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BodyLanguageFORDUMmIES‰

BodyLanguageFORDUMmIESby Elizabeth Kuhnke‰

Body Language For Dummies Published byJohn Wiley & Sons, LtdThe AtriumSouthern GateChichesterWest SussexPO19 8SQEnglandE-mail (for orders and customer service enquires): cs-books@wiley.co.ukVisit our Home Page on www.wiley.comCopyright 2007 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd, Chichester, West Sussex, EnglandPublished by John Wiley & Sons, Ltd, Chichester, West SussexAll Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning or otherwise, except under the terms of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 or under the terms of alicence issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency Ltd, 90 Tottenham Court Road, London, W1T 4LP, UK,without the permission in writing of the Publisher. Requests to the Publisher for permission should beaddressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons, Ltd, The Atrium, Southern Gate, Chichester,West Sussex, PO19 8SQ, England, or emailed to permreq@wiley.co.uk, or faxed to (44) 1243 770620.Trademarks: Wiley, the Wiley Publishing logo, For Dummies, the Dummies Man logo, A Reference for theRest of Us!, The Dummies Way, Dummies Daily, The Fun and Easy Way, Dummies.com and related tradedress are trademarks or registered trademarks of John Wiley & Sons, Inc. and/or its affiliates in the UnitedStates and other countries, and may not be used without written permission. All other trademarks are theproperty of their respective owners. Wiley Publishing, Inc., is not associated with any product or vendormentioned in this book.LIMIT OF LIABILITY/DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTY: THE PUBLISHER, THE AUTHOR, AND ANYONE ELSEINVOLVED IN PREPARING THIS WORK MAKE NO REPRESENTATIONS OR WARRANTIES WITH RESPECTTO THE ACCURACY OR COMPLETENESS OF THE CONTENTS OF THIS WORK AND SPECIFICALLY DISCLAIM ALL WARRANTIES, INCLUDING WITHOUT LIMITATION WARRANTIES OF FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. NO WARRANTY MAY BE CREATED OR EXTENDED BY SALES OR PROMOTIONALMATERIALS. THE ADVICE AND STRATEGIES CONTAINED HEREIN MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR EVERYSITUATION. THIS WORK IS SOLD WITH THE UNDERSTANDING THAT THE PUBLISHER IS NOTENGAGED IN RENDERING LEGAL, ACCOUNTING, OR OTHER PROFESSIONAL SERVICES. IF PROFESSIONAL ASSISTANCE IS REQUIRED, THE SERVICES OF A COMPETENT PROFESSIONAL PERSONSHOULD BE SOUGHT. NEITHER THE PUBLISHER NOR THE AUTHOR SHALL BE LIABLE FOR DAMAGESARISING HEREFROM. THE FACT THAT AN ORGANIZATION OR WEBSITE IS REFERRED TO IN THISWORK AS A CITATION AND/OR A POTENTIAL SOURCE OF FURTHER INFORMATION DOES NOT MEANTHAT THE AUTHOR OR THE PUBLISHER ENDORSES THE INFORMATION THE ORGANIZATION ORWEBSITE MAY PROVIDE OR RECOMMENDATIONS IT MAY MAKE. FURTHER, READERS SHOULD BEAWARE THAT INTERNET WEBSITES LISTED IN THIS WORK MAY HAVE CHANGED OR DISAPPEAREDBETWEEN WHEN THIS WORK WAS WRITTEN AND WHEN IT IS READ.Wiley also publishes its books in a variety of electronic formats. Some content that appears in print maynot be available in electronic books.British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data: A catalogue record for this book is available from theBritish Library.ISBN: 978-0-470-51291-3Printed and bound in Great Britain by Bell and Bain Ltd, Glasgow10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

About the AuthorElizabeth Kuhnke holds a Bachelor’s degree in Speech and Communicationsfrom Northwestern University, and a Masters degree in Theatre Arts. For over20 years, Elizabeth has worked with individuals and groups to bolster theirpersonal impact and communication skills.Before moving to Britain, Elizabeth acted throughout the United States on thestage, radio, and television. In addition to designing and delivering universityprogrammes in voice and movement, she also taught acting skills to studentsand professionals.In the United Kingdom, Elizabeth applies her theatrical expertise and psychological insight with a rock-solid business approach. She works at top levelwith FTSE 100 companies and leading professional firms to provide bothone-to-one and group coaching in key areas relating to interpersonal communication and image projection. Coming from diverse backgrounds includingaccountancy, law, and telecommunications, Elizabeth’s clients consistentlyachieve their goals and have fun getting there. Her keys to communicationare based on the simple principle of demonstrating respect, establishingrapport, and achieving results.A highly entertaining speaker, Elizabeth is a popular choice on the conferencecircuit, and is often quoted in the media addressing issues concerning confidence, voice, body language, and communication skills – all the ingredientsthat create a positive impact.For further information about Elizabeth, visit her Web site at www.kuhnkecommunication.com.

DedicationTo Mom – for fortitude, finances, and fun.To Dad – for presence, perseverance, and all those clippings.I love you both.Author’s AcknowledgementsWithout friends, family, clients, and colleagues encouraging, nurturing, andspurring me along, this book would not now be in your hands. Allow me, ifyou will, to acknowledge but a small sampling of the support team.The Author’s Angels: Kate Burton, my buddy and fellow For Dummies authorwho believed I was the person for the job; Alison Yates who stuck with mewhen lesser mortals would have tossed in the towel; and Rachael Chilvers,whose marvellous cheerios brightened many a dark and dreary day.Shaun Todd. An extraordinary coach and valued colleague.Caroline Beery and Maria Jicheva who opened my eyes to diversity.Neil Ginger and Jean Roberts for photos and fun.All of my clients. You’re stars. Keep breathing.Toby Blundell who keeps me on track and makes me laugh.Karl, Max, and Kristina. My joys.Henry, ever faithful, always there.As for the rest of the gang, you’ll find yourselves within these pages. I amblessed to know you all.

