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18The Power of Your Attitudethan what other people think or say or do I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90percent how I react to it. And so it is with you We are incharge of our attitudes.1You have the power to choose your response to any situation. Andin that power lies the ability to control your identity, your happiness,and many aspects of your future. You’re in charge of the most powerful force in your life: your attitude.You Have the Power to ChooseIf you still doubt that what truly shapes your life is your attitude,not your circumstances, let me give you a stunning example of thepower of attitude that comes from the latter days of the Second WorldWar. You know that the Nazis imprisoned many people in concentration camps, notably a large population of Jewish people, also manypeople of other races, religions, and political persuasions. These prisoners faced grueling hardships. Many were slaughtered by their captors, and many others died of disease or starvation. Confinement in aconcentration camp was a virtual death sentence.During the war, a young Jewish psychiatrist from Vienna, Austria,was deported to the Theresienstadt concentration camp in what’s nowthe Czech Republic, along with his entire family. Victor Frankl and hiswife Tilly were later transported to the infamous Auschwitz concentration camp, and finally moved to the Dachau camp system where hespent seven months, mostly working as a slave laborer. Frankl’s motherand brother died at Auschwitz. Tilly was moved to the Bergen-Belsencamp, where she died.Victor Frankl describes the conditions he and others endured in hisbook Man’s Search for Meaning. Living amid such suffering and cruelty, every day a fight for food and survival, never knowing whetherthey would survive the war, people chose various responses to theircircumstances. Some joined in the cruelty, surviving the camps privations by stealing from others or cooperating with their captors. Others simply gave up and died. But some were able to choose a differentCopyrighted materialPower of Your Attitude.indd 185/10/16 9:44 AM

19The Power of Thoughtspath, living with dignity and hope even when that meant sacrificingthemselves for others.After enduring the suffering in these camps, Frankl concluded thateven in the most painful, disorienting, and dehumanizing situation,life has meaning.We who lived in concentration camps can remember themen who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been fewin number, but they offer sufficient proof that everythingcan be taken from a man but one thing: the last of thehuman freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any givenset of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.2Interestingly, the original German title of Victor Frankl’s book wasTrotzdem Ja Zum Leben Sagen, which means “saying yes to life in spiteof everything.” That’s the power you have—to say Yes! no matter whathappens. You cannot choose what happens to you, but you can choosehow you respond to it. You have the power to adopt a positive outlook,and that power can change virtually everything about your life.How Negative Thinking Harms YouBefore we go further, it’s important for you to understand what’s atstake in the matter of choosing a positive attitude. This goes far beyondsimplistic outcomes like seeing a glass half empty or half full. Whenyou choose a negative outlook on life, you open yourself to a vast rangeof negative consequences. Possibly you’re living with some of theseresults right now, and they’re holding you back from joy, from opportunities, from relationships, or even earning more money.What’s at stake? Here are a few of the results of living with a negative outlook.You Feel HelplessNegative thinking traps you in a victim mentality, which is incredibly disempowering. Negative thinkers tend to see other people as incontrol of the world; as a result, negative thinkers always feel helpless.Copyrighted materialPower of Your Attitude.indd 195/10/16 9:44 AM

