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MEDITATIONSBYLEROY A. HOLLENBECKifFIRST EDITIONCloth Bound, 1.00Copyright 1911ByLEROY A. HOLLENBECK
To my fellow members of the House ofRepresentatives of the Eighteenth GeneralAssembly of the State of Colorado, and tothe memory of my fellow members of theHouse of Representatives of the TwelfthGeneral Assembly, and particularly of theTwelfth, Col. B. F. Montgomery, the grizzledwar horse and talented and aggressive leaderof a turbulent and vigorous following; andJ. Max Clark, the cool, conservative, dis criminating reasoner, debater and author,this book of Meditations is humbly and re spectfully inscribed.BY THE AUTHOR.C 0.A28O573
PREFACE.This little volume of “Meditations” is aresult of my thoughts in this line at varioustimes when I have not been busy with othermatters; and some of them were written aseditorials in the “Salida Mail”. And whilemaking no special pretensions to literarymerit, yet these productions in a way repre sent the occasional trend of my thoughtswhen not otherwise occupied, and they areput into book form to preserve, as a matterof record, because the mental processes arethe most important part of any man’shistory. It is my first effort in the book line,and I know the productions may be easilycriticised, but if anyone shall be benefittedby reading any of this book then I shall feelamply rewarded for the time I have spent inits production.LEROY A. HOLLENBECK.Salida, Colorado, January 5th, A. D. 1911.
II relut eITf all passions, beslres anb motivesIknown to tbe human heartBre placeb there for gcob—Zo protect or to perpetuate Either tbe Inblvlbual or tbe species,Cben percbance there Is no sin:Bnb tbe economy of nature Is fullMltbout such blbeous anb btstorteb tbougbts.J8ut tbe negative—calleb sin, wrong anb error,Bs blstlngulsbeb from tbe positive, or right—ITs an Ibea—right or wrongCbat enbeavors to breakCbe establlsbeb orber—anb makesB conflict between tbe Ibeas of mlnbHn Its Infinite workingsffor life, liberty anb tbe pursuit of happiness—3For tbe mlnb strives for goob,Ittot as some otber mlnb sees—but as Itself sees;TCHblcb striving Is governeb by a perverteb slgbt,Bn unebucateb personality, Incorrect statements, r befectlve jubgment, consequentTUpon tbe state of bealtb, conbltlon or bereblty.Bnb that vice anb error are such; y comparison wltb truth anb virtue;premising right anb wrong,tfor which punitive measures can not avail,JBut only corrective metbobs,Cbo' sometimes brastlc.Can probuce a harmony In accorb“OTtb tbe big best concepts f a comprehensive mlnb.
MEDITATIONS.SUGGESTION.Listen not for “Gabe” or his trumpet, be cause that is a suggestion that hastens anevent before the proper time. Mental sug gestion is a great power, and is akin to hyp notism. It will make a man or kill him. Itis the parent of an idea.A suggestionwithin, or a suggestion without, or both to gether, produce an idea. Sometimes the ideais irresistible. A man asks you to sign anote. You have sworn that you will not signany notes. You have signed an agreementwith a mutual friend not to sign any notes.Solon has said that “Suretyship is the pre cursor of ruin”, and you believe, aye, youknow that Solon spoke the truth. You haveexperimented, and would be most happy tobe able to prove that Solon was a notedsingle-handed liar, but money talks, andwhen you reached down into your jeans andpaid the note that you became surety to, youknew that Solon was no liar, and hence youswore, and swore that you would never signanother note. But along comes a friend whomyou never before suspected would ask you forany favors, and says he will certainly pay inthirty days, if you will sign with him, andthat you will never hear of it again, and helooks you in the eye so dignified and in a
8Meditations.matter of fact way informs you that it ismerely a formality, and that it will nevercause you any trouble; and notwithstandingthe fact that you swore not to sign, and thatyou feel like swearing again, your handmoves with the pen to the note in spite ofyou and you place your autograph on thesurety line and you are “stuck” again. Themental suggestion enforced the idea, andyou were in a measure hypnotized.There is no telling what an idea will dowith a man. But ideas come from sugges tions. Suggest happy ideas to a man and heis happy: Suggest melancholy thoughts andhe becomes blue: Suggest pure ideas, and thetendency is to become pure.The results, however, are always modi fied by counter suggestions. Life is asuggestion, and the course of life is a multi plicity of them. The suggestions make theman. The will power, if brought into play,can in a certain measure control the sugges tions. Optimistic suggestions produce hap piness; pessimistic suggestions produce fear,decay and death. The former promoteshealth, happiness and long life, while thelatter invites disease, sadness and death.Ponce de Leon explored the world for thefountain of perpetual youth. He made amistake, for that fountain is within manhimself if it be anywhere. Suggestion is thegateway to the good and the bad. Let us,then, watch suggestions from whatever
