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FreedomthroughForgivenessDR. JAMES MACDONALD))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Freedom throughForgivenessDr. James MacDonaldP.O. Box 764, Arlington Heights, IL 60006-07641.888.581.WORD www.WalkintheWord.com
Other Related Resourcesfrom Walk in the Wordinclude:Always Resolve Everything NowCassette and CD seriesThe Passions of Jesus: Finding Out What Fires Him UpCassette and CD seriesWhen God Shows UpCassette and CD seriesWe pray that this booklet will be helpful to you as you seekto grow in Christ and walk in the Word. If we can be offurther assistance to you, please contact us at:Walk in the WordP.O. Box 764Arlington Heights, IL 60006-07641-888-581-WORD (9673)These resources and more are available in the online storeat www.walkintheword.com or by calling 888-581-WORD.Copyright 2000 by Walk in the Word/Dr. James MacDonaldScripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE, Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by TheLockman Foundation. Used by permission.Printed in the United States of America.No part of this book may be reproduced without thewritten consent of the author.
Freedom throughForgivenessSurvival SkillsLife moves at an exhausting pace. If you want tosurvive, you’ve got to have some survival skills. Forexample, if you live in a large city, you have to beable to drive aggressively. Recently, I was driving backfrom a Bears’ game with some out-of-town friends.They commented, “Man! You’re driving crazy!”I explained, “if you’re going to make it in Chicago,you have to be able to drive aggressively.”Another survival skill is overcoming stress. If you can’tdeal with stress, you’re not going to make it! Youhave to be able to get life’s heavy stuff off your backor you’ll soon be down for the count.Now here is a survival skill that applies to anyone,anywhere, at any time. You have to be able to forgive.If you’re going to succeed at work, at home, at((( (((You also have to know to stay out of some neighborhoods. I know a guy whose car was peppered withbullets in a random, drive-by shooting as it wasparked on the street in his neighborhood. Needlessto say, he’s moving.1
church, wherever you are, you have to be able toforgive those who hurt you. If every time somebodyslights you or insults you or crosses you, you packit in your sack and drag it around with you throughlife, you are not going to survive. You absolutely haveto forgive.The Purpose of This Booklet((( (((My goal in writing this is not subtle or complicated.As a pastor I meet so many people struggling withunforgiveness. Over and over I hear the samequestions—how could I forgive that? or why shouldI forgive her? My prayer is that this book will notonly answer your questions but also bring you to aplace where you are 100% ready and willing to forgive.Yes, you! My goal is that you would take everywrong that has been done to you, every deliberateslight and every incidence of abuse that you haveever experienced—and choose to forgive it. Yes,“with men it is impossible, but with God allthings are possible” (Matthew 19:26).2
How Common is Unforgiveness?Everywhere we turn we see the effects of sin.The prophet Isaiah said, “All we like sheep havegone astray, we have turned, every one, tohis own way” (Isaiah 53:6). Sheep are some of themost stubborn animals our Creator ever made. Theyare obstinate, focused on doing their own thing. TheBible says we are all just like them. We are prone togo our own way and because we do, we injure eachother. Husbands cheat on their wives, children rebelagainst their parents, parents abuse their children,pastors injure their church members, bosses mistreattheir employees, teachers damage their students . . .the list could go on to infinity. Every time one personinjures another, forgiveness must be granted orthe wound will never close and heal. Imagine themultiplied millions of times forgiveness is neededjust within a few miles of your house, or better stillwithin your own home and mine.((( (((Yes, unforgiveness is common in the world.How common is it in you?3
Who Cares About Forgiveness?Jesus does! Jesus is fired up about forgiveness.He’s passionate about it. He talked about forgivenessso often because He knew it would be a strugglefor all of us.((( (((Remember how He taught us to pray? “Our Fatherin heaven, hallowed be Your name . . . Give usthis day our daily bread. And forgive us ourdebts as we forgive . . . ” (Matthew 6:9-12).4Over and over we see Jesus’ passion for forgiveness.In Matthew 6:14-15, He said, “For if you forgivemen their trespasses, your heavenly Father willalso forgive you. But if you do not forgive mentheir trespasses, neither will your Father forgiveyour trespasses.” In Mark 11:25, He said,“Whenever you stand praying, if you haveanything against anyone, forgive him that yourFather in heaven may also forgive you yourtrespasses.” Wow! That means when we’re praying,it’s as if God was saying, “What? What? I can’t hearyou. Forgive those people first, then come and bringyour requests before Me.” Scary, huh?Remember one of the final things Jesus said on thecross? As He hung there and died to pay the penaltyfor our sins so we could be forgiven, He prayed,“Father, forgive them!” (Luke 23:34)Forgiveness is everywhere in the life of Christ.