20The Power of Your AttitudeOther people always get the raise. Other people always get the opportunities. Other people always succeed. Negative thinkers develop a helpless outlook on life that keeps them rooted in place. They never changebecause they don’t think they can.Age-old wisdom from the book of Proverbs confirms this point.“The lazy person claims, ‘There’s a lion out there! If I go outside, I mightbe killed!’”3 If you think the worst in every situation, you’ll preventyourself from taking any action whatsoever.You Lack EnergyNegative thinking takes an immediate toll on one of your mostimportant assets, your energy level. If you’re one of those people whosemood is affected by a lack of sunshine (called seasonal affective disorder) you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. On cloudy days youjust feel kind of blah. Everything else may be fine, but if the sun isn’tshining, you have to fight the urge to lie down and take a nap.That’s exactly what negative thinking does to you. It brings you downmentally, emotionally, and even physically. When you think negatively,you get a deflated feeling in your stomach. You sigh a lot. You don’tfeel like doing much. As a result, you must fight a battle with yourselfevery morning (and probably throughout the day) to keep your focusand maintain your concentration. Negative thinking saps your strength.You Suffer Physically and EmotionallyStudy after study has shown the link between optimism and positive health outcomes and between pessimism and negative healthchanges. Your mind and body really are connected! While positivethoughts generally fade in time, negative thoughts cling to you likemold on stale bread.Think about it. Which do you remember more vividly: the timewhen you made the winning run in your Little League game, or thetime you struck out with the bases loaded?When you welcome negative thinking, it’s like allowing weeds totake root in your mind and body. The effect of living with bad memories, pessimism, cynicism, doubt, anger, and other negative thoughtsCopyrighted materialPower of Your Attitude.indd 205/10/16 9:44 AM

The Power of Thoughts21can literally kill you. If you’re wondering why you’re down or discouraged all the time, it may have to do with your outlook on life.Obviously, clinical depression is something else, a condition thatcan be medically treated. But if you’re suffering a serious loss of energy,experiencing sadness, and seeing negative health changes—you mightneed a change in attitude.You Miss OpportunitiesEveryone is drawn to positive people. You know that from your ownexperience at parties, family gatherings, school, or work. It’s more pleasant to be around people who smile, say a cheery hello, and pitch in tolend a hand. The opposite is true as well. Nobody likes to be around negative people. When people complain, naysay, criticize others, and constantly find fault with their circumstances, friends and coworkers beginto quietly avoid that person. As a result, negative thinkers miss out onnew assignments, promotions, partnerships, and other opportunities.And here’s the real problem: You never know it’s happening! Mostnegative thinkers are unaware of the effect their mental habits have onthemselves, let alone others. If you’re a negative thinker, you may becompletely unaware of what you’re missing.You Limit RelationshipsIf you’re a chronic negative thinker, your attitude is costing you relationships—something far more valuable than money. As I’ve alreadynoted, people always enjoy being around a positive person, but nobodylikes to be around a pessimist. Actually, that’s not quite true. There arepeople who enjoy the company of a pessimist—other pessimists! Complaining, faultfinding, and griping drive away all but the most negative of thinkers. So when you make negative thinking a lifestyle, youlimit yourself relationally. You’ll lose friends, and may even lose contactwith some family members who simply can’t tolerate continual negative thinking. And again, you may never know this is happening. Negative thinkers seldom perceive the effect of their presence on others.If you can identify with any of those side effects of negative thinking, you’re getting a glimpse of just how much a negative attitude canCopyrighted materialPower of Your Attitude.indd 215/10/16 9:44 AM

22The Power of Your Attitudecost you. It affects everything from your employment to your relationships, even your physical health. You’re seeing the truth of it now: Yourattitude really does have the power to shape your life.The good news is that a positive attitude has that same power to aneven greater degree. When you adopt a positive attitude, you’ll experience a wide range of beneficial results.A Positive Attitude Brings Positive ResultsThough the correlation between positive thinking and positiveresults has been observed for centuries, sociologist Robert K. Merton formalized the idea when he coined the term self-fulfilling prophecy. Merton wrote, “The self-fulfilling prophecy is, in the beginning, afalse definition of the situation evoking a new behavior which makesthe original false conception come true.”4You’ve experienced this before, no doubt, or seen it in action. Arookie basketball player unexpectedly gets to start in the big game.With seconds left on the clock, he goes to the foul line for what couldbe the game-winning shot. His knees are trembling, his hands shaking,there’s no way he can possibly calm down enough to sink the basket. Sothe coach wisely calls a timeout and calls the boy over. Placing a handon his shoulder, the coach says, “You’ve got this. You’re going to sinkthe shot and win this game. There’s nobody I’d rather have on the lineat this moment than you.” The kid’s face brightens, and he returns tothe foul line with newfound confidence. Without hesitation, he shoots,scores, and the game’s over. That’s the power of a self-fulfilling prophecy. It takes a once-false definition of a situation and makes it true.What Robert Merton identified is nothing more than the power ofpositive thinking. By thinking optimistically, by choosing a positiveattitude in every situation, you unleash a power in your life. You influence yourself and others in constructive ways. As a result, you shapeyour reality by the thoughts you think.A Positive Attitude Creates a Positive IdentityAn often-repeated story about the great British architect Christopher Wren tells of a time he was supervising the construction of a grandCopyrighted materialPower of Your Attitude.indd 225/10/16 9:44 AM

