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the real results come with Physical Mastery, when you not onlyknow and feel what must be done, but you repeatedly apply yourknowledge to your life until it becomes a pattern in your body. Forexample, you may begin by understanding that a certain behaviorof yours always creates friction and problems in relationships: let'ssay, a tendency to be controlling with your partner. You may evenrepeatedly feel that change is important enough to try a differentdirection in your relationship. However, it is not until you committo, repeat, and condition a different approach in your life thatyou create a new relationship pattern that will bring permanentimprovement. Passionate relationships are not for the lazy!When you encounter a relationship pattern in your life that needsto change, make sure that you take consistent massive action tocreate a new pattern in your relationship. For lasting change,take your understanding to the level of physical mastery. Whenyou own something at Level 3, Physical Mastery becomes part ofyour identity. This is the only way for a transformation in anyarea of your life to last.THE SIX POSITIONS OF RELATIONSHIPSBefore you embark on any journey, it's a good idea to know whereyou're going. As we set off to create the ideal relationship, the firststep is to understand where you are. In fact, everyone is in one ofsix positions in regards to relationship.1Position One: A magnificent relationship with loveand passion.2Position Two: A relationship with love, but littleor no passion.This is what relationship is all about: all of the fun,spontaneity, intimacy, excitement, passion, closeness,and devotion. When you're in position one, you neverwant it to end. This is “the zone” for relationship!You have a deep love with your partner, and your friendsand family think you have a good, stable relationship.However, you no longer have the passion, juice, fun, andexcitement you want. You feel more like family membersthan lovers. You may have had this passion in the past andgrown comfortable, or you may not ever have had it in thefirst place. The good news is, it's possible to move fromPosition Two to Position One within minutes or seconds!This is an exciting place to be, as the rewards can be immediate.Key PrincipleThe only difference between an intimate relationshipand a friendship is intimacy.3Out of the Mouths of BabesHow would you make a marriage work?“Tell your wife that she looks prettyeven if she looks like a truck.”—Ricky, age 1012Position Three: A relationship with not much love,not much passion.You and your partner may live together, and you may becomfortable, but there is no deep emotional involvement.There may be friction between you, as neither of you feelsvery loved or wanted, or possibly you have each found waysto meet the majority of your needs outside of the relationship.If the great majority of your attention, focus, and interest ison work, hobbies, family (other than your partner), friends,etc., you are probably in Position Three. What's difficultabout this position is that you may feel your partner is agood person—not good enough to get excited about, notbad enough to leave. However, this position shows adeterioration of the relationship and will only get worseas time goes by, unless you turn it around.13

45Position Four: You are planning your escape.You're with your partner, but you were in Position Threefor so long that now you've got your finger on the button.You don't feel committed to making the relationship work,you're just waiting for the right conditions to leave. Maybeyou're waiting for the kids to go to college, maybe you'rewaiting for finances to change. This position—where thereis no love, friendship, or romance, and there is onlyprocrastination and lying—can be extremely destructivefor children to witness. You need to move up to PositionsOne and Two, or you need to make a move out of therelationship. The ULTIMATE RELATIONSHIP PROGRAM willsupport you with either decision—though you won’t haveyour “final answer” until at least the tenth day. Either way,make a commitment and give yourself a deadline. The costof staying in Position Four in the long term? A feeling thatyou never tasted what life is about, a lifetime of stress,fear, and rationalization. And a terrible example for yourchildren of what life and relationship is about. Don't letyour life slip away while you wait and delay.Position Five: You are out of a relationship, but wantto be in one.You have either never been in a committed relationship,you've made your escape from a prior relationship, or yourpartner has left you. You may have been in this position forsome time, concerned about repeating the experiences ofyour prior relationship. While this position holds much painfor most people, it is also a place of opportunity. TheULTIMATE RELATIONSHIP PROGRAM will help you to clarifythe kind of relationship you want and the kind of shifts andactions that will get you there. If you are getting over theloss of a previous relationship, be careful that you don't startto take on beliefs that will be destructive to future possiblerelationships. It's tempting to make generalizations aboutthe opposite sex, or the type of person or relationship youwere with before. Instead, develop a checklist for what youdid and didn't do in that previous relationship. If you workon yourself, clarify your priorities, and take the proven stepsin this program, you will be headed towards Position Onevery soon!146Position Six: You are out of a relationship, and don'twant to be in one.While this position may be comfortable, private, and consistent,you are missing out on one of the greatest emotional experiencesof life! Ask yourself: do you really want to live and diealone? Do you never want to be loved and worshiped by alover whom you love and worship? We believe that love isthe prime motivation and the prime area of spiritual growthfor human beings. It is tempting to rationalize and say thatyou don't need relationship—but that is usually just fear.If you're in Position Six, you need to see some newexamples of how relationship can be. Watch the films andsee the turnarounds. If you really think you never want arelationship again, at least complete the entire ten dayprogram before making that decision. Give yourself tendays to witness what can be possible in relationship, thenmake up your mind.Why Have Relationships?The purpose of relationships is to magnifyhuman emotion and experience.15