You can’t spend 10 minutes in the Gospels withoutconcluding, “Man! Jesus is fired up about forgiveness!” It’s because He knows what unforgivenessdoes to our heart.THERE’S NO EXCUSE FOR UNFORGIVENESSJesus Christ leaves no doubt that there is never anacceptable reason for unforgiveness. The classicillustration of this teaching is in Matthew 18. WhileJesus was teaching on conflict resolution, Peter’s mindwas wandering to forgiveness. He was wondering ifthere’s a way out of it. Verse 21 says, “Then Petercame to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall mybrother sin against me, and I forgive Him? Up toseven times?” Peter was willing to forgive to a pointas long as he knew when “enough is enough.”He suggested seven times but Jesus countered with,“I do not say to you up to seven times, but upto seventy times seven” (verse 22).Jesus was not suggesting a hand-held calculator forforgiveness. He taught that forgiveness is limitless.It’s every time, all the time, forgive!“The hurt is too big; I can’t possibly forgivesomething that BIG!”Now is that crazy or what? Wouldn’t you think thatthe bigger it is, the more you would want to get ridof it? Nobody’s life is ruined by getting cut off intraffic. Nobody’s desperate and bitter late in lifebecause of the bully in the schoolyard. It’s the big stuffthat ruins our lives. The bigger it is, the more we((( (((People use a variety of excuses to avoid their biblicalresponsibility to forgive. None of these hold up toJesus’ standard for forgiveness.5
should want to get rid of it. Are you being destroyedby a massive injury you won’t let go of? The biggerit is, the harder you could fall.“I can’t forgive until I forget.”Wrong answer. The truth is that you will not forgetuntil you forgive. As long as you remember, as longas you cherish that hurt, as long as you wake up inthe morning and review the ugly thing, you will neverforget about it. In fact, until you forgive that injury itwill not only remain incredibly fresh in your mind, butkeep growing. When you forgive, when you releaseit, you will begin, over time, to forget.((( (((“Time will heal this pain; I don’t have to forgive.”Yeah, right! Time heals nothing. Time might burysome things. It might cram some issues down underthe carpet or into the back of your closet or into thefar corners of your heart. Step back and look at howyou’ve been behaving to avoid the pain. You knowit’s not healing. Time does not heal. Forgiveness does!6
What Happens WhenWe Don’t Forgive?Are you struggling to forgive? Maybe a review ofthe consequences will help. Unforgiveness hurts theperson who grips it. It’s like a hot coal searing thepalm of your hand. The tighter you hold onto it, themore it burns. No one suffers like the person whowill not forgive. In Ephesians 4:31-32, Paul says,“Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evilspeaking be put away from you, with all malice.And be kind to one another, tenderhearted,forgiving one another, just as God in Christ alsoforgave you.”Let’s look at the words Paul uses to describe theconsequences of unforgiveness.BITTERNESSBitterness is perpetual animosity, which inclines theperson to a harsh opinion of others. The wordbitterness in Ephesians 4 comes from the Greek word,((( (((Unforgiveness has many dramatic and destructiveconsequences that can devastate us and those welove. Many a man has lost his wife because he hatedhis boss. Many a mom has lost her kids because shehated her dad. Many an adult has lost his friendsbecause he hated his enemies. When unforgivenessbecomes bitterness, you had better get some bodybags ready because it destroys everyone in its path.7
pik. It means to cut. The bitterness of unforgivenesscuts our insides to ribbons. To expand on the definition,it is a fretting, irritable state of mind. Bitterness is asour, crabby demeanor. It is acid in the heart. It is thescowl on the face. It is the words of venom.Aristotle said bitterness is the “resentful spirit whichrefuses reconciliation.” Bitterness says, “You willnever be right with me. There is nothing you can doto square this away.” What a lemon is to yourmouth, bitterness is to your heart.WRATHWrath is deeply settled indignation. It’s the flowing,foaming constant anger. It’s the burning furnaceinside. It’s the everyday choice to stoke it till the flameignites afresh. That’s wrath. You hurt me and I won’tforget, I won’t let go, I won’t forgive. You’re goingto pay.