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TOUGH QUESTIONS SERIES(WEEK 2/2: THE QUESTION OF MARRIAGE)SMALL GROUP DISCUSSION QUESTIONSCONNECT: How can the reality of God’s coming Kingdom be more evident to you?WARM-UP Question1.Why do you think we struggle in our society to discuss significant issues with depth and love?2.What are the gifts that Christianity has to offer this current national dialogue?3.How can we respectfully and lovingly disagree?READ MATTHEW 19:1-64.What is the shape of marriage that Jesus highlights in his reference of Genesis?5.Why do you think that the ‘classical’ definitional of marriage has been so pervasive over such a longtime and throughout so many cultures?READ Genesis 2:18-256.7.What most stands out for you in the account of the first marriage?The description of the spouses as ‘suitable’ has a sense of ‘like opposite’. What does this mean?8.Why did God give humankind the gift of marriage? Especially take time to discuss how the spouse isintended to be both suitable and a helper.9. As we think about marriage, what difference does it make to recognise marriage as from God?10. How is marriage the ultimate symbol of Christ and the Church?11. In what way is the Christian understanding of marriage intended as a gift for our society?READ Matthew 19:11-1212. What does Jesus mean by the three references to eunuchs? How does this highlight the two choicesbetween marriage and singleness? How do both serve the Lord?13. Do you know anyway who has chosen to be single in order to serve the Lord? How was this powerful?How was this also costly to them?14. As Australia debates the potential to change in marriage, how can we speak with salt and grace? (ReadColossians 4:5-6)APPLY (to this week): As people in your life debate the shape of marriage in Australia, howcan your words be full of salt and grace to them?PRAY: Gracious God, we thank you for the gifts of both singleness and marriage. Thank you that you havecreated us in your image, male and female. Please help us to use our entire lives for your Kingdom and yourglory. May our desires be constantly growing to reflect your heart. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.For sermons and additional resources, visit STBARTS.COM.AU
TOUGH QUESTIONS SERIES(WEEK 2/2: THE QUESTION OF MARRIAGE)GOING DEEPER RESOURCES & SUGGESTIONSEach week we provide additional resources that help to go deeper with whatever series we’recurrently focusing on as a church. Resources could include recommended books, articles, onlinesermons, courses, or videos. These are optional extras! Please don’t feel under pressure to look atevery resource, but consider what could be useful to.Talks & Audio “Marriage: A Covenant, Not a Contract” by Alistair y/marriage-a-covenant-not-a-contract “Marriage, Divorce, and Singleness” by Tim Keller (payment rce-singleness-6389 “The Story of Gender” by Professor Sarah -story-of-gender “Going Postal” by Peter Judge-Mears: A Sermon for the Same-Sex Marriage ng-postal/Video “What does the Kingdom of God Look Like” by N T wright-interview “What is Marriage” by Ryan t-is-marriage “N T Wright on Gay Marriage”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v xKxvOMOmHeI “Is Jesus Good News to the LGBTI Community?” by Sam good-news-to-the-lgbti-community/Articles “Eulogy for Traditional Marriage”http://www.johndickson.org/blog/ “What is Marriage For?” by N T ge/what-is-marriage-forBooks Available for Sale at the Bookstall Questions Christians Ask Series: “Is God Anti-Gay?” by Sam AllberryFor sermons and additional resources, visit STBARTS.COM.AU
Talk 2/2 (Tough Questions Series): 01/10/17“The Question of Marriage” by the Rev’d Adam LoweBible Passage: Matthew 19:1-12 and Genesis 2:18-25It should be of little surprise, that the most common questions,from our tough questions series, all relate to marriage. The question of marriage, is at the forefront of our minds. On one side, many can’t understand why anyone would want to change a definitionof marriage that has been almost universally accepted across cultures and time. On the other side, people can’t understand why anyone would want to prohibit twopeople of the same gender, who sincerely love each other, from marrying. And this has largely resulted in both sides being perplexed with one another. And what we must remember, is that this is not just a hypothetical or academic conversation,but something that goes right to the hearts of people. It affects real people and real lives. And therefore I’m compelled to say, right up front, that as we explore this, we mustdo it with all gentleness and love. We can’t simply ignore it, nor can we remain coldand detached from the topic and the very people with whom we might disagree. You might find yourself disagreeing with me today, or even the person next to you,and I would hope that if that is you, then we can sit down together and lovingly discuss it. We would be an immature Christian community,if we simply said, this is too sensitive and too complex, so let’s ignore it.!2
One of the great gifts that we should be able to bring to the debate,is not only the desire to go to the ‘why’ of what we believe,but also to love people with whom we profoundly disagree.And in the current shape of our national debate, that would be a welcomed gift. Because my hunch, is that the reason why we struggle with being able to discuss this,is not only because it is deeply personal, but also because culturally we are simply notconscious of, nor equipped with the frameworks, to discuss the values that shape us. We can be quick to know our opinion, but not really sure why we do.For example, take the classic definition of marriage, as having three criteria:two adults, of the opposite sex, who intend to stay together. And so what is being argued, is that actually, this is discriminatory.And in order for marriage to be equal, we must remove one of the criteria. //People say, ‘love is love’, all that matters is