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At 7-8 months:At seven to eight months, babies have begun to soothethemselves when they are distressed and settle themselveswhen they are tired. However, they will continue to work on theseaccomplishments. If they are never allowed to soothe or settlethemselves on their own, they likely will become dependentupon others to get to sleep.Help your baby find a way to get comfortable and fallback to sleep without your help. You might want to try oneof the following. Stand by your baby’s crib. You don’t need to pick upyour baby. Gently pat your baby. Talk to your baby. The sound of your voice will let your babyknow everything is okay and it’s time to sleep. Have a bedtime routine including having a quiet bath, readinga picture book, dimming the lights, rocking, or singing. Give hugs and kisses as a major part of the bedtime routine.If you need more ideas, call your child’s doctor or call one of thenumbers at the back of this booklet.P arent T ipStranger anxietyWhen they are seven to eight months old, many babies start togo through a period where they only want to be around peoplethey know well. Understand your baby’s need to be with trustedpeople. Give your baby time to get used to new people—letyour child feel in control. Do not force your baby to be held bysomeone who is not welcomed by the baby. Show your babythat you are a safe haven by understanding the baby’s fears.15

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18 months to 3 yearsDevelopment and DisciplineToddlers are becoming independent and learning about theworld they live in. Toddlers need to explore, run, climb, taste, and touch.They may get upset when you try to stop them. Toddlers know what they want and will tell you. They canget frustrated when you don’t understand their words. Toddlers watch what others do and copy them. Theywill do what they see you, other family members, andcharacters from television or movies do. Toddlers have minds of their own, but they need you tohelp them when they get frustrated and to protect themfrom danger. Disciplining toddlers means gradually teaching them tocontrol their impulses to touch, taste, jump, run, and climb.17

P arent Q uestionWhat works to discipline my toddler? Give your toddler lots of love. Find things to say “yes” to. Let your child know you’re pleased withgood behavior. Never spank or shake your toddler. Put unsafe things out of your child’s reach. When toddlers want something they can’t have,sympathize with their disappointment or frustrationand interest them in something they can have. Try to have a regular routine to your day. Parents need to be present at all times to serve as“brakes” for exploring toddlers. When you get tired or things become too much foryou, give yourself a break from parenting. Ask yourself whether your child is misbehaving, or justtrying to learn something. If you have made a “bad call” about your child’sbehavior, admit your mistake and apologize. Act the way you want your child to act. If you yell, sowill your child. Make sure you have your child’s attention; be specificand direct when you ask your child to do something. Be realistic about what your toddler can doindependently.18

“Now that mybaby is on themove, how doI teach himnot to toucheverything?”Getting Into EverythingToddlers need you to be with them at all times.You’ve probably noticed toddlers get intoeverything. It is the job of toddlers to explore theirworld. This is how children learn.Here are some ways to make your home a safeplace for your child: Put breakable or unsafe items, including electriccords, out of your child’s reach. Use safety covers on electric outlets. Put safety locks on cupboards and drawers. Use safety gates on stairs and rooms thataren’t safe. Push chairs under tables. When you take something unsafe away, youcan expect your child to be upset. Try offering asafe toy to divert attention.19

P arent Q uestionWhy childproof? It’s important to make surethat anywhere toddlers gois safe. Toddlers need toexplore everything aroundthem. They will touch, taste,roll, poke, and examine allthey can see. This is howtoddlers learn. Help themexplore safely by puttingthings they shouldn’t haveout of reach. You can beginteaching older toddlers notto touch certain things.So what about television? Toddlers need to activelyexplore their environment inorder to grow and develop.Children under the age oftwo years should not spendtime watching television.Television is a passiveactivity. TV does not engagechildren in an active processof learning, moving, orplaying with others. TV isa powerful attraction andparents need to work hardto limit TV time. Find otheractivities to do with yourchild such as reading, artprojects, or playing outside.20“When my childheads for the hotstove, I yell‘No, no, no!’”.

When Toddlers ShouldNot TouchChildren are curious and want to see whatwork you are doing at the stove. Instead ofslapping hands or yelling, pull your childaway and say “No, the stove is hot and willhurt you.”. Children learn when you tell themover and over that things are unsafe.While you wait for learning to take place: Remove the child from the unsafeplace or item. Try to interest the child in somethingelse, such as plastic bowls, pan lids, orwooden spoons.Have a safe place for your toddler to playwhile you’re in the kitchen.P arent T ip“Me do it!”If you have a toddler, you’ve heard this a lot.Usually, “me do it” isn’t a problem unlessyou’re in a hurry. Encourage your child tobe independent. Give chances to put onclothes, brush teeth, and climb into carseats. You will need to allow extra time whileyour child learns to do these tasks, but themore tries, the sooner your child will be ableto do these things and save you time later.21

