Crucial Conversations REAL TALK : Creating REAL .


The purpose of this comparison is to clearly outline differences and similarities incourse content between Crucial Conversations and REAL TALK : Creating REALConversations for Results .Given the subject matter, there are understandably certain similarities between thetwo courses, but the REAL TALK course includes several topics that are not addressed inthe Crucial Conversations course: Fundamentally, REAL TALK presents and reinforces aframework (Initiate, Discover, Connect, and Build), which is a complete model forholding any difficult conversation. REAL TALK contains a lengthy section on Listeningand Attending that has no parallel in the Crucial Conversations course, and REAL TALKincludes a variety of skills for examining one’s own thinking—Recognizing andSuspending—that Crucial Conversations does not address. The REAL TALK course alsoprovides content that exposes participants to emotional intelligence and the role that brainfunction plays in effective communication, and REAL TALK teaches the unique EASEmodel for increasing understanding and defusing defensiveness; there is no equivalent foreither of these elements in Crucial Conversations. Finally, the REAL TALK course hasan entire section on dealing with people who have different communication styles, whileCrucial Conversations ignores this concept.Crucial Conversations includes content on different types of decisions that one canmake. This is not explicitly mentioned in REAL TALK, but the REAL TALK materialdoes emphasize the necessity of identifying desired outcomes, consequences, andbehaviors that must be dealt with to ensure increased accountability. CrucialConversations identifies three specific kinds of stories that people tell themselves whichkeep them stuck; the concept of “stories” is not part of the REAL WORKS coursecontent.As one would expect, the content of the two courses cannot be easily compared in aconsecutive item-by-item summary; we have chosen to present the Crucial Conversationscontent in the left column and the comparable REAL TALK content in the right column,annotated with relevant section citations. Content which is not covered in one program,but is covered in the other will be addressed in the respective column.The REAL TALK course is organized into eight sections, following thecommunication skills and principles which are essential for any conversation to beeffective. Crucial Conversations also covers eight principles. We have chosen to organizethis side-by-side according to the order in which it appears in the Crucial Conversationsmaterial for ease of comparison.We hope you will find this material helpful and informative. Please feel free tocontact us at (801) 491-5010 or by email at with any questionsor comments you may have. We appreciate your consideration of the REAL TALKcourse material and look forward to discussing it with you.

Asks participants to identify where theyare stuck within the context of helpingparticipants identify something to work onduring the workshop. Discusses what makes a crucial conversation, the Silence to Violence Continuum,and the Crucial Conversations ModelSkill #1: Identify Where You are StuckSkill #2: Unbundle with CPR- Asks participants to identify thecontent, pattern, and relationship in theconversation that doesn’t work. Identifies the Effectiveness modelto help individuals recognizethat results cannot be improvedwithout improving respect andrelationships. Introduces the notion of “faketalk” versus REAL TALK.Skill #1: Make Deliberate Plans- Participants identify a person or situation toimprove results, respect, and relationship. Introduces “Heart Problems.” Begins with a self-assessment, “StyleUnder Stress,” to identify silence orviolence behaviors. Participants build a “Left-hand” Columncase to understand their underlyingmotives in conversation.Skill #1: “What am I behaving like Iwant?” Identify Motive.Skill #2: “What do I really want?”Skill #3: “How would I behave if I reallydid?” Focuses on the necessity of Awareness in being able tomanage the dynamics of any conversation.Skill #1: Personal Awareness: Identify YourUndiscussables- Participants complete a “left-hand” column case tounderstand their motives.Skill #2: Recognize Conversational Direction- Participants learn to recognize downward andupward spirals in conversation. Introduces the concept of “above the line” vs. “belowthe line” conversations to show participants why theyneed increased awareness of where their conversationsare headed and why.This entire section explores individualmotives.Skill #3: Use Questions to Lift the Conversation- Participants learn to lift the conversation above theline to increase conversational effectiveness.