that it is two people who want to lovingly commit. The change would not recognise those who are in a loving polyamorous relationship,that is, where there are more than two partners committed to each other. The change would not recognise a sologamous relationship,that is, where one person seeks to commit to marrying themselves.!3 There’s something about the boundaries of marriage,as two people who intend to stay together, that people advocating ‘YES’ want to hold onto. And what I would want to ask is, why? What leads someone to that conclusion?It can’t simply be love. Because particular loving relationships are prohibited.But what is it, in the value of marriage that would lead to retaining any of these criteria?Now I can’t answer that for every Australian,but I can say, that as Christians, the reference point for us to try and understand what wethink about marriage, is not simply ourselves, but God. And so that means, in all humility, that we must come to God’s Word,and sit under the authority of it. We can’t simply come to the Bible in order to prop up our personal opinions,nor we must we go to the Bible in order to tear down another’s opinion,but earnestly, we must desire to seek out God’s will and ways,even when it challenges us, even when it rubs against what we may or may not think.And so as we come to the Bible, seeking to understand what marriage is, we see: The SHAPE, the PURPOSE, and the GOODNESS of singleness.!4
#1 THE SHAPE OF MARRIAGE \\ MATTHEW 19 & GENESIS 2So first, the SHAPE of marriage. Let’s begin by looking at Matthew 19:1-3.When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to theother side of the Jordan. Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there This part of Matthew sits right at the end of the fourth teaching block by Jesus in Matthew. “When Jesus had finished saying these things”, is a little textual marker to indicate,that part of teaching is over, and now we’re moving onto the next thing. And as Jesus moves towards his ultimate demise on the cross and subsequentresurrection, the Pharisees, who are trying to trip him up, ask him:“Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” Divorce was an important social issue at the time, as it is now, and the Pharisees aretrying to see if Jesus’ teaching is going to be consistent with the Torah, with their Bible.!5 But quite remarkably, Jesus doesn’t go to the particular provisions within the Law,but takes them right back to the purpose of marriage in the beginning. In a way, he's saying if you think that divorce is permissible for any and every reason,you’ve missed the point of marriage for which it was instituted by God.“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female (v.4)As Jesus answers them, he’s draws upon elements from the creation accountsin both chapters 1 and 2 in Genesis. And we note, when he speaks of marriage, the very first aspects that he speaks about,and affirms, is the good way in which God created humankind as distinctively:male and female. Both male and female, were created in God’s image,and in similar ways, but also different ways, we are image-bearers of God. That is not to say that God looks like us, that’s not what image-bearing means.But it is to say, that in our maleness and femaleness, we together represent God in theworld, and there is something about man and woman together, that images God.!6
Some people in their commentary on this, really seek to dismiss the distinctiveness ofhumankind as being created male and female. But it’s simply not being faithful to the Bible. The creation account, very intentionally consists of a list of complementary,and binary pairs, beginning with heaven and earth, and culminating with male and female. It’s a real high point in the creation account - there’s something very good about the two sexes. But ignoring the distinctiveness of male and female also diminishes what it means to behuman! It astounds me that culturally, we’re almost embarrassed to speak in this way. When male and female is part of the diversity of humankind. And it’s not just that male and female are distinctive in Genesis 1;It’s not just that they are distinctive in Genesis 2;but in the account of the first ever wedding, that Jesus references,the language about that distinctiveness is poetically brilliant.The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him andthen continues in verse 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he wassleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord Godmade a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.!7 With our modern eyes, we can look at that and think it’s a bit odd,but it’s actually incredible. Because what we see, is that as God makes the woman,he presents her to the man, like a Father of the Bride walking his daughter down the aisle,at which point Adam bursts into spontaneous song saying:“This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken outof man. ” (Genesis 2:23) To paraphrase, it’s something akin to:AT LAST, FINALLY! Here’s what I’ve been looking for all my life. Someone the same - that’s the point of the rib - but different, like me but opposite. When it says a SUITABLE helper it is actually two words that mean, “like opposite”.This is not a hierarchical term in any way. They are the same, but different.Man and woman complement each other as they are joined together. In God’s vision for marriage, we see the diversity of humanity as brought together. And so Jesus affirms that marriage is not only instituted by God,but that it is the joining together of two like, but opposite people,the joining together of male and female.!8
