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TRIMESTER 3 l LIFE TRANSITIONS 4Client Session GuideDevelopingYour OwnGrief Ritual
VITA Coaching Trimester 3, Life Transitions 42Developing Your Own GriefRitualIn this session, you will work with your client to design their unique grief ritual.This can be an emotional process, so be prepared to slow down, stop, or do deep coachingsupport during the process. If there is extra time in the practicum, you can lead the clientthrough their ritual, if that would be supportive. Some clients may prefer to do it in private.Take notes during the entire session to document their ritual so that you can type up theritual after the session and send it to them.Instruct your client to understand and honor that grief or loss is an unpredictable and uniqueprocess and that there is no right way to feel or do any practice.Note that the text in bold is instructions for the coach.Step 1Ask questions and have a conversation about the different pieces and suggestionslisted throughout the session so you can support your client to design a ritual that suitsthem.You can share the suggestions with them or, if that distracts them from their creativeprocess, let them come up with their ritual without any suggestions.Take notes so that you document what they share, desire or decide on.Describe the loss or grieving that you are creating the ritual for.Copyright 2020, Truth and Love Coaching, LLC - All Rights Reserved.
VITA Coaching Trimester 3, Life Transitions 43You can design a grief ritual for the death of a person or animal, the loss of a relationship, oranything that you want to move on from.Step 2Describe the intention for your ritual.Intention ideas for ritual:I want to stay connected to XXXI want to release my connection to XXXI want to forgive myself completely and heal from XXXI want a sacred space to feel everything about XXXI want a place to give myself full permission to process XXXI want to connect to my eternal love for XXXI want to process XXX so that I can move on with my lifeStep 3Describe how you want the ritual to affect your relationship with the person or thing you aregrieving over time.Step 4Is there a special location you would like to use for your ritual?Location ideas:At an altarWith a pictureAt a graveAt a place in nature (a tree or special area)At an old meeting placeStep 5Are there any special items you want to use for your ritual? How will you use them?Copyright 2020, Truth and Love Coaching, LLC - All Rights Reserved.
VITA Coaching Trimester 3, Life Transitions 4Special items for ritual:A picture of the personA candleSpecial ritual musicObjects from the person/relationshipReligious itemsIncenseSpecial clothingStep 6Is there a certain way that you want to start your ritual?Ways to start the ritual:PrayersMantra chantingSingingSilent meditationBreathworkDancingShakingStep 7Is there a prayer or mantra that you want to use for your ritual?Prayer or Mantra ideasPrayer: “I bless you and shower blessings upon you.”Prayer: “I release you, and I release myself into the light of love.”Prayer: Spend time speaking to God/Goddess/Universe, asking questions, and sharing howyou are doing from the heart.Mantra: Traditional mantra for death or mourning from your culture or traditionMantra: “Om”Mantra: Gayatri Mantra is a hymn to the dawn and can be beautiful for release ceremoniesand re-birthCopyright 2020, Truth and Love Coaching, LLC - All Rights Reserved.4
VITA Coaching Trimester 3, Life Transitions 45Step 8Consider the following ceremony suggestions and see if you would like to use any in yourritual:A forgiveness ceremony (you, yourself, or the experience)A releasing ceremony (for the experience)A healing ceremony (for your heart or body)A connection ceremony (to connect with the person *especially good for the deceased*)If your client wants to use any of these, you can share the following information withthem. They can do the ceremony as it’s describing, but they can also add to it or tweakit so that it feels suitable to their needs.You can ask them to close their eyes and listen while you read the ceremonydescription to them and feel for what ceremony would most support them.Remind them that they don’t have to memorize anything will type up the ritual andsend it to them so they can do it on their own.Simple Forgiveness Ceremony (to yourself)Feel everything that you regret, everything that you wish you hadn’t done, feel guilt,remorse, or shame, and see your innocence in making those choices at the time. Say toyourself: I forgive you, I forgive you, I forgive you. Hold the part of yourself that you forgivewith tenderness and love.Simple Forgiveness Ceremony (to the other)Feel everything that you are still holding on to, everything that you wish they hadn’t done;feel anger, bitterness, resentment, sadness, or any other emotion that keeps you connectedto this person. Feel your co-creation of those experiences and understand that if you keepholding on to them, it only binds you. Forgiveness is for you, not the other person. See all ofthe things that you haven’t yet forgiven (but want to) and say to yourself and the person youare forgiving: I forgive you, I forgive you, I forgive you. Send the part of them that you areforgiving compassion and love, and focus on freeing yourself from this now and in the future.Copyright 2020, Truth and Love Coaching, LLC - All Rights Reserved.
VITA Coaching Trimester 3, Life Transitions 46Release Ceremony (especially for relationships that you want to move on from)Feel anywhere in your body that you are still attached to this relationship - energy,emotions, mind, soul, spirit. As you feel the attachment, inhale into it; then exhale andrelease. Feel yourself melt out of the attachment and become freer and freer with everyexhale. Afterward, fill yourself up with whatever you wish to replace this attachment with.Healing Ceremony For HeartFeel into your heart and say out loud: “I honor everything in you. I honor your emotions. Ihonor your experience. Everything in you is sacred.” Breathe in and out of your heart andallow yourself to feel and express whatever arises. When this feels complete, whisper:“Thank you, thank you, thank you” to your heart.Healing Ceremony For BodyFeel into your body and say out loud: “I honor everything in you. I honor your emotions. Ihonor your experience. Everything in you is sacred.” Breathe in and out of your body andallow yourself to feel and express whatever arises. When this feels complete, whisper:“Thank you, thank you, thank you” to your body.Connection CeremonySit in silence and feel your relationship to this person. Feel this person and your connectionto them through time and space. Open your heart and feel if there is anything that theywant to communicate to you. Feel for this communication in emotions, sensations, images, orwords. Speak openly to them. You can share with them how you feel, what’s going on, howyou are doing. Listen for any response back. Thank them, and feel your eternal connection.Step 9Are there any offerings you would like to make during your ceremony?FlowersA candle to represent the person or thingOffering back all of the energy that you sharedA painting or pictureA sacred objectOfferings of gratitudeCopyright 2020, Truth and Love Coaching, LLC - All Rights Reserved.
VITA Coaching Trimester 3, Life Transitions 47Step 10Are there any practices you would like to do during your ritual?Practice ideas10 min of shaking to release and process10 min of mourning to release and process (suggested: open arms, wailing, and shakingbody)10 min of breathwork to feel complete and integrate (gentle breathwork to nourish or feel orboth)10 min of silent meditation10 min of singing10 min of being in nature10 min of journaling thoughts, feelings, and experiencesStep 11How often and when would you like to do your grieving ritual?Start and ending suggestions:If you are grieving the death of a person or animal, you can choose a time to end the ritual,like a 1-month, 3-months, or 6-months. For some relationships, it may feel appropriate toleave it open-ended or continue the ritual forever. You can also choose something like,“When it feels complete.”If you are grieving the loss of a relationship or something that you want to move on from, ithelps to estimate a time to complete the ritual process. You can extend it if you want to, butthis “end date” helps the psyche understand that the grieving will come to an end.Keep the ritual as simple as possible and ideally under 30 minutes so that you can staydedicated during the ritual.This is an excellent way to keep up with your grieving container and support daily. If you’velost a loved one, it gives you time to feel the loss and process any emotions that are comingup while also connecting to the deceased.Copyright 2020, Truth and Love Coaching, LLC - All Rights Reserved.
VITA Coaching Trimester 3, Life Transitions 48If you’ve lost a relationship, this ritual is an excellent touchstone to keep processing yourfeelings, working with forgiveness and release, and moving forward in a very conscious way.Step 12When and how to do a ritual:Some rituals can be done daily, and some can be done weekly or even monthly. If you areprocessing a relationship, you can start with doing the ritual daily for the first month andthen do the ritual monthly for three months, for instance.If you’ve lost a loved one, a daily ritual to start can be very supportive. Then consider movingto monthly at a set time, like the new moon or on the anniversary of the event.There is no “right way” to do a grief ritual. The question is: What supports you with yourintention, and what can you realistically commit to?Step 13Based on their answers, share with your client what type of ritual they have designed.Let them know you will create a step-by-step process for them.If there is time left and if they desire it, you can guide them through the ritual now.Otherwise, wrap up the session.Step 14Have your client discuss with you what they learned/experienced/received from thisprocess and anything else they wish to share.You can also take her through the following steps depending on what feels needed andhow much time you have:Copyright 2020, Truth and Love Coaching, LLC - All Rights Reserved.
VITA Coaching Trimester 3, Life Transitions 49Agreeing on a Clear Vision of the Meta-MapTake this time to reflect, encourage, and support your client. Make sure that you are on thesame page about what you took away from the session so far.Laying Out Clear Steps to Achieve the GoalWhat are the inner work and the outer work that your client needs to do to achieve theirgoal?Empowering the Supportive IdentityWho inside of your client knows how to take this action? Have your client hand this part ofthemselves the power to take action steps towards their goal.Daily Focus/Daily Practice/Daily ActionMake small, achievable steps out of the inner work and the outer work. Set up emails, texts,follow-ups, or accountability before the next session.Setting Up AccountabilityHow will you track their progress?Favorite Moments and GratitudeHave your client share two moments that deeply affected them during the session and twothings they are grateful for.Copyright 2020, Truth and Love Coaching, LLC - All Rights Reserved.
Feel everything that you regret, everything that you wish you hadn't done, feel guilt, remorse, or shame, and see your innocence in making those choices at the time. Say to yourself: I forgive you, I forgive you, I forgive you. Hold the part of yourself that you forgive with tenderness and love. Simple Forgiveness Ceremony (to the other)