TantrumsTantrums usually result when a child is tired,hungry, angry, or frustrated. Your toddler mayclench her fists, shut her eyes, and scream. Hemay kick, throwing himself to the floor, and makea real scene.Try to prevent tantrums from happening. Makesure your child gets enough sleep. Avoid takingyour child someplace when the child is hungryor tired. If you don’t have a choice, bring alonghealthy snacks, books, favorite toys, or crayonsand paper to keep your child from becomingbored and upset.Why are tantrums so common at this age? Toddlers are curious. They don’t understandwhy they can’t always touch, taste, andexplore everything around them. Toddlers usually can’t tell you inwords what they want. This canmake them angry. When toddlers are hungry, tired, hot,uncomfortable, or want attention, they oftenreact with strong emotions.Tantrums are normal. Let your child have thetantrum, as long as she is safe and no one elseis being hurt. Let your child know you understandhe is upset.22

When you are at home, stay calm and ignorethe tantrum. When you are in a public place, stay calm andremove the child. Go to a quiet place untilyour child can calm down. Some children have trouble calming down.Hold your child gently, talk softly, and explainthat everything will be okay.No matter where you are, the tantrum will endsooner if you respond calmly.When a child has a tantrum in a public place, youmay be tempted to avoid a scene by giving yourchild what he or she wants. When parents do this,children learn that they can get what they want ifthey kick and scream enough, and you will havemore tantrums in the future.P arent T ipTry distractionA way to guide a small child’s behavior is to directthe child’s interest somewhere else. If your childwants something you don’t want the child to have,give a safe toy to play with. If your child movestoward an open stairway, take your child to adifferent part of the room.23

They Think They’re in Charge!By age two, children start to know they can dosome things on their own. They are excitedabout their new skills and want to use them!Here are some ways to help you and yourtoddler practice new skills: Give choices when you can. Ask, “Do youwant to ride in the shopping cart today ordo you want to walk?” Plan extra time so your child can do thingsindependently. This will result in less stressfor you and your child. Allow child to get in the car seat alone.Ask if help is needed. Stick to important rules. Then your childwill be safe and know what to expect. Forexample, children have to ride in the carseat; it isn’t a choice.P arent T ipAvoid power struggles – no one winsYour toddler is trying to test out new skills andwants control. Parents are in a hurry and alsowant control. Parents need to have patiencewith toddlers and create ways for them to havecontrol so they can learn about themselves andhow they influence their surroundings. However,there are times when you need to say “no” foryour child’s safety such as, “You have to holdmy hand when we cross the street.”.24“My sweet littlebaby has turnedinto a bossychild, refusingto do anything Isay. The reply to‘Please sit in theshopping cart(or car seat).’ isalways ‘No!’”

Biting!“I don’t knowwhat to do.The other daymy toddler bitanother child.”It is very common for toddlers to bite, kick, andhit other children. Toddlers get excited andoverstimulated and biting can be the result. Whenparents react excitedly, a child may learn to usebiting to get attention.Here are some ways to prevent biting: Watch your child and look for signs of overstimulation. Remove your child from thesituation and help the child calm down. Toddlers get angry and frustrated when theyare hungry and tired. If this happens often,try to change the child’s eating and sleepingschedule, or keep your child away from otherchildren during these times. Comfort the child who has been bitten. Talk with others who take care of your childabout other ideas and suggestions. Try to learn what prompted the biting. Youngchildren have few skills to solve problems withother children.If your child bites, tell the child firmly that bitingisn’t okay and take your child away from the otherchildren. Help your child to think about how theother child feels and to consider ways to say“sorry.” Never bite your child back. This does notteach a child to stop biting and it may make thebiting worse.25

Toilet TeachingYou can encourage toilet teaching, but don’trush it. Often parents are ready for toiletteaching before their child is. Your child maybe ready to start toilet teaching when: Your child tells you, “I need to go to thebathroom.”. Your child tells you about a wet orsoiled diaper.Most children do not understand their “needto go” until they are three years old. A twoyear-old may start toilet teaching, but may notbe fully trained until age three or even older.Do not punish or shame a child for wetting orsoiling diapers or underwear. Doing so canmake the child feel bad about something thatcannot be controlled, and may make toiletteaching take longer.P arent T ipStaying dry Usually around age two, a child can start tolearn about toileting. By age three-and-a-half many, but not all,children are able to stay dry while awake. By age five many, but not all, children staydry at nap time and through the night.26“I worry that Ishould be doingmore to helptoilet train mychild.”