The Power of Thoughts23cathedral in London. A newspaper reporter decided to interview someof the workers who were constructing the magnificent building, and hechose three men to speak with. When he asked, “What are you doinghere?” the first man replied, “I’m cutting stone for ten shillings a day.”When he asked the next man, he answered, “I’m putting in ten hours aday on this job.” But the third said, “I’m helping Sir Christopher Wrenconstruct one of London’s greatest cathedrals.”When you choose a positive attitude, you create a positive identityfor yourself. Are you a lackey or a trusted assistant? Are you a beleagueredsingle mom or a strong, empowered woman? Are you a defeated businessperson who can’t seem to get a break, or are you an energetic, innovative entrepreneur closing in on success? The answer is up to you. It liescompletely within your power to define your identity. You are what youthink you are. And you can become whatever you believe you can be.A Positive Attitude Improves Your HealthAlso, I’ve already noted the connection between mind and body,and I’d like to emphasize this again. When you adopt a positive attitude toward life, you’ll have a positive impact on your health. But don’ttake my word for that. A team of researchers who studied more than5000 workers concluded that “people with a highly optimistic life orientation experience daily events in a more positive way and expectmore positive outcomes than pessimists.” They noted, “highly optimistic individuals appear to attract supportive social relationships, useadaptive coping strategies, and have different health habits than pessimists.” The research suggests that a positive outlook reduces the risk ofhealth problems after experiencing a negative life event, and promotesfaster recovery.5 You aren’t imagining it: When you think more positively, you actually do feel better.A Positive Attitude Creates PossibilitiesI love the story of a man who approached a Little League baseballgame one afternoon and watched the kids playing ball. He asked a boyin one team’s dugout what the score was. “Eighteen to nothing,” theboy said. “They’re winning.”Copyrighted materialPower of Your Attitude.indd 235/10/16 9:44 AM

24The Power of Your Attitude“Wow,” said the onlooker, “I bet you’re discouraged.”The boy looked mystified. “Why should I be?” he said. “We haven’teven gotten up to bat yet!”When you believe you’re defeated, you almost certainly will be. Butwhen you believe that anything is possible, something probably will be.Opportunities come to the person who looks for them, who believesthat no situation is hopeless and that some good result is bound to occur.When you adopt a positive outlook, you create your own possibilities.This was more eloquently declared in a statement widely attributedto the great Indian leader Mahatma Gandhi, who helped lead his country to independence from a century of British rule:Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If Ikeep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, itis possible that I may end by really becoming incapable ofdoing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can doit, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I maynot have it at the beginning.When you believe in possibilities, you’ll begin to see them everywhere. So by adopting a positive outlook, you actually change yourfuture. Things become possible for you that wouldn’t have been otherwise. Your positive thinking shapes your world for the better.A Positive Attitude Wins FriendsAs researchers in the study noted above point out, optimistic peopleattract supporting social networks.6 That’s scientific proof that happypeople more easily win friends and influence people, as if we neededproof of that. Intuitively, you know this is true. And it’s vitally important for creating a positive future, because we all need friends, associates,and teammates in order to achieve our goals and live a happy, productive life. When you adopt a positive attitude, you’ll begin to gatherlike-minded people around you. You’ll find yourself surrounded bypositive thinkers, doers, and high achievers, and they’ll inspire, encourage, and help you, both with the problems you face in life and with thedreams you hope to fulfill. Adopting a positive attitude is the first stepCopyrighted materialPower of Your Attitude.indd 245/10/16 9:44 AM

