Transcription
2WBE ARTIST: DON MARTINWRITER: SERGIO ARAGONES
NUMBER120JULY1968VITALFEATURESBLUE-EYEDKOOK“The longer you nurse a grudge, the longer it takes to get better!”—Alfred E. Neuman(A MADMOVIE SATIRE)Pg.4WILLIAM M. GAINES publisherALBERT B. FELDSTEIN editorJOHN PUTNAM art director LEONARD BRENNER productionJERRY De FUCCIO, NICK MEGLIN associate editorsJACK ALBERT lawsuitsGLORIA ORLANDO, CELIA MORELLI, JOAN ZECCA,CURTIS ANDERSON subscriptionsCONTRIBUTING ARTISTS AND WRITERSthe usual gang of idiotsDEPARTMENTSBERG’S-EYE VIEW DEPARTMENTThe Lighter Side Of Driving .CAPITOL LETTERS DEPARTMENTThe “Great Society” Alphabet Book .DON MARTIN DEPARTMENTWhile Strolling Through The City .A MAD PEEKBEHIND THESCENES AT THEPOST OFFICEPg. 14ECCCH-TRANEOUS MATTER DEPARTMENTSome MAD Articles You Never Got To See .ESCAPE-GOAT DEPARTMENTBlue-Eyed Kook (A MAD Movie Satire) .5-RINGCIRCUS DEPARTMENTMAD's 1968 Political Olympics .HIGH YOCK-TANE DEPARTMENTOn The Road With Sergio Aragones .ARTICLESYOU NEVERGOT TO SEEPg. 34INSIDE-OUCH! DEPARTMENTA MAD Peek Behind The Scenes (At The Post Office). .LETTERS DEPARTMENTRandom Samplings Of Reader Mail .-.-.000see08MARGINAL THINKING DEPARTMENTDrawn-Out Dramas By AragonesMOM’S THE WORD.-.000.000220%DEPARTMENTMother's Day Cards Down Through History .-. 5 16PHONY-ANSWERING SERVICE DEPARTMENTBulling Your Way Through Final Exams .005 26ON THEROAD WITHSERGIOVEXARAGONESPg. 42EDUCATION DEPARTMENTThie-MAD. Hate: Book (Voll [1)) os nec nemsinemenentinmenncsr 10VITAL FEATUREDEPARTMENTA MAD Public'Service aici. asa.eciistwwemty@einiea eaeasalewh 31WAYOFF-BROADWAY DEPARTMENTJobs On The Fringe Of Show Business .-005.005055 32**Various Places Around The MagazineMAD—July 1968 Vol. 1, No. 120 is publnthly except February, Mey, Aveust and November,iow York N.Y. 10024, Second Clas: Fostage aid atby E. C. Publications, Inc., 485 MADison A\Jes 5.00. OutsideU.S.A., 19 issues 6.25. AllowNew York, N.Y. Subs10 weeks for change of address to become offtise contents copyrigni 1968 by EG. Pubilea,tions, Inc. The Publisher and Editors will not be responsible for unsolicited manuscripts and request ollmanuscripts be accompanied by a stomped self-oddressed return envelope. The names of charactersused in oll MAD fiction and semi-fiction ore fictitious. A similarity without satiric purpose tooliving person js 0 coincidence.Printed in U.S.A.THE “GREATSOCIETY”ALPHABETBOOKPg. 44
JUST SHELL OUTA LITTLEFOLDING MONEYLETTERSDEPT.HIPPIE MAGAZINET turned on with your “Hippie Magazine”, and I can’t turn off because I’m stilllaughing.Michael BoguskySouthampton, Penna,IN THE OUT EXIT. AND YOU WON'T HAVETO STICK YOUR NECK OUTAT THE NEWSSTAND AGAIN!Origami by BaggiPhotography by irving SchildSUBSCRIBE TOINGA). and have the next 19 issuesmailed directly to your own box!-- - -- — use coupon or duplicate---—--—-—— You've really done it this time. You'vereached the top of the apple barrel with“In The Out Exit,” This was your funniest and most ridiculous satire to date.Henry B. Hyatt, Jr.Eastchester, N.Y.sOut Exit”was the sharpest thing you've ever printed.It was real cool, and real keen.Walter SeymourNew York CityI haye just read “In The Out Exit” andI must thank you and commend you foran excellent take-off.Linda A. K. CozzeFlemington, N.J.MAD485 MADison Avenue,New York, N. Y.10022Utterly ridiculous and thoroughly sillyand another winner!Beverly CorboNorristown, Penna enclose 5.00*. Enter my name onI must confess that I did not think “InThe Out Exit” was very satirical. mainlybecause after attending public high schoolhere, I regard it more as a true-life adyenture.Greg VanderheidenLong Beach, Calif.your subscriptionlist, and mail methe next 19 issues of MAD Magazine.NAMEADDRESSCITY.ZIP-CODEAM ABSOLUTE MUST“In Canada, 5.00 in U.S. Funds, payable by InternationalMoney Order or Check drawn on a U.S. Bank. Outside U.S. &Canada, 6.25, payable by International Money Order orCheck drawn on U.S. Bank. Allow 10 weeks for subscription‘to be processed. We cannot be responsible for cash lost orstolen in the mails, so Check or Money Order PREFERRED!STATEMf you're wondering what hoppened to our usual clover ad offering fullcolor portraits of Alfred E. Neuman, MAD's “What—Me Worry?’’ kid—forwhich you mail in 25 for 1 (50c for 3, or 1.00 for 9) to: MAD, 485MADison Ave., New York, 10022. . We're not running it in this issue!What you did to a great actress, SandyDennis, was just plain cruel and not theleast bit funny.Anne ChovieNew York City‘In The Out Exit" had to be one ofyour most brilliance pieces of satire. I remained misty-eyed and twitching all overasI readit.Eve BorensteinTeaneck, N. J.In the “Uptight is.” section of “Hippie Magazine", you state that, "Uptight isfinding out that Toledo, Ohio, is wherei's at.” Well, you're wrong! As studentsat the University of Toledo, we can safelysay (from experience) that Toledo ISwhere it’s at! As a matter of fact, if TU.’'sfoundations ever crumbled, the wholeschool would fy away!Candi SteinbergJayne CantorUniversity of ToledoAs a turned-on Hippie, I was completely psyched out by your take-off of amagazine dedicated to our wonderfulcause. Flower power forever!Dave GarrickNorth Carolina StateMan, you really messed up with your“Hippie Magazine", satire, There areplenty of ridiculous things about Hippies,and you managed to miss them all. Youpicked up on only the most obvious aberrations. Better go back to your movie andcigarette ad satires.Christine StoneBerkeley, Calif.In “My Most Unforgettable Hippie”you showed a copy of Tolkien's “Lord ofthe Rings”, implying thac it was kind of a“Hippie Bible.” This book is fine literature, better in many ways than “Alice inWonderland”, and I hope you will correctwhat is certainly an unjust criticism.Dana C, WillcoxOberlin CollegeIn regard to your advice: "Turn On,Tune In, Drop Dead” . why don’t you!C. ChalifouxPennington,N.J.AN ATTRACTIVE SELF-ADHESIVEHave Yourself A WildPOLITICALPARTYWith An“ALFRED E. NEUMANFOR PRESIDENT”CAMPAIGN KITMay the great Guru forgive you poormisguided creatures of satire for yourignorance and short-sightedness.Misha-C.A.T.Philadelphia, Pa.BUMPERHERE’SWHATYOUSTICKERGETand all forONLY oo”A2%,"FULLCOLORCAMPAIGNBUTTONon )
MISSIONPRO FOOTBALLRIDICULOUSGood afternoon, Mr. Phelps. The menyou are looking at are William M. Gainesand Albert B. Feldstein, Publisher andEditor, respectively, of asatirical magazine known as MAD. They recently published a disgusting, insulting and completely inane satire of a fine TV show—mainly ours. They cannot be allowed tocontinue their activities any longer. Yourmission, should you decide to accept it, isto stop Gaines and Feldstein once andfor all. As usual, if any of your LM.team are recognized and mercilesslyslashed to pieces by MAD's gang of Ruthless Writers, the Secretary will disavowany knowledge of your actions. This letter will self-destruct in ten seconds andtake the magazine with it,Simon EdkinsBowdoin CollegeI have always regarded MAD as thebest satire magazine available. With"Mission Ridiculous” I am now convinced that your staff possesses the greatest talent around.Loren SchmerlerBoston Gerald LusticAkron, Ohio"Mission Ridiculous” was fabulous.The story was wild and the art was, asusual, great. In my opinion, a real "Mission Impossible” would be to read anyissue of MAD without laughing.Leonard LiptonBronx,N.Y.Thahilarioussatire, "MissiIt was oneof the greatest in a treasury of MADgreats. And to think that some peopledon’t even like MAD. Very suspicious!Harriett HodgesLancaster, S.C.First, a letter from Martin Landau andBarbara Bain. Then a satire on “MissionImpossible.” Very suspicious! !John SchrantzBrooklyn, N.Y.TWO FULL-COLOR CAMPAIGN POSTERSCongratulations on the fine “Pro Football” article in your recent issue. 1 havelong been waiting for your mag to do atreatment of our new national pastime.