Young Man.9source, and drive away the bad, the sad, andthe pessimistic; and invite the good, thebright and the optimistic. And above allthings, let us see that our school books con tain no suggestions contrary to a sound,cheerful and happy future, and that a publicopinion be created to compel the mentallyunhealthful to be excluded from our news papers, and then by evolution we will rapidlydrift into the grand, beautiful and successfulera in the civilization that awaits us.YOUNG MAN.Would you become wealthy? Some peo ple say when you tell them a truth, “Ohthat’s a platitude, sir, a mere commonplacesaying”. They forget that some common places are the richest jewels from the humanmind. If you would become wealthy, payyour debts. The man who pays his debtsmust possess some other good qualities. Hemust be sober, industrious and economicaland must think correctly so as not to mis calculate about his obligations. He muststay with his job and must not spend hismoney before he gets it. Pay as you go, is agood maxim. What will all of this do foryou? It will give you a business credit, andwithout a good business credit, young man,you can never become wealthy. Businesscredit is better than cash. When you have
10Meditations.spent your cash, you are all in, as they say;but if you have a good business credit, whenyou have spent your cash, then your char acter will bring you a large amount of moneybesides, to carry on your enterprises. If youare growing you will need cash and creditboth, and you will be an indefatigableworker too. Eternal industry and vigilanceare the price of property. Some people ad vise you to spend all of your money and havea good time. That is the advice of a manwho is in pursuit of vanity. He thinks heis pursuing happiness, which happinesseludes him like a will-o’-the-wisp, and he dis sipates his life in a round of empty vanities,that in old age he is ashamed to even men tion to solid sensible folks, and his life is ablank from the standpoint of having been abenefit and a blessing to the world in whichhe lived. Credit is a powerful weapon forambition, a solace and satisfaction in every day life, and a fortress of protection in dis tress. You can abuse a dog and he will stillbe your friend. Not so with credit, for if youabuse it you have lost it, and very great isthat loss. Credit is the key of power andopulence, so young man pay your debts andpay them promptly, and maintain a goodcredit and you will receive the gracious ap probation of yourself and of the communityin which you live.
Integrity.11INTEGRITY.Integrity is that characteristic of a manthat makes him immune from immoral andcorrupting influences; and it signifies a con scious mental strength that causes a man tobid defiance to petty and unworthy motives.It is well for any man to take a careful in ventory of his integrity, for that is the keythat opens the gate to his financial success.It also gives him social standing, and if hebe a failure as a financier he often lacks thequalities that make him a power and afactor in the world of affairs and business.A genius may or may not be a money maker,and a money maker may have poor integrity,but integrity is the foundation stone to fi nancial and other successes. Combinationsof circumstances may keep a man down for aconsiderable time; but if he have health andintegrity he will soon rise and create cir cumstances to suit his will and pleasure.There are many qualities that make a soundand successful business man; but the qualitythat towers above all the rest and controlsthem is integrity. If a man gives his word,that word should be a sacred goal to be ac complished at all hazards.A man isjudged by his words and his acts. If his actsfulfill his words, then you have found a manwho always stands high in any community.If a man weigh his words lightly, then lie
12Meditations.cares less whether his obligations be ful filled, and he is weighed and found wantingin the business world. He has no credit, andwhen a man has lost his credit, he has losthis power as effectually as did Samson whenshorn of his locks by Delilah. Look aroundyou and see the men who regard their obli gations lightly.They are short-sightedlyoblivious to the essential stepping stone tosuccess which is called integrity. They arefrivolous, and lack the energy and sense toanalyze their own mental and moral short comings for the purpose of self comprehen sion and the vigorous adjustment of them selves to the harmonious principles of suc cess. There are many of them. Some areour neighbors, and we look at them withcompassion and hope they will do better. Tothose poor deluded people we would say thatpromptness in meeting obligations gives youcredit; credit gives you power, and powergives you standing in the community andmakes you respected and honored. There isevery great inducement to keep your word,for a man’s word is the grand foundationrock upon which he builds his character andsuccess, and without that rock he becomes aschaff and drifts with the wind of uncer tainty. Then, lay the foundation rock ofcharacter, and possess that passport whichis a badge of success among all people of allnations,—'“His word is as good as his bond.”