((( (((ANGER8Anger is different from wrath. Wrath is deeply settledand often goes on for long periods of time. Angeris the temporary passion of raw emotion. It’s theoutburst of rage. It can be violent: the phone clickingin your ear, the fist through the wall, the brokenglass, the physical contact. Anger erupts and thendissipates. It’s often rooted in unforgiveness.CLAMORClamor is the noise of relational strife. It’s the loudself-assurance of the angry person who requireseveryone to hear their grievance. Clamor is, “You hurtme and now you’re going to hear me. Now!” Clamor
is the tight-lipped, teeth-clenched overflow of anunforgiving heart.EVIL-SPEAKINGThe Greek word for evil speaking is blasphemia. It’sthe depths of evil speech. Although it’s the wordfrom which we get our word blaspheme, it’s not justagainst God. It’s slander. It’s reviling. Evil speaking iswords intended to injure. It’s the “I’m going to saythis and I don’t care who it hurts!” Cold, calculated,ready-aim-fire words—that’s evil speaking.MALICEUnforgiveness starts with bitterness and ends withmalice. These are the emotions that destroy the spirit.Pull up the tree of damaging emotions and when youget to the root, you will find unforgiveness. It doesn’thappen all at once, but over time unforgiveness willdestroy you.Imagine a little bag like a marble bag. One by oneyou put the offenses of life into the bag. Before youknow it, it’s full. So you need a bigger bag, a gymbag. And into the gym bag goes the marble bag fullof offenses. And then before you know it, morethings happen. “Why did Joe say that?” Why didMary do that?” After a while, if you don’t resolve((( (((Malice is the all-encompassing end result ofunforgiveness. It’s the capacity to locate wrongdoingand do it. The word literally means bad-heartedness.It’s a willful “I’m going to feel this and you can’t stopme because I have every right to feel this!” If youever hear that concept creeping up inside you, you’restruggling with malice, which is rooted in the soilof unforgiveness.9
and forgive, you need a duffel bag. Pretty soonyou’re carrying a garbage bag and then a dumpster.You drag around your dumpster and before long youlive at the dump. And you are “down in the dumps.”Why? Because you don’t forgive.((( (((That is why Paul says, “Let all bitterness and wrathand anger and clamor and evil speaking be putaway from you with all malice.” We arecommanded to put all of those things away. You maywonder, “Why would a person want to carry thosethings around?” I think it’s because they really don’tunderstand the enormous cost of unforgiveness.Do you?10
How Does Unforgiveness AffectMy Relationship with God?Scattered quiet times? Distracted prayer life?Inconsistent spiritual hunger? Perhaps unforgivenessin your life is impeding your relationship with Christ(Psalm 66:18). Sin blocks fellowship with God.Sometimes we don’t spend time with God becausewe’re afraid He’s going to say something we don’twant to hear, as in “Forgive, then we can talk!”True or false? We attempt to come before Godshielding the part we don’t want Him to touch.That’s not intimacy. That’s pretending, and Goddoesn’t pretend.Leonardo Da Vinci was not just a great painter; hewas an incredible intellect. He was an architect, adraftsman, and an engineer and, most importantly,he had a great faith in God. One day he sat downto paint the Lord’s Supper, but just before he was tobegin he had a bitter argument with a friend. It wasa major blowout that left real tension and frictionwhen he tried to paint.Get this: When it came time to paint Judas, stillangry, he painted his friend’s face. It’s a well-knownfact that Da Vinci was a devoted follower of Christ,and when the time came to paint the face of ChristDa Vinci couldn’t do it. Try as he might, in spite of his((( (((A CHRISTIAN WHO WOULDN’T FORGIVE11
incredible talent, the beauty of Christ would notcome to him. That is, until he painted over the faceof Judas and got right with his friend.((( (((Today, many believe that Leonardo Da Vinci’s work inThe Last Supper is one of the most beautiful portraitsof Christ that has ever been painted. What a portraitof the need to forgive! The likeness of Christ cannever be reproduced in our lives as long as unforgiveness resides there.12