Publisher’s AcknowledgementsWe’re proud of this book; please send us your comments through our Dummies online registrationform located at www.dummies.com/register/.Some of the people who helped bring this book to market include the following:Acquisitions, Editorial, and MediaDevelopmentProject Editor: Rachael ChilversDevelopment Editor: Tracy BarrContent Editor: Steve EdwardsCommissioning Editor: Alison YatesComposition ServicesProject Coordinators: Erin Smith,Jennifer TheriotLayout and Graphics: Barbara Moore,Brent Savage, Rashell Smith,Alicia B. South, Christine WilliamsCopy Editor: Anne O’RorkeProofreaders: John Greenough,Melanie HoffmanProofreader: Andy FinchIndexer: Claudia BourbeauTechnical Editor: Dr Peter BullExecutive Editor: Jason DunneExecutive Project Editor: Daniel MerseyCover Photo: GettyImages/Tony AndersonPhotography: Ginger Photographywww.gingerphoto.co.ukCartoons: Rich Tennantwww.the5thwave.comSpecial Help: Jennifer BinghamPublishing and Editorial for Consumer DummiesDiane Graves Steele, Vice President and Publisher, Consumer DummiesJoyce Pepple, Acquisitions Director, Consumer DummiesKristin A. Cocks, Product Development Director, Consumer DummiesMichael Spring, Vice President and Publisher, TravelKelly Regan, Editorial Director, TravelPublishing for Technology DummiesAndy Cummings, Vice President and Publisher, Dummies Technology/General UserComposition ServicesGerry Fahey, Vice President of Production ServicesDebbie Stailey, Director of Composition Services

Contents at a GlanceIntroduction .1Part I: In the Beginning Was the Gesture .7Chapter 1: Defining Body Language .9Chapter 2: Looking Closer at Non-verbal Gestures.33Part II: Starting at the Top .43Chapter 3: Heading to the Heart of the Matter .45Chapter 4: Facial Expressions.61Chapter 5: The Eyes Have It .75Chapter 6: Lip Reading .91Part III: The Trunk: Limbs and Roots .105Chapter 7: Take It From the Torso.107Chapter 8: Arming Yourself .125Chapter 9: It’s in the Palm of Your Hand .139Chapter 10: Standing Your Ground .165Chapter 11: Playing with Props .179Part IV: Putting the Body into Socialand Business Context .193Chapter 12: Territorial Rights and Regulations .195Chapter 13: Dating and Mating .213Chapter 14: Interviewing, Influencing, and Playing Politics.229Chapter 15: Crossing the Cultural Divide .245Chapter 16: Reading the Signs .257Part V: The Part of Tens .263Chapter 17: Ten Ways to Spot Deception .265Chapter 18: Ten Ways to Reveal Your Attractiveness.271Chapter 19: Ten Ways to Find Out About Someone Without Asking .277Chapter 20: Ten Ways to Improve Your Silent Communication.285Index .291

Table of ContentsIntroduction.1About This Book.2Conventions Used in This Book .2Foolish Assumptions .2How This Book Is Organised.3Part I: In the Beginning Was the Gesture .3Part II: Starting at the Top .3Part III: The Trunk: Limbs and Roots .3Part IV: Putting the Body into Social and Business Context.3Part V: The Part of Tens.4Icons Used in This Book .4Where to Go from Here.5Part I: In the Beginning Was the Gesture .7Chapter 1: Defining Body Language . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .9Discovering How Body Language Conveys Messages.9Projecting an image in the first 30 seconds .10Transmitting messages unconsciously.11Substituting behaviour for the spoken word.12Gesturing to illustrate what you’re saying .13Physically supporting the spoken word.14Revealing thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs .15Key Types of Gestures .17Unintentional gestures.17Signature gestures: Gestures that define who you are .19Fake gestures: Pulling the wool .21Micro gestures: A little gesture means a lot.22Displacement gestures.23Universal gestures.24Getting the Most Out of Body Language .26Becoming spatially aware.27Anticipating movements .27Creating rapport through reflecting gestures.28Becoming who you want to be .28Reading the signs and responding appropriately .30Appreciating Cultural Differences.31

xiiBody Language For DummiesChapter 2: Looking Closer at Non-verbal Gestures . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .33The History of Body Language .33Aping our ancestors.34Gestures first, language second .34The Nuts and Bolts of Body Language .35Kinesics: The categories of gesture .36Inborn responses.38Learned gestures .39A Final Word on Non-verbal Gestures.40Part II: Starting at the Top.43Chapter 3: Heading to the Heart of the Matter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .45Demonstrating Power and Authority .45Signalling superiority .46Demonstrating arrogance.46Displaying aggression .47Showing disapproval.48Conveying rejection .49Catapulting for intimidation.50Tossing your head in defiance .50Beckoning with your head .50Touching someone on the head .50Showing Agreement and Encouragement: The Nod .51Encouraging the speaker to continue.51Showing understanding .52Micro nodding.53Displaying Attention and Interest .53Tilting and canting .53The head cock.54Sitting tête à tête .55Indicating Submissiveness or Worry .55Dipping and ducking .56Cradling for comfort .56The head clasp.57Showing Boredom .57Showing You’re Deep in Thought.58Head resting on hand.59Chin stroking .59Chapter 4: Facial Expressions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .61Communicating Feelings When Words Are Inappropriate.61Recognising Facial Expressions that Reinforce the Spoken Message .63