Ideas and a Free Press.13IDEAS AND A FREE PRESS.An idea is the product of a suggestion. Asuggestion may come from the senses or itmay come from intuition, conception, imag ination or inspiration. A suggestion is eithersubjective or objective, and ideas are num bered by infinity, and are of all grades andcharacters as to both objects and intensity.There is no telling what an idea will do witha man, or a nation. Reasons are deducedfrom ideas.Judgments follow reasons.These ideas, reasons and judgments are al ways truth to the mind that produces them.Sometimes they may be reconsidered andchanged, and then as changed they becometrue again to that mind. No man intention ally produces falsehoods for a rule of hisown conduct. The idea, to the man, is true.Ideas separate political parties, disrupt na tions, and carry ravages, destruction anddistress to the human family, and they alsocarry peace and good will.Ideas are both constructive and destruc tive. A destructive idea may not be con ceived in malice, but may have an ultimateobject of construction. A destructive ideamay be an heroic remedy. Bonaparte was thephysical demonstration of destructive ideas,and yet he was a great constructionist. Hewould better the human family, but it mustbe done according to his own ideas, and the
14Meditations.ideas of a genius are certainly the best tohimself. Some ideas are made effective byphysical force, and others by diplomacy andtact. Bonaparte meant force; Jefferson, di plomacy; and the results of both were good.You can kill a man, a community or anation, but you cannot kill an idea. An ideais a good deal like a corporation. It neverdies. It exists merely as a consciousness,but the results are tremendous. An ideamakes and breaks men, corporations and na tions.The pen is an instrument of an idea. Afree press and free speech are the vehicles ofideas. Hence a free press is indispensable tothe progress of civilization. A free press forthe most part has been permitted for morethan two hundred years. During that timea man was occasionally burned at the stakebecause he had an idea. Sometimes the ideawas called witchcraft and sometimes blas phemy. But the idea won, and it finally pro cured a safe vehicle for transportation—afree speech.The constitution provides for a freepress. It may be attacked by a fit of igno rant hysterics, but it is marching on. Thereis no downfall to a country that has ideasand a free press to convey them. The moneypowers had an idea and tried to corner themoney of the world. They cornered it, too,but it didn’t stay cornered. Why? Becausethey didn’t corner ideas. The scientists and
Is Crime Increasing?15inventors discovered machinery to mine andtreat low grade ores very cheaply. The goldoutput was tremendously increased. Gold ismoney. The consequence was that there wasa great inflation of the currency or moneybeyond the control of legislation. This wasa natural law, a scientific demonstration,and the power of concentrated ideas. Capitalists can run a corner on the corn market,wheat market, hog market, money market,or any other commodity market, but theycannot corner ideas, and that fact is thegreat safety valve of human progress, and ascivilization advances, ideas multiply in va riety, in number and in intensity, and asideas always seek the truth as an ultimate,it follows that civilization is entering agrand era on the vehicles of a free press anda free speech.IS CRIME INCREASING?It is quite common to note the oft ex pressed opinion of a number of people, thatcrime is increasing. The mild but extremeremark seldom brings a reply, other than aconcurrence. The opinion however is gener ally ill considered, and is frequently a mereecho from somebody else. If crime were in creasing it would be at the terrible cost ofan arrest of evolution and civilization wouldinvolve upon a backward track. Upon the
16Meditations.frontier of a country crime was always ram pant, but judging from history the frontierbecame tempered with mercy, while formerlyit was synonymous with ferocity. He whobelieves that crime is increasing, fails tonote the great increase of population of theworld, and does not realize that crime canincrease, and still decrease in ratio to alarger population. He fails to comprehendthat since the general diffusion of intelli gence, telegraphs, telephones, and news papers, we have a list of the crimes of theworld every morning before breakfast, thatotherwise we would never hear of. It is notnoticed that war is becoming infrequent,and that this great crime of the world is fastbecoming impossible; and as with war, sowith crimes of a lesser magnitude, for a con dition of war is the incipiency of much othercrime. Much of the so-called crime is com mitted by young men—many of them mereboys. And most of this scarecrow is notcrime at all—merely the indiscretions ofyouth. Younger boys are indiscreet—a con dition antedating mental development—andtheir parents spank them, which discipline,if neglected, may produce a spoiled boy, andthe State has to do the spanking later. Theboy’s judgment is not yet developed. Hecan’t help that. He is subject to the law ofdevelopment. The perception comes first,then the other faculties, and last, the judg ment. It is no use to find fault with nature