‘Warren A. GoldfeinElizabeth,N.J.Of everything that has ever happenedto me—“this” has impressed my two boysthe most.Frank GiffordCBS SportsNO L.B.JABI noticed you didn’t have one satiricaljab at L.BJ. in your issue No. 118. Whynot? I ask this with a “heavy heart.”Patrick HoulihanSomerville, Mass.ARE YOU SERIOUSLY BENT UPONSHELF- apeBLOW YOUR MIND WITH ANY OR ALLTHIRTY-FIVEMADPAPERBACK BOOKS!ON SALE AT ALL BOOKSTANDS—OR YOURS BY MAIL FOR 50 EACH *nduse coupon or duplicate ------—.MAD485 MADisonNewPLEASETHE 100MM CIGARETTEI bet this is the first letter commendingIrving Schild (crack photographer) onhis great camera work for MAD's backcover ads, His “Great Moments . . The100 mm Cigarette” was sensational.Peter KnightFalls Church, Va.AvenueYork, N. . 10022SENDME:D The MAD Reader(2 MAD Strikes BackCl Inside MADC Utterly MADOi The Brothers MADCO The Bedside MADCO Son of MAD(Cl The Organization MADi The Ides of MADLike MADBy far the best piece of editorial workprinted to date on the subject. Your efforts should be highly praised.Herbert Swarz, M.D., Cons. Phys.,USS, Public Health Serv. Hosp.(FightingMAD( The MAD Frontier(2 MAD in Orbit(J The Voodoo MAD(Greasy MAD StuffC Three Ring MADCO Self-Made MAD( The MAD Sampler4 World, World, etc. MADDON MARTIN LOOKS AT FROGS“Don Martin Looks At Frogs” was oneof the funniest things I have ever read. Infact, I laughed so hard, I almost croaked.RavingMADBoiling MADRicky MoranisQOirerittetes MADToronto, CanadaO pontineO the inhesi MAD(2 DON MARTIN Steps OutAfter dissecting frogs for ewo weeks inour College Zoology class, it was reallygreat to see them satirized by DonMartin, We didn’t stop laughing until theProf handed out the midterm exam.Ed MooreLansing Community College(DON MARTIN Bounces Back(DON MARTIN Drops 13 Stories(MAD's Captain Klutz(Cl DAVE BERG Looks At The U.S.A.(2) DAVE BERG Looks At People( ) DAVE BERG Looks At ThingsPlease address all correspondence to:CO The All-New SPY vs. SPYMAD, Dept. 120, 485 MADison AvenueNew York, New York 10022(A MAD Look at Old MoviesMADCi SPY vs. SPY Follow-Up FileCAL JAFFEE's Snappy AnswersI ENCLOSE485 MADison AvenueNew York, N. .10022Plus50c FOR EACH25 Postage& Packagingon all orders under 2.00 want to register a protest againstbeing given the choice of two idiots—by supporting an even bigger idiot.Enclosed is 1.00. Please send me my NAME.“Alfred E. Neuman For President” kit. anoregsNAMEAbe Onn aca CITYcitySTATE.STATEZIP-CODENo Orders Outside The U.91e9) dnpuodnoo10Jj- asn-- 4 ZIP-CODEAN ABSOLUTE Musthe malls.Check ofMoneyOrder preferred! On erders‘Outside the U.:5,A, be sure to add 10% Extra!We cannot be responsiblefor cash lost or stolen in
ESCAPE-GOATDEPT.Years ago, when they made a prison picture, you knew exactly what was going on. The guards were all sadisticand the prisoners were all regular guys under their tough exteriors. But today, things are different. Today,eee get green gum balls! get purple gumballs! get white gum balls! But never- . Never once in my whole life have ever gotten a marbleized gum ball! So I'msmashin’ every gum ball machine in thistown until get a marbleized gum ball!oseSorry, son, but marbleized gum ballsare strictly reserved for members of“The Establishment”! And those gumwaAll right, now we're gonna get along jus' fine ifyou always do exactly as I say, no matter howunreasonable . . an’ if you always treat me withtremendous respect, no matter how nasty get. . an’ if you always remember that you have absolutelyno rights, no matter how miserable make your life!toball machines belong to “The Establishment"! So you're under arrest fortrying to smash “The Establishment"!In other words,being here willbe just likeFeThat's right,smart guy!Okay—what'syour name?living at homewith our parents! — Kook Jerkson! Okay! You can arrest me! But I'm lettin’you know now that even though failedsmash “The Establishment”, I'm not gonnalet “The Establishment’ smash ME! Not. .Pe1hig1jSo you're Jerkson! ————— We}, THAT was hear that somean idle gesturefolks consider youto be a hero! Justwhat did you do?. . especiallysince you werein Vietnam atthe time!