#2 THE PURPOSE OF MARRIAGE \\ MATTHEW 19 & GENESIS 2So that’s the SHAPE of marriage as we read in the Bible.Second, we read of the PURPOSE of marriage. That in marriage, something NEW is created Jesus, continues, quoting from Genesis 2 once again ’For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two willbecome one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh There is an incredible act of creation going on in the formation of marriage. One flesh equals one person: it goes beyond the couple’s sexual union,although it’s important to say that it does exclude that physical union as well. In fact, it’s important to say, that the New Testament only ever recognises onepermissible type of sexual context, and that is between husband and wife. And the way that husband and wife love each other,is intended to show the world what God’s love is like.!9 See marriage is not just an isolated part of the Bible,it’s part of the grand narrative of the Bible, it’s bookended with marriage. We see the first marriage of man and woman in Genesis,a relationship that is intended to be a very signpost to God,a relationship that is part of the creative outworking of rule in the world,But the Bible reaches its conclusion with another marriage, of Christ and the church. So in the most remarkable way, human marriage becomes a pointer to God,and a great anticipation of us being brought together with God when he returns. That’s why I always say to people getting married,that from the day you are married, that the way you love one another,is to become one of your primary forms of evangelism.But not only that, but a pointer to the fulfilment of new creation itself! They are to leave, cleave, and weave.!10
Part of the purpose of marriage, was also the potential for children to be born. It’s really important to note here,that having children doesn’t make you married,there are reasons why people can’t or chose not to,but there is a sense of the potential for that,that can only happen between a man and a woman. Even the Romans, who were famously open to same-sex relationships,perhaps even more than our society, simply did not think of the idea of marriagefor people of the same sex. And that’s because it was almost universally recognised,that part of the the distinctive purpose for marriage from other relationships,was for the potential for children. It’s in God’s creation of marriage, that we also bring order to our society and to the world.As you look a marriage, and the statistics you might think we’re not doing a great job! Yet it’s incredible, that even in all of our imperfection,even with all of our problems, the order of family has brought great order to our world. As people - diversely male and female - made in the image of God,there is a creative purpose in not only family, in not only ruling together,but also in the ordering of the world.!11#3 THE GOODNESS IN SINGLENESS \\ SINGLENESSBut finally, we also see that marriage is not the only way. There is great goodness in singleness. Often the church does a poor job of supporting and encouraging single people.Perhaps even more remarkably, as a society, singleness is not really esteemed. But actually, what we read in the Bible says that singleness is too a vocation.Christianity is based on a single man. The Apostle Paul did not marry.You cannot possibly read Genesis 2 as a command that all should marry.That all becomes very evident in the next part of Matthew As the pharisees continue to challenge on the topic of divorce, Jesus teaches on theideal of marriage, and the disciples who are listening to all of this say:perhaps it’s best not to marry!And Jesus says, in effect, well yes that might very well be the case!Sometimes in our post-modern hubris, we kind of think, look this is all good and well,but the ancient people just didn’t understand issues of gender and sexuality. But that would be the naive. The were aware of the Roman’s practices,the New Testament is full of teaching on sexual conduct,but even more amazing, is the relevance of when Jesus speaks of eunuch’s in vv.11-12.!12
Eunuch’s were those who had been castrated. And when Jesus refers to them,he probably means in both a practical and metaphorical sense. First, when he speaks of eunuch’s born this way, he probably in the practical sense ofthose born that way, what we would understand in modern day terms as intersex,where there is ambiguity about being male or female. In the second instance, of eunuchs made that way by others, that usually refers tomen who were made that way because it was thought that they could do their jobsbetter, serve in their role in society, if they were made that way. And the final group, those who live like eunuchs, Jesus is probably meaning withregards to those who have made themselves in a metaphorical way. That is, just as as eunuchs didn’t marry, some who followed God,chose not to marry in order to serve the Lord with an undivided attention. I have friends today, who over time, discerned that part of their vocation,was to be single, as they felt they could serve the Lord better that way. That’s something that our society doesn’t value, but I’m so thankful for them. But Jesus’ point in all of these examples is clear:that for those who follow Jesus, there is marriage or singleness,and both are of great worth.!13CONCLUSION \\ Words GraceWhat makes marriage, marriage? Some will suggest that is up for us to decide, that’s up for us to dictate. Others will say, I’m not sure marriage is even worth saving. But I want to say, it’s not actually up for us to decide,because as Christians we do not recognise marriage as our own,but from God and for God, which means we’ve got to seek out his way. We do not simply believe that ‘love is love’, that love defines itself,because we believe that God is love,which means if we want to understand the shape and purpose of loving relationships,we must not only seek the out the one who created that potential,but the one who has created us.We have so much love and life to bring to this dialogue in our society. So let’s do that with conversations full of truth and grace.!14
For sermons and additional resources, visit STBARTS.COM.AU TOUGH QUESTIONS SERIES (WEEK 2/2: THE QUESTION OF MARRIAGE) SMALL GROUP DISCUSSION QUESTI