Is Grime Increasing?17and say it should be reversed, and that thejudgment should be developed first. It is asit is. A young man will make a mistake inbusiness that an older man would avoid; andthe same is true of morals and ethics. Thesemay not be serious errors in the young man,but experience—lessons to make a manlarger. Sometimes a severe chastisement oran embarrassing predicament is necessary todiscipline a man.It depends upon themental fibre of the boy or man and his pre vious education. If he be beyond redemp tion he has to be taken care of permanently.It is not all crime that is called crime. Per haps the public ideal is wrong—it sometimesis—or perhaps the so-called criminal has apoor judgment and bad breeding and willinsult you when he desires to please you.He can’t help it. Natural endowments ofmind, and conditions, are the facts we meetwhen we meet a man. Lack of training isthe most dangerous condition of the animalwe call man, and even that condition isusually reduced to reason when it meets withthe rugged experience of the world; and theperson that experience does not make betteris usually badly unbalanced. Right andwrong are relative terms, and measured bythe standard of morals of every individualand every nation; and to do right, is to knowthe right, and to avoid wrong is to know thewrong,—that is if the man has the properself control, and if he have not, then he is
18Meditations.more or less irresponsible, and needs an anti dote, a lesson, or a treatment.A MAN’S DEVIL IS ENVY.What is envy? It is said to be pain andmortification at another’s superiority or suc cess. It has no reasonable excuse, exceptmental weakness; and that is a reasonableexcuse. For if a man be weak, the weaknessis a truth and he cannot help it. Perhaps hewill outgrow it. He will if he has the rightstarting point—a healthy brain. If he hasnot that foundation it is his misfortunerather than his fault.He means well,butdoesnotunderstand the truth.Truth is everything. Sometimes it is posi tive and sometimes negative, but it is alltruth, and a mental inferiority as well as amental superiority is truth. Age sometimescures envy, because age discloses philoso phical truth—when age has broadened theindividual as it should—otherwise the resultis disappointing.Envy is a boomerang. It returns towound the man who cherishes it. That isexperience. It takes a little time for it toreturn. That is why age helps out some times. The reason is improved. The manbecomes broader. He begins to realize thatenvy was his principal stumbling block.Mind friction develops mind when the fric-
A Man’s Devil is Envy.19tion is based upon ambition, emulation, or adesire to know for the love of knowing. Butwhen mind friction is based upon envy itdwarfs the envious mind. Instead of themind enlarging it contracts. There is nostandstill. An envious man either outgrowshis envy and sheds it in the light of eternaltruth, or the envy enwraps him and hestands at the side of the moving processionan unphilosophical cynic that sees no goodexcept when it emanates from his ownwarped and incompetent brain.Why should any man be envious? Nolarge man is envious. Envy is the exclusivefield of small men. There is a glorious fu ture for anyone who hopefully tries. Thesong says “The world is wide’7. There isroom for everybody. If you have an ac quaintance who is superior in anything, thatis a cause for gladness instead of envy. Heis a help and a satisfaction to you and itought to be a pleasure for you to know himas an acquaintance or a friend. This methodon your part is a sign of size in you. Itmeans that there is a good, respectablestanding room set aside for you, and that insome respects at least, you are his equal.Great men appear by pairs or groups. Whowould have dared to have accused Lincolnof being envious of Douglas, or Douglas ofLincoln? There was no room in their brainsfor such a mean sentiment. Had either en tertained such an emotion he would im-
20Meditations.mediately have sunk out of sight, becauseenvy would have been a greater load than hecould carry. A great man is one who strivesto reach the goal to accomplish the object ofhis purpose, and, although he may be disap pointed by another coming in ahead, so faras money or honors are concerned, yet insuch a case he has the satisfaction of know ing that in many respects, and particularlyin his own experience, he has received asmuch benefit as his competitor.There are men who are called knockers.When they don’t fill the demands of progressthey knock on the man who does. Theirchief stock in trade is envy. There is nobodybut what sometime has been tempted byenvy. That is man’s devil.It promiseseverything and gives nothing but humili ation and distress.You should, then, rejoice in every man’sprosperity and success, even though thatsuccess may mean preference over you, be cause that course enlarges you, and makesyou of greater breadth and caliber.You may dissent from principles that aman declares and the course he pursues, butthat is not a question of envy, for envy wouldstep into the other man’s success without theenergy and thought that gives him a com mand of recognition.
