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WITH CYNTHIA PASQUELLATRANSCRIPTJJ FLIZANESWHOLENESS: HOW TO BE THE LOVE YOU’RE LOOKING FOR IN THE WORLDINTRODUCTIONWhere does love come from? What creates love?In Pema Chodron’s book “Taking The Leap” she talks about a Jewish family, Michael and JulieWeisser, that began receiving threatening calls from a member of the local Ku Klux Klan. Theywere told by the police that these calls were likely coming from the head of the KKK, Larry Trapp, COPYRIGHT DEFYING GRAVITY, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.WWW.WHATYOUREREALLYHUNGRYFOR.COM
WITH CYNTHIA PASQUELLAa man who had a reputation of being filled with hatred. They found out that Larry was in awheelchair due to a beating he had suffered many years ago.Larry would call often and threaten to kill them, their friends, their family, and to destroy theirproperty. During one of these calls Michael Weisser decided to try something different. When hecould get a word in between Larry’s threats he offered to give Larry a ride to the grocery storesince Michael knew that Larry had a hard time getting around in the wheelchair. Larry didn’tspeak for a moment and the anger left his voice. He said he had someone who helped him withthat but thanked him for asking.But the Weissers really wanted to help Larry, so they began to call HIM. They started offering himhelp regularly. One day when they came for a visit Larry took off his Nazi ring and gave it to theWeissers. With this one gesture he broke his association with the KKK. He told the Weissers thathe denounced what the KKK stood for yet acknowledged that he didn’t hate them because thatwould mean he was still a racist.Rather than turning to another prejudice, Larry opened up his mind to love. The Weissers offeredLarry love. Not the kind of love that you see in the movies. But the kind of love that happens everysingle day and that can change someone’s life. The kind of love that truly transforms people.When you begin to fall in love there’s a glow and it feels like anything is possible. Life has begun.But we need to be able to find that glow and that feeling of possibility within ourselves and shareit with others. Even when it’s difficult. We need to be able to go outside of ourselves and be thelove we want to see in the world, just like the Weissers.See, it’s easy to be loving when people are loving back. It’s easy to FEEL love when people loveyou. But what about the times when things are hard. When things aren’t so easy? We don’t wantto be trapped in the cycle of being addicted to love because it feels good. When this is the casewe bounce from relationship to relationship and try to keep maintaining the high of falling in love.But a whole different thing happens when we can go out into the world and be loving regardlessof how other people treat us, or how other people are showing up in the world. When we canembody this kind of love we can turn the world around, just like the Weisser’s did for Larry Trapp.Creating more love in your life is about embodying love every day.This week’s guest, JJ Flizanes, is the author of “Fit 2 Love: How to Get Physically, Emotionally,and Spiritually Fit to Attract the Love of Your Life”. She specializes in the idea that “fitness” isn’tjust about your body and what kind of physical shape you’re in. Fitness is about the “invisible”areas of your life that determine your well-being such as your emotional, mental, and spiritualhealth! COPYRIGHT DEFYING GRAVITY, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.WWW.WHATYOUREREALLYHUNGRYFOR.COM
WITH CYNTHIA PASQUELLAINTERVIEWCynthia:JJ, how can we start to be the love that we want to receive in the world?JJ Flizanes:We start off by treating ourselves the way that we want others to treat us. I wrote the book, "Fit 2Love," how to get physically, emotionally, and spiritually fit to track the love of your life. Really thewhole point of the book, the love of your life really needs to start with you. You have to be the loveof your life.People ask me, how do I do that, what is self love mean? I'm sure you probably heard that beforeself care, self love, "I don't know how to do that." It starts with everything from our self-talk, howdo we wake up in the morning and look at ourselves and what do we say?Many people beat themselves up when they get up in the morning and think about what theyaren't, what they didn't do, what they have to do that day, need to better themselves, versusgetting up and having a different attitude of that I am breathing, and that I feel good, and myintention is to feel good, didn’t I do a great job yesterday and to be that kind loving person thatyou really seek out from somebody else.Who doesn't want a compliment from somebody, so compliment yourself. That's really the firstplace to start. Every other aspect of life needs to have that point of view of, when you exercise, fitto love. "How does that go together?" I'm sure you've experienced in the gym or people workingout where you can feel this energy of people exercising and they want to lose weight but they'redoing it in a desperation. You feel this yearning .Cynthia:It's such an interesting perspective for sure and a great point that you bring up. We are allsweating and grunting in the gym. We are there because we're not happy, we don't loveourselves, which brings a great point, you talk about love yourself first. We get that advice a lotand I'm sure we talk about self-love a lot. What about those people who were like "JJ, I don't lovemyself. I don't like anything about me and you're asking me to love myself." COPYRIGHT DEFYING GRAVITY, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.WWW.WHATYOUREREALLYHUNGRYFOR.COM