How Does Unforgiveness AffectMy Relationships with Others?Unforgiveness is a waiting game that puts happinesson hold. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Life revolvesaround that past hurt. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock.We’re chained to yesterday. The tragedy and perversityof the whole thing is that the offender is oftenoblivious. We must stop wasting our time thinking“the boss will realize that the company will nevermake it without me” or “Dad will see how wronghe’s been.” That day will probably never come. If youwant to love your family and friends and pastor andchurch members for a lifetime, you must forgive.((( (((You can never have an enduring relationship withoutforgiveness. Every relationship offers opportunities forforgiveness, whether for small offenses that easily pileup, or for significant offenses that the relationshipwill not survive unless you forgive. It’s true in marriage.It’s true in every pastoral relationship. It’s true in everyministry and small group relationship. It’s true in everyfriendship. It is always, always, true. There are noenduring relationships without forgiveness.13WHAT IS FORGIVENESS?First of all, you must understand what forgivenessis not. Forgiveness is not a feeling. You will neverfeel forgiveness. Forgiveness is a choice; it’s an actof the will.
((( (((Forgiveness is releasing another from the obligationof personal injury. It is treating them as though itnever happened. It’s not pretending it neverhappened; it’s treating them as though it neverhappened. There’s a big difference.14
Jesus Christ is Our Modelfor ForgivenessEphesians 4:32 says, “Be kind to one another,tenderhearted, forgiving one another just asGod in Christ also forgave you.” Forgive just asfreely as Christ forgave you—just as quickly andgenerously as He forgave you. Jesus models forgiveness. He was falsely accused and mocked, beatenand spat upon, ridiculed and crucified. As He hungon that cross for your sins and mine, He said,“Father, forgive them.” We are to forgive as JesusChrist forgave.Now that’s a great definition of forgiveness.“He released him.” Forgiveness is the decision torelease a person from the obligation that resultswhen they injure you. If I were to walk up and dosomething to injure you, that would create a debt.You could say, “You owe me, man. You tooksomething from me and you owe me.” Forgiveness issaying, “You don’t owe me.” Released! Forgiven!((( (((The parable of the unforgiving servant is the perfectillustration of true forgiveness. In Matthew 18, theking was extremely angry with the servant who owedhim millions of dollars. He pulled in the servant andsaid, “You have to pay me right now.” The servantbegged and said, “Have mercy. Please forgive me.”The king did, and said, “You don’t have to pay.”He released him from the debt.15
Forgiveness is a decision to treat the person asthough it never happened.Remember, forgiveness is not pretending an offensenever happened. Not at all! Forgiveness is notinteracting with the person and giving him everyopportunity to do it again. Forgiveness is treating theperson as if the incident never took place. It’s releasinghim from the obligation that resulted from hishaving injured you. That’s what the king did with theservant. That’s what we must do.But the servant did the unthinkable. He went out andgrabbed the guy that owed him ten bucks and nearlychoked him to death for it. The king found out andwas outraged. “I forgave you millions and you can’teven forgive this guy ten bucks?”((( (((You may be thinking, “What this person did to me isa lot more significant than ten bucks!” You’re probablyright. But I am telling you, take that sin and put it onone side of a scale and put your sins against Jesus onthe other side. If you think the scale doesn’t crashdown under the weight of your sins, you don’t get ityet. That’s the whole point.16No story we could tell could outweigh our offenseto God. To come to the place where you can forgiveis to realize all that God has endured during yourown rebellion and sinfulness. Jesus Christ released usfrom a debt we could never repay. He commandsthat we do the same for others. “Be tenderhearted,forgiving one another, just as God in Christ alsoforgave you.”