Vim in Editorials.21VIM IN EDITORIALS.Somebody lias suggested that it is a goodidea to have vim in editorials. That, how ever, depends on what a man understands byvim. If he means savage and vicious re marks and the calling of hard names like“thumpers”, “bouncers”, “fighters”, and thelike; if he indicates the man who can saysmart things and witty nonsense that benefitsnobody and injures many, including theeditor; if he refers to the man who prides inposes and egotism, whose chief desire is toattract the attention of an applaudingcrowd that knows no difference between acheap badinage and meritorious sense, thenexcuse us for desiring to avoid vim in edi torials. But vim is not cheap and senselesschatter. A raving maniac shows great en ergy. All such exhibitions excite either pityor disgust in a man who is rational and levelheaded. Real vim is thought—cool, careful,analytical, profound thought.Anythingshort of that is not vim, but slush.The most powerful force in the world is anormal human mind. The reason is, that themind evolves ideas. Some minds have adearth of ideas. Such minds sometimes aimto divert attention from their scarcity ofideas by producing noise. Noise is a poorsubstitute for ideas. The former moves thewind, while the latter moves the world. An
22Meditations.idea seems to be a modest unpretentionssomething. Its potency is frequently notrecognized by a majority of people until itgains physical force.Some people couldlook at Morse’s telegraph idea, or Whitney’scotton gin idea, or Fulton’s steamboat idea,and say, “Oh pshaw! Give me somethingthat has vim in it. Give me a man that canchew up somebody; that can make the earthtremble and quake because of his voice andbig words.” He hasn’t the discriminative in tellect to recognize the silent forces of na ture. The greatest diplomat of the seven teenth century was William the Third. Hewas as speechless as General Grant orGeorge Washington. The forces that make ablade of grass or an umbrageous forest arequiet, but deep, profound and mighty. Thatis vim.Then do not mistake a logical statementfor tameness and want of vim. If a considerable part of the community is in favor ofweak vaporings called sensationalism, thenthey are out of touch with the beautiful andprofound equities of nature, and must bebrought back to a realizing sense that theirminds are too superficial to understand thereal significance of the word vim, or force.
Optimism.23OPTIMISM.Optimism is to see the bright side of life.Pessimism is to see the dark side, and isprincipally useful to make the bright sideappear brighter by contrast. Therefore pes simism has its uses; but there are plenty ofpeople who are pessimistic, and there willalways be enough pessimism for practicalpurposes. Therefore let us cultivate optim ism for that promotes life, happiness andprosperity. Let optimism permeate our en tire existence, moral, religious, political andin business, because too much contact witha chronic pessimist makes us morose, sullenand blue, and causes us to ask such foolishquestions as “Is life worth living?” and“What does it all amount to after all?” Op timism is a plant or germ, as it were, thatgrows from a pure mind, pure thoughts andpurposes, with a banishment of a large partof the purely personal selfishness. It iseasier to cultivate good than evil, cheerful ness than melancholy, and the rewardsthereof are sunny minds, cheerful counten ances, and benevolent intentions towardeverybody and everything in nature.