(CONTINUED ) Introduces the definition of dialogue (REALConversation) and the REAL Skills necessary to holdany difficult conversation. Provides a self-assessmentfor participants to assess their skills in this area. Helps individuals identify a variety of “fight or flight”behaviors that create Fake Talk and take anyconversation below the line.Skill #1: Learn the REAL Conversation Skills:Skill #2: Use the REAL Conversation Framework.- Participants learn the process for holding anydifficult conversation.Skill #3: Recognize Fight or Flight Behaviors

Deals with how individuals create thestories they tell themselves to explaintheir results. Introduces the “Path toAction” to explain this process.Skill #1: Separate FACTS from Stories- Facts are visible and stories are theconclusions we draw from the facts.Skill #2: Watch for Three Clever Stories- People tell three kinds of stories: Victim Stories Villain Stories Helpless Stories People should recognize the stories theytell.Skill #3: Tell the Rest of the Story- In order to tell the rest of the story,people should create a new story bydoing the following: Tell the rest of the story to breakaway from emotion. Add valuable information toassess your role, humanize others,and turn yourself into able. Turn yourself from a victim to acontributor. Introduces the “Process ofPerception” to illustrate theway people thinkand processinformation and theimpact that thinking has oncommunication.Skill #1: Identify How Mental Models or AssumptionsCreate Your Results- Explores the origins and creation of mental modelsand paradigms. Provides experiential opportunityfor participants to begin to experience their ownmental models. Participants begin to recognize howour mental models or views of the world influenceinteractions and communication with others.- Explores how ourbrain functioncomplicates ourthinking. Participants learn that thebrain literally has amind of its ownwhich, of its ownaccord, tends to act more out of self-preservationthan out of rationality.Skill #2: Recognize and Suspend Your Emotion- Teaches participants to distinguish between data(verifiable facts) and interpretation (the meaning weassign to the facts). This distinction allows us toclarify our thinking.- Teaches participants to challengetheir thinking and defuse theiremotional reactions by using the“S.O.S. Skill”:· State the Emotion – Acknowledges emotion.· Observe Your Thinking – Brings theunderlying causes for emotion to the surface,making it visible.· Select the Positive –Gives the other person thebenefit of the doubt. When we engage in“negative thought detection, positive thoughtselection,” we answer the question, “What wouldexplain this behavior in a positive light?” Thisforces us to think differently about the person wemay have already judged negatively.

- Teaches that the SOS process has the effect ofincreasing our awareness of our own thinking whilesimultaneously defusing our emotions.Skill #3: Assess the Accuracy of Your Thinking- Teaches participants to distinguish between data(verifiable facts) and interpretation (the meaning weassign to the facts). This distinction allows us toclarify our thinking.- Participants learn to challenge their owninterpretations, judgments, and opinions as well asthose of others to assess accuracy. The STATE Model helps participantsshare any tough issue.Skill #1: STATE My PathShare your factsTell your story“What” skillsAsk for others’ pathsTalk tentativelyEncourage testing“How” skills The model covered in this section is the“STA” portion of this model. Talk Tentatively provides advice for howto talk so that respect will be maintained.Encourage Testing deals with askingquestions. Another section, “ExploreOthers’ Paths,” will deal more fully withasking questions. This section encompasses everything one needs toknow to prepare to hold any difficult conversationSkill #1: Clarify Your Assumptions- Participants identify what they are assuming aboutthe person and situation in the conversation.Skill #2: Identify Your Intent-Participants identify their purpose for holdingthe conversation. They also consider the otherperson’s possible goals and needs in order toidentify a shared purpose for holding theconversation.Skill #3: Create the Conversation- Uses the REAL Conversation Framework (InitiateDiscover-Connect-Build) to craft the conversationparticipants need to hold.Skill #4: Use an Attention Check- Participants learn to engage thelistener’s attention by clarifying theintent for holding the conversation andasking for permission to proceed.Skill #5: Ask the Understanding Question- Teaches participants to craft aninterpretation that will not createdefensiveness.- Participants learn to craft a respectful story.

(CONTINUED ) Deals with a number of skills that help participantsdeliver their message respectfully while elicitingcollaboration and contribution from others.Skill #1: Manage Your Mindset- Distinguishes between “Me”and “We” mindsets to teachparticipants to speak in a waythat promotes more effectivebrainstorming and contribution of ideas.Skill #2: Manage the Music of Your Message- Focuses on the use of tone, tempo, volume, andpauses in delivering a message.Skill #3: Manage Your Words- Identifies certain words and phrases that are moreeffective and easier to hear than others.Skill #4: Increase Contribution by Ending with aQuestion- Creates engagement and improves dialogue byinviting individuals to respond to the Speaker’sperspective. This section returns to a review of theCrucial Conversations Model andemphasizes the importance of noticingwhen people are returning to silence orviolence behaviors. In the Awareness Principle, participants learn to noticewhen a conversation is going above or below the lineand learn how to lift the conversation above the line.Skill #1: Learn to Look when aconversation becomes crucial In the Knowledge Principle, participants complete anassessment to help them identify when and how theyhave resorted to fight or flight behaviors in the past.Skill #2: Learn to Look for signs ofsilence and violence in yourselfand others. Various forms of fight or flight are identified to helpparticipants recognize disrespectful and thusunproductive behaviors as they emerge.