Sharing“I am so tired oftrying to get mytwo-year-old toshare.”Sharing is not something most two-yearolds understand. Your child won’t begin tounderstand sharing until three or four years ofage. The more you push sharing at age two,the more your child may refuse and the morefrustrated you may become. Here’s what youcan do: Praise your child for sharing. Show how to share by sharing some ofyour things with your child. When children are playing together, makesure there are plenty of toys for all thechildren to use.Your child will begin to catch on that sharingis a good thing.Preferring One Parent“My child won’tallow anyonebut me to help.”It is normal for toddlers to go through a stagewhen they prefer one parent over the otherparent. However, a parent may find it stressfulto be the only one allowed to do things for thechild, such as put on shoes, get food, or getready for bed. Try not to make it a big issueor take this behavior personally. Continue withboth parents interacting positively with the childand with the help of the “preferred” parent, thebehavior will soon change.27

Making a MessToddlers need constant supervision. Toddlerswant to touch, taste, see, and exploreeverything. This is how toddlers learn abouttheir world. Try to keep messy items out ofreach. Give toddlers safe places to explore. Toddlers don’t make messes to make youangry. They make messes because they arelearning how things work. Don’t ignore the mess your child made.This is the perfect chance to teach aboutcleaning up messes. Show your child howto help you clean up.P arent T ipKeeping track of your toddlerIt’s important to always know where yourtoddlers are and what they are doing. Atoddler’s job is to explore. Your job is to makesure your child is safe. Keep a constant eye onyour toddler and put things you don’t wantyour child to have out of reach.28“The other daymy 2 1/2-yearold pouredchocolate syrupall over the livingroom carpet. Iwas so angry andI didn’t knowwhat to do!”

My Toddler Can’t Sit Still“Why can’t mytwo-year-oldever sit still andbe quiet?”Toddlers aren’t supposed to sit still or bequiet for very long! You toddler is curious,needs to move, and loves to run and jump!Toddlers enjoy talking, sometimes loudly, toyou and others.There are times when you do need your childto sit still and be quiet. Here are some thingsyou can try: Bring small toys or picture books to giveyour child something okay to do. Bring a snack that isn’t too messy, suchas crackers, fruit, or cheese. Give your child as much attention asyou can. Point out objects in the room to divertyour child’s interest. Play patty cake or other games. Make sure there is active time beforeyour child must sit still. In some situations, you and your childcan move to a place where you won’tdisturb others.If you have other questions about your child’sdevelopment at this age, talk to your child’sdoctor or call one of the numbers at the backof this booklet.29

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3 to 5 yearsDevelopment and DisciplinePreschool-age children live in the present. They are excited abouteverything they can do and what they know. Usually they like beingwith other children, pretending, and trying to do what adults and oldersiblings do. At the same time, they want to be your baby. Preschoolers may insist on doing things for themselves, even whenthey don’t know how. Preschoolers will test the rules and argue about rules they don’tagree with. Preschoolers have great imaginations! They tell creative storiesand may be afraid of the dark, animals, monsters, and more. Preschoolers enjoy being in charge and telling others what to do. Preschoolers watch you closely. Your actions teach them far morethan your words. Preschoolers want to please you. Preschoolers need your love.31

P arent Q uestionWhat are the best ways to discipline mypreschooler? Give your child lots of love. Put unsafe things out of your child’s reach. Try to have a regular routine to your day. Ask yourself: Is my child misbehaving or justtrying to learn something? Act the way you want your child to act. Be specific and direct when you ask yourchild to do something. Be realistic about what your child can do. Spend time with your child; especially playtime where your child gets to be in charge. Catch your child being good, and let yourchild know you noticed. Prepare your child for occasions that maybe upsetting. When your child is having a difficult time,help your child take a break or a “time out.” Explain the rules and what will happen if therules are broken. Be consistent. Follow through with whatyou say.32

P arent T ipBe prepared for difficult situationsIf you dread taking your preschooler to the clinic,grocery store, or other places where your childmight misbehave, here are some things to try: Before you go, talk to your child about thebehavior you expect. For example, say “Youmust stay in the grocery cart, and not ask forthings in the store.”. Try not to take your child places when youknow your child will be tired or hungry. Bring along snacks and toys. If your child has trouble when you’re in thestore or clinic, give a reminder about the rules.Ask your child to say what the rules are. Let your preschooler know how proud you arewhen you see good behavior.Bedtime Battles“Bedtime is sostressful at myhouse. By thetime I get mychildren to bed,I’m too tiredto do anythingelse.”One of the best things you can do for yourself andyour child is to set a bedtime routine. Decide what time your child should go to bed. Start your routine about 30 minutes to an hourbefore bedtime. The child’s routine may include a bath, a lightsnack, brushing teeth, and story time. This isnot a good time to start playful wrestling oraction games. Try to stick to your routine every night.33

P arent T ipIs your child afraid of the dark?Talk with your children about their fears. Children’s fearsare real. Do not make fun of them or say they aren’t real.Place a night light or small lamp in the room, or leave ahallway light on until your child falls asleep. Some childrenfeel more secure with a special blanket or stuffed animal.Helping your child learn to deal with fea

Positive Discipline: A Guide for Parents gives you information and tools to help with common parenting experiences you may have from the time your child is an infant through the early grade school years. The strategies in this booklet promote positive development in children and positive parent-child relationships. We do not recommend spanking.