WITH CYNTHIA PASQUELLAI think it's a great theory right, and I actually think it's great in actuality. But how do we takesomeone who says I love the idea of loving myself, I just don't, how do we get them there?JJ Flizanes:You first have to start being conscious.We walk around a lot of unhealed wounds all the time in different areas of life, different beliefsthat don't support out well-being. Beliefs that actually don't agree with us. We don't feel goodwhen we think of that because it's actually not in agreement with our higher self.Our higher self doesn't believe that negative thought about us so we're going to disconnect there.The person that says, "Well, I don't know how to do that." You have to start by taking one step ata time. The one step, the first step needs to be mindfulness and awareness and consciousness.Mindfulness is really again being present, being in your body. Being able to be still. Being able topay attention and listen to what you're thinking about. Out of our mind, we've got 12% of our mindthat's conscious and 88% that’s subconscious which means we can't hear it. It's underneath thesurface, it's like the basement of our mind but that 12% that's conscious, we can start to tune in towhat that's saying.When you can listen to the words that you're telling yourself. How many people you know say,"Oh, I'm so stupid. Why did I do that? I was so stupid." That would be, a time out! Okay, so howwe can start to shift that and say, "Would you talk to a child that way?" Would you talk to yourchild that way or someone that you really love?What would you say differently to someone you were trying to support? You'd say, "Oh that'sokay, you made a mistake. It's all right, you're going to learn from it." Being able to change thatconversation within your own head, within the way that you deal with you and that's really the firstplace to start. Mindfulness, consciousness, and awareness of your thoughts, your feelings, yourbody, how you hold yourself, and then your beliefs about the world in different situations.Cynthia:I get that. That makes a lot of sense or baby stepping our way to loving ourselves. It just makesso much sense. I love that being aware of these things when we're aware and I feel sometimeswe are most of the time for the most part we're not. It's these conversations that you talked about,they go on all the time they're constant. COPYRIGHT DEFYING GRAVITY, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.WWW.WHATYOUREREALLYHUNGRYFOR.COM
WITH CYNTHIA PASQUELLAWe're always thinking about how bad we are or how wrong we were, how we didn't do somethinggood enough. It's just a track that's always running. To interrupt that, I think, is huge. I also thinkthat it's important to point out that you're not going to get it every time when you first start right,because this is a new habit. You're just learning to be aware but every time you are aware of that,it builds right and you get more successful?JJ Flizanes:Absolutely. I'm glad you brought that up because the speed at which that you were referring tothat we talk to ourselves and things happen. Part of being mindful, part of being conscious, andpart of being in your body is absolutely slowing down. We can't live at the pace that we currentlylive at and do any of this.Cynthia:That's not a very popular statement you're making right now because we're all going, we're goingto be late, going to get there, we're doing this. We're so busy JJ and you're telling us to slowdown?What about for people who say, "You know what JJ, I got it. "But I can't stop, I must keep going. Ihave kids, I work, it's constant. I get up at this time. I get the kids to school, I go to work, I pick thekids up. I get home, I stop, and make something for dinner. I get something for dinner. I get thekids in the bath. I get them in the bed. How do I slow down? How when all of this madness ishappening?" How do they slow down?JJ Flizanes:In that framework that partly has been a choice. You chose that, so within that comes duties andresponsibilities, and action steps, and things that are going to have to happen. You're not going tonecessarily say, "I'm not doing this today."It's about taking from moment-to-moment, number one that idea that you're not a victim to thecircumstance. When we feel like, "I'm such a victim to my life because I'm so busy, everything iscalling to me," well you chose it. If you come out from I chose this, A, the energy of victim goesaway automatically and you all of sudden feel a little more empowered to go, "Why I chose this.Okay, so now how can I make choices within this framework that will help me to rest more?"Ask for help, not neglect what's going on with you emotionally. COPYRIGHT DEFYING GRAVITY, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.WWW.WHATYOUREREALLYHUNGRYFOR.COM
