Transcription
Navigating Differencesin Sexual Desirea Live Workshop presented byGet Your Marriage On!
WorkshopOutline1. Beliefs that Keep People Stuck2. Understanding How Your Desire Works3. Responsive vs. Spontaneous Desire4. The Power of Our Thoughts5. Practical Solutions6. Appendix: My Desire DiaryNAVIGATING DIFFERENCES IN SEXUAL DESIRE WORKSHOP PAGE 1
Working Through DifferingLevels of DesireThink of a recent scenario where desire differencescaused an issue between you and your spouse.What were the specifics of the scenario?From my point of view, the source of the issue is:Now try to get into your spouse’s head for a moment. Whatwould you think is your spouse’s view of the source of theissue?NAVIGATING DIFFERENCES IN SEXUAL DESIRE WORKSHOP PAGE 2
Beliefs That Keep People Stuck“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking weused when we created them.” - Albert EinsteinMythFactDesire issues are anindividual’s issue. It’s myspouse’s fault we havedesire issues.Sex is supposed tohappen when we’re inthe mood.A great sex life has a lotto do with whether ornot we’re sexuallycompatible or not (sexualdestiny belief)Other myth that keepsus stuckNAVIGATING DIFFERENCES IN SEXUAL DESIRE WORKSHOP PAGE 3
Understanding How YourDesire WorksLike other systems in our body, the dual control model works withsexual desire. We have a Sexual Exciter System (accelerator) andSexual Inhibitor System (brake), working at all times in tandem.I TURN MYSELF OFF WHEN(BRAKES):I TURN MYSELF ON WHEN(ACCELERATORS):CONTEXT MATTERSIn what contexts, scenarios, or situations am I more receptive to sex?NAVIGATING DIFFERENCES IN SEXUAL DESIRE WORKSHOP PAGE 4
Responsive vs SpontaneousThink about your last sexual encounter. At what pointdid desire show up?If you’re a spontaneous type, you feel the mentaldesire first, then the physical arousal second.If you’re a responsive type, you feel the physicalarousal first, then the mental desire second.SPONTANEOUS N1/USER-IMAGES/BASSON-MODEL-SEX.JPGRESPONSIVE DESIRENAVIGATING DIFFERENCES IN SEXUAL DESIRE WORKSHOP PAGE 5
The Power of Our ThoughtsEvery emotion is connected to a thought that precedesit. You can intentionally create emotions by calling onthoughts that create that emotion.THOUGHTS THAT INVOKE EMOTIONS OF SEXUAL DESIRE IN ME:THOUGHTS THAT GET IN THE WAY OF SEXUAL DESIRE IN ME:NAVIGATING DIFFERENCES IN SEXUAL DESIRE WORKSHOP PAGE 6
The Power of Our Thoughts cont.Meanings that interfere with cooperating better aboutsexual frequency in our marriage.Old MindsetNew MindsetSex is scarce. Need to getit whenever I can.I have a duty to give myspouse sex or elsewill happen / itmeans I’m notI’m entitled to sexOther interferingmindsets for usNAVIGATING DIFFERENCES IN SEXUAL DESIRE WORKSHOP PAGE 7
Practical SolutionsTime to get practical! Work with your spouse todiscuss potential solutions to take away the stingfrom mismatched libidos.TRANSITION TIME: eg. from Mommy to Hot Momma modePros for us:Cons for us:Other notes:SHARING THE MENTAL LOADPros for us:Cons for us:Other notes:TALK ABOUT IT. Work together as a team and be non-confrontationalPros for us:Cons for us:Other notes:NAVIGATING DIFFERENCES IN SEXUAL DESIRE WORKSHOP PAGE 8
SCHEDULING SEXPros for us:Cons for us:Other notes:UNDERSTAND 4 GEARS OF TOUCH & Practice WillingnessPros for us:Cons for us:Other notes:OTHER ENDINGSPros for us:Cons for us:Other notes:MORE NON-SEXUAL TOUCH & AFFECTION: No Strings AttachedPros for us:Cons for us:Other notes:NAVIGATING DIFFERENCES IN SEXUAL DESIRE WORKSHOP PAGE 9
RITUALS FOR EMOTIONAL CONNECTIONPros for us:Cons for us:Other notes:OTHER BONDING ACTIVITIESPros for us:Cons for us:Other notes:GIVE SPOUSE SPACE TO PROCESSPros for us:Cons for us:Other notes:HAVE SEX WORTH HAVING: Make it Better!Pros for us:Cons for us:Other notes:NAVIGATING DIFFERENCES IN SEXUAL DESIRE WORKSHOP PAGE 10
JUST DO IT ANYWAY: Quickies, oral, etc.Pros for us:Cons for us:Other notes:OTHER SOLUTIONSPros for us:Cons for us:Other notes:OTHER SOLUTIONSPros for us:Cons for us:Other notes:QUESTIONS / NOTESNAVIGATING DIFFERENCES IN SEXUAL DESIRE WORKSHOP PAGE 11
Appendix: My Desire DiaryNAVIGATING DIFFERENCES IN SEXUAL DESIRE WORKSHOP PAGE 12
NAVIGATING DIFFERENCES IN SEXUAL DESIRE WORKSHOP PAGE 13
Desire issues are an. individual's issue. It's my. spouse's fault we have desire issues. Sex is supposed to. happen when we're in. the mood. A great sex life has a lot to do with whether or. not we're sexually. compatible or not (sexual destiny belief) Other myth that keeps. us stuck
