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14151617childand a mannequinanddeath.1819I can't hatethat.202122she didn't doanythingunusual.2324I only wanted herto.[Page 36]tonight123"your poems about the girls will still be around50 years from now when the girls are gone,"my editor phones me.456dear editor:the girls appear to be gonealready.7I know what you mean8910but give me one truly alive womantonightwalking across the floor toward me11and you can have all the poems12131415the good onesthe bad onesor any that I might writeafter this one.16I know what you mean.17do you know what I mean?[Page 37]the escape123456789escape from the black widow spideris a miracle as great as art.what a web she can weaveslowly drawing you to hershe'll embrace youthen when she's satisfiedshe'll kill youstill in her embraceand suck the blood from you.1011I escaped my black widowbecause she had too many males

12131415161718in her weband while she was embracing oneand then the other and thenanotherI worked freegot outto where I was before.192021222324252627she'll miss me--not my lovebut the taste of my blood,but she's good, she'll find otherblood;she's so good that I almost miss my death,but not quite;I've escaped. I view the otherwebs.[Page 38]the drill123456789101112131415161718192021222324our marriage book, itsays.I look through it.they lasted ten years.they were young once.now I sleep in her bed.he phones her:"I want my drill back.have it ready.I'll pick the children up atten."when he arrives he waits outsidethe door.his children leave withhim.she comes back to bedand I stretch a leg outplace it against hers.I was young once too.human relationships simply aren'tdurable.I think back to the women inmy life.they seem non-existent.25"did he get his drill?" I ask.26"yes, he got his drill."272829303132I wonder if I'll ever have to comeback for my bermudashorts and my record albumby The Academy of St. Martin in theFields? I suppose Iwill.[Page 39]

texan1234567891011121314151617181920212223she's from Texas and weighs103 poundsand stands before themirror combing oceansof reddish hairwhich falls all the way downher back to her ass.the hair is magic and shootssparks as I lay on the bedand watch her combing herhair. she's like somethingout of the movies but she'sactually here. we make loveat least once a day andshe can make me laughany time she caresto. Texas women are alwayshealthy, and besides that she'scleaned my refrigerator, my sink,the bathroom, and she cooks andfeeds me healthy foodsand washes the dishestoo.242526272829"Hank," she told me,holding up a can of grapefruitjuice, "this is the best of themall."it says: Texas unsweetenedPINK grapefruit juice.30313233she looks like Katherine Hepburnlooked when she wasin high school, and I watch those103 pounds[Page 40]343536373839404142434445464748combing a yard and some changeof reddish hairbefore the mirrorand I feel her inside of mywrists and at the backs of my eyes,and the toes and legs and bellyof me feel her andthe other part too,and all of Los Angeles falls downand weeps for joy,the walls of the love parlors shake--the ocean rushes in and she turnsto me and says, "damn this hair!"and I say,"yes."[Page 41]the spider

03132333435then there was the time inNew OrleansI was living with a fat woman,Marie, in the French Quarterand I got very sick.while she was at workI got down on my kneesin the kitchenthat afternoon andprayed. I was not areligious manbut it was a very dark afternoonand I prayed:"Dear God: if you will let me live,I promise You I'll never takeanother drink."I kneeled there and it was just likea movie--as I finished prayingthe clouds parted and the sun camethrough the curtainsand fell upon me.then I got up and took a crap.there was a big spider in Marie's bathroombut I crapped anyhow.an hour later I began feeling muchbetter. I took a walk around the Quarterand smiled at people.I stopped at the grocery and got a couple of6 packs for Marie.I began feeling so good that an hour laterI sat in the kitchen and openedone of the beers.I drank that and then another oneand then I went in and[Page 42]36373839404142434445killed the spider.when Marie got home from workI gave her a big kiss,then sat in the kitchen and talkedas she cooked dinner.she asked me what had happened that dayand I told her I had killed thespider. she didn't getangry. she was a goodsort.[Page 43]the end of a short affair123456I tried it standing upthis time.it doesn't usuallywork.this time it seemedto .

