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WORKPLACE CHANGE/GRIEF .2CHANGE ANYTHING . . .3IS YOUR FAMILY CHANGING?. .4Putting the Focus on Change in Our LivesWe live in a society in which the pace of change isfaster than in any time in history. The changes incommunication technology including things likesmart phones, tablets, netbooks and computers are agood example of this. It’s hard to get the latestupdated version before a new one comes out. The mobility of our society increases the rate of change.Most people will move on average about every threeto four years. The old saying is ― The only thing thatdoes not change is changeitself‖. Following are afew tips to help us thriveon the changes that lifethrows at us on a dailybasis.RETIREMENT CHANGE . . .5CHANGE YOUR MIND/LIFE .6,7keep your rituals and routines the same if possible. Nomatter what the change is keep having that cup ofcoffee, exercise, meditation, or quiet time at the sametime every day. When I was in the military, my familyand I were transferred from a base in Louisiana to abase in Keflavik, Iceland. We always had a Saturdaynight routine/ritual of having popcorn and watching amovie. We arrived in Iceland on Saturday morningand got settled into our temporary quarters thatevening. My daughterasked about our MoviePopcorn Night. I soonscrounged up somepopcorn and we had ourregular movie andpopcorn night. ThisAttitude: Our attitude hasbrought a little bit of thea lot to do with how wefamiliar to our bigdeal with change. Manychange. Our rituals andtimes in dealing with theroutines give us a sensestress of change we can fall intoof continuity and security noMike Huddleston, LPC, CEAP, CDACthe victim attitude. If we fallmatter what changes we areinto the victim role, we becomegoing through. So keep all yournegative, lose energy, creativity , and stamina which rituals and routines as much the same as possibleare all needed in dealing with change. Those whowithout letting them get in the way of the change.deal with change the best adopt the attitude of thepioneer. Just think about the qualities of pioneers.Communication: One of the things we have learnedThey are trailblazers, have high energy, and look atfrom studies about large companies going throughthe unknown of change as exciting and an opportunity significant changes is that the better communicationto learn. Keep your attitude as that of a pioneer rather is, the better people go through the change. Sothan that of a victim.whether the change is in your workplace or in yourfamily, the more information that is communicatedRituals and Routines: Another tip is to keep as many the better people will adapt to the change.things as possible the same during change withoutgetting in the way of the change. It’s important to(Cont’d page 7)

2-Emily Durham, LPC, CEAP“The only constant is change, continuing change, inevitablechange ” Isaac Asimov. People experience significant changes intheir lives every day in relationships, jobs, finances, responsibilities,etc. Then why is change so often difficult and painful? Change isoften experienced as a kind of death. An end or loss of the waythings were - a death to a particular way of life - and grief is auniversal response to death. Grief is the experience of letting go, ofsaying farewell to something loved and familiar.Changes in our workplace, job, or profession present uniquechallenges to our ability to cope. Work provides to the individual a sense of identity, purpose, andstability. Drastic changes in this area of life often bring on a period of mourning as we make theinevitable transitions and accommodations necessary to survive and hopefully, to ultimately, thrive.This grief is experienced on many levels. Grief can affect us physically, causing such symptoms assleep and appetite disturbance, fatigue, and even actual illness. Grief can affect us cognitively altering our perspective, causing intrusive or obsessive thoughts, limiting our ability to concentrateand make good decisions. Primarily, grief affects our feelings. A whirlwind of intense emotions canthreaten to overwhelm us. Anger, fear, denial, guilt, despair, confusion, sorrow may all be part ofour grief process. Grieving is not a weakness - it is the process through which we must journey toheal from our losses and move forward in our lives.Grief is not a linear process and no two people grieve in exactly the same way. There is no right orwrong to this process and no particular time limit. What we can do is be proactive in our own healing- taking our next right step as we move through the process. (See “Next Right Steps on Page 7)There will be good days and bad days as we adjust to the changes in our work life. Eventually we willfind a new place of comfort and stability. We will find ourselves concentrating more on the worldaround us and less on our feelings of loss. We learn that we really are strong, we really can endureand that our lives, though changed, will go on.―All changes have their melancholy; for what weleave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die toone life before we can enter another.‖Anatole France