These two sections deal with repairingmutual purpose and mutual respect.Skill #1: Apologize When Appropriate- Talks about what makes a goodapology.Skill #2: Contrast to AddressMisunderstandings- Introduces “contrasting” as a skill toclarify intent.Skill #1: Create Mutual Purpose- Teaches four steps to create mutualpurpose:o Commit to seek mutual purposeo Recognize the purpose behind thestrategyo Invent a mutual purposeo Brainstorm new strategiesSkill #2: Identify Your Intent- This skill deals with identifying the mutual purposefor yourself and the other person. This entire section deals with creating respectfulmessages. See detailed description above.Skill #3: Empathize with Others to DefuseDefensiveness- Teaches that awareness is the keyto managing the dynamics of anycommunication. The EASEModel provides a framework fordefusing emotion and getting tothe meat of another person’sstory. Participants learn to reallylisten to people in order toidentify their AIM or Intention—what they wanted and didn’t get.- Teaches participants to identify their listener’svalues that may have been challenged or violated.- Introduces using the EASE Model to defuseemotion and increase understanding while creatingrespect and identifying mutual purpose.- Teaches participants that violated values underlie“hot” or negative emotional reactions. Participantslearn how to defuse emotion and gain understandingto resolve conflict. Note: Each participant receives a copy of the bookOvercoming Fake Talk, which identifies an importantskill for repairing damaged respect:ABC Skill-Apologize-Build Ego-Clarify Respect

Teaches to explore other individuals’ Pathto Action by using the acronym AMPP:-Ask to get things rollingMirror to confirm feelingsParaphrase to acknowledge the storyPrime when you’re getting nowhere Teaches “active listening” from theperspective of watching the listener todetermine the degree of safety they areexperiencing and then deciding what skillto use based on that observation. Deals with asking questions to create mutual respectand to invite collaboration and contribution.Skill #1: Use Positive Questions to Initiate Thinkingand Learning- Teaches questions that move people forwardSkill #2: Springboard to Deepen Understanding- Teaches how to ask questions that gain moreunderstandingSkill #3: Increase Engagement and Openness- Teaches four skills which increase safety:1. Question to Know - Ask the journalistic questions(who, what, why, where, when, which, and how).2. Request to Gain Access – Create engagement bymaking requests: “Give me an example.” or “I’dreally like to understand your views.”3. Reflect to Connect – Use a verbal mirror toacknowledge a person’s emotion in order to defusethat emotion: “I can see you’re upset.”4. Guess to Confess – Attempt to identify what isreally going on with an individual who may behesitant to share: “So what you mean is ” or“I’m guessing that ”Skill #1: Listen & Attend for the Details- Reinforces the necessity of listening for data versusinterpretation to avoid misunderstanding.Skill #2: Manage Your Thoughts- Introduces the notion of “headspeak” and discusseshow our thoughts derail our conversations.Skill #3: Empathize with Others to DefuseDefensiveness- Teaches methods for reducing emotional reactionand identifying the values of others in order toestablish mutual purpose.Skill #4: Clarify EASE- Creates mutual respect by identifying what isimportant to the listener.

Identifies the “Interaction Styles” of others. Helpsparticipants understand that every individual has adifferent style of communicating and how those stylescan sometimes cause friction, creating offense wherenone was intended.Skill #1: Recognize and “Match” the Styles of Others- Teaches the different styles and how to “match”those styles in order to increase engagement andcreate personal connection. Addresses using dialogue skills to createaction.Skill #1: Document Who Does What byWhen and Follow-Up- Addresses the need to be specificabout assignments after dialogue hasbeen completed. Applies the REAL Conversation Framework to problem-solving. Teaches techniques for exploring issuesbefore making decisions. Teaches participants to explore relevant issuesthoroughly using the dialogue behaviors ofRecognizing & Suspending, Expressing, Asking, andListening & Attending. Focuses on using theREAL ConversationFramework to “CreateShared ProblemSolving”; teaches andpractices using thefields of Initiate,Discover, Connect,and Build. Recommends anumber of actions participants can employ as theycreate their own individualized action plan:- Be patient- Be persistent- Be prepared- Be proactive- Be in practice

the Crucial Conversations course: Fundamentally, REAL TALK presents and reinforces a framework (Initiate, Discover, Connect, and Build), which is a complete model for holding any difficult conversation. REAL TALK contains a lengthy section on Listening and Attending that has no parallel in the