NotesDO IT NOW: DAY 1 ASSIGNMENTBe Honest . . .1. What is your ultimate vision for your intimate relationship?What do you want to create, give, have, share andbecome in this area of your life? What is your compellingvision for love, intimacy, passion, connection, and fun?Describe the relationship, not the partner.2. Which of the six relationship positions are you really in?“Love is a condition in which the happinessof another person is essential to your own.”—Robert Heinlein1617

5. What would it take to change it all? What fears, beliefs,or past memories can you transform to go to the nextlevel? What do you need to do now to create therelationship you desire and deserve?3. If you're in a relationship, which position is your partnerin? Why do you think so? What have you felt or observed?4. What has been preventing you from taking your relationshipto the next level? What beliefs, behavior patterns, oremotions have held you back from taking the next step?18Notes19

DAY 2The Secrets to Outstanding Relationships:The 7 Master Skills &The 10 Disciplines of Love“There is no hope of joyexcept in human relations.”—Antoine de Saint-Exupery2021

DAY 2: THE SECRETS TO OUTSTANDING RELATIONSHIPS:THE 7 MASTER SKILLS & THE 10 DISCIPLINESOF LOVEWhat makes a relationship extraordinary? The truth is there are manyfactors that play into the textures, dance, and quality of human relations.A truly magnificent love affair is the result of the commitment to adaily practice: the ongoing mastery of the fundamental skills necessaryfor an extraordinary relationship and the disciplines to hold yourself,your thoughts, and your actions to the standards that bring out thebest in you and your partner.7 SKILLS AND 10 DISCIPLINESThe 7 Master Relationship Skills and the 10 Disciplines of Love arethe laws of love: the rules for creating a legendary relationship. Theuniverse operates according to certain laws. If we don't pay heed tothese laws, we get the same consequence every time. If we ignorethe law of gravity, we will fall. We believe the 7 Relationship Skillsand the 10 Disciplines are the natural laws of intimate relationships.If you choose to ignore these skills and disciplines, it's like ignoringthe law of gravity, and there's a price to be paid for that.Every relationship requires these 7 Relationship Skills, whetherit's a friendship, a family relationship, or an intimate relationship.However, sometimes skills are not enough. In order to enjoy andmagnify any relationship to the fullest, you also need high standards:a set of daily disciplines for how you will show up in that relationshipno matter what. If you consistently apply the Master RelationshipSkills and live the Disciplines of Love, you will create a legendaryrelationship filled with joy, passion, fun, ecstasy, and love.“The day will come when, after harnessingthe winds, the tides and gravitation, we shallharness for God the energies of love.And on thatday, for the second time in the historyof the world, man will have discovered fire.”—Teilhard de Chardin2223