WITH CYNTHIA PASQUELLACynthia:That's really interesting because we live in a world, a society that's filled with wanting to blamepeople for things. This happen, it's your fault, that was your fault. You know what I mean? Wedon't want to take on that responsibility.Asking us to be like, "Whoa, I chose that. That was all me, you did that. I didn't do that." Youknow what I mean? How do we get past that thinking and is that just pure stubbornness on ourpart or what is that?JJ Flizanes:Part of it's modeling. It's been a consciousness that we've been modeled by. Think of yourparents, think of your grandparents, think of how they communicated emotion.Cynthia:Not very well.JJ Flizanes:Right. How much emotional manipulation happened in parenting situations and even inrelationships with adults? "You hurt my feelings," or "I'm mad at you because you did that andthat hurt my feelings." That's a phrase that has been used so many times. I heard it, I used itwhen I was growing up. I didn't realized what a victim position that was until I was in my 20's.I realized, I heard the words, "You're the creator of your own reality." I thought, "Oh." To me, thatbrought energy into my body, I thought well then, "Shoot, I can change this. If I don't likesomething, I get to change that," and even just that energetic relief that I felt. I thought, "Wow,okay from the clear of my own reality, if I don't like something I get to change it."Some people interpret that and hear that in a negative way and they think, "Look what a bad job Idid," and they go down that path. I know not everyone hears that the same way I did. Really whatyou've been taught by your parents, what's acceptable in society, what we see on television. Ifyou're watching the news then of course you're going to be depressed and think that the world isunder attack by everything and everyone, and nothing is going well. COPYRIGHT DEFYING GRAVITY, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.WWW.WHATYOUREREALLYHUNGRYFOR.COM
WITH CYNTHIA PASQUELLAShut that all off for a little while. Give yourself a break from that, which is not even part of yourreality if you don't choose for it to be. There are several layers to this besides just that, how I wasmodeled and what the society perpetuates. On top of that, it's a spiritual perspective. On top ofthat is depending on what you believe about what else is out there. That's a really important thingfor people to dive into actually.Cynthia:You talked about the invisible well-being. Tell me about that, what is that, and why is it soimportant?JJ Flizanes:My first company was Invisible Fitness and it was a personal training company that helped peopleand really the whole first start of it. It was definitely divinely inspired because I was looking atjoints at the time. I was looking at the fitness industry and a how a lot of trainers were not veryeducated on the science, biomechanics, the anatomy of the body, the physiology of the body.They were just routinely going through, I'm going to call it gym science. There wasn't actual realscience. When I started Invisible Fitness, the difference between me and my trainers and othertrainers were that I'm looking at what you can't see. You can do a couple of exercises that aregoing to ruin literally your cartilage over the course of the next five years and maybe in 10 or 20years you're going to have a lot of pain there because you won't have anymore cartilage.If you change the exercise, you will actually preserve all that cartilage and you will be injury -provided you don't fall down or some other act doesn't happen -- you'll be preserving your bodylonger. That's how it started, most of the joints looking at the structure.As I grew, as my clients had different needs, and I looked at pains and they weren't going awaywhich is the science of the body, I thought what else is this? It really became about the emotions,it became about the mindset of the body biochemically, became about the food they were eatingand the hormones. Just on the spiritual level again that lack of trust or the trust.Someone who trusts the process of life is a calmer person than someone who thinks that it's allon their shoulders. What you don't see, the invisible part, creates the visible. Both on aphysiological level as well as in a frequency vibrational manifest like manifesting way. I'm sureyou know people that have amazing bodies but they're miserable or people that have everythinglooks good on the outside but really secretly they're depressed, they're sad. COPYRIGHT DEFYING GRAVITY, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.WWW.WHATYOUREREALLYHUNGRYFOR.COM