oe}EeKnmeoga prison picture isn’t really about prison and prisoners. Today, it’s all symbolism, and you have to figureout what's going on. Like frinstance in this MAD version of a recent prison picture that begins like this:ARTIST: MORT DRUCKER[ae\fyou don't make your bed, yougo in the box! If you talk back,EE you goin the box! If you forgetyour number, you go in the box!If you're late, you go in the box!did—do?Swehe He wentbudhisis buddy!Whereth“aking,him?aeWho does hethink he is!? §WRITER: STAN HARTAll right, everybody outside! Here's theschedule for today! Stagline, you get busySomeprison!on your raffia! Society Head, you finish upThis is{ your wallet! Kook, you start on your ash tray! [MM ridiculous! He hasineseeto watchee“The Hustler’withoutabreak!»That stuff don't bother me!*h If you thinkthis is bad,just wait until“Color War”!—Oh, yeah!? What kind ofI'm detatched! I’m cut off a guy ARE you, anyway!?from Society! don’t needanything . . or anybody!So lonely, Icould DI!oH,
Boss, may4I take offBoss, may Yes,Boss, mayYes,Itake off ] you I takeoff } youmy jacket?my shirt?Hey, look at that [jan, is sheLook what for you!Taal wHaT’p and you didn't lanme'syou better First I tire him out! metoathrow inpulp!tow do you do that? -You're sweating,122a figmake himthink heHow do youdo THAT?An’ I'm warnin’you . take onefalse “UmbrellaStep” an’ Shoot!You took gonna have Don't be ridiculous! l By lettingi!the boxKook, youfi)Hey, Kook, This is my strategy! — him beatthehitowel! Okay, it'sNewton, couldone of my Lifoverlook! A Zweiback—22 Malomars pq no sweat! But nobodyALL RIGHT!Not once,during allthat beating,1 touches my Malomars!Hey, Kook! ] He hit meHow come you so hard, didn't beg swallowedfor mercy? mytongue!
Son, know weHelp met’ain’t much forThanks forget comfy, The mattresscommunicatin’! comin’ to visit son! Thisis smooth,remember when- me,Ma!!see mattressMa! It'syou were nearly you're down toyour lungstwo, you said a carton a day!“Mamal’—and theconversation’sgone downhillever since!Isay ny blue: ————— eyed friend,And I say yourthat's lumpy!reKook, can eat blue-eyed friend,FIFTY EGG:pKook, is a phonyand a blowhard!a2!Bye, son! Yeah, Ma!Is that dialogueNo, that dialoguegenerations?screenwriters!It's beenDon’t symbolic of the lack is symbolic of therealnice callme! of understandinglack of talenttalkingVitalbetween thebetween thetoyuh! know! just feelif argumentative!He did it! My blue-eyedKook DID IT!“BLUE-EYEDKOOK"'! Hey,that’s whatwe're gonnacall you fromnow on!Better callWas eatingNo, eatingTell theall those eggstruth, Kook! Ahh, some big deal party!Man's need to of Man's needabad placefjme a Doctor all those eggsinstead! Youforgot to peel off theeggshells! symbolic ofwas symbolic4tobenauseated!This ain't[ as camps go, ff]now, isit?fjWhere'sthe magician!?I'm up to herewith too much Listen, Drag—t hate itcandy and soda here! I’m bustin’ out!and ice cream!:
the dogs an’ getGetafter him! An’ when youUrNoArts &Crafts.noJM Right! I'madoubles on desserts.{jfand no canteen privilegesDamenWe're jus’ gonna have to l All right, you men!break your spirit, Kook! ! When I give the signal,That's why I've assembled[]What's sofj*throughplaying“Mr. NiceGuy”with him!ihNo! Please!Don't! 'l!“Qn KOO-0OK!everybody repeat after [)SHAME, SHAME be good! Nothe entire prison here! ]mes —One—two—three— ‘ON KOO-OOK:!! more! Please!’I'll be good! promise!‘suspiciousxAtlanta police found about that?!Thein a Drive-In Theater!himThey thought he lookedsuspicious, just sittingthere watching the movie![]Hey, Kook! Oh, thankyou Yecch! Listen tobring upto serve you,the truck! sir! Thank you!him! It's enough to make you loseyour faith inrotten people!tayaIat" that!'sdri‘TRUCK!?!Look at thatKook! Andwe help you onthought hewith your4 was our hero! boots, sir!The dirty ff hope they'resellout! Theybroke hisGrovel over for giving methere and the opportunity}“Ina BRINKSto see if theyfit right, sir!He's escaping!HEY,That's what he'sdoing! My Blue-EyedKOOK!WAITKook is ESCAPING! FOR ME!Like heck I'mAescaping! TheGAS PEDAL’S
Here's where we part company