The Power of Thoughts25to building the momentum you need to move into the future you’dlike to create for yourself.Simple Ways to Get StartedClearly, there are a lot of benefits to choosing a positive attitude.But how do you do that? If you’re like I was during my early years,weighed down by life and a series of negative circumstances, finding asilver lining may seem like wishful thinking. Let me assure you that itisn’t. Here are some practical first steps toward moving yourself fromthe negative column to a positive outlook.Recognize Negative ThinkingFirst, recognize negative thinking in yourself. This can be difficultto do because negative thinking can become the “hard-wiring” in yourbrain. Without realizing it, you may filter everything you see and hearthrough this grid of negativity. To help you recognize that, here are twosimple things you can do.First, ask for outside help. Find someone you trust—someonewho’ll tell you the truth—to assess your attitude. You may need togive this person permission to be completely candid with you, becausethey may fear offending or upsetting you. But if you really want toknow where negative thinking affects your outlook on life, your thinking about the future, your relationships, or any other area, you’ll needsomeone to hold up the mirror, so to speak, and let you see yourselfclearly. Find someone you trust and ask them, “Would you say I’m anoptimist or a pessimist? Where do you see negative thinking in my life?”Second, make a searching self-appraisal of your thoughts. This maybe easier to do once you’ve gotten some clues to your thinking froman objective friend. You may find it helpful to block out some timefor this—an hour or even a whole day. Think specifically about theseareas of life: your reactions to stressful situations your tolerance for change your willingness to take risksCopyrighted materialPower of Your Attitude.indd 255/10/16 9:44 AM

26The Power of Your Attitude your feelings about meeting new people your self-image your patterns of speech your first reactions to news or announcementsBriefly write an assessment of your current outlook on life. Notewhere it’s positive, and be completely honest about the areas in whichyou’re subject to negative thinking. Don’t try to explain or justify yourreactions. Remember, nobody is accusing you of anything, so there’s noneed to be defensive about how you feel or how you look at life. Simply state reality. If you’re able to recognize negativity in your thinking,you’ll be able to deal with it. If you’re unwilling or unable to see whenand how you think negatively, you won’t ever change.Resolve to Take ActionWhen Jesus met a man who’d been lame for 38 years, he asked whatwould seem to be a ridiculous question: “Do you want to get well?”7Who wouldn’t want to get well! However, Jesus was probing the man’sthinking to find out how serious he was about dealing with his problem. Jesus wanted to know if he had the resolve to do something aboutit, or perhaps was content to be helpless. Many people are.Negative thinking can feel like a warm blanket—safe and familiar.It seems comforting to believe that your life isn’t changing because itcan’t or because that’s just the way it is. Those negative thoughts can beall the excuse we need to remain passive.That’s why making the resolve to change is a necessary first steptoward improving your outlook. Do you want to have a positive attitude? Resolve to do whatever it takes to make that change.Practice DisplacementIn part 3 of this book, I’ll give you a simple, practical plan forrenewing your thinking. I’ve also written an entire book on this subject titled ReThink Your Life: A Unique Diet for the Mind. For now,you can begin to shape your outlook by displacing negative thoughtsCopyrighted materialPower of Your Attitude.indd 265/10/16 9:44 AM

27The Power of Thoughtswith positive ones. When you discover yourself defaulting to negativethinking, immediately replace the negative thought with a positive one.Here are some examples.It’ll probably rain.It might not rain.Nobody ever winsSomebody has to win,those things.   why not me?She’ll probably say no.She might say yes!I don’t think I can.I’ll give it a try.Does that sound simplistic? Let me assure you it’s not. Replacingnegative thoughts with positive ones, even in small ways, is a solid firststep to transforming your outlook on life. Try it and see.Get AccountabilityYou can’t do this alone. That’s not negative thinking; it’s just a f

the same world, but those who have a positive attitude leverage a power that enables them to move through life with greater joy and satisfaction. Through the pages of this book, I’ll share with you the lessons I’ve learned about positive psychology and the power of a positive