WITH CYNTHIA PASQUELLAThose are all invisible energies but they create your outcome and they definitely hinder and/orhelp what goes on with your body, whether be again these injuries. People with seven injuriesbecause nobody else knew what to do with them, and I realized after a little while working withthese people that these injuries were not just physical. These were a lot of anger, repressedemotion, just stuck stuff that wasn't going to go away and a cry for help.Cynthia:Most people speaking of love and being this love, most people think when I have the career, I'llfind love. When I'm skinny, I'll finally find love. When I'm successful in whatever, when I've donethis, when I'm older, I'll finally find that love that I've been looking for.What you're saying, it really has nothing to do with those things and that we need to start lovingourselves. Now, we need to find the love now. And do you believe also that when we find the lovethat these other things the success, the weight, everything else will come as well?JJ Flizanes:We're looking again outside of ourselves for someone else to give us what we already have. Wearen't willing to give it to ourselves. We want someone else to give a choice, again which isdependent and victim. It's like having a bucket with a hole in it. You have to patch the hole upbefore the water is going to stay in it otherwise it's going to keep flowing out of it.Cynthia:Yeah. I like that you made the point of other people, we wait for other people to love us. We wantthem to, we need them to, that's a key point. We need them to love us. That's not really love,that's just co-dependency, it's not love.JJ Flizanes:Absolutely, right.Cynthia:So we seek something outside of ourselves. That's a really great point. We're talking about lovingyourself first right? We know that sometimes that's not an easy thing to do. What if just being that COPYRIGHT DEFYING GRAVITY, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.WWW.WHATYOUREREALLYHUNGRYFOR.COM
WITH CYNTHIA PASQUELLAlove that you so desperately want, being that love in the world, if you can't love yourself, what if JJwe just try to love others? What if we just put love out there?JJ Flizanes:If we could focus on something that brings us love, that's enough to get started. Once we practicefeeling that love, it's going to get easier to look at yourself. Now, what's going to be interesting isthat people try to and that's why it's a big leap. They look at themselves and if they have no lovefor themselves it's really hard to make that jump, and so they go, "Oh no, I can't do this."If you start practicing on something like the flowers or a dog, or a cat, or a child, or anotherperson, or your parents, or a thing or this lovely, beautiful purple chair or that beautiful house. Ifyou just really get into that feeling and then you can keep it going and then when you look atyourself, you're looking at yourself from a higher frequency.You're now going to start seeing things differently because you're vibrating a higher level andyou're going to start noticing. It might not fix it immediately but as long as you stay up there, nowwhen you turn the focus back on to yourself, you may say less negative things. You may look atone thing and go, 'Oh, you know what, I actually look pretty good today. It's going to startchanging who you look at yourself and what things you pick up on.Cynthia:So JJ, one of the questions that I ask every guest that comes on the show. The name of the showis what you're really hungry for. So I'm curious what are you really hungry for?JJ Flizanes:I'm hungry for a bigger community to have these conversations. I'm really hungry for people whowant this information and want to keep the conversation going and want to dive in a little bit more.Even though they might be a little unsure about where it's going to go, the curiosity and the desireto feel good, to live well, to love themselves, to be love and to find love everywhere. That's what Ilong for.Cynthia: COPYRIGHT DEFYING GRAVITY, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.WWW.WHATYOUREREALLYHUNGRYFOR.COM
WITH CYNTHIA PASQUELLAI love it. Thank you so much for the message that you're putting out there around love and howwe can bring more love in emotionally and physically and mentally. It's so important. Thank youfor the work that you're doing, and thank you for being here.JJ Flizanes:Thank you so much.THIS WEEK’S MENYOUThis week is all about learning to be the love that you want to see in the world! So I invite you tochoose one of JJ’s tips that she discussed during our show and start implementing it in your lifeTODAY.What ONE can you do to start loving yourself and tending to all of the “invisible” pieces of yourwell-being? Don’t wait another day or even another hour. Start to become more loving now!As always, the conversation continues at cynthiapasquella.com. Head on over and leave acomment below this video telling me the one way that YOU can start being the love you wantTODAY. And, while you’re there, make sure you download today’s free MenYOU to track yourprogress! You will find inspirational quotes from today’s show and a daily checklist to keep ontrack. It’s located right below this video at cynthiapasquella.com.Did you like this video? If you did, please subscribe and I would be so grateful if you would sharethis video with your friends.And if you want to hear more from me – including stuff I only talk about in email, then come onover to cynthiapasquella.com and sign up for my email newsletter so YOU can be a part of thisbeautiful community of women who are discovering what they’re really hungry for. COPYRIGHT DEFYING GRAVITY, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.WWW.WHATYOUREREALLYHUNGRYFOR.COM
In Pema Chodron’s book “Taking The Leap” she talks about a Jewish family, Michael and Julie Weisser, that began receiving threatening calls from a member of the local Ku Klux Klan. They were told by the police that these calls