How Do I Forgive?Change happens through a crisis, first, and then aprocess. As you move from the crisis point you mustlive out your choice to forgive in the process. Let meexplain how to do both.WHAT DO I DO IN THE CRISIS?The crisis moment you must have is facing up to allof the unforgiveness in your life—whatever it is. Youmust make a choice and say, “I forgive that. I’ve gotto be freed from that.” Follow these steps:Repent of your unforgiveness.This is critical. You say, “God, I have been an unforgiving person. I’ve cherished and held on to hurt andit’s wrong. I’m sorry.”Say, “Lord, I know there are people I need to forgive.Some I can remember and some I can’t. Would Youbring to my mind all of the people I need to forgive?” Get a piece of paper ready. As God brings thenames to mind, jot them down.Name the person and name the pain.Say, “God, I forgive Bill for ” Say it right before theLord. He hears and He answers. In the crisis of thatmoment, there is incredible healing. I have seen((( (((Ask God to reveal all areas of unforgivenessin your life.17
people freed by the simple act of naming theperson and naming the pain they caused. “Well,that’s fine for now,” you say, “but what about howI feel tomorrow?”WHAT DO I DO IN THE PROCESS?The process of forgiveness is acting upon the crisisand following up by keeping these three pledgesconsistently:I won’t bring it up to the person.The next time my sister calls me on the phone, Iwon’t hang up on her. I won’t be cold to her. I won’twithhold myself emotionally from her. I won’t bring itup to her.I won’t bring it up to other people.I won’t call my other sister on the phone and say,“You know I’m so upset with Frieda for what she didto me.” I won’t bring it up to another person.((( (((I won’t bring it up to myself.18This is definitely the most difficult part. I’m not goingto bring it up to myself. I’m not going to cherishit and think about it over and over as I stand in theshower or drive in the car. I’m not going to reviewthe pain by keeping it in my wallet and looking at itevery day. I’m not going to think about it when I seea picture of that person.These are the keys to achieving true forgiveness.When you fail in the process, you must return to thecrisis. If you do that consistently, you will have victoryin this struggle. Perhaps it’s something you have
forgiven in the past, but it keeps coming up. It’s notgone and you know it’s not gone. So turn from theprocess and go back to the crisis. Name the personand name the pain again. Ask God for the strengthto live out that forgiveness and enter into the processagain. Try not to bring it up to the person, to others,or to yourself. Go back and forth between thecrisis and the process until God truly heals the pain.Do this faithfully and you will experience freedomand victory.I have experience in these matters. There is oneperson whom I have been trying to forgive for manyyears. I thought I had forgiven, but saw only recentlythat I had to return to the crisis again. I am surprisedat how many times I have had to come to this.I thought it was dealt with, but the process wasnot complete.((( (((Come to God and choose to forgive the person whohas hurt you. Not “I need to forgive,” not “I shouldforgive,” not “I’m going to forgive someday,” but“I do forgive this person.”19
What are the Benefitsof Forgiveness?Forgiveness is like cleaning out the drain of your spiritthat is so clogged by unresolved hurts. Name theperson, name the pain and forgive. When you havetruly forgiven someone who has hurt you, greatthings begin to happen:NEGATIVE FEELINGS BEGIN TO DISAPPEAR.You used to bump into that person and think, “I hateyou, man.” You probably didn’t say it out loud, butin your heart, you had those feelings. When youhave forgiven, those feelings of anger, bitterness andresentment disappear. Love, concern, mercy, andcompassion replace them. You begin to get God’sperspective on the situation.((( (((YOU LEARN TO ACCEPT THE PERSON,NOT THEIR SIN.20You begin to accept the person who’s wronged youand you start to get some insight into why he didwhat he did. You think, “What he did was sowrong!” But then you say to yourself, “Do you knowwhat? I’m starting to get a little perspective on whyhe might have done that.” This helps you accept theperson despite his sin.