24Meditations.A GOOD CITIZEN.A good citizen: Who is lie? He is aperson of infinite variety. If there were notan infinite variety of good citizenship, therewould be a lack of individuality and of men tality, and humanity would immediately as sume a retrograde movement.The human species is on the up grade,and it is the natural desire for man to doright, and this natural desire makes the ma jority of mankind good citizens of a state,and a blessing to society. But there are ex ceptions— persons who think meanness,speak vulgarity, and do rascality. To do andto speak mean and vulgar things is the out ward proof of the inward meanness ofthought. Sometimes the inward thought andnatural standing is inherited. Sometimes itis a cultivation, and sometimes it partakesof both. No person is free from evil thought.A certain amount of so-called evil thought isnecessary to all people for the proper devel opment of the individual. But improper orcontinued surrender to evil thought is decay.“A burnt child fears the fire”, because ex perience developed the memory and judg ment.Good citizens vary in degrees ofjudgment. But one should not do things orsay words to annoy his neighbor; and if hedesires not to say or to do things to annoythem, he must not think to annoy them.
Socialism.25Think no evil,—that is, to the extent of put ting evil into practice, and if you think noevil, you will say and do no evil things, andyou will then become a good citizen and aprominent man in the country in which youlive.SOCIALISM.What is a socialist? He is a person whoadvocates a better and more perfect form ofsocial find political government. Well, any body is in favor of that, unless he be anabsolute monarchist or anarchist. Thereforeall people not despots or anarchists aresocialists. Socialism is a question of de gree only.A republican is a social ist, so is a democrat or a populist ora member of any other political party. Everyman has a different brand of socialism.There are usually one or more principlesupon which several socialists believe in com mon. Socialists who believe in a high tariffare called republicans, and those who believein a low tariff are labelled democrats. So cialists who believe in the government own ership of the public utilities, such as rail roads and telegraphs, are sometimes calledpopulists, and a party that advocates a moregeneral public ownership of property isusually termed socialistic. If their schemesrealized would make a worse government in
26Meditations.stead of a better one, then they would not besocialists, but visionaries.Sometimes a statesman is spoken of as ahundred years ahead of his time. Thatsounds nice. It seems to flatter a man, butthe more you sound it, and analyze it, theless it flatters. It detracts. Anybody candream. A day dream may be an unbridledimagination. A man who dreamed of a fly ing machine five hundred years ago was atleast five hundred years ahead of his time.His dream didn’t help Magna Charta. Thatcharter and the American constitution arethe two greatest governmental documents inthe English speaking nations. They wereintensely practical. They were made to suitthe exigency of the times. And although oflasting worth, they were not made to suit animaginative condition of idealism to be at tained in the future, but were prepared forthe then present. No thinking individualsof a party agree with the other thinkers ofthe party except in part. That is true of thesocialists. Each one has a different brand ofsocialism. If they were to get control theywould immediately split into three or fourdifferent political parties. Why? Becausethey do not agree, and each man’s socialism,to him, would be the true and proper brand.The world does not progress by leaps andbounds. It progresses by points and pegs.It never was revolutionized and its systemschanged at once, and it never will be. That
Socialism.27is where the socialists are butting against astone wall of fact. Instead of helping apowerful party to do right on points andissues, they try to create a new party ma chine to take the place of an establishedparty machine, all of which party machinesare made out of the same material—men.They get the reputation of being cranks,—anodium is cast upon them and they becomestumbling blocks to progress, and retard thevery objects that they are trying to accom plish. They are asking too much—the im possible feat of perfecting a world socialsystem at a stroke. They forget that thereis no perfection, unless it be a plan, and allrational plans are to make more perfect theimperfect. Imperfection is the field of op portunity. If there were perfection therewould be no opportunity, no desire nor object in life, and all would be death. There fore, the socialist who dreams of perfectionat all, merely dreams. And if he dreams ofperfection soon, he has a nightmare. He isentertaining a sweepstakes, something thatwill wipe out the old and bring in the new,the perfect, the ideal. After it were broughtin, it would still be imperfect, perhaps worsethan the condition that was wiped out. Theworld is progressing, however, and a pointis made occasionally.The legislaturedoesn’t score all of the points. It is usuallythe rear guard of the procession. Wirelesstelegraphy and the cotton-gin are points.
28Meditations.They are the mighty demonstrations of anidea in the mind of a Marconi, or a Whitney.The points come singly,—almost impercept ibly, and are an aggravation to a theoristwho wants to reform the world by a legis lative fiat. He is intolerant of these littlethings. But little things make large events,and history; and when they become im portant, the legislature comes along
this book of Meditations is humbly and re spectfully inscribed. BY THE AUTHOR. C 0.A28O573 . PREFACE. This little volume of “Meditations” is a result of my thoughts in this line at various times when I have not been