THE 7 MASTER SKILLS1234567Heartfelt UnderstandingWhen anything is perceived to be more important than yourpartner, the relationship is not going to go to the ultimatedepth of love. Understand and empathize with your partner’semotional patterns and commit to being there for them.Give Your Partner What They Really NeedAs long as you’re focusing on what you’re not getting,you’re never going to be in a place of being a giver, whichis what makes a relationship grow. The only love that youget to feel is the love that you give. And the love that youhold back, that’s the love that you’ll never have in your life.What would you give to someone you love? The answeris everything.Create and Build Trust and RespectTrust begins with commitment to your partner’s needs. Canyour partner depend on you to be emotionally available nomatter what, even in times of stress and uncertainty? Youcan’t separate these two, because trust is based on commitment.Reclaim Playfulness, Presence, and PassionPolarity doesn’t age. You can spark passion in your loverthat has been dormant for years. It can take minutes. Whatdoes your partner need? Who are you at your core? Howcan you express your deepest gift to your partner?Harness Courage and Embrace HonestyWe are all rewarded and discouraged for certain behaviorsin our relationships. We all have needs and fears whichconstrain us from doing and saying everything that we feel.When we don’t express ourselves in the moment, we startto hold back, which leads to less passion. Have the courageto break through constricting beliefs and fears and expressyourself with passion.Uncover and Create AlignmentThe worst thing on earth is to be in a relationship where youhave completely different needs and goals. Your beliefsdon’t have to be identical, but they have to lead you inthe same direction.Live Consciously: Be an ExampleDon’t be your history; don’t just imitate your parent’s examples.Create your own example. The best way to transform yourfamily group is to transform yourself—the change willspread through generations. Do it for yourself and for theothers who will learn from you!24THE 10 DISCIPLINES OF LOVE12345678910The Discipline of Putting Your Lover First: It’s NotAbout You!Put your lover’s feelings and needs first. When you arefeeling pain you are focused on yourself.The Discipline of Loving No Matter What: The Power ofLove, Adoration, & PraiseWithholding your gift is the only source of pain. With reallove, you love through pain, joy, fear. Love penetrates all.The Discipline of Being Yourself: Emanate & ExpressYour Natural Essence & True CoreYou can’t align with someone if you’re not being yourself orif you’re trying to be what you think they want. You haveto tell the truth! Playing small never serves.The Discipline of Positive Intent: Eliminate Threats &Judgment & Remember The Power of LanguageNever make your partner wrong. Know their soul.The Discipline of Freedom: The Power of Forgiving,Forgetting, & FloodingPain can only be found in yesterday’s sorrows or tomorrow’sconcerns. Flood yourself now with the beauty and magicof your life!The Discipline of Daily Intimacy: Full Engagement—Open Your Heart & Hold Nothing BackPlay wildly, courageously, tenderly, and intensely. Fearand hurt imprison the heart. Do the opposite of what theytell you and passion will re-ignite.The Discipline of Polarity: The Power of Dancing EnergiesFeel, understand, and appreciate what your partner needsand serve them now. Be her mountain. Presence is a statewhere nothing shakes you. Be his joy. Playfulness is thegift of life. Give your gift.The Discipline of Loving Truth: The Power of VulnerabilityGive the gift of heartfelt honesty and commit to expressingit openly in this moment.The Discipline of Utilization: The Power of HigherMeaning & Constant GrowthFind the good and beauty in everything and use it to expandyour love.The Discipline of Gratitude & Giving: Appreciation isthe PowerExperience life’s greatest blessings now.25

1SKILL 1: HEARTFELT UNDERSTANDINGThis is not just intellectual understanding, not beingcondescending or judging your partner's needs and behaviors.Heartfelt Understanding is about connecting to your partner'semotional world and putting yourself in his or her shoes. Ifsomeone doesn't feel understood at the heart level by his orher partner, the relationship can hardly make progress fromthere. On the other hand, you'd be amazed at how much arelationship can change when one of the partners decides togive complete heartfelt understanding without judgment.Does heartfelt understanding mean that you have to agreewith your partner on everything? No, of course not—but itshows them that you are on their side.How do you know whether you have heartfelt understandingfor your partner? We don't want these skills to be intellectualconcepts, we want to apply them and create real results inour lives. In order to develop the first skill of HeartfeltUnderstanding to the utmost, you must make it a dailydiscipline . . .DISCIPLINE 1: PUTTING YOUR LOVER FIRST:IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU!“It is well to give when askedWhen you develop the skill of heartfelt understandingfully, you become fully conscious of your partner's innerlife. Rather than being your partner's observer andcritic, you find that “inner heart connection”: you feelwhat they feel. Practice being selfless—schedule periodsof time where you will attend to your partner's needs,putting your needs second or third. Tune in to yourpartner's responses. What do they like? What doesn'tscore points? Refine your approach. What gifts,gestures, touch or words strike a chord in your partner?How can you become even more proficient in lovingand pleasing him or her? It is by putting your loverfirst that you will discover the deepest pleasure inyour relationship—sexual and other.but it is better to give unasked,through understanding.”—Kahlil Gibran2627

