged. Instead, learn from Job.First, we need to learn more about how Job did it. In Job 31:1, we see Job making this startling revelation: “I made acovenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman.” A covenant with his eyes! You mean he made a promisewith his eyes to not gaze upon a young woman? Is that possible? Can it be true? It was true, and he must have beensuccessful, or God wouldn’t have called him blameless and upright.Job was successful; otherwise, he wouldn’t have made this promise: “If my heart has been enticed by a woman, or if I havelurked at my neighbor’s door, then may my wife grind another man’s grain, and may other men sleep with her.” (Job 31:910) Job had been totally successful, otherwise he couldn’t have made this statement from his heart. He knew he had livedright, and he knew his eyes were pure. He swore to it upon his wife and marriage, before God and man.Let’s go back to the beginning of the story and read the opening verse of the book of Job: “In the land of Uz there lived aman whose name was Job. This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil.” Job was just a man! Asyou realize that, these precious words should gloriously flood your soul: If Job could do it, so can I. God wants you toknow that even with your manhood with all its bothersome tendencies, you can rise above sexual impurity.Who are the male role models in your life? And how have they been role models to you?4. Making Your Ocular Covenant.When I (Fred) first gave serious consideration to Job’s example, I thought upon his words for days on end. My mindfirst turned to the word covenant. What was that? I learned that a covenant is an agreement between God and man. Wepromise to do something, and God promises to do His part. So how would I go about making an agreement with God?If I did make a promise to God not to stare at women’s bodies, could I be counted on to keep my word?Day after day my mind returned to this covenant concept, trying to intellectually grasp it. Then it happened. I rememberthe moment—the exact spot on Merle Hay Road in Des Moines—when everything broke loose. Minutes before I hadfailed God with my eyes for the thirty millionth time, staring and lusting at a pretty female jogger as I drove past her.Boy, did I take a good look at her glistening body, so shapely in her jogging outfit. As soon as I passed by and she was adistant figure in my rearview mirror, my heart churned in guilt, pain, and sorrow. Driving down Merle Hay Road, IWeek Three page 2

gripped the wheel, and through clenched teeth I yelled out, “That’s it! I’m through with this! I’m making a covenant withmy eyes. I don’t care what it takes, and I don’t care if I die trying. It stops here. It stops here!” That’s when the Lord gave mea concept that I call bouncing the eyes.Are you willing to make the same covenant Job made? How does the idea of bouncing your eyesmake you feel? Challenge someone to make the same covenant you’re making and hold oneanother accountable.5. Don’t Follow this Sissy.You may be thinking, who in his right mind would ever make a covenant with his eyes like this? It seems crazy. What Idid on Merle Hay Road may seem odd to you. But remember, acts of obedience often appear strange, even illogical. Tohelp you understand where I’m coming from, let’s look in the Bible at the story of a man who just didn’t get it.His name was Zedekiah, the greatest sissy in the Bible. He was reigning as the king in Jerusalem when the Babylonianswere threatening to capture and destroy the city and bring an end to the nation of Judah. Zedekiah’s lack of manhoodrose to the surface in the events described in Jeremiah 38. Jeremiah, as God’s prophet, knew what the outcome of theBabylonian invasion would be, and he made it known by stating: “This is what the LORD says: ‘Whoever stays in this citywill die by the sword, famine or plague, but whoever goes over to the Babylonians will live. He will escape with his life; hewill live.’ And this is what the LORD says: ‘This city will certainly be handed over to the army of the king of Babylon, whowill capture it.’ ” (Jeremiah 38:2-3)When Zedekiah heard about this, he let his officials throw Jeremiah into a deep cistern to shut him up. He later orderedhis servants to lift the prophet out, but he still kept Jeremiah under arrest. Then one day, with Jerusalem under siege,the king summoned Jeremiah to a secret meeting. The prophet told the king what to do: “This is what the LORD GodAlmighty, the God of Israel, says: ‘If you surrender to the officers of the king of Babylon, your life will be spared and this citywill not be burned down; you and your family will live. But if you will not surrender to the officers of the king of Babylon,this city will be handed over to the Babylonians and they will burn it down; you yourself will not escape from their hands.’ ”(Jeremiah 38:17-18)Surrender! God, through Jeremiah, was asking the king to do something very difficult, something that made no sense.Who in their right mind would ever leave the fortress and go over to the enemy? It seemed crazy. Still, God’s Word wasclear. The city would fall whether they stayed or left. Zedekiah expressed his fear, but Jeremiah remained firm, saying,“Obey the LORD by doing what I tell you. Then it will go well with you, and your life will be spared” (Jeremiah 38:20). ButZedekiah, indecisive and fearful, failed to obey. The right thing to do seemed too illogical, too costly. The results forhimself, his family, and his nation were tragic.How does making a covenant with your eyes seem crazy to you? Are you still willing to do so? Ifnot, why not?6. Man’s Man, or God’s Man?When it comes down to it, God’s definition of real manhood is straightforward and simple: Hear His Word and followit. It’s not someone deciding that “It’s my way or the highway,” or “I’ll do what I want when I want.”Have you ever known a guy whose beard is so heavy that he uses two blades to shave in the morning—one for each sideof his face? By late afternoon, his four o’clock shadow is so thick that he has to shave again. Four blades in one day! Forthose of us who are “smooth men,” we hold this tough guy in awe. But God cares nothing about that.When God looks around, He’s not looking for what everyone else calls a man’s man; He’s looking for “God’s man.” Hisdefinition of a man—someone who hears His Word and acts upon it—is easy to understand, but not easy to do. But atleast it’s clear.Week Three page 3

Meanwhile, the results of failing to be a man according to God’s definition could have a tragic end. The fact is, asGalatians 6:7-8 tells us, God is not mocked: You reap what you sow, both the good and the bad. By now you understandGod’s command that you should eliminate every hint of sexual immorality from your life. If you do that, as Job didthrough his covenant with his

run wild. Therefore the book Every Young Man's Battle was written, and is the basis for this study. This study is for a young man in his teenage years. And even better than studying this by himself, would be for a father or significant male in a young man's life to study this material with him. There are six daily readings for each of four .