YOUR OTHER RELATIONSHIPS IMPROVE.When you forgive, you grow in your ability to bearwith the failures and shortcomings of others.Unforgiving people are very harsh people. They don’tjust beat on the person who sins against them; theybeat on everybody else around them. Unforgivingpeople aren’t popular people. They are bitter people.Once you’ve forgiven and let go of the baggage ofunresolved issues, you will become more gentle andunderstanding of others.YOUR WALK WITH CHRIST FLOURISHES.((( (((Jesus draws near to those who obey Him (John 14:21).When we do what Christ commands, we begin toexperience the joy of a genuine walk with Him.Feeling better, facing the person, better relationships,closer to God . . . wow! Forgiveness produces suchexcellent results in our lives.21
Have You Been Forgiven?Now it is decision time. Is your heart ready to dealwith the unforgiveness in your life? Are you ready toget it settled today? First, you must answer the mostcrucial question. Have you received God’s forgiveness?Can you look to a time in your life when youunderstood that you are a sinner who will never getto heaven on your own? That Jesus offers forgivenessyou could never earn and really do not deserve?Can you remember a time when you turned to Christ,in repentance and faith, and asked Him to come intoyour life and forgive your sins? Have you madethat choice? Have you confessed Jesus Christ as yourpersonal Savior?((( (((Maybe you’re saying, “I think the reason I haven’tbeen able to forgive is because I never really acceptedGod’s forgiveness.” If you have not made that choice,you can make it now in this very moment. God isready to forgive you if you will pray this simple prayerfrom your heart,22“Dear Father God, I know that I am a sinner. I knowthat I cannot get to heaven on my own. Thank Youfor sending Jesus into this world to die for my sins.I now receive Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I acceptYour gift of forgiveness. Come into my life now andbe my Lord and Master, I pray. In Jesus’ name.Amen.”
Returning to theLord of ForgivenessPerhaps you have received the Lord Jesus andyet have somehow wandered off the path that Hisforgiveness provides. Have you chosen to beunforgiving, to cherish hurts and pains that have noplace in the heart of a follower of Jesus?To get back into fellowship with Christ pray fromyour heart,“Lord, who do I need to forgive? Lord, I invite youto bring those faces and names to mind now inthis moment.”As He does you can pray, “Lord, I forgive . . . thename and the pain.” Go ahead and do that now.“Lord, I forgive ” Continue until you have forgiveneach person.Our Lord is waiting for you to choose to open yourheart and receive His forgiveness. He commands thatyou forgive others as He has forgiven you. And Hehas given you the tools you need to do it. He wantsyou to have the freedom that only forgiveness canbring. “If the Son makes you free, you shall be freeindeed” (John 8:36).((( (((“Lord, You are so forgiving and now I choose toforgive. I pray this, Jesus, in Your strong, strongname. Amen.”23
Freedom throughForgivenessDR. JAMES MACDONALDMe—forgive her? You don’t know what you’re asking.You’ve carried it around for too long—that suitcase packed withpain, grudges, and cherished offenses. Someone has hurt youand you’ve drug the memory of it around for years.You want to be free of this burden that chains you to yesterday—but how? This booklet will not only answer that but it will alsopresent the plan that will help you be 100% ready and willingto forgive. Yes, you! Through the power of God’s Spirit, learnGod’s way of forgiving every wrong that has been done to you.Yes, “with men it is impossible, but with God all thingsare possible” (Matthew 19:26).Igniting passionin the people of Godthrough the proclamation oftruthWalk in the Word is the Bible teaching ministryof Dr. James MacDonald. James’ teaching emphasizesthe precise exposition of God’s Word and its practicallife application. Our goal is to ignite passion inthe people of God through the proclamation of truth.But it isn’t enough just to hear the Word—we mustactually do what it says. Originally from Canada, Jamesand his wife Kathy have three children and make theirhome in suburban Chicago. He is the founding seniorpastor at Harvest Bible Chapel, one of the fastest growing churches in theChicago area with a congregation of more than 6,000. Learn how toplease God with your life with Walk in the Word’s practical daily broadcastavailable all the time at www.walkintheword.com.))))))))))))))))))))))P.O. Box 764, Arlington Heights, IL 60006-07641.888.581.WORD www.WalkintheWord.com))))))
the list could go on to infinity. Every time one person injures another, forgiveness must be granted or the wound will never close and heal. Imagine the multiplied millions of times forgiveness is needed just within a few miles of your house, or better still within your own home and mine. Yes, unforgiveness is common in the world. How common is .