789she kept saying"o my God, you've gotbeautiful legs!"1011121314it was all rightuntil she took her feetoff the groundand wrapped her legsaround my middle.1516"o my God, you've gotbeautiful legs!"171819she weighed about 138pounds and hung there as Iworked.20212223it was when I climaxedthat I felt the painfly straight up myspine.24252627I dropped her on thecouch and walked aroundthe room.the pain remained.2829"look," I told her,"you better go. I've got[Page 44]3031to develop some filmin my dark room."323334353637383940she dressed and leftand I walked into thekitchen for a glass ofwater. I got a glass fullin my left hand.the pain ran up behind myears andI dropped the glasswhich broke on the floor.4142434445464748495051525354I got into a tub full ofhot water and epsom salts.I just got stretched outwhen the phone rang.as I tried to straightenmy backthe pain extended to myneck and arms.I flopped aboutgripped the sides of the tubgot outwith shots of green and yellowand red lightflashing in my head.

555657the phone kept ringing.I picked it up."hello?"58"I LOVE YOU!" she said.59"thanks," I said.6061"is that all you've gotto say?"[Page 45]62"yes."6364"eat shit!" she said andhung up.65666768love dries up, I thoughtas I walked back to thebathroom, even fasterthan sperm.[Page 46]moaning and groaning123456789101112131415she writes: you'llbe moaning and groaning in your poemsabout how I fuckedthose 2 guys last week.I know you.she writes on tosay that my vibemachine was right--she had just fuckeda third guybut she knows I don'twant to hear who, whyor how. she closes herletter, "Love."16171819202122232425rats and roacheshave triumphed again.here it comes runningwith a slug in itsmouth, it's singingold love songs.close the windowsmoanclose the doorsgroan.[Page 47]an almost made up poem12I see you drinking at a fountain with tinyblue hands, no, your hands are not tiny

132333435they are small, and the fountain is in Francewhere you wrote me that last letter andI answered and never heard from you again.you used to write insane poems aboutANGELS AND GOD, all in upper case, and youknew famous artists and most of themwere your lovers, and I wrote back, it's all right,go ahead, enter their lives, I'm not jealousbecause we've never met. we got close once inNew Orleans, one half block, but never met, nevertouched. so you went with the famous and wroteabout the famous, and, of course, what you found outis that the famous are worried abouttheir fame---not the beautiful young girl in bedwith them, who gives them that, and then awakensin the morning to write upper case poems aboutANGELS AND GOD. we know God is dead, they've toldus, but listening to you I wasn't sure. maybeit was the upper case. you were one of thebest female poets and I told the publishers,editors, "print her, print her, she's mad but she'smagic. there's no lie in her fire." I loved youlike a man loves a woman he never touches, onlywrites to, keeps little photographs of. I would haveloved you more if I had sat in a small room rolling acigarette and listened to you piss in the bathroom,but that didn't happen. your letters got sadder.your lovers betrayed you. kid, I wrote back, alllovers betray. it didn't help. you saidyou had a crying bench and it was by a bridge andthe bridge was over a river and you sat on the cryingbench every night and wept for the lovers who hadhurt and forgotten you. I wrote back but never[Page 48]36373839heard again. a friend wrote me of your suicide3 or 4 months after it happened. if I had met youI would probably have been unfair to you or youto me. it was best like this.[Page 49]blue cheese and chili peppers123456789101112131415these women are supposed to comeand see mebut they neverdo.there's the one with the long scar along herbelly.there's the other who writes poemsand phones at 3 a.m., saying,"I love you."there's the one who dances with aboa constrictorand writes every fourweeks, she'llcome, she says.and the 4th who claims she sleeps

16171819alwayswith my latest bookunder herpillow.20212223I whack-off in the heatand listen to Brahms and eatblue cheese with chilipeppers.242526272829these are women of good mind andbody, excellent in or out of bed,dangerous and deadly, ofcourse--but why do they all have to liveup north?303132I know that someday they'llarrive, but two or threeon the same day, and[Page 50]333435we'll sit around and talkand then they'll all leavetogether.3637383940414243somebody else will have themand I will walk aboutin my floppy shortssmoking too many cigarettesand trying to make dramaout ofno damned progressat all.[Page 51]problems about the other woman1234567I had worked my charms on herfor a couple of nights in a bar--not that we were new lovers,I had loved her for 16 monthsbut she didn't want to come to my place"because that other woman has been there,"and I said, "all right, all right, what will we do?"8910111213141516171819she had come in from the north and was looking for aplace to staymeanwhile rooming with her girlfriend,and she went to her rent-a-trailerand got out some blankets and said,"let's go to the park."I told her she was crazythe cops would get usbut she said, "no, it's nice and foggy,"so we went to the parkspread out the equipment and beganworking and here came headlights---