2SKILL 2: GIVE YOUR PARTNER WHAT THEY REALLY NEEDIn any relationship, you have to be aware of the otherperson's needs in order to know what's going on. Not knowingyour partner's needs inevitably leads to frustration anddisappointment, where you are giving your partner everythingexcept what they really need. The challenge with people isthat their deepest needs are often incredibly specific and canbe tricky to discern—it's like a “secret button”. If you neverfind your partner’s “secret button,” the relationship will feelimpossible. The good news is that if you can find the secretbutton and figure out how to give your partner what theyneed at the deepest level, you can generate levels of trust,happiness, love, and passion more profoundly than anythingeither of you has ever experienced. The fact is that everybodyhas the same 6 Human Needs (which will be discussed atlength in day 3). You discover how that person meets theirneeds, you'll know how to satisfy them. To make it aconsistent practice, however, you must apply Discipline 2 . . .DISCIPLINE 2: LOVING NO MATTER WHAT:THE POWER OF LOVE, ADORATION, & PRAISEOne of the biggest threats to any relationship is whenone or both partners withdraw from each other.Loving No Matter What is a commitment to holdyourself open and present for your lover, even duringthe most painful of situations. Anytime that youwithdraw emotionally, even in a subtle way, fromyour partner, the relationship deteriorates. Any timethat you lose trust, interest, and commitment, evenfor a moment, you drift closer to behaviors ofcriticism and rejection. The good news is that if youcommit to maintaining your emotional connection,no matter what, there will never be any room foralienation, judgment, and rejection. Stay connected!Cultivate your connection and your commitment theway you would cultivate a precious flower! If youcommit to love your partner no matter what and holdto this crucial discipline, your relationship will flourishno matter what your life circumstances may be.283SKILL 3: CREATE AND BUILD TRUST AND RESPECTTrust is the essential building block of every productiverelationship in your life. Where there is no trust, peopledo not share, and where they do not share, there is nointeraction, progress, or common growth. Trust comes fromthe feeling that you have common interests—namely, that youare committed to meeting each others' needs. Trust is notbuilt during the easy times, but during times of uncertaintyand stress, when your commitment to your partner comesunder question. When your commitment withstands thesetests, your trust will expand and grow to new levels, givingyou new levels of freedom, comfort, and love. When youfail to grow trust, you can only lose it. There's no middleground. In fact, there are 3 Disciplines to master in orderto foster ongoing trust and respect . . .DISCIPLINE 3: BEING YOURSELF: EMANATE &EXPRESS YOUR NATURAL ESSENCE & TRUE COREIf the basis of trust is confidence in your partner, thentrust must begin with having confidence in yourself. Ifyou cannot trust who you yourself are at your deepestlevel, you cannot induce lasting trust in others. Havingconfidence means having confidence in your own highestintentions and commitment—trusting yourself to dothe right thing. When you have the self-trust of beingyourself, emanating your natural essence, others willperceive that and build trust in you. Being yourselfalso means that you recognize the masculine andfeminine energies that form you. You may have anintense masculine energy that you've always beendiscouraged from expressing. In a relationship ofheartfelt understanding, giving, and trust, you canlearn how to reclaim those parts of you that you mayhave suppressed. If you have ever felt feminine energiesthat have been seen as inefficient or misdirected, youcan learn to embrace and appreciate them. Energiesof gender and sexuality are intense topics in our culture,and we have been taught that many of these energiesare wrong—as a result, we get to experience less inlife. Allow these energies to enhance you in yourintimacy and your life's purpose, and recognize andappreciate these energies in your partner. Finally,being yourself also means trusting your own intent. Ifyou have decided to put your lover first, trust thatcommitment—if your partner challenges or tests you(as will happen, anytime you make a change to thestatus quo in your relationship) hold true to thegenerosity of your own intentions.29

DISCIPLINE 4: POSITIVE INTENT: ELIMINATETHREATS & JUDGMENT & REMEMBER THE POWEROF LANGUAGEThe basis of trust is the feeling that both of you havepositive intent towards each other.Anytime you use threats, judgment, or humor as aweapon, you are undermining that feeling—and youare undermining the relationship i

10 11 DAY 1:LOVERS FOR LIFE: THE PATH OF LASTING PASSION Relationships: There is perhaps no other word loaded in the English language with so many