3Margaret Morgan, LCSW, CEAP―Someday I want to .(fill in the blank).‖Have you said this as many times as I have? Probably.We are good at finding reasons that we aren’t doing itright now .focusing on obstacles.Maybe evenbelieving that we should ―feel like doing it‖ in order todo it.Part of the challenge of creating change in our lives isthat some of the things that would help us be successfulare boring, uncomfortable or even painful. Sometimes itseems easier to live with the negative consequences ofour current behavior rather than change.The VitalSmart group (Crucial Conversations) has a newbook and set of web tools available to help you movepast the ―someday‖. ―ChangeAnything.com is a socialnetwork that helps people change chronic behaviors forgood. Based on the ground-breaking principles in thebook, Change Anything: The New Science of PersonalSuccess, it guides people through their unique changechallenges in their personal and professional lives.‖Change Anything helps you to look in depth at sourcesof success or failure in change efforts. The authorscontend that having a view of a single thing being thecause of failed change efforts is very limiting and missesinformation that if understood, can help an individualmake meaningful and lasting changes. One big root offailed change is the belief that willpower will alone helpus meet our goals.―When people believe that their ability to make goodchoices stems from nothing more than their willpower—and that willpower is a quality they’re either born withor they’re not—they eventually stop trying altogether.The willpower trap keeps them in a depressing cycle thatbegins with heroic commitment to change, which isfollowed by eroding motivation and terminatedinevitably by relapse into old habits.‖―Then, when the built up pain of their bad habitsbecomes intolerable, they muster up anotherheroic but doomed attempt at change. We feel asif we were ascending a summit when in factwe’re simply walking a treadmill: lots of effort,no progress. That’s the willpower trap.‖The model is based on six sources of influenceon change efforts. Below is a summary of thosesix sources:Source 1: Love What You Hate-make the rightchoices pleasurableSource 2: Do What You Can’t-develop skillsthat will help you reach the desired changeSources 3 and 4: Turn Accomplices into Friends-look at the people in your life and have a crucialconversation about your goal and their roleSource 5: Invert the Economy-Bribe yourself tochange create incentives!Source 6: Control Your SpaceLook at how environmentaffects your change efforts.If you are interested in movingpast ―someday‖ and movingforward, this book is anexcellent resource. YourEmployee AssistanceProfessional can assist you inyour change efforts and be a powerful ally asyou create your personal motivation statementand go about these changes in a scientific way.

4-Glenda Davis, LPCWhile the image that comes to mind at the word―family‖ usually involves nurturing, warmth andstability, today’s reality about families is thatthey are far from stable. By its very nature,family composition changes. Two individualscome together and form a bond, bringing withthem all their diverse backgrounds, theiremotional baggage and even their eccentricrelatives. From that bond, often spring children,who then grow up and leave. At some point, thebond may be broken and the family split.Children may live with grandparents or otherrelatives. Other relatives may move into thehousehold. Adult children may return to livewith their parent(s). While mental healthprofessionals tell us that children need stability, itis very far from the norm for many - maybe most- families.As we age, we find new challenging changescoming our way. Retirement, becoming thecaretaker for our own parents, divorce after manyyears of marriage and health challenges are just afew. We must come to terms with our ownmortality and that of our loved ones.How can we deal with the inevitable changes inour family, for the sake of the children, our lovedones and for our own mental health? We gainour image of how a family should operate fromour own family of origin and other families wewere closely involved with. But suppose yourfamily begins to diverge from anything you haveknown before, what then?Be flexible. Don’t try to mold your family into amodel that no longer fits it.Example: Your own parents never divorced, but youfind yourself divorced, remarried and astep-parent. The way you learned to parent fromyour parents does not seem to be working in thissituation. Your parenting style will have to adapt.Be patient. If no one’s health or safety is at risk, youbenefit by doing nothing rash. Many problemswill work themselves out in time.Example: Blended families need time to become acohesive unit, otherwise they may become―blendered‖ families.Rather, think of thecombining of 2 families as a crock-pot dish whereyou put all the ingredients together, set the heatfor low and wait.Communicate. Don’t assume that other family members are on the same page. As families go throughtransitions, all family members should be openabout how those changes are affecting them andwhat the new norms will be. This is especiallyimportant in a 2 parent home as both parents needto be in agreement about how to deal with theeffects on the children.Get help. When you find yourself in unfamiliarfamily situations you need a navigational aid, justas if you are in a new territory and need a map.This may involve learning a new language – suchas the texting shorthand used by teenagers. Itmay involve reading books or articles written bythose who have knowledge about similarsituations. Or, it may involve finding a guidewho is knowledgeable about these changes.Your AEAP consultant can help with counseling,referrals, resource materials and support. Wedon’t just see individuals; we see families andcouples also. You don’t have to try to do this onyour own.