202122232425262728293031323334a squad car--she said, "hurry, get your pants on! I've got mineon!"I said, "I can't. they're all twisted-up."and they came with flashlightsand asked what we were doing and she said,"kissing!" one of the cops looked at me andsaid, "I don't blame you," and after some smalltalk they left us alone.but she still didn't want the bed where that womanhad been,so we ended up in a dark hot motel roomsweating and kissing and workingbut we made it all right; but I mean,after all that suffering .[Page 52]353637we were at my place finallythat next afternoondoing the same thing.3839404142434445those weren't bad cops thoughthat night in the park--and it's the first time I ever said thatabout cops,and,I hope,the last time I ever haveto.[Page e lived in Galveston and was intoT.M.and I went down to visit her and we made lovecontinually even though it was very warmweatherand we took mescalinand we took the ferry to the islandand drove 200 miles to the nearestracetrack.we both won and sat in a redneck bar--disliked and distrusted by the natives--and then we went to a redneck moteland came back a day or two laterand I stayed another weekpainted her a couple of good paintings--one of a man being hangedand another of a woman being fucked by a wolf.I awakened one night and she wasn't in bedand I got up and walked around saying,"Gloria, Gloria, where are you?"it was a large place and I walked aroundopening door after door,and then I opened what looked like a closet doorand there she was on her kneessurrounded by photographs of

26272829303132333435367 or 8 menheads shavedmost of them wearing rimless spectacles.there was a small candle burningand I said, "oh, I'm sorry."Gloria was dressed in a kimono with flyingeagles on the back of it.I closed the door and went back to bed.she came out in 15 minutes.we began kissing,her large tongue sliding in and out of my[Page 54]37383940mouth.she was a large healthy Texas girl."listen, Gloria," I finally managed to say,"I need a night off."414243the next day she drove me to the airport.I promised to write. she promised to write.neither of us has written.[Page 55]Bee's 5th123I heard it first while screwing a blondewho had the biggest box inScranton.45678910I listened to it again as I wrote a letterto my motherasking for 5,000 dollarsand she mailed back3 bottletops andthe stems of grandpop'sforefingers.1112131415The 5th will kill youin the grass or at the track,the kitten said,walking across the popinjayrug.16171819202122if the 5th don't kill youthe tenth will,said the Caliente hooker.as they ran up thebeautiful catsup red flag93 thieves wept in thepurple dust.232425262728the 5th is like anant in a breakfastnook full ofswaggersticks andjune bugssuckingdawn's orange juice coming.

2930and I took the 3 bottletops from mymother and[Page 56]31323334ate themwrapped in pages fromCosmopolitanmagazine.3536373839404142but I am tired of the5thand I told this to a woman inOhio once, Ihad just packed coal up 3 flightsof stairsI was drunk anddizzy, and she said:43444546how can you say you don't carefor something greater than you'llever be?and I said:474849505152that's easy.and she sat in a green chair andI sat in a red chairand after thatwe never made loveagain.[Page 57]103 degrees1234567891011121314151617181920212223she cut my toenails the night before,and in the morning she said, "I think I'lljust lay here all day."which meant she wasn't going to work.she was at my apartment---which meant anotherday and another night.she was a good personbut she had just told me that she wanted tohave a child, wanted marriage, andit was 103 degrees outside.when I thought of another child andanother marriageI really began to feel bad.I had resigned myself to dying alonein a small room--now she was trying to reshape my master plan.besides she always slammed my car door too loudand ate with her head too close to the table.this day we had gone to the post office, a departmentstore and then to a sandwich place for lunch.I already felt married. driving back in I almostran into a Cadillac."let's get drunk," I said.

242526272829I'M303132333435"no, no," she answered, "it's too early."and then she slammed the car door.it was still 103 degrees.when I opened my mail I found my auto insurancecompany wanted 76 more.suddenly she ran into the room and screamed, "LOOK,TURNING RED! ALL BLOTCHY! WHAT'LL I DO!""take a bath," I told her.I dialed the insurance company long distance anddemanded to know why.she began screaming and moaning from thebathtub and I couldn't hear and I said, "just a[Page 58]36moment, please!"37I covered the phone and screamed at her in thebathtub:38"LOOK! I'M ON LONG DISTANCE! HOLD IT DOWN, FORCHRIST'S39SAKE!"40the insurance people still maintained that I owed them41424344out45464748495051525354 76 and would send me a letter explaining why.I hung up and stretched out on the bed.I was already married, I felt married.she came out of the bathroom and said, "can I stretchbeside you?"and I said, "o.k."in ten minutes her color was normal.it was because she had taken a niacin tablet.she remembered that it happened every time.we stretched out there sweating:nerves. nobody has soul enough to overcome nerves.but I couldn't tell her that.she wanted her baby.what the fuck.[Page 59]pacific telephone123you go for these wenches, she said,you go for these whores,I'll bore you.456I don't want to be shit on anymore,I said,relax.78when I drink, she said, it hurts mybladder, it burns.9I'll do the drinking, I said.101112you're waiting for the phone to ring,she said,you keep looking at the phone.

1314if one of those wenches phones you'llrun right out of here.15I can't promise you anything, I said.16then---just like that---the phone rang.1718this is Madge, said the phone. I'vegot to see you right away.19oh, I said.2021I'm in a jam, she continued, I need tenbucks---fast.2223I'll be right over, I said, andhung up.2425she looked at me. it was a wench,she said, your whole face lit up.[Page 60]2627what the hell's the matter withyou?2829listen, I said, I've got to leave.you stay here. I'll be right back.3031I'm going, she said. I love you but you'recrazy, you're doomed.32she got her purse and slammed the door.3334it's probably some deeply-rooted childhood fuckupthat makes me vulnerable, I thought.3536373839then I left my place and got into my volks.I drove north up Western with the radio on.there were whores walking up and downboth sides of the street and Madge lookedmore vicious than any of them.[Page 61]225 pounds1234we were in bed andshe started to fight:"you son of a bitch! you just wait a minute,I'll get you!"56I began laughing:"what's the matter? what's the matter?"7"you son of a bitch!" she screamed.8I held her hands as she squirmed.9she was a couple of decades younger than I

1011a health food freak.she was very strong.1213"you son of a bitch! I'll get you!"she screamed.1415I rolled on top of her with my 225 pounds andjust layed it there on her.1617"uugg, oooo, my God, that's not fair, oooo, myGod!"1819I rolled off and walked into the other room andsat on the couch.2021"I'll get you, bastard," she said, "you justwait!"2223"just don't bite it off," I said, "or you'll makea half dozen women very unhappy."2425she climbed up on the headboard of my bed(it did have a flat though narrow surface)[Page 62]2627282930and sat perched there watching the news ontv.the tv faced the bedroom and it illuminatedher as she sat up there on theheadboard.3132"I thought you were sane," I said, "but you'rejust as crazy as the rest of them."3334"be quiet," she said, "I want to watch thenews!"35"look," I said, "I'll ."36"SHUSH!" she said.373839and there she was up on the headboard of my bedreally watching the news. I accepted her thatway.[Page 63]turnabout1234567she drives into the parking lot whileI am leaning up against the fender of my car.she's drunk and her eyes are wet with tears:"you son of a bitch, you fucked me when youdidn't want to. you told me to keep phoningyou, you told me to move closer into town,then you told me to leave you alone."89it's all quite dramatic and I enjoy it."sure, well, what do you want?"

1011"I want to talk to you, I want to go to yourplace and talk to you ."1213"I'm with somebody now. she's in getting asandwich."1415"I want to talk to you . it takes a whileto get over things. I need more time."1617"sure. wait until she comes out. we're notinhuman. we'll all have a drink together."18"shit," she says, "oh shit!"19she jumps into her car and drives off.20the other one comes out: "who was that?"21"an ex-friend."2223now she's gone and I'm sitting here drunkand my eyes seem wet with tea

Love Is a Dog from Hell Poems, 1974-1977 Dedication to Carl Weissner [Page 13] 1 one more creature dizzy with love [Page 15] Sandra 1 is the slim tall 2 ear-ringed 3 bedroom damsel 4